Was not Count John here at supper?
Wasn't Count John here for dinner?
Did Count John show up for dinner?
where's count john? wasn't he at dinner?
I saw him not.
I didn't see him.
Nope, didn't see him.
didn't see him
How tartly that gentleman looks! I never can see him but I am
heart-burned an hour after.
How sour that gentleman looks! I can never see him without feeling heartburn for an hour afterward.
That guy's always got such a sour face on him. Seriously, every time I see him, I feel sick for like an hour.
ugh this guy's face always makes me feel sick ever seen him for an hour after? not happening
He is of a very melancholy disposition.
He has a very depressed temperament.
He's just naturally depressed all the time.
he's always in a bad mood
He were an excellent man that were made just in the mid-way
between him and Benedick: the one is too like an image, and says nothing;
and the other too like my lady’s eldest son, evermore tattling.
He would be an excellent man if he were made just halfway between him and Benedick: the one is too much like a statue and says nothing, while the other is too much like my uncle's oldest son, constantly talking.
You know what? He'd be perfect if you could split the difference between him and Benedick. John's like a statue—doesn't say a word—but Benedick just talks, talks, talks all the time like my uncle's oldest kid.
if u mixed him w benedick midway = perfect guy one's a statue. other won't shut up
Then half Signior Benedick’s tongue in Count John’s
mouth, and half Count John’s melancholy in Signior Benedick’s
face—
Then give half of Signior Benedick's tongue to Count John's mouth, and half of Count John's melancholy to Signior Benedick's face—
So take half of Benedick's chattiness and give it to John, and take half of John's sadness and give it to Benedick—
give john half of benedick's talkativeness / give benedick half of john's sadness
With a good leg and a good foot, uncle, and money enough in his
purse, such a man would win any woman in the world if a’ could get
her good will.
With a good figure and a good foot, uncle, and enough money in his pocket, such a man would win any woman in the world if he could gain her consent.
With the right body, uncle, good dancing feet, and enough money in his wallet, any guy like that could get literally any woman to say yes.
good looks good money good feet any guy can get any girl then
By my troth, niece, thou wilt never get thee a husband, if thou
be so shrewd of thy tongue.
By my honor, niece, you will never get yourself a husband if you're so sharp-tongued.
Honestly, if you keep being this sharp and sarcastic, you're never going to find a husband.
u'll never get married if u stay this mean
In faith, she’s too curst.
In truth, she's too cursed, too sharp.
She's way too hard to deal with, honestly.
yeah she's too much
Too curst is more than curst: I shall lessen God’s sending
that way; for it is said, ‘God sends a curst cow short horns;’
but to a cow too curst he sends none.
Being excessively bad-tempered is worse than just being bad-tempered. I'll reduce God's blessings in that direction. There's a saying: 'God gives a difficult cow short horns,' but to a cow that's too difficult, he gives no horns at all.
Being way too mean is more of a problem than just being mean. I'm going to end up with fewer blessings that way. You know the saying—God gives a difficult cow short horns, but if the cow's too difficult, he doesn't give her any horns at all.
being too mean is worse than mean ill get less blessings they say god gives difficult cows short horns but too difficult cows get none
So, by being too curst, God will send you no horns?
So by being too sharp, Heaven won't send you horns—meaning you won't get married?
So you're saying by being too sharp-tongued, you won't get a husband?
so god won't marry u off bc ur mean?
Just, if he send me no husband; for the which blessing I am at
him upon my knees every morning and evening. Lord! I could not endure a
husband with a beard on his face: I had rather lie in the woollen.
Exactly, if Heaven doesn't send me a husband; and for that blessing I'm grateful to Heaven on my knees every morning and evening. Heaven! I could never accept a husband with a beard on his face: I'd rather sleep alone.
Right, if God doesn't send me a husband—and honestly, I'm on my knees thanking God for that every morning and night. I could never deal with a guy who has a beard. I'd much rather sleep alone.
yup if god doesn't send me a guy i'm literally thanking him tho beard? absolutely not would rather be alone
You may light on a husband that hath no beard.
You might find a husband who has no beard.
Well, you could always marry a guy without a beard.
what about a guy w no beard tho
What should I do with him? dress him in my apparel and make him
my waiting gentlewoman? He that hath a beard is more than a youth, and he
that hath no beard is less than a man; and he that is more than a youth is
not for me; and he that is less than a man, I am not for him: therefore I
will even take sixpence in earnest of the bear-ward, and lead his apes
into hell.
What would I do with him? Dress him in my clothes and make him my lady's maid? A man with a beard is more than a boy, and a man without a beard is less than a man; and a man who's more than a boy isn't for me; and a man who's less than a man, I'm not for him: so I'll accept sixpence from the bear-keeper and lead his apes into hell instead.
What am I supposed to do with him, dress him up as my lady's maid? Here's the thing: a guy with a beard is past being a boy, and a guy without a beard isn't fully a man yet. A man who's past being a boy isn't what I want, and a guy who's not really a man, I'm not what he wants either. So instead, I'll just take some money, keep apes like an old woman, and head straight to hell.
dress him as a maid?? bearded guy = past boyhood no beard = not quite a man neither works for me i'll just take the money & go 2 hell
Well then, go you into hell?
So you're going straight to hell?
So you're saying you're going to hell?
u rly going 2 hell?
No; but to the gate; and there will the Devil meet me, like an
old cuckold, with horns on his head, and say, ‘Get you to heaven,
Beatrice, get you to heaven; here’s no place for you maids.’ So
deliver I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for the heavens: he shows me
where the bachelors sit, and there live we as merry as the day is long.
Not to hell itself, just to the gate; and there the Devil will meet me, like an old cuckold with horns on his head, and say, 'Get out of here, Beatrice, get to heaven; there's no place here for unmarried women.' So I'll turn over my apes to him, and off I go to Saint Peter and heaven: he shows me where all the single men sit, and there we live as happy as the day is long.
Not all the way to hell, just to the gate. The Devil will meet me there—like some old guy with horns on his head—and say, 'Get out of here, Beatrice, go to heaven; there's no room for single women here.' So I'll just hand over my apes to him and head to heaven with Saint Peter. He'll show me where all the single guys are, and we'll just have the time of our lives up there.
just to the gate devil's like 'not for u beatrice go 2 heaven' i give him the apes go to heaven where all the single guys are live it up
[To Hero.] Well, niece, I trust you will be ruled by your father.
