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Act 4, Scene 3 — A room in the Garter Inn
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Original
Faithful Conversational Text-message
The argument Bardolph tells the Host that some German gentlemen want three of his horses so they can meet a Duke arriving at court. The Host has heard of no such Duke, but he agrees, promising to overcharge the visitors for the week they have kept his inn to themselves.
Enter Host and Bardolph.
BARDOLPH [businesslike, relaying the Germans' request]

Sir, the Germans desire to have three of your horses. The Duke himself

will be tomorrow at court, and they are going to meet him.

Sir, the German visitors want to borrow three of your horses. The Duke will arrive at court tomorrow, and they're traveling to meet him.

Sir, those German guys want to borrow three of your horses. The Duke is coming to court tomorrow, and they're going to meet him.

the germans want 3 of ur horses. dukes coming 2morrow

HOST [puzzled and suspicious of the strangers]

What duke should that be comes so secretly? I hear not of him in the

court. Let me speak with the gentlemen. They speak English?

What duke is coming so quietly? I haven't heard anything about him at court. Let me talk to these people. Do they speak English?

What duke? I haven't heard about any duke coming to court. Let me speak with them. Do they even speak English?

what duke? havent heard of him. they speak english?

BARDOLPH [quick and obliging]

Ay, sir. I’ll call them to you.

Yes, sir. I'll bring them to you.

Yes, sir, I'll get them for you.

yeah ill get them

HOST [blustering, determined to overcharge them]

They shall have my horses, but I’ll make them pay, I’ll sauce them.

They have had my house a week at command; I have turned away my other

guests. They must come off, I’ll sauce them. Come.

They can have my horses, but I'll make them pay. I'll overcharge them. They've had control of my inn for a week. I've sent away my other guests for them. They need to pay up. I'll overcharge them. Come on.

They can use my horses, but it's going to cost them. I'm going to charge them a fortune. They've had the run of my place for a week. I've turned away other customers for them. They better pay up. Come on.

theyll get the horses but itll cost em. ive lost business 4 them. theyre gonna pay

[_Exeunt._]

The Reckoning

A tiny scene that plants the Host's comeuppance: he is about to be conned by the same kind of trickery he enjoys playing on others. His own words give the warning away. He has never heard of this Duke, who arrives so secretly, yet greed wins out and he plans to 'sauce' the Germans instead of asking questions. Notice that the man who fooled Caius and Evans with a fake duel now falls for a fake Duke. Windsor's joker has become a mark, and the scene sets up the revenge plot that will soon cost him his horses.

If this happened today…

You run a small guesthouse, and a group of foreign guests has booked out every room for a week. Now they want to borrow three of your cars to meet some VIP no one in town has heard of. That seems odd, but you think of the bill you'll send them and hand over the keys. After all, you're the one who knows how to work people.

Continue to 4.4 →