Mine host of the Garter!
Mine host of the Garter!
mine host of the garter!
mine host of the garter!
The Host of the Garter speaks in exclamations and enthusiastic epithets — 'bully rook,' 'bully Hercules,' 'bully Hector' — addressing everyone as a hero regardless of the situation. Watch for how his language inflates whatever is happening into grand theatre.
What says my bully rook? Speak scholarly and wisely.
What says my bully rook? Speak scholarly and wisely.
what says my bully rook? speak scholarly and wisely.
what says my bully rook? speak scholarly and wisel
Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers.
Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers.
truly, mine host, i must turn away some of my followers.
truly, mine host, i must turn away some of my foll
Discard, bully Hercules; cashier. Let them wag; trot, trot.
Discard, bully Hercules; cashier. Let them wag; trot, trot.
discard, bully hercules; cashier. let them wag; trot, trot.
discard, bully hercules; cashier. let them wag; tr
I sit at ten pounds a week.
I sit at ten pounds a week.
i sit at ten pounds a week.
i sit at ten pounds a week.
Thou’rt an emperor—Caesar, Keiser, and Pheazar. I will entertain
Bardolph. He shall draw, he shall tap. Said I well, bully Hector?
you’rt an emperor—Caesar, Keiser, and Pheazar. I will entertain Bardolph. He will draw, he will tap. Said I well, bully Hector?
you’rt an emperor—caesar, keiser, and pheazar. i will entertain bardolph. he will draw, he will tap. said i well, bully hector?
you’rt an emperor—caesar, keiser, and pheazar. i
Do so, good mine host.
Do so, good mine host.
do so, good mine host.
do so, good mine host.
I have spoke, let him follow.—Let me see thee froth and lime. I am at a
word, follow.
I have spoke, let him follow.—Let me see you froth and lime. I am at a word, follow.
i have spoke, let him follow.—let me see you froth and lime. i am at a word, follow.
i have spoke, let him follow.—let me see you frot
Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade. An old cloak makes a
new jerkin; a withered servingman a fresh tapster. Go, adieu.
A man who laughs at his own jokes is welcome in any company.
A guy who can laugh at himself is good company.
laughing at yourself
thats what matters
It is a life that I have desired. I will thrive.
It is a life that I have desired. I will thrive.
it is a life that i have desired. i will thrive.
it is a life that i have desired. i will thrive.
O base Hungarian wight, wilt thou the spigot wield?
O base Hungarian wight, wilt you the spigot wield?
o base hungarian wight, wilt you the spigot wield?
o base hungarian wight, wilt you the spigot wield
I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox. His thefts were too open.
His filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time.
I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox. His thefts were too open. His filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time.
i am glad i am so acquit of this tinderbox. his thefts were too open. his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time.
i am glad i am so acquit of this tinderbox. his th
The good humour is to steal at a minute’s rest.
The good sense is to steal at a minute’s rest.
the good sense is to steal at a minute’s rest.
the good sense is to steal at a minute’s rest.
Falstaff's scheme isn't just about lust — it's primarily financial. He says it plainly: she 'has all the rule of her husband's purse,' she 'bears the purse too.' Married women of the prosperous middle class controlled household budgets, which meant actual money. Falstaff, who has no income and enormous debts, is targeting a specific vulnerability in the social structure: wives who control cash but are legally subordinate to their husbands, who might not notice a drain if it looked like household expense. The comedy destroys this plan completely, but Shakespeare takes the time to make it logical.
“Convey,” the wise it call. “Steal?” Foh! A _fico_ for the phrase!
“Convey,” the wise it call. “Steal?” Foh! A _fico_ for the phrase!
“convey,” the wise it call. “steal?” foh! a _fico_ for the phrase!
“convey,” the wise it call. “steal?” foh! a _fico_
Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
well, sirs, i am almost out at heels.
well, sirs, i am almost out at heels.
Why, then, let kibes ensue.
Why, then, let kibes ensue.
why, then, let kibes ensue.
why, then, let kibes ensue.
There is no remedy, I must cony-catch, I must shift.
There is no remedy, I must cony-catch, I must shift.
there is no remedy, i must cony-catch, i must shift.
there is no remedy, i must cony-catch, i must shif
Young ravens must have food.
Young ravens must have food.
young ravens must have food.
young ravens must have food.
Which of you know Ford of this town?
Which of you know Ford of this town?
which of you know ford of this town?
which of you know ford of this town?
I ken the wight, he is of substance good.
I ken the wight, he is of substance good.
i ken the wight, he is of substance good.
i ken the wight, he is of substance good.
My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
my honest lads, i will tell you what i am about.
my honest lads, i will tell you what i am about.
Two yards, and more.
Two yards, and more.
two yards, and more.
two yards, and more.
No quips now, Pistol. Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about, but I
am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make
love to Ford’s wife. I spy entertainment in her. She discourses, she
carves, she gives the leer of invitation. I can construe the action of
her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be
Englished rightly, is “I am Sir John Falstaff’s.”
No quips now, Pistol. Indeed, I am in the waist two yards about, but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford’s wife. I spy entertainment in her. She discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation. I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be Englished rightly, is “I am Sir John Falstaff’s.”
no quips now, pistol. indeed, i am in the waist two yards about, but i am now about no waste; i am about thrift. briefly, i do mean to make love to ford’s wife. i spy entertainment in her. she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation. i can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be englished rightly, is “i am sir john falstaff’s.”
no quips now, pistol. indeed, i am in the waist tw
He hath studied her will and translated her will—out of honesty into
English.
He has studied her will and translated her will—out of honesty into English.
he has studied her will and translated her will—out of honesty into english.
he has studied her will and translated her will—ou
The anchor is deep. Will that humour pass?