Well, niece, I trust you will obey your father.
So, niece, I'm sure you'll do what your father wants.
listen to ur dad ok
Yes, faith; it is my cousin’s duty to make curtsy,
and say, ‘Father, as it please you:’— but yet for all
that, cousin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make another
curtsy, and say, ‘Father, as it please me.’
Yes, really; it's my cousin's duty to bow and say, 'Father, as you wish'—but still, cousin, if he's a handsome man, she should, otherwise she should bow again and say, 'Father, as I wish instead.'
Yeah, a woman's supposed to bow and say, 'Father, whatever you want.' But honestly, cousin, if the guy's good-looking, sure, go ahead. Otherwise, do it again and say, 'Father, I'm choosing for myself instead.'
girl's supposed to say yes to dad but if guy's ugly? she should say 'nope i pick myself'
Well, niece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband.
Well, niece, I hope to see you eventually matched with a husband.
Well, niece, I hope someday you'll find someone to marry.
hope u find a guy someday
Not till God make men of some other metal than earth. Would it
not grieve a woman to be over-mastered with a piece of valiant dust? to
make an account of her life to a clod of wayward marl? No, uncle, I’ll
none: Adam’s sons are my brethren; and truly, I hold it a sin to
match in my kindred.
Not until Heaven makes men out of something other than earth. Would it not upset a woman to be overpowered by a piece of bravely-acting dust? To make an account of her life to a lump of stubborn clay? No, uncle, I won't: Adam's sons are my brothers; and truly, I consider it a sin to marry within my own family.
Not until Heaven makes men out of something better than dirt. Wouldn't any woman be upset to have some pretentious pile of dust boss her around? To spend her whole life answering to some stubborn clod? No way, uncle, not me. All men are my brothers—they're descended from Adam—and honestly, it feels like a sin to marry one.
not till god makes better men than dirt why marry some pretentious loser men r my brothers anyway would be like incest
Daughter, remember what I told you: if the Prince do solicit you
in that kind, you know your answer.
Daughter, remember what I told you: if the Prince tries to court you in that manner, you know what your answer should be.
Daughter, remember what I told you earlier: if the Prince comes on to you romantically, you know what to say.
remember: if prince tries 2 flirt u know what to say
The fault will be in the music, cousin, if you be not wooed in
good time: if the Prince be too important, tell him there is measure in
everything, and so dance out the answer. For, hear me, Hero: wooing,
wedding, and repenting is as a Scotch jig, a measure, and a cinquepace:
the first suit is hot and hasty, like a Scotch jig, and full as
fantastical; the wedding, mannerly modest, as a measure, full of state and
ancientry; and then comes Repentance, and with his bad legs, falls into
the cinquepace faster and faster, till he sink into his grave.
The mistake will be in the music, cousin, if you're not courted at the right time: if the Prince is too aggressive, tell him there's measure in everything, and so dance your way through the answer. Listen, Hero: courting, marriage, and regret follows as a Scottish jig, a formal dance, and a fast cinquepace: the first courtship is hot and rushed like a Scottish jig, and just as wild; the wedding is polite and modest as a formal dance, full of ceremony and tradition; and then comes Regret, and with his weak legs, he falls into the fast cinquepace faster and faster, until he sinks into his grave.
It's the music's fault, cousin, if you don't get asked at the right moment. If the Prince pushes too hard, tell him there's a right pace for everything—and just dance your way through it. Listen, Hero: courtship, marriage, and regret is like a Scottish jig, a stately formal dance, then a fast cinquepace: courtship is hot and crazy like a Scottish jig; then marriage is elegant and formal like that stately dance with all its rules; but then regret shows up and he's falling all over himself, moving faster and faster until he literally dies.
if prince's too pushy say everything needs balance courtship = wild jig marriage = formal dance regret = falling apart til death
Cousin, you apprehend passing shrewdly.
Cousin, you understand remarkably well.
Wow, cousin, you really get it.
u get it fr
I have a good eye, uncle: I can see a church by daylight.
I have sharp perception, uncle: I can recognize a church building by daylight.
I'm pretty smart, uncle. I can even see a church in broad daylight.
i got eyes uncle lol can see a church in daylight
The revellers are entering, brother: make good room.
The dancers are entering, brother: clear some space.
Here come the dancers, brother—make room.
dancers coming. move over
John, Borachio, Margaret, Ursula and Others, masked.
John, Borachio, Margaret, Ursula and Others enter, all wearing masks.
Here come John, Borachio, Margaret, Ursula and the rest, all masked up.
john borachio margaret ursula & crew coming in masked
Lady, will you walk about with your friend?
Lady, would you like to walk around with a friend?
Would you like to take a walk with me?
wanna walk w me?
So you walk softly and look sweetly and say nothing, I am yours for
the walk; and especially when I walk away.
If you walk quietly and look pleasant and say nothing, I'm yours for the walk; and especially when I'm walking away.
If you can be quiet, look nice, and shut up, then yeah, I'll walk with you. Especially the part where I'm leaving.
if u stay quiet & look nice sure let's walk esp the leaving part
Masquerades were not just entertainment in Shakespeare's time — they were a formally recognized space of social license. Under a mask, you could say things you couldn't say in public, approach people above or below your station, and conduct negotiations (romantic or political) with plausible deniability. The Elizabethan court masque was an elaborate art form: professional entertainment, but also a vehicle for courtly politics, flirtation, and negotiation. Shakespeare uses the convention brilliantly here. The mask lets Don Pedro woo Hero on Claudio's behalf — a procedure that would be bizarre without it. It lets Don John approach Claudio and lie to him under cover of darkness. It lets Beatrice savage Benedick while he helplessly pretends not to be himself. Every conversation in the masked section has a surface and an underside, and the comedy — as well as the danger — comes from watching characters navigate both at once.
With me in your company?
With you keeping me company?
While you're with me?
w u there?
I may say so, when I please.
I may say so, whenever I choose to.
I can say that whenever I feel like it.
whenever i want
And when please you to say so?
And when will you choose to say so?
When will you feel like saying that?
when tho?
When I like your favour; for God defend the lute should be like the case!
