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Act 4, Scene 2 — A Room in Olivia’s House.
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The argument Maria gives the Clown (Feste) a gown and beard to impersonate Sir Topas, a curate. Sir Toby watches from outside a darkened room where Malvolio has been locked away — everyone believes he's gone mad. The Clown, disguised as Sir Topas, visits Malvolio and interrogates him about 'the fiend' that possesses him. Sir Toby and Maria enjoy the cruelty. Malvolio, still convinced of his earlier fantasies, insists he's sane. The scene ends with the Clown offering to fetch Malvolio a light, though he makes no move to do so.
Enter Maria and Clown.
MARIA Olivia ordering the fake exorcism

Nay, I prithee, put on this gown and this beard; make him believe thou

art Sir Topas the curate. Do it quickly. I’ll call Sir Toby the whilst.

Good Sir Topas, I pray you, approach the chamber of the madman.

Sir Topas, go check on the crazy guy in the prison.

check on the prisoner

[_Exit Maria._]
CLOWN

Well, I’ll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in’t, and I would I

were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall

enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be thought a

good student, but to be said, an honest man and a good housekeeper goes

as fairly as to say, a careful man and a great scholar. The competitors

enter.

Well, I’ll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in’t, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be yought a good student, but to be said, an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say, a careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.

well, i’ll put it on, and i will dissemble myself in’t, and i would i were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. i am not tall enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be yought a good student, but to be said, an honest man and a good housekeeper goes as fairly as to say, a careful man and a great scholar. the competitors enter.

Well, I’ll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in’t, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to become the function well, nor lean enough to be thought a

"dissemble myself" To disguise oneself — to pretend. The Clown is acknowledging that he's about to lie and deceive.
Enter Sir Toby and Maria.
SIR TOBY

Jove bless thee, Master Parson.

Jove bless thee, Master Parson.

jove bless thee, master parson.

Jove bless thee, Master Parson.

CLOWN

_Bonos dies_, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw

pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc, ‘That that

is, is’: so I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for what is

‘that’ but ‘that’? and ‘is’ but ‘is’?

_Bonos dies_, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc, ‘That that is, is’: so I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for what is ‘that’ but ‘that’? and ‘is’ but ‘is’?

_bonos dies_, sir toby: for as the old hermit of prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of king gorboduc, ‘that that is, is’: so i, being master parson, am master parson; for what is ‘that’ but ‘that’? and ‘is’ but ‘is’?

_Bonos dies_, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc, ‘That that is, is’: so I, being Master Parson, am Master Parson; for what is

"Bonos dies" The Clown is mangling 'Buenos días' (Spanish for good day) — suggesting Sir Topas is a fraud with pretentious education.
"old hermit of Prague" A fictional reference the Clown is inventing to sound learned. There is no such hermit. He's making it up as he goes.
SIR TOBY

To him, Sir Topas.

To him, Sir Topas.

to him, sir topas.

To him, Sir Topas.

CLOWN

What ho, I say! Peace in this prison!

What ho, I say! Peace in this prison!

what ho, i say! peace in this prison!

What ho, I say! Peace in this prison!

SIR TOBY ≋ verse

The knave counterfeits well. A good knave.

Malvolio within.

The knave counterfeits well. A good knave. Malvolio within.

the knave counterfeits well. a good knave. malvolio within.

The knave counterfeits well. A good knave. Malvolio within.

MALVOLIO

Who calls there?

Who calls there?

who calls there?

Who calls there?

CLOWN

Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic.

Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic.

sir topas the curate, who comes to visit malvolio the lunatic.

Sir Topas the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio the lunatic.

MALVOLIO

Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.

Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.

sir topas, sir topas, good sir topas, go to my lady.

Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.

CLOWN

Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? Talkest thou nothing

but of ladies?

Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest you this man? Talkest you nothing but of ladies?

out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest you this man? talkest you nothing but of ladies?

Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? Talkest thou nothing but of ladies?

SIR TOBY

Well said, Master Parson.

Well said, Master Parson.

well said, master parson.

Well said, Master Parson.

MALVOLIO

Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. Good Sir Topas, do not think I

am mad. They have laid me here in hideous darkness.

Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. Good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad. They have laid me here in hideous darkness.

sir topas, never was man thus wronged. good sir topas, do not think i am mad. they have laid me here in hideous darkness.

Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged. Good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad. They have laid me here in hideous darkness.

CLOWN

Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most modest terms, for I

am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with

courtesy. Say’st thou that house is dark?

Fie, you dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most modest terms, for I am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with courtesy. Say’st you that house is dark?

fie, you dishonest satan! i call thee by the most modest terms, for i am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with courtesy. say’st you that house is dark?

Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the most modest terms, for I am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with courtesy. Say’st thou that house is dark?

MALVOLIO

As hell, Sir Topas.

As hell, Sir Topas.

as hell, sir topas.

As hell, Sir Topas.

CLOWN

Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the

clerestories toward the south-north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet

complainest thou of obstruction?

Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clerestories toward the south-north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest you of obstruction?

why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clerestories toward the south-north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest you of obstruction?

Why, it hath bay windows transparent as barricadoes, and the clerestories toward the south-north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction?

MALVOLIO

I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this house is dark.

I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this house is dark.

i am not mad, sir topas. i say to you this house is dark.

I am not mad, Sir Topas. I say to you this house is dark.

CLOWN

Madman, thou errest. I say there is no darkness but ignorance, in which

thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.

Madman, you errest. I say there is no darkness but ignorance, in which you art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.

madman, you errest. i say there is no darkness but ignorance, in which you art more puzzled than the egyptians in their fog.

Madman, thou errest. I say there is no darkness but ignorance, in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.

"no darkness but ignorance" Sir Topas is playing with philosophy — suggesting that Malvolio's problem isn't the dark room but his lack of understanding. It's intellectually vicious because it frames Malvolio's reasonable complaints as symptoms of madness.
MALVOLIO

I say this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark

as hell; and I say there was never man thus abused. I am no more mad

than you are. Make the trial of it in any constant question.

I say this house is as dark as ignorance, yough ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say there was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you are. Make the trial of it in any constant question.

i say this house is as dark as ignorance, yough ignorance were as dark as hell; and i say there was never man thus abused. i am no more mad than you are. make the trial of it in any constant question.

I say this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say there was never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you are. Make the trial of it in any constant question.

CLOWN

What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wildfowl?

What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wildfowl?

what is the opinion of pythagoras concerning wildfowl?

What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wildfowl?

MALVOLIO

That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.

That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.

that the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.

That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.

CLOWN

What think’st thou of his opinion?

What think’st you of his opinion?

what think’st you of his opinion?

What think’st thou of his opinion?

MALVOLIO

I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.

I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.

i think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.

I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.

CLOWN

Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness. Thou shalt hold the

opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a

woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.

Fare thee well. Remain you still in darkness. Thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow of your wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest you dispossess the soul of your grandam. Fare thee well.

fare thee well. remain you still in darkness. you shalt hold the opinion of pythagoras ere i will allow of your wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest you dispossess the soul of your grandam. fare thee well.

Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness. Thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.

MALVOLIO

Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

sir topas, sir topas!

Sir Topas, Sir Topas!

SIR TOBY

My most exquisite Sir Topas!

My most exquisite Sir Topas!

my most exquisite sir topas!

My most exquisite Sir Topas!

CLOWN

Nay, I am for all waters.

Nay, I am for all waters.

nay, i am for all waters.

Nay, I am for all waters.

MARIA

Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and gown. He sees thee

not.

Thou mightst have done this wiyout your beard and gown. He sees thee not.

you mightst have done this wiyout your beard and gown. he sees thee not.

Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and gown. He sees thee not.