The anchor is deep. Will that sense pass?
the anchor is deep. will that sense pass?
the anchor is deep. will that sense pass?
Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her husband’s purse. He
hath a legion of angels.
Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her husband’s purse. He has a legion of angels.
now, the report goes she has all the rule of her husband’s purse. he has a legion of angels.
now, the report goes she has all the rule of her h
As many devils entertain, and “To her, boy,” say I.
As many devils entertain, and “To her, boy,” say I.
as many devils entertain, and “to her, boy,” say i.
as many devils entertain, and “to her, boy,” say i
The humour rises; it is good. Humour me the angels.
The sense rises; it is good. Humour me the angels.
the sense rises; it is good. humour me the angels.
the sense rises; it is good. humour me the angels.
I have writ me here a letter to her; and here another to Page’s wife,
who even now gave me good eyes too, examined my parts with most
judicious oeillades. Sometimes the beam of her view gilded my foot,
sometimes my portly belly.
A man who laughs at his own jokes is welcome in any company.
A guy who can laugh at himself is good company.
laughing at yourself
thats what matters
Then did the sun on dunghill shine.
Then did the sun on dunghill shine.
then did the sun on dunghill shine.
then did the sun on dunghill shine.
I thank thee for that humour.
I thank you for that sense.
i thank you for that sense.
i thank you for that sense.
Both Pistol and Nym refuse to deliver the love letters on the grounds that serving as a romantic go-between — a pander — is beneath them. This from two men who pick pockets and swindle drunks. Their hierarchy of crime is real to them: theft is soldierly, a man's business; pandering is contemptible. When they then rat Falstaff out to the husbands, it's not loyalty to the women — it's revenge on Falstaff for dismissing them, dressed up as principle. Shakespeare gives them enough self-awareness to be funny and enough consistency to be believable.
O, she did so course o’er my exteriors with such a greedy intention
that the appetite of her eye did seem to scorch me up like a
burning-glass. Here’s another letter to her. She bears the purse too;
she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheaters to
them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East
and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this
letter to Mistress Page;—and thou this to Mistress Ford. We will
thrive, lads, we will thrive.
A man who laughs at his own jokes is welcome in any company.
A guy who can laugh at himself is good company.
laughing at yourself
thats what matters
Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
And by my side wear steel? Then Lucifer take all!
will I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? Then Lucifer take all!
will i sir pandarus of troy become, and by my side wear steel? then lucifer take all!
will i sir pandarus of troy become, and by my side
I will run no base humour. Here, take the humour-letter. I will keep
the ’haviour of reputation.
I will run no base sense. Here, take the sense-letter. I will keep the ’haviour of reputation.
i will run no base sense. here, take the sense-letter. i will keep the ’haviour of reputation.
i will run no base sense. here, take the sense-let
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.—
Rogues, hence, avaunt! Vanish like hailstones, go!
Trudge, plod away o’ th’ hoof, seek shelter, pack!
Falstaff will learn the humour of this age:
French thrift, you rogues—myself and skirted page.
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.— Rogues, hence, avaunt! Vanish like hailstones, go! Trudge, plod away o’ th’ hoof, seek shelter, pack! Falstaff will learn the humour of this age: French thrift, you rogues—myself and skirted page.
sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.— rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go! trudge, plod away o’ th’ hoof, seek shelter, pack! falstaff will learn the humour of this age: french thrift, you rogues—myself and skirted page.
sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.— rogu
I have operations in my head which be humours of revenge.
I have operations in my head which be senses of revenge.
i have operations in my head which be senses of revenge.
i have operations in my head which be senses of re
Wilt thou revenge?
Wilt you revenge?
wilt you revenge?
wilt you revenge?
By welkin and her star!
By welkin and her star!
by welkin and her star!
by welkin and her star!
With wit or steel?
With wit or steel?
with wit or steel?
with wit or steel?
With both the humours, I.
I will discuss the humour of this love to Ford.
With both the senses, I. I will discuss the sense of this love to Ford.
with both the senses, i. i will discuss the sense of this love to ford.
with both the senses, i. i will discuss the sense
And I to Page shall eke unfold
How Falstaff, varlet vile,
His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
And his soft couch defile.
And I to Page will eke unfold How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, And his soft couch defile.
and i to page will eke unfold how falstaff, varlet vile, his dove will prove, his gold will hold, and his soft couch defile.
and i to page will eke unfold how falstaff, varlet
My humour shall not cool. I will incense Ford to deal with poison, I
will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous.
That is my true humour.
My sense will not cool. I will incense Ford to deal with poison, I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous. That is my true sense.
my sense will not cool. i will incense ford to deal with poison, i will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous. that is my true sense.
my sense will not cool. i will incense ford to dea
Thou art the Mars of malcontents. I second thee. Troop on.
you are the Mars of malcontents. I second you. Troop on.
you are the mars of malcontents. i second you. troop on.
you are the mars of malcontents. i second you. t
The Reckoning
This is the scene where the whole plot is born. Falstaff is broke, shameless, and convinced that both married women are secretly in love with him. His logic — that their friendliness equals invitation — is simultaneously ridiculous and, in his worldview, perfectly coherent. The deeper comedy is that Pistol and Nym, who have principles against pandering (they draw the line there, having drawn it nowhere else), become the instruments of his downfall by ratting to the husbands. Falstaff's plan is doomed before the ink is dry.
If this happened today…
A broke influencer, living on borrowed money at a hotel he can no longer afford, decides the solution is to slide into the DMs of two married women he's met once at a party because he interpreted their politeness as attraction. When he tells his entourage and asks them to deliver the messages, they refuse on the grounds that they have standards. They then immediately text the husbands.