When I like your appearance; for may the lute never look like the case it comes in!
When I like how you look. I mean, you wouldn't want the lute to look like its case, right?
when u look good lute shouldn't look like its case lol
My visor is Philemon’s roof; within the house is Jove.
My mask is like Philemon's cottage; inside the house dwells Jove himself.
This mask is like a poor man's cottage—but inside, there's Jupiter, the king of the gods.
my mask = poor cottage inside? a god lives here
Why, then, your visor should be thatch’d.
Then your mask should be made of thatch.
Then your mask should be made of straw like a cottage.
then ur mask should be straw
Speak low, if you speak love.
Speak softly if you're going to talk about love.
Keep your voice down if you're going to say romantic stuff.
if u're gonna say romantic stuff whisper it
Well, I would you did like me.
Well, I wish you liked me.
Man, I wish you liked me.
wish u liked me
So would not I, for your own sake; for I have many ill qualities.
I wouldn't want that, for your own sake; I have many bad qualities.
I wouldn't want that for you, seriously. I've got too many bad qualities.
nah i got bad qualities u don't want that
Which is one?
Which is one?
Which is one?
which is one?
I say my prayers aloud.
I pray out loud.
I say my prayers out loud.
i pray loud
I love you the better; the hearers may cry Amen.
I love you all the more for it; the listeners can say Amen.
I like you even more for that; everyone listening can say Amen.
even better tbh everyone can say amen
God match me with a good dancer!
May Heaven match me with a good dancer!
I hope Heaven pairs me with a good dancer!
hope i get a guy who can dance
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
amen.
And God keep him out of my sight when the dance is done! Answer, clerk.
And may Heaven keep him out of my sight when the dance is finished! Answer me, you clerk.
And I hope I never see that guy again once the dance is over! Answer me, you're the witness.
& keep him away after dance so answer me clerk
No more words: the clerk is answered.
No more words: the clerk has answered.
That's it—no more talking. The clerk has said his piece.
done. clerk answered
I know you well enough: you are Signior Antonio.
I can tell exactly who you are: you're Signior Antonio.
Oh come on, I totally know who you are. You're Antonio.
i can tell it's u antonio
At a word, I am not.
I'm not, to be brief.
Nope, I'm not.
nah i'm not
I know you by the waggling of your head.
I recognize you by the way you nod your head.
I know it's you from the way you bob your head around.
i know u from ur head bobbing
To tell you true, I counterfeit him.
The truth is, I'm imitating him.
Honestly, I'm just copying his mannerisms.
i'm just copying him
You could never do him so ill-well, unless you were the very
man. Here’s his dry hand up and down: you are he, you are he.
You could never imitate him so perfectly unless you were the real man. Here's his characteristic dry handshake, up and down: it's definitely you.
You'd have to be the real Antonio to copy him that well. That's his signature dry handshake right there—you're definitely him.
u'd have 2 be him 2 copy that good that's his dry handshake u r him
At a word, I am not.
I'm not, to be brief.
I'm still not.
still not tho
Come, come; do you think I do not know you by your excellent
wit? Can virtue hide itself? Go to, mum, you are he: graces will
appear, and there’s an end.
Come on; do you think I don't know you by your excellent intelligence? Can goodness hide? Stop it, be quiet—you're definitely him: your grace will show through, and that settles it.
Come on, I know you by how smart you are. Good character can't stay hidden. Quiet now—you're totally him. Your good manners will give you away, so that's that.
i know u by ur wit u can't hide being good stop lying ur him lol
Will you not tell me who told you so?
Won't you tell me who told you this?
Will you at least tell me who told you that about me?
who even told u that about me
No, you shall pardon me.
No, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me for that.
No, I'm not going to tell you.
nope can't tell u
Nor will you not tell me who you are?
And you refuse to reveal your identity to me?
So you're just not going to tell me who you actually are?
won't even say who u r? come on
Not now.
Not now.
Not now.
not now.
That I was disdainful, and that I had my good wit out of
the ‘Hundred Merry Tales.’ Well, this was Signior
Benedick that said so.
That I was contemptuous and that I got my wit from the 'Hundred Merry Tales.' Well, it was Signior Benedick who said all that.
That I'm stuck-up and that I copied all my jokes from this book called the 'Hundred Merry Tales.' That's what Signior Benedick said about me.
he said i'm mean & copied jokes from 'hundred merry tales' was signior benedick
What’s he?
What’s he?
What’s he?
what’s he?
I am sure you know him well enough.
I'm sure you know him well enough.
I'm sure you know him pretty well.
u def know him
When Don Pedro asks if Beatrice will marry him and she deflects, she drops one cryptic line: 'Marry, once before he won my heart from me with false dice, therefore your Grace may well say I have lost it.' The 'he' is Benedick. Shakespeare never clarifies what happened. Did they have a prior relationship? Was there a courtship that went wrong? A promise made and broken? This ambiguity is deliberate. It gives Beatrice's anti-marriage stance a history rather than a personality quirk — she has been hurt, probably by the man she is destined to end up with, and her wit is partly armor. It also makes her eventual 'Kill Claudio' in Act 4 make a different kind of sense: she knows what it feels like to have a man play false. She has a personal stake in Hero not being sacrificed to male pride.
Not I, believe me.
I don't, I assure you.
I don't, I promise.
nah i don't
Did he never make you laugh?
Has he never made you laugh?
Hasn't he ever made you laugh?
he never made u laugh?
I pray you, what is he?
I ask you, who is he?
Seriously, who is he?
ok who is he
Why, he is the Prince’s jester: a very dull fool; only his
gift is in devising impossible slanders: none but libertines delight in
him; and the commendation is not in his wit, but in his villainy; for he
both pleases men and angers them, and then they laugh at him and beat him.
I am sure he is in the fleet: I would he had boarded me!
Well, he's the Prince's jester: a very dull fool; his only gift is inventing impossible insults: only loose men enjoy him; and his reputation comes not from his wit but from his wickedness; for he both pleases men and angers them, then they laugh at him and hit him. I'm sure he's among the guests: I wish he'd approached me!
