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Act 2, Scene 3 — A Room in Olivia’s House.
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The argument Sir Toby and Sir Andrew carouse past midnight with Feste, who sings them 'O Mistress Mine.' Their noise summons Malvolio, who threatens them on Olivia's behalf. Sir Toby defies him with 'Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?' Maria proposes the letter plot — she'll forge Olivia's handwriting to make Malvolio believe Olivia is in love with him.
Enter Sir Toby and Sir Andrew.
SIR TOBY Malvolio's authority

Approach, Sir Andrew; not to be abed after midnight, is to be up

betimes; and _diluculo surgere_, thou know’st.

What a caterwauling you make here! Out, you rogue!

What is all this noise? Get out of here!

shut up get out

SIR ANDREW Sir Toby defending the right to have fun

Nay, by my troth, I know not; but I know to be up late is to be up

late.

Art any more than a steward? Dost thou think because thou art virtuous there shall be no more cakes and ale?

Who do you think you are? Just because you don't party doesn't mean the rest of us have to stop. We want music and fun.

youre just a steward just because youre uptight doesnt mean we have to be we want fun

SIR TOBY Olivia fed up

A false conclusion; I hate it as an unfilled can. To be up after

midnight, and to go to bed then is early: so that to go to bed after

midnight is to go to bed betimes. Does not our lives consist of the

four elements?

My masters, are you mad? Or do you think I'm mad? Put an end to this.

Are you guys crazy? Or do you think I'm insane? Stop this now.

are you insane stop it

SIR ANDREW Andrew Aguecheek's drunken greeting

Faith, so they say, but I think it rather consists of eating and

drinking.

Sweet lady, hi!

Hey there, gorgeous!

hey beautiful

SIR TOBY ≋ verse Olivia returning to her false grief

Th’art a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.

Marian, I say! a stoup of wine.

Smilest thou? I am not merry, but I do beguile the thing I am by seeming otherwise. How now, Malvolio?

Stop grinning. I'm not happy—I'm just pretending to be. Now what, Malvolio?

stop laughing im faking it malvolio?

Enter Clown.
SIR ANDREW Olivia testing Andrew

Here comes the fool, i’ faith.

Art thou good at these kickshaws?

You good at dancing and all that fancy stuff?

can you dance

CLOWN Andrew bragging

How now, my hearts? Did you never see the picture of “we three”?

I can cut a caper.

I can do a jump, a spin—whatever you want.

i can do a move

"Did you never see the picture of "we three"" The 'We Three' picture was a well-known inn-sign: two fools/asses with the label 'we three,' implying the viewer is the third. Feste enters and immediately performs the joke live — he is one fool, Sir Toby and Sir Andrew are two more, and whoever is watching becomes the third.
SIR TOBY Olivia propositioning Andrew—but thinking of Cesario

Welcome, ass. Now let’s have a catch.

Thou smilest. I sent for thee because I would as lief thou wouldst begin to make love to me.

Why are you smiling at me like that? Look, I sent for you because I want you to start courting me. Actually trying.

why are you smiling i want you to court me for real

SIR ANDREW

By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I had rather than forty

shillings I had such a leg, and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool

has. In sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night when thou

spok’st of Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the equinoctial of

Queubus; ’twas very good, i’ faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman.

Hadst it?

By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg, and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In sooth, you wast in very gracious fooling last night when you spok’st of Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus; ’twas very good, i’ faith. I sent thee sixpence for your leman. Hadst it?

by my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. i had rather than forty shillings i had such a leg, and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. in sooth, you wast in very gracious fooling last night when you spok’st of pigrogromitus, of the vapians passing the equinoctial of queubus; ’twas very good, i’ faith. i sent thee sixpence for your leman. hadst it?

By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg, and so sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In sooth, thou wast in very gracious fooling last night when thou

CLOWN

I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio’s nose is no whipstock. My

lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.

I did impeticos your gratillity; for Malvolio’s nose is no whipstock. My lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.

i did impeticos your gratillity; for malvolio’s nose is no whipstock. my lady has a white hand, and the myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.

I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio’s nose is no whipstock. My lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.

SIR ANDREW

Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling, when all is done. Now, a

song.

Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling, when all is done. Now, a song.

excellent! why, this is the best fooling, when all is done. now, a song.

Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling, when all is done. Now, a song.

SIR TOBY

Come on, there is sixpence for you. Let’s have a song.

Come on, there is sixpence for you. Let’s have a song.

come on, there is sixpence for you. let’s have a song.

Come on, there is sixpence for you. Let’s have a song.

SIR ANDREW

There’s a testril of me too: if one knight give a—

There’s a testril of me too: if one knight give a—

there’s a testril of me too: if one knight give a—

There’s a testril of me too: if one knight give a—

CLOWN

Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?

SIR TOBY

A love-song, a love-song.

A love-song, a love-song.

a love-song, a love-song.

A love-song, a love-song.

SIR ANDREW ≋ verse

Ay, ay. I care not for good life.

CLOWN. [_sings._]

_O mistress mine, where are you roaming?

O stay and hear, your true love’s coming,

That can sing both high and low.

Trip no further, pretty sweeting.

Journeys end in lovers meeting,

Every wise man’s son doth know._

Ay, ay. I care not for good life. CLOWN. [_sings._] _O mistress mine, where are you roaming? O stay and hear, your true love’s coming, That can sing both high and low. Trip no further, pretty sweeting. Journeys end in lovers meeting, Every wise man’s son doth know._

ay, ay. i care not for good life. clown. [_sings._] _o mistress mine, where are you roaming? o stay and hear, your true love’s coming, that can sing both high and low. trip no further, pretty sweeting. journeys end in lovers meeting, every wise man’s son doth know._

Ay, ay. I care not for good life. CLOWN. [_sings._] _O mistress mine, where are you roaming?

"Journeys end in lovers meeting" The key line of the song — and of the play. It means: the journey of love ends when two people finally meet. But it also applies literally to every plot in Twelfth Night: Sebastian's journey from the sea, Viola's journey in disguise, Orsino's obsession — all of them are journeys toward meeting.
SIR ANDREW

Excellent good, i’ faith.

Excellent good, i’ faith.

excellent good, i’ faith.

Excellent good, i’ faith.

SIR TOBY

Good, good.

Good, good.

good, good.

Good, good.

CLOWN ≋ verse

_What is love? ’Tis not hereafter,

Present mirth hath present laughter.

What’s to come is still unsure.

In delay there lies no plenty,

Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty.

Youth’s a stuff will not endure._

_What is love? ’Tis not hereafter, Present mirth hath present laughter. What’s to come is still unsure. In delay there lies no plenty, Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty. Youth’s a stuff will not endure._

_what is love? ’tis not hereafter, present mirth hath present laughter. what’s to come is still unsure. in delay there lies no plenty, then come kiss me, sweet and twenty. youth’s a stuff will not endure._

_What is love? ’Tis not hereafter, Present mirth hath present laughter. What’s to come is still unsure.

"Youth's a stuff will not endure" The song's thesis: seize the moment because youth — the time for love — doesn't last. This is carpe diem poetry, but darker than most, because in this play most of the lovers can't seize the moment. Viola is in disguise. Olivia is in grief. The song tells them both what they're missing.
Why it matters Feste's song operates as a thematic statement in the middle of comedy. The comedy buys time — but the song says time is the one thing that runs out. Every character who delays love is losing youth. The play knows this even when the characters don't.
SIR ANDREW

A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.

A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.

a mellifluous voice, as i am true knight.

A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.

SIR TOBY

A contagious breath.

A contagious breath.

a contagious breath.

A contagious breath.

SIR ANDREW

Very sweet and contagious, i’ faith.

Very sweet and contagious, i’ faith.

very sweet and contagious, i’ faith.

Very sweet and contagious, i’ faith.

SIR TOBY

To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. But shall we make the

welkin dance indeed? Shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch that will

draw three souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that?

To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? Shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that?

to hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. but shall we make the welkin dance indeed? shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three souls out of one weaver? shall we do that?

To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? Shall we rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that?

SIR ANDREW

And you love me, let’s do’t: I am dog at a catch.

And you love me, let’s do’t: I am dog at a catch.

and you love me, let’s do’t: i am dog at a catch.

And you love me, let’s do’t: I am dog at a catch.

CLOWN

By’r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.

By’r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.

by’r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.

By’r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.