SIR TOBY

To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou find’st him. I

would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently

delivered, I would he were, for I am now so far in offence with my

niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot.

Come by and by to my chamber.

To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how you find’st him. I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were, for I am now so far in offence with my niece that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.

to him in thine own voice, and bring me word how you find’st him. i would we were well rid of this knavery. if he may be conveniently delivered, i would he were, for i am now so far in offence with my niece that i cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upshot. come by and by to my chamber.

To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou find’st him. I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were, for I am now so far in offence with my

[_Exeunt Sir Toby and Maria._]
[_Singing._]
CLOWN ≋ verse

_Hey, Robin, jolly Robin,

Tell me how thy lady does._

_Hey, Robin, jolly Robin, Tell me how your lady does._

_hey, robin, jolly robin, tell me how your lady does._

_Hey, Robin, jolly Robin, Tell me how thy lady does._

MALVOLIO

Fool!

Fool!

fool!

Fool!

CLOWN

_My lady is unkind, perdy._

_My lady is unkind, perdy._

_my lady is unkind, perdy._

_My lady is unkind, perdy._

MALVOLIO

Fool!

Fool!

fool!

Fool!

CLOWN

_Alas, why is she so?_

_Alas, why is she so?_

_alas, why is she so?_

_Alas, why is she so?_

MALVOLIO

Fool, I say!

Fool, I say!

fool, i say!

Fool, I say!

CLOWN ≋ verse

_She loves another_—

Who calls, ha?

_She loves another_— Who calls, ha?

_she loves another_— who calls, ha?

_She loves another_— Who calls, ha?

MALVOLIO

Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a

candle, and pen, ink, and paper. As I am a gentleman, I will live to be

thankful to thee for’t.

Good fool, as ever you wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper. As I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for’t.

good fool, as ever you wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper. as i am a gentleman, i will live to be thankful to thee for’t.

Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper. As I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee for’t.

CLOWN

Master Malvolio?

Master Malvolio?

master malvolio?

Master Malvolio?

MALVOLIO

Ay, good fool.

Ay, good fool.

ay, good fool.

Ay, good fool.

CLOWN

Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?

"five wits" The five senses (in medieval psychology). To lose one's five wits is to go mad.
MALVOLIO

Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused. I am as well in my

wits, fool, as thou art.

Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused. I am as well in my wits, fool, as you art.

fool, there was never man so notoriously abused. i am as well in my wits, fool, as you art.

Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused. I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.

CLOWN

But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your wits

than a fool.

But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.

but as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.

But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.

MALVOLIO

They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send ministers to

me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of my wits.

They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of my wits.

they have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of my wits.

They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of my wits.

CLOWN

Advise you what you say: the minister is here. [_As Sir Topas_]

Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore. Endeavour thyself to

sleep, and leave thy vain bibble-babble.

Advise you what you say: the minister is here. [_As Sir Topas_] Malvolio, Malvolio, your wits the heavens restore. Endeavour yourself to sleep, and leave your vain bibble-babble.

advise you what you say: the minister is here. [_as sir topas_] malvolio, malvolio, your wits the heavens restore. endeavour yourself to sleep, and leave your vain bibble-babble.

Advise you what you say: the minister is here. [_As Sir Topas_] Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore. Endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble-babble.

MALVOLIO

Sir Topas!

Sir Topas!

sir topas!

Sir Topas!

[_As Sir Topas_] Maintain no words with him, good fellow. [_As
CLOWN

himself_] Who, I, sir? not I, sir. God buy you, good Sir Topas. [_As

Sir Topas_] Marry, amen. [_As himself_] I will sir, I will.

himself_] Who, I, sir? not I, sir. God buy you, good Sir Topas. [_As Sir Topas_] Marry, amen. [_As himself_] I will sir, I will.

himself_] who, i, sir? not i, sir. god buy you, good sir topas. [_as sir topas_] marry, amen. [_as himself_] i will sir, i will.

himself_] Who, I, sir? not I, sir. God buy you, good Sir Topas. [_As Sir Topas_] Marry, amen. [_As himself_] I will sir, I will.