Oh, he's the Prince's court jester—a really boring fool, honestly. The only thing he's good at is making up crazy insults that don't make sense. Only perverts think he's funny. People like him not because he's smart but because he's nasty—he both gets people's approval and makes them mad, then they laugh at him and punch him. He's definitely here tonight, and I wish he'd tried to flirt with me!
he's the prince's dumb jester only good at making insults only perverts like him people hit him lol i wish he'd hit on me
When I know the gentleman, I’ll tell him what you say.
When I know the gentleman, I'll repeat what you've said.
Once I find out who he is, I'll tell him exactly what you said.
when i figure out who he is i'm tellin him what u said
Do, do: he’ll but break a comparison or two on me; which,
peradventure not marked or not laughed at, strikes him into melancholy;
and then there’s a partridge wing saved, for the fool will eat no
supper that night. [Music within.] We must follow the leaders.
Do, do: he'll just make a joke or two at my expense; which, perhaps unnoticed or not found funny, drives him into depression; then a chicken dinner is saved, because the fool won't eat supper that night. [Music plays.] We must follow the dancers.
Go ahead: he'll just crack a couple jokes about me. If nobody notices or laughs, that'll upset him and he won't eat anything that night. [Music plays.] Anyway, we gotta follow the dancers.
yeah make jokes on me if nobody laughs he'll be sad won't eat lol [music plays] follow the dancers
In every good thing.
I'll follow wherever virtue leads.
Yeah, I'm down for anything that's actually good.
following the good stuff
Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next turning.
No, if they lead anywhere bad, I'll leave them at the next turning.
But if they go anywhere I don't like, I'm out of there right at the next corner.
but if it gets bad i'm out
Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and hath withdrawn her
father to break with him about it. The ladies follow her and but one visor
remains.
I'm certain my brother is in love with Hero, and has taken her father aside to discuss marriage with him about it. The ladies follow her and only one masked person remains.
My brother's definitely in love with Hero—he's pulled her father away to talk about marrying her. All the other women are following her around, and there's only one masked person left.
bro's in love w hero took her dad aside all the girls follow her one person left masked
And that is Claudio: I know him by his bearing.
And that one is Claudio: I know him by the way he carries himself.
And that's Claudio. I can tell by the way he stands.
that's claudio i know by how he stands
Are you not Signior Benedick?
You must be Signior Benedick, then?
Wait, so you're that Benedick guy everyone talks about?
u benedick? that guy?
You know me well; I am he.
That's correct; I'm Benedick.
Yeah, you've got me pegged. It's me.
yep that's who i am
Signior, you are very near my brother in his love: he is
enamoured on Hero; I pray you, dissuade him from her; she is no equal for
his birth: you may do the part of an honest man in it.
Signior, you're very close to my brother in his love: he is in love with Hero; I ask you to talk him out of it; she is not an equal match for his rank: you could do a good deed by acting like an honest man about it.
Sir, you're close to my brother, and he's fallen for Hero. Do me a favor and talk him out of it—she's not good enough for his status. You could do the right thing and convince him to stay away.
talk ur buddy out of hero she's not good enough 4 him do the right thing here
How know you he loves her?
What makes you certain he's fallen in love with her?
Wait, where'd you get that idea that he's in love with her?
how do u know he loves her
I heard him swear his affection.
I heard him swear to his feelings for her.
I heard him swear an oath about his feelings for her.
i heard him swear he loves her
So did I too; and he swore he would marry her tonight.
I heard him too; and he swore he would marry her tonight.
Yeah, and I heard him say he's going to marry her tonight.
heard him say he'll marry her 2night
Come, let us to the banquet.
Come, let's go to the feast.
Let's head to the party.
let's go to the party
Thus answer I in name of Benedick,
But hear these ill news with the ears of Claudio.
’Tis certain so; the Prince wooss for himself.
Friendship is constant in all other things
Save in the office and affairs of love:
Therefore all hearts in love use their own tongues;
Let every eye negotiate for itself
And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch
Against whose charms faith melteth into blood.
This is an accident of hourly proof,
Which I mistrusted not. Farewell, therefore, Hero!
I'll answer in Benedick's place, but I'm hearing all this with Claudio's ears. It's definitely true; the Prince is wooing her for himself. Friendship is constant in all other things But falls apart when love gets involved: So everyone in love speaks for themselves; Let every person negotiate their own romance And trust no intermediary; for beauty is a spell That melts faith into pure desire. This is a common disaster, happening all the time, Which I never feared would happen. Goodbye, then, Hero!
I'm answering as Benedick right now, but I'm hearing this with Claudio's ears. It's true—the Prince is trying to win her for himself. Friendship lasts forever in everything else Except when love gets in the way. So everyone in love has to look out for themselves; Don't trust anyone else to handle your romance Because beauty is literally a witch's spell That turns your loyalty into pure lust. This kind of thing happens constantly, And I never thought it would happen to me. So long, Hero!
answering as benedick but hearing as claudio prince wants her 4 himself friendship dies w love no one's trustworthy beauty ruins everything this always happens goodbye hero
Count Claudio?
Count Claudio?
Count Claudio?
count claudio?
Yea, the same.
Yea, the same.
Yea, the same.
yea, the same.
Come, will you go with me?
Let's leave together—are you willing?
Come on, let's get out of here.
come on let's go
Whither?
Where?
Where to?
where
Even to the next willow, about your own business, Count. What
fashion will you wear the garland of? About your neck, like a usurer’s
chain? or under your arm, like a lieutenant’s scarf? You must wear
it one way, for the Prince hath got your Hero.
To the nearest willow tree, to deal with your own business, Count. How will you wear the wreath of love? Around your neck like a usurer's chain? Or under your arm like a soldier's badge? You must wear it one way, because the Prince has gotten your Hero.
Over to that willow tree to deal with your situation, Count. How are you going to wear your heartbreak? Like a chain around your neck? Or tucked under your arm like a soldier's medal? Pick one, because the Prince just took your Hero.
go 2 the willow tree deal w ur problem prince took hero how u gonna wear that loss around ur neck like a chain or under ur arm
I wish him joy of her.
I wish him happiness with her.
I hope he's happy with her.
hope he's happy w her
Why, that’s spoken like an honest drovier: so they sell bullocks.
But did you think the Prince would have served you thus?
Now that's what an honest cattle-trader would say: that's how they sell cattle. But did you think the Prince would really treat you like this?