SIR ANDREW

Most certain. Let our catch be, “Thou knave.”

Most certain. Let our catch be, “Thou knave.”

most certain. let our catch be, “you knave.”

Most certain. Let our catch be, “Thou knave.”

CLOWN

“Hold thy peace, thou knave” knight? I shall be constrain’d in’t to

call thee knave, knight.

“Hold your peace, you knave” knight? I shall be constrain’d in’t to call thee knave, knight.

“hold your peace, you knave” knight? i shall be constrain’d in’t to call thee knave, knight.

“Hold thy peace, thou knave” knight? I shall be constrain’d in’t to call thee knave, knight.

SIR ANDREW

’Tis not the first time I have constrained one to call me knave. Begin,

fool; it begins “Hold thy peace.”

’Tis not the first time I have constrained one to call me knave. Begin, fool; it begins “Hold your peace.”

’tis not the first time i have constrained one to call me knave. begin, fool; it begins “hold your peace.”

’Tis not the first time I have constrained one to call me knave. Begin, fool; it begins “Hold thy peace.”

CLOWN

I shall never begin if I hold my peace.

I shall never begin if I hold my peace.

i shall never begin if i hold my peace.

I shall never begin if I hold my peace.

SIR ANDREW

Good, i’ faith! Come, begin.

Good, i’ faith! Come, begin.

good, i’ faith! come, begin.

Good, i’ faith! Come, begin.

[_Catch sung._]
Enter Maria.
MARIA

What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady have not called up her

steward Malvolio, and bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me.

What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady have not called up her steward Malvolio, and bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me.

what a caterwauling do you keep here! if my lady have not called up her steward malvolio, and bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me.

What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady have not called up her steward Malvolio, and bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me.

SIR TOBY

My lady’s a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio’s a Peg-a-Ramsey, and

My lady’s a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio’s a Peg-a-Ramsey, and

my lady’s a cataian, we are politicians, malvolio’s a peg-a-ramsey, and

My lady’s a Cataian, we are politicians, Malvolio’s a Peg-a-Ramsey, and

[_Sings._] _Three merry men be we._ Am not I consanguineous? Am I not
of her blood? Tilly-vally! “Lady”! _There dwelt a man in Babylon, Lady,
Lady._
CLOWN

Beshrew me, the knight’s in admirable fooling.

Beshrew me, the knight’s in admirable fooling.

beshrew me, the knight’s in admirable fooling.

Beshrew me, the knight’s in admirable fooling.

SIR ANDREW

Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do I too; he does it

with a better grace, but I do it more natural.

Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do I too; he does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.

ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do i too; he does it with a better grace, but i do it more natural.

Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do I too; he does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.

[_Sings._] _O’ the twelfth day of December—_
MARIA

For the love o’ God, peace!

For the love o’ God, peace!

for the love o’ god, peace!

For the love o’ God, peace!

Enter Malvolio.
MALVOLIO

My masters, are you mad? Or what are you? Have you no wit, manners, nor

honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make

an ale-house of my lady’s house, that ye squeak out your coziers’

catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice? Is there no respect

of place, persons, nor time, in you?

My masters, are you mad? Or what are you? Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an ale-house of my lady’s house, that ye squeak out your coziers’ catches wiyout any mitigation or remorse of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time, in you?

my masters, are you mad? or what are you? have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night? do ye make an ale-house of my lady’s house, that ye squeak out your coziers’ catches wiyout any mitigation or remorse of voice? is there no respect of place, persons, nor time, in you?

My masters, are you mad? Or what are you? Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an ale-house of my lady’s house, that ye squeak out your coziers’

SIR TOBY

We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!

We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!

we did keep time, sir, in our catches. sneck up!

We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!

MALVOLIO

Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me tell you that,

though she harbours you as her kinsman she’s nothing allied to your

disorders. If you can separate yourself and your misdemeanours, you are

welcome to the house; if not, and it would please you to take leave of

her, she is very willing to bid you farewell.

Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me tell you that, yough she harbours you as her kinsman she’s nothing allied to your disorders. If you can separate yourself and your misdemeanours, you are welcome to the house; if not, and it would please you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell.

sir toby, i must be round with you. my lady bade me tell you that, yough she harbours you as her kinsman she’s nothing allied to your disorders. if you can separate yourself and your misdemeanours, you are welcome to the house; if not, and it would please you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell.

Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me tell you that, though she harbours you as her kinsman she’s nothing allied to your disorders. If you can separate yourself and your misdemeanours, you are

[_Sings._] _Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone._
MARIA

Nay, good Sir Toby.

Nay, good Sir Toby.

nay, good sir toby.

Nay, good Sir Toby.

[_Sings._] _His eyes do show his days are almost done._
MALVOLIO

Is’t even so?

Is’t even so?

is’t even so?

Is’t even so?

[_Sings._] _But I will never die._
[_Sings._] _Sir Toby, there you lie._
MALVOLIO

This is much credit to you.

This is much credit to you.

this is much credit to you.

This is much credit to you.

[_Sings._] _Shall I bid him go?_
[_Sings._] _What and if you do?_
[_Sings._] _Shall I bid him go, and spare not?_
[_Sings._] _O, no, no, no, no, you dare not._
SIR TOBY

Out o’ tune? sir, ye lie. Art any more than a steward? Dost thou think,

because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

Out o’ tune? sir, ye lie. Art any more than a steward? Dost you think, because you art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

out o’ tune? sir, ye lie. art any more than a steward? dost you think, because you art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

Out o’ tune? sir, ye lie. Art any more than a steward? Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?

"Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?" The most quoted line of the scene, and probably the most famous thing Sir Toby says anywhere. It's not just a drunk man's defiance — it's a genuine philosophical challenge: does personal virtue give you authority over other people's enjoyment? The answer the play gives is: no. But Malvolio disagrees.
Why it matters This challenge is the ideological heart of the Malvolio plot. Sir Toby isn't just drunk and rude. He's asking a real question about the relationship between moral virtue and social authority. Malvolio thinks they're the same thing — that being virtuous entitles him to control others' pleasure. The play's answer, worked out over three more acts, is that he's wrong.
CLOWN

Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i’ the mouth too.

Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i’ the mouth too.

yes, by saint anne, and ginger shall be hot i’ the mouth too.

Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i’ the mouth too.

SIR TOBY

Th’art i’ the right. Go, sir, rub your chain with crumbs. A stoup of

wine, Maria!

Th’art i’ the right. Go, sir, rub your chain with crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!

th’art i’ the right. go, sir, rub your chain with crumbs. a stoup of wine, maria!

Th’art i’ the right. Go, sir, rub your chain with crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!

MALVOLIO

Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady’s favour at anything more than

contempt, you would not give means for this uncivil rule; she shall

know of it, by this hand.

Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady’s favour at anything more than contempt, you would not give means for this uncivil rule; she shall know of it, by this hand.

mistress mary, if you prized my lady’s favour at anything more than contempt, you would not give means for this uncivil rule; she shall know of it, by this hand.

Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady’s favour at anything more than contempt, you would not give means for this uncivil rule; she shall know of it, by this hand.

[_Exit._]
MARIA

Go shake your ears.

Go shake your ears.

go shake your ears.

Go shake your ears.

SIR ANDREW

’Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man’s a-hungry, to challenge

him the field, and then to break promise with him and make a fool of

him.

’Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man’s a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to break promise with him and make a fool of him.

’twere as good a deed as to drink when a man’s a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to break promise with him and make a fool of him.

’Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man’s a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to break promise with him and make a fool of him.

SIR TOBY

Do’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge; or I’ll deliver thy

indignation to him by word of mouth.

Do’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge; or I’ll deliver your indignation to him by word of mouth.

do’t, knight. i’ll write thee a challenge; or i’ll deliver your indignation to him by word of mouth.

Do’t, knight. I’ll write thee a challenge; or I’ll deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.

MARIA

Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight. Since the youth of the Count’s

was today with my lady, she is much out of quiet. For Monsieur

Malvolio, let me alone with him. If I do not gull him into a nayword,

and make him a common recreation, do not think I have wit enough to lie

straight in my bed. I know I can do it.

Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight. Since the youth of the Count’s was today with my lady, she is much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me alone with him. If I do not gull him into a nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not think I have wit enough to lie straight in my bed. I know I can do it.

sweet sir toby, be patient for tonight. since the youth of the count’s was today with my lady, she is much out of quiet. for monsieur malvolio, let me alone with him. if i do not gull him into a nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not think i have wit enough to lie straight in my bed. i know i can do it.

Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight. Since the youth of the Count’s was today with my lady, she is much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me alone with him. If I do not gull him into a nayword,

SIR TOBY

Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him.

Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him.

possess us, possess us, tell us something of him.

Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him.

MARIA

Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of Puritan.

Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of Puritan.

marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.

Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of Puritan.

SIR ANDREW

O, if I thought that, I’d beat him like a dog.

O, if I yought that, I’d beat him like a dog.

o, if i yought that, i’d beat him like a dog.

O, if I thought that, I’d beat him like a dog.

SIR TOBY

What, for being a Puritan? Thy exquisite reason, dear knight?

What, for being a Puritan? Thy exquisite reason, dear knight?

what, for being a puritan? your exquisite reason, dear knight?

What, for being a Puritan? Thy exquisite reason, dear knight?

SIR ANDREW

I have no exquisite reason for’t, but I have reason good enough.

I have no exquisite reason for’t, but I have reason good enough.

i have no exquisite reason for’t, but i have reason good enough.

I have no exquisite reason for’t, but I have reason good enough.

MARIA

The devil a Puritan that he is, or anything constantly but a

time-pleaser, an affectioned ass that cons state without book and

utters it by great swarths; the best persuaded of himself, so crammed

(as he thinks) with excellencies, that it is his grounds of faith that

all that look on him love him. And on that vice in him will my revenge

find notable cause to work.

The devil a Puritan that he is, or anything constantly but a time-pleaser, an affectioned ass that cons state wiyout book and utters it by great swarths; the best persuaded of himself, so crammed (as he thinks) with excellencies, that it is his grounds of faith that all that look on him love him. And on that vice in him will my revenge find notable cause to work.

the devil a puritan that he is, or anything constantly but a time-pleaser, an affectioned ass that cons state wiyout book and utters it by great swarths; the best persuaded of himself, so crammed (as he thinks) with excellencies, that it is his grounds of faith that all that look on him love him. and on that vice in him will my revenge find notable cause to work.

The devil a Puritan that he is, or anything constantly but a time-pleaser, an affectioned ass that cons state without book and utters it by great swarths; the best persuaded of himself, so crammed

Why it matters Maria's diagnosis of Malvolio here is more penetrating than even Olivia's 'sick of self-love' in 1-5. She identifies the specific mechanism: his belief that everyone who looks at him loves him. That isn't just vanity. It's a specific cognitive delusion that she can build a trap around. The letter plot works precisely because it's targeted to his exact flaw.
SIR TOBY

What wilt thou do?

What wilt you do?

what wilt you do?

What wilt thou do?

MARIA

I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of love, wherein by the

colour of his beard, the shape of his leg, the manner of his gait, the

expressure of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find himself

most feelingly personated. I can write very like my lady your niece; on

a forgotten matter we can hardly make distinction of our hands.

I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of love, wherein by the colour of his beard, the shape of his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find himself most feelingly personated. I can write very like my lady your niece; on a forgotten matter we can hardly make distinction of our hands.

i will drop in his way some obscure epistles of love, wherein by the colour of his beard, the shape of his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find himself most feelingly personated. i can write very like my lady your niece; on a forgotten matter we can hardly make distinction of our hands.

I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of love, wherein by the colour of his beard, the shape of his leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure of his eye, forehead, and complexion, he shall find himself

SIR TOBY

Excellent! I smell a device.

Excellent! I smell a device.

excellent! i smell a device.

Excellent! I smell a device.

SIR ANDREW

I have’t in my nose too.

I have’t in my nose too.

i have’t in my nose too.

I have’t in my nose too.

SIR TOBY

He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, that they come from

my niece, and that she is in love with him.

He shall think, by the letters that you wilt drop, that they come from my niece, and that she is in love with him.

he shall think, by the letters that you wilt drop, that they come from my niece, and that she is in love with him.

He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, that they come from my niece, and that she is in love with him.

MARIA

My purpose is indeed a horse of that colour.

My purpose is indeed a horse of that colour.

my purpose is indeed a horse of that colour.

My purpose is indeed a horse of that colour.

SIR ANDREW

And your horse now would make him an ass.