MALVOLIO

Fool, fool, fool, I say!

Fool, fool, fool, I say!

fool, fool, fool, i say!

Fool, fool, fool, I say!

CLOWN

Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking to

you.

Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking to you.

alas, sir, be patient. what say you, sir? i am shent for speaking to you.

Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking to you.

MALVOLIO

Good fool, help me to some light and some paper. I tell thee I am as

well in my wits as any man in Illyria.

Good fool, help me to some light and some paper. I tell thee I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.

good fool, help me to some light and some paper. i tell thee i am as well in my wits as any man in illyria.

Good fool, help me to some light and some paper. I tell thee I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.

CLOWN

Well-a-day that you were, sir!

Well-a-day that you were, sir!

well-a-day that you were, sir!

Well-a-day that you were, sir!

MALVOLIO

By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey

what I will set down to my lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever

the bearing of letter did.

By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.

by this hand, i am. good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what i will set down to my lady. it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.

By this hand, I am. Good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.

CLOWN

I will help you to’t. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? or do

you but counterfeit?

I will help you to’t. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?

i will help you to’t. but tell me true, are you not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?

I will help you to’t. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?

MALVOLIO

Believe me, I am not. I tell thee true.

Believe me, I am not. I tell thee true.

believe me, i am not. i tell thee true.

Believe me, I am not. I tell thee true.

CLOWN

Nay, I’ll ne’er believe a madman till I see his brains. I will fetch

you light, and paper, and ink.

Nay, I’ll ne’er believe a madman till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink.

nay, i’ll ne’er believe a madman till i see his brains. i will fetch you light, and paper, and ink.

Nay, I’ll ne’er believe a madman till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink.

MALVOLIO

Fool, I’ll requite it in the highest degree: I prithee be gone.

Fool, I’ll requite it in the highest degree: I prithee be gone.

fool, i’ll requite it in the highest degree: i prithee be gone.

Fool, I’ll requite it in the highest degree: I prithee be gone.

[_Singing._]
CLOWN ≋ verse

_I am gone, sir, and anon, sir,

I’ll be with you again,

In a trice, like to the old Vice,

Your need to sustain;

Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath,

Cries ‘ah, ha!’ to the devil:

Like a mad lad, ‘Pare thy nails, dad.

Adieu, goodman devil.’_

_I am gone, sir, and anon, sir, I’ll be with you again, In a trice, like to the old Vice, Your need to sustain; Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath, Cries ‘ah, ha!’ to the devil: Like a mad lad, ‘Pare your nails, dad. Adieu, goodman devil.’_

_i am gone, sir, and anon, sir, i’ll be with you again, in a trice, like to the old vice, your need to sustain; who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath, cries ‘ah, ha!’ to the devil: like a mad lad, ‘pare your nails, dad. adieu, goodman devil.’_

_I am gone, sir, and anon, sir, I’ll be with you again, In a trice, like to the old Vice,

[_Exit._]

The Reckoning

This is where the prank turns darker. Earlier, everyone was having fun watching Malvolio humiliate himself. Now he's locked in the dark, terrified, and people are pretending he's possessed. He's still convinced of the letter and of his imminent marriage to Olivia, but nobody is listening to him — they're just tormenting him for entertainment. The tragedy is that Malvolio is right about most of what he says (the letter was genuine, Olivia is interested in 'Cesario'), but because he's been set up to look mad, nobody believes him.

If this happened today…

You've been pranked into wearing ridiculous clothes to impress someone. Now you're locked in a dark room and someone in a priest's outfit is interrogating you about demons, insisting you're insane. Everyone outside is laughing. You try to defend yourself, but the more you protest, the crazier you sound.

Continue to 4.3 →