That's exactly what an honest cattle dealer would say—that's their sales pitch. But seriously, did you really think the Prince would do this to you?
that's what a cattle seller says seriously tho u think prince would do u like this?
I pray you, leave me.
I ask you to leave me alone.
Just leave me alone.
leave me alone
Ho! now you strike like the blind man: ’twas the boy that
stole your meat, and you’ll beat the post.
Wait! Now you're hitting like someone who's blind: it was the boy who stole your food, but you're beating the post.
Hold on—you're hitting like you're blind. The kid who stole your stuff is long gone, but you're beating a post.
u hitting blind the boy stole ur stuff u beating a post lol
Don Pedro's agreement to woo Hero on Claudio's behalf is central to the play's first comic misunderstanding — and to its deeper questions about love and authenticity. Can love by proxy work? If someone else woos for you and wins, did you win? When Don Pedro 'gives' Hero to Claudio, the transaction has a curiously economic quality: she is delivered, like a package, along with her father's blessing and his 'fortunes.' Hero herself barely speaks. Claudio, who was willing to let his friend speak for him in the most intimate moment of his life, is also the man who — when he thinks he's been betrayed — treats Hero as a publicly spoiled good. Shakespeare is asking whether a man who courts by deputy can ever truly know the person he loves. Claudio's answer, played out in Act 4, is not reassuring.
If it will not be, I’ll leave you.
If this can't be fixed, then I'll leave you.
If you won't listen, I'm leaving.
if u won't listen i'm leaving
Alas! poor hurt fowl. Now will he creep into sedges. But, that
my Lady Beatrice should know me, and not know me! The Prince’s fool!
Ha! it may be I go under that title because I am merry. Yea, but so I am
apt to do myself wrong; I am not so reputed: it is the base though bitter
disposition of Beatrice that puts the world into her person, and so gives
me out. Well, I’ll be revenged as I may.
Oh, poor wounded bird. Now he'll hide in the reeds. But that my Lady Beatrice should recognize me but not acknowledge me! The Prince's jester! Ha! Maybe I'm called that because I'm cheerful. But wait, I'm not actually known as a jester; it's Beatrice's mean nature that makes her say those things about me to everyone. Well, I'll get my revenge however I can.
Oh no, poor guy's hurt. He's going to go hide somewhere. But the fact that Beatrice would recognize who I am and just ignore me! Me, the Prince's jester! Wait, maybe I got that nickname just because I like to joke around. But no, that's not actually what people call me. It's Beatrice—her whole mean personality is what she's spreading about me, making me look bad. Fine, I'll get revenge on her somehow.
oh poor claudio beats is recognize me but won't acknowledge me i'm the jester? no beatrice just ruins me with her mean stuff i'll get revenge
Now, signior, where’s the Count? Did you see him?
Now, sir, where is the Count? Did you see him?
So, where's the Count? Did you see him?
where's the count
Troth, my lord, I have played the part of Lady Fame. I found him
here as melancholy as a lodge in a warren. I told him, and I think I told
him true, that your Grace had got the good will of this young lady; and I
offered him my company to a willow tree, either to make him a garland, as
being forsaken, or to bind him up a rod, as being worthy to be whipped.
I've acted as Lady Fame, sir. I found him here as miserable as an empty lodge in a rabbit warren. I told him—and I believe I spoke truly—that your Grace had won this young lady's affection, and I offered to go with him to a willow tree, where he could make himself a garland as a forsaken lover, or I could fashion him a rod for whipping, since he deserves it.
Honestly, sir, I played the role of Lady Fame. I found him here absolutely miserable. I told him what I'm pretty sure is the truth—that you've won this young lady over—and I offered to walk with him to a willow tree so he could either make himself a forsaken lover's wreath or get himself whipped.
played lady fame. he's super sad. told him you got the girl. offered to take him to willow tree to make a sad wreath or get the rod
To be whipped! What’s his fault?
Whipped! What did he do wrong?
Whipped! What's he done wrong?
whipped? what'd he do?
The flat transgression of a school-boy, who, being overjoy’d
with finding a bird’s nest, shows it his companion, and he steals
it.
It's the obvious mistake of a schoolboy who, thrilled to find a bird's nest, shows it to his friend, and then his friend steals it.
It's what a schoolboy does—he finds a bird's nest, gets all excited and shows his friend, and then the friend just steals it.
schoolboy finds nest. shows friend. friend steals it. classic
Wilt thou make a trust a transgression? The transgression is in the stealer.
Are you going to make sharing a breach of trust? The real wrongdoing is with the one who steals.
Are you saying that showing someone something is a betrayal? No, the real crime is from the one who steals.
sharing isn't wrong. the thief is
Yet it had not been amiss the rod had been made, and the garland
too; for the garland he might have worn himself, and the rod he might have
bestowed on you, who, as I take it, have stolen his bird’s nest.
Still, it wouldn't have been wrong to make both the garland and the rod. The garland he could have worn himself as the forsaken lover, and the rod—the one for whipping—he could have given to you, since as I understand it, you've stolen his bird's nest.
But still, he could've used both the garland and the rod. He'd wear the garland himself for being rejected, and he'd give you the rod for whipping, since you're the one who actually stole his bird's nest.
could've made both. he'd wear the sad garland. you'd get the whipping rod. you're the real thief
I will but teach them to sing, and restore them to the owner.
I will only teach them to sing and return them to their owner.
I'll just teach them to sing and give them back to who they belong to.
teach them songs. give them back
If their singing answer your saying, by my faith, you say honestly.
If their singing matches your promise, by my honor, you're telling the truth.
If the birds sing like you said they would, then you're being honest.
if they sing like you said, you're honest
The Lady Beatrice hath a quarrel to you: the gentleman that
danced with her told her she is much wronged by you.
Lady Beatrice has a complaint against you. The gentleman who danced with her told her that you've treated her very badly.
Lady Beatrice is upset with you. The guy who danced with her said you've really hurt her.
beatrice is mad at you. guy she danced with said you hurt her
O! she misused me past the endurance of a block: an oak but with
one green leaf on it would have answered her: my very visor began to
assume life and scold with her. She told me, not thinking I had been
myself, that I was the Prince’s jester, that I was duller than a
great thaw; huddling jest upon jest with such impossible conveyance upon
me, that I stood like a man at a mark, with a whole army shooting at me.