And your horse now would make him an ass.

and your horse now would make him an ass.

And your horse now would make him an ass.

MARIA

Ass, I doubt not.

Ass, I doubt not.

ass, i doubt not.

Ass, I doubt not.

SIR ANDREW

O ’twill be admirable!

O ’twill be admirable!

o ’twill be admirable!

O ’twill be admirable!

MARIA

Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic will work with him. I will

plant you two, and let the fool make a third, where he shall find the

letter. Observe his construction of it. For this night, to bed, and

dream on the event. Farewell.

Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic will work with him. I will plant you two, and let the fool make a third, where he shall find the letter. Observe his construction of it. For this night, to bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.

sport royal, i warrant you. i know my physic will work with him. i will plant you two, and let the fool make a third, where he shall find the letter. observe his construction of it. for this night, to bed, and dream on the event. farewell.

Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic will work with him. I will plant you two, and let the fool make a third, where he shall find the letter. Observe his construction of it. For this night, to bed, and

[_Exit._]
SIR TOBY

Good night, Penthesilea.

Good night, Penthesilea.

good night, penthesilea.

Good night, Penthesilea.

SIR ANDREW

Before me, she’s a good wench.

Before me, she’s a good wench.

before me, she’s a good wench.

Before me, she’s a good wench.

SIR TOBY

She’s a beagle true bred, and one that adores me. What o’ that?

She’s a beagle true bred, and one that adores me. What o’ that?

she’s a beagle true bred, and one that adores me. what o’ that?

She’s a beagle true bred, and one that adores me. What o’ that?

SIR ANDREW

I was adored once too.

I was adored once too.

i was adored once too.

I was adored once too.

Why it matters Four words. Sir Andrew says them quietly, into the space after Sir Toby's breezy claim that Maria adores him. Andrew is not interrupting or complaining. He's just noting, with devastating simplicity, that he used to have what Sir Toby has now. The line says everything about Sir Andrew that the whole scene implies: he's past his time, he's being used, and he knows it. He's here to belong to something, and he doesn't quite manage it.
SIR TOBY

Let’s to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for more money.

Let’s to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for more money.

let’s to bed, knight. you hadst need send for more money.

Let’s to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for more money.

SIR ANDREW

If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.

If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.

if i cannot recover your niece, i am a foul way out.

If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way out.

SIR TOBY

Send for money, knight; if thou hast her not i’ th’ end, call me cut.

Send for money, knight; if you hast her not i’ th’ end, call me cut.

send for money, knight; if you hast her not i’ th’ end, call me cut.

Send for money, knight; if thou hast her not i’ th’ end, call me cut.

SIR ANDREW

If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will.

If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will.

if i do not, never trust me, take it how you will.

If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will.

SIR TOBY

Come, come, I’ll go burn some sack, ’tis too late to go to bed now.

Come, knight, come, knight.

Come, come, I’ll go burn some sack, ’tis too late to go to bed now. Come, knight, come, knight.

come, come, i’ll go burn some sack, ’tis too late to go to bed now. come, knight, come, knight.

Come, come, I’ll go burn some sack, ’tis too late to go to bed now. Come, knight, come, knight.

[_Exeunt._]

The Reckoning

The comic scenes in this play do real structural work. This one gives us three things: Feste's song, which is a genuine meditation on carpe diem; the Toby/Malvolio confrontation, which is the funniest thing in Act 2 and also the moment the revenge plot becomes inevitable; and Maria's plan, which is the real engine of the middle of the play. Malvolio comes in to restore order. He gets 'Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale?' That question has echoed for four hundred years because it's not just a drunk man's defiance — it's a genuine challenge. And then he leaves, and Maria proposes the letter, and Sir Andrew says 'I was adored once too,' which is the saddest sentence in the play.

If this happened today…

It's 2 AM. Your coworkers are in the office kitchen making incredible noise — singing, calling each other philosophers, having the time of their lives. Your humorless supervisor appears and tells you all to go home. One of your coworkers looks him dead in the eye and says, 'Just because you're virtuous doesn't mean fun is illegal.' The supervisor leaves. The coworker says, 'I have a plan to absolutely destroy him.' The third coworker says, quietly, 'I used to be popular.'

Continue to 2.4 →