She speaks poniards, and every word stabs: if her breath were as terrible
as her terminations, there were no living near her; she would infect to
the north star. I would not marry her, though she were endowed with all
that Adam had left him before he transgressed: she would have made
Hercules have turned spit, yea, and have cleft his club to make the fire
too. Come, talk not of her; you shall find her the infernal Ate in good
apparel. I would to God some scholar would conjure her, for certainly,
while she is here, a man may live as quiet in hell as in a sanctuary; and
people sin upon purpose because they would go thither; so indeed, all
disquiet, horror and perturbation follow her.
She abused me beyond what even a block of wood could tolerate. Even an oak tree with just one green leaf on it would have answered back to her. My very helmet began to come alive and argue with her. Not knowing it was me speaking, she told me I was the Prince's fool and duller than a thaw—piling joke on joke so impossibly that I stood there like a target with an entire army shooting arrows at me. She speaks daggers, and every word cuts like a knife. If her breath were as terrible as her cutting remarks, there'd be no living near her; she'd poison the air all the way to the north star. I would never marry her, even if she had everything Adam owned before his sin. She would have made even Hercules turn into a kitchen servant and broken his club to use as firewood. Stop talking about her—you'll find she's the goddess of discord dressed in fine clothes. I wish some scholar would exorcise her, because truly, while she's here, a man could live as peacefully in hell as in a sanctuary. People sin on purpose just to go there. In short, every kind of upset, horror, and chaos follow her everywhere.
She wore me out, man. Even a block of wood would've fired back at her. My own helmet was about to come alive and argue with her. She didn't know it was me, so she told me I was the Prince's joke and about as interesting as mud. She just kept throwing joke after joke at me until I felt like a human target. She's vicious—her words are like daggers. If her breath was as bad as her zingers, you couldn't stand being near her. I'd rather marry anyone than her, no matter how rich or beautiful. She'd drive even the strongest man insane and probably make him do the dishes. Seriously, don't even talk about her. She's pure chaos in a nice dress. I swear someone should do an exorcism on her, because while she's around, hell looks like a vacation spot. People go out of their way to sin just to escape her. She's like a walking tornado of misery.
she destroyed me. even wood would talk back. jokes flying everywhere like arrows. her words cut like blades. no marrying her. she's chaos in a dress. hell's better than being around her
Look! here she comes.
Look! She's arriving now.
There she is, coming toward us.
here she comes
Will your Grace command me any service to the world’s end?
I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes that you can devise
to send me on; I will fetch you a toothpicker now from the furthest inch
of Asia; bring you the length of Prester John’s foot; fetch you a
hair off the Great Cham’s beard; do you any embassage to the
Pygmies, rather than hold three words’ conference with this harpy.
You have no employment for me?
Will your Grace send me on any errand to the ends of the earth? I will take the most trivial task you can think of to the other side of the world. I'll fetch you a toothpick from the furthest reaches of Asia, bring you the measurement of Prester John's foot, get you a hair from the Great Khan's beard, do any embassy to the Pygmies—anything rather than stand here talking for three minutes with this woman. Don't you have some task for me?
Sir, can you send me anywhere in the world on any errand? I'll go to the ends of the earth on the smallest job—fetch you a toothpick from Asia, bring you some exotic treasure, go anywhere—just don't make me stand here and have a conversation with her. Seriously, isn't there anything you need me to do?
send me anywhere. end of the world. antarctica. asia. anywhere. just not here with her
None, but to desire your good company.
No, just your good company.
No, I just want you to stay and be good company.
nah just stay with me
O God, sir, here’s a dish I love not: I cannot endure my Lady Tongue.
God help me, sir, this is something I cannot stomach. I cannot stand Lady Beatrice.
Oh come on, sir. This is one meal I don't want. I can't stand her.
not this. can't take her
Come, lady, come; you have lost the heart of Signior Benedick.
Come along, lady. You've captured Signior Benedick's heart.
Come on, lady. You've gotten Benedick's attention.
you got benedick
Indeed, my lord, he lent it me awhile; and I gave him use for
it, a double heart for a single one: marry, once before he won it of me
with false dice, therefore your Grace may well say I have lost it.
Indeed, my lord, he lent it to me for a while, and I repaid him with interest—a double heart for his single one. But honestly, he won it from me before by cheating, so your Grace might say I've simply lost what I never truly owned.
Actually, sir, he just gave it to me temporarily, and I gave him twice as much back. But he's taken my heart before using tricks, so I suppose you could say I've lost what was never really mine to keep.
he lent it. i gave back double. he cheated before anyway. so yeah i lost it
You have put him down, lady, you have put him down.
You've bested him, lady. You've bested him.
You've got the better of him, lady. You really beat him at his own game.
you got him. you totally beat him
So I would not he should do me, my lord, lest I should prove the
mother of fools. I have brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to seek.
I wouldn't want him to do the same to me, my lord, for fear I would become the mother of foolish children. I have brought Count Claudio, whom you sent me to find.
I wouldn't want him to do the same to me, sir, or I'd end up having foolish kids. Anyway, I've brought Count Claudio like you asked.
don't do it to me or i'll have fool babies. brought claudio
Why, how now, Count! wherefore are you sad?
Well, how are you, Count? Why are you sad?
So, Count, what's wrong? Why the long face?
count what's up? why sad?
Not sad, my lord.
I'm not unhappy, my lord.
I'm fine, sir. Really.
i'm good
How then? Sick?
How then? Sick?
How then? Sick?
how then? sick?
Neither, my lord.
Neither, my lord.
Neither, my lord.
neither, my lord.
The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor merry, nor well; but
civil Count, civil as an orange, and something of that jealous complexion.
The Count is neither sad, nor sick, nor cheerful, nor well. He's a refined Count, as serious as an orange, and with a somewhat jealous nature.
He's not sad, not sick, not happy, not fine. He's just formal and stiff like an orange, kind of jealous too.
he's not sad or happy or sick. he's boring and jealous
I’ faith, lady, I think your blazon to be true; though, I’ll
be sworn, if he be so, his conceit is false. Here, Claudio, I have wooed
in thy name, and fair Hero is won; I have broke with her father, and, his
good will obtained; name the day of marriage, and God give thee joy!
In truth, lady, I think your description is accurate. Though I'll swear if he really is like that, his own opinion of himself is wrong. Here, Claudio, I have courted Hero on your behalf, and I have won her. I have spoken with her father and obtained his permission. Set the wedding day, and may God bless you!
Well, lady, I think you've got him figured out, though honestly, if that's really how he is, he doesn't see himself that way. Claudio, I've done the courting work for you and won Hero. Her father's agreed. Just pick a wedding day and be happy!
you nailed it. claudio i won hero for you. dad says yes. pick a date
Count, take of me my daughter, and with her my fortunes: his
Grace hath made the match, and all grace say Amen to it!
Count, take my daughter, and along with her, my fortune. His Grace has made this match, and let all good wishes say Amen to it!
Count, take my daughter and everything I have with her. The Prince made this happen, and blessings on you both!
take my daughter and my stuff. the prince made it work. blessed
Beatrice's comic riff about leading apes into hell is one of the play's richest throwaway speeches. In Elizabethan folk belief, women who died unmarried were condemned to lead apes into the afterlife — apes being symbols of lust and foolishness, substitutes for the children they never had. It was a social shaming mechanism: the cost of refusing marriage was eternal absurdity. Beatrice's genius is to take this punishment and make it sound like a lifestyle choice. She imagines going to the gate of hell, being turned away by the Devil (himself cast as a ridiculous cuckolded husband), and ending up in a bachelor's paradise with Saint Peter. She has constructed a cosmology in which the 'punishment' for not marrying is, in fact, the better afterlife. This is Shakespeare making space for a character who genuinely entertains the option of a life outside marriage — and making that option sound not tragic but gleefully irreverent.
Speak, Count, ’tis your cue.
Speak, Count. It's your turn now.
Go ahead, Count. It's your line.
your turn count
Silence is the perfectest herald of joy: I were but little happy,
if I could say how much. Lady, as you are mine, I am yours: I give away
myself for you and dote upon the exchange.
Silence is the best announcement of joy. I would be only slightly happy if I could describe how happy I am. Lady, since you are mine, I am yours. I give myself away to you, and I love the trade I've made.
Happiness doesn't need words. I couldn't even begin to tell you how happy I am. Lady, you're mine and I'm yours. I'm giving myself completely to you and I love this deal.
can't even say how happy. you're mine i'm yours. i love this
Speak, cousin; or, if you cannot, stop his mouth with a kiss,
and let not him speak neither.
Speak, cousin, or if you cannot speak, stop his mouth with a kiss and don't let him speak either.
Say something, cousin. Or if you can't talk, just kiss him and make sure he stops talking too.
speak or kiss him. either way shut him up
In faith, lady, you have a merry heart.
Honestly, lady, you have a cheerful spirit.
You know, lady, you're really lively and fun.
you're fun
Yea, my lord; I thank it, poor fool, it keeps on the windy
side of care. My cousin tells him in his ear that he is in her heart.
Yes, my lord. I'm grateful for it—my merry heart, that poor foolish thing, keeps me on the safe side of worry. My cousin tells him in secret that he is in her heart.
Yes, sir. I'm lucky to have it—my happy heart keeps me from being weighed down by worries. Hero's whispering to him that he's in her heart.
yeah my happy heart keeps me from worrying. hero's telling him she loves him
And so she doth, cousin.
And so she does, cousin.
And she really does, cousin.
she does
Good Lord, for alliance! Thus goes everyone to the world but I,
and I am sunburnt. I may sit in a corner and cry heigh-ho for a husband!
Good heavens, everyone gets married but me, and now I'm burned from the sun. I might as well sit in a corner and sigh for want of a husband!
For crying out loud, everyone's getting married except me, and I'm sitting out here getting sunburned. I might as well sit alone and mope about not having a husband!
everyone's getting married. not me. sun's burning me. alone and lonely
Lady Beatrice, I will get you one.
Lady Beatrice, I will find you one.
Lady Beatrice, I'll get you a husband.
i'll find you one
I would rather have one of your father’s getting. Hath
your Grace ne’er a brother like you? Your father got excellent
husbands, if a maid could come by them.
I would rather have one your father produced. Doesn't your Grace have a brother like you? Your father made excellent husbands—if a woman could only get her hands on one.
I'd rather have a guy your father raised. Don't you have a brother like you? Your dad seems to have made some great husbands—if only I could get one.
want one like your dad made. you got a brother? your dad knew how to raise them
Will you have me, lady?
Will you marry me, lady?
Will you have me as a husband, lady?
marry me?
No, my lord, unless I might have another for working days:
your Grace is too costly to wear every day. But, I beseech your
Grace, pardon me; I was born to speak all mirth and no matter.
No, my lord, unless I could have another husband for everyday wear. Your Grace is too valuable to use every day. But I beg your pardon, sir. I was born to speak only in jest and nothing serious.
No, sir. Unless I could have you for special occasions and someone else for regular days. You're too fancy to wear every day. But I'm sorry—I'm just someone who jokes around and doesn't really mean anything.
no. you're fancy. need someone regular. kidding tho i'm always joking
Your silence most offends me, and to be merry best becomes you;
for out of question, you were born in a merry hour.
Your silence bothers me the most, and being cheerful suits you best, because undoubtedly you were born when happy things were happening.
Actually, silence doesn't suit you. You're meant to be happy and joking. You were definitely born during good times.
don't go quiet. you're meant to be happy. born under a lucky star
No, sure, my lord, my mother cried; but then there was a star
danced, and under that was I born. Cousins, God give you joy!
No, surely, my lord. My mother cried during my birth, but then a star danced in the sky, and it was under that dancing star that I was born. Cousins, may God bless you both!
Actually, my mother cried when I was born—but then a star danced in the sky, and that's when I came into the world. Cousins, be happy together!
mom cried but a star danced when i was born. cousins congrats
Niece, will you look to those things I told you of?
Niece, will you take care of those things I mentioned to you?
Niece, don't forget about those things I told you to do.
remember what i told you
I cry you mercy, uncle. By your Grace’s pardon.
I beg your pardon, uncle. With your permission, I'll go.
Sorry, uncle. If you'll excuse me, I'll go handle that.
got it uncle
By my troth, a pleasant spirited lady.
By my honor, a woman with a pleasant spirit.
She's really got a wonderful, lively personality.
great personality
There’s little of the melancholy element in her, my lord:
she is never sad but when she sleeps; and not ever sad then, for I have
heard my daughter say, she hath often dreamed of unhappiness and waked
herself with laughing.
There's very little sadness in her nature, my lord. She is never sad except when she sleeps, and not even then. I've heard my daughter say she's often dreamed of unhappiness and laughed herself awake.
She's hardly ever sad, sir. She's not even sad when she's sleeping. I've heard she's dreamed of sad things and laughed herself awake.
never sad. sleeps through anything. even dreams sad stuff and laughs about it
She cannot endure to hear tell of a husband.
She cannot stand to hear talk of marriage.
She can't even hear the word "husband" without complaining.
can't stand talk of marriage
O! by no means: she mocks all her wooers out of suit.
Oh no, not at all. She mocks all her suitors right out of pursuing her.
No, it's the opposite. She jokes with every guy who tries to court her until they give up.
she mocks all her suitors. drives them away
She were an excellent wife for Benedick.
She would be an excellent wife for Benedick.
She'd be perfect for Benedick, actually.
perfect wife for benedick
O Lord! my lord, if they were but a week married, they would talk
themselves mad.
Oh my! Sir, if they were married for just one week, they would talk until they drove each other crazy.
Oh man! If they were married for even a week, they'd argue so much they'd lose their minds.
week married they'd go nuts talking
Count Claudio, when mean you to go to church?
Claudio, when are you planning to have the wedding ceremony?
So Claudio, when's the big day going to happen?
when's the wedding?
Tomorrow, my lord. Time goes on crutches till love have all his rites.
Tomorrow, my lord. Time moves slowly until love has all its proper ceremonies.
Tomorrow, sir. Time drags until the wedding happens.
tomorrow. time's slow till then
Not till Monday, my dear son, which is hence a just seven-night;
and a time too brief too, to have all things answer my mind.
Not until Monday, my dear son, which is seven days from now. Even that time seems too short for me to prepare everything as I would like.
Not until Monday, my dear son. That's a week away, and it's still not enough time for me to get everything ready the way I want.
monday. week away. still not enough time
Come, you shake the head at so long a breathing; but, I warrant
thee, Claudio, the time shall not go dully by us. I will in the interim
undertake one of Hercules’ labours, which is, to bring Signior
Benedick and the Lady Beatrice into a mountain of affection the one with
the other. I would fain have it a match; and I doubt not but to fashion
it, if you three will but minister such assistance as I shall give you
direction.
Come, you're skeptical about such a long wait, but I promise you, Claudio, the time won't pass boringly. In the meantime, I will take on one of Hercules' labors—which is to bring Signior Benedick and Lady Beatrice into a state of deep affection for each other. I would very much like them to marry, and I have no doubt I can arrange it if you three will provide the assistance I direct you to give.
I know waiting a week seems long, but trust me, Claudio, we won't be bored. In the meantime, I'm going to do the impossible—I'm going to make Benedick and Beatrice fall in love with each other. I really want them together, and I'm sure I can pull it off if you all help me out.
week won't be boring. i'm gonna make benedick and beatrice fall for each other. help me
My lord, I am for you, though it cost me ten nights’
watchings.
My lord, I am with you, even if it costs me ten nights of staying awake.
Sir, I'm in. I'll do whatever it takes, even if I have to stay up all night.
i'm in. i'll stay up
And I, my lord.
And I am as well, my lord.
Count me in too, sir.
me too
And you too, gentle Hero?
What about you, kind Hero? Will you help us too?
What do you say, Hero? Are you willing to join in?
you too hero?
I will do any modest office, my lord, to help my cousin to a good
husband.
I will do any proper task, my lord, to help my cousin get a good husband.
I'll do whatever is proper, sir, to help my cousin find a good husband.
i'll help cousin get a good guy
And Benedick is not the unhopefullest husband that I know. Thus
far can I praise him; he is of a noble strain, of approved valour, and
confirmed honesty. I will teach you how to humour your cousin, that she
shall fall in love with Benedick; and I, with your two helps, will so
practise on Benedick that, in despite of his quick wit and his queasy
stomach, he shall fall in love with Beatrice. If we can do this, Cupid is
no longer an archer: his glory shall be ours, for we are the only
love-gods. Go in with me, and I will tell you my drift.
And Benedick is certainly not the least promising husband I know. I can praise him for this: he comes from a noble family, has proven courage, and confirmed honesty. I will teach you how to manage your cousin so that she falls in love with Benedick, and with your help, I will work on Benedick so effectively that despite his sharp wit and his sensitive nature, he will fall in love with Beatrice. If we can accomplish this, Cupid is no longer the god of love—his power will be ours, and we will be the only love-gods. Come inside with me and I will explain my plan.
Benedick isn't a bad choice either. He's from a good family, he's brave, and he's honest. I'll work on Beatrice to get her to fall for him, and with your help, I'll get Benedick to fall for her too. Even with all his jokes and his picky nature, he'll come around. If we pull this off, we'll be better at making people fall in love than Cupid himself. Come inside and I'll tell you what I'm thinking.
benedick's a good guy. noble. brave. honest. i'll make beatrice fall for him. you help me with him. we'll be cupid. come in i'll explain
The Reckoning
This is the longest, most densely packed scene in the play — a masked ball where everything is doubled. Every conversation has a surface and an underside: Don John lies to Claudio under cover of masks, Beatrice dismantles Benedick to his hidden face, and Don Pedro woos Hero on Claudio's behalf. By the end, Claudio briefly thinks he's been betrayed, then discovers he hasn't, and is engaged. The audience is left with the giddy sensation of a comedy spinning its plates — and with the first hint, from Don Pedro himself, that Beatrice and Benedick might be the real love story.
If this happened today…
A company holiday party where everyone's wearing name tags from different departments. One exec approaches a junior colleague to talk her up on behalf of a friend — but a rival slides in first and tells the junior colleague the exec is actually interested himself. Meanwhile, the most verbally vicious person in the office is roasting someone to their face without realizing it's them behind the Santa hat. By midnight: one engagement, one near-meltdown, and HR already thinking about the matchmaking possibilities for next quarter.