When a man’s servant shall play the cur with him, look you, it goes
hard: one that I brought up of a puppy; one that I saved from drowning
when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it. I have
taught him even as one would say precisely, “Thus I would teach a dog.”
I was sent to deliver him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my
master; and I came no sooner into the dining-chamber but he steps me to
her trencher and steals her capon’s leg. O, ’tis a foul thing when a
cur cannot keep himself in all companies! I would have, as one should
say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a
dog at all things. If I had not had more wit than he, to take a fault
upon me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged for’t; sure as I
live, he had suffered for’t. You shall judge. He thrusts me himself
into the company of three or four gentleman-like dogs under the Duke’s
table; he had not been there—bless the mark!—a pissing-while but all
the chamber smelt him. “Out with the dog!” says one; “What cur is
that?” says another; “Whip him out”, says the third; “Hang him up”,
says the Duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it
was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs. “Friend,”
quoth I, “you mean to whip the dog?” “Ay, marry do I,” quoth he. “You do
him the more wrong,” quoth I. “’Twas I did the thing you wot of.” He
makes me no more ado but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters
would do this for his servant? Nay, I’ll be sworn I have sat in the
stock for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed. I
have stood on the pillory for geese he hath killed, otherwise he had
suffered for’t. [_To Crab_.] Thou think’st not of this now. Nay, I
remember the trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam Silvia.
Did not I bid thee still mark me, and do as I do? When didst thou see
me heave up my leg and make water against a gentlewoman’s farthingale?
Didst thou ever see me do such a trick?
When a man's servant has a dog who won't behave, listen, it's rough—one I raised from a puppy, one I saved from drowning when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters drowned. I trained him exactly as you'd train any dog. I was sent to deliver him as a gift to Mistress Silvia from my master, and I hadn't even stepped into the dining room before he goes straight to her plate and steals a piece of chicken. It's shameful when a dog can't behave himself in polite company! I would expect a dog to be, you know, a real dog about these things. If I hadn't been smart enough to take the blame for what he did, I truly think he would have been hanged; he definitely would have been punished. You'll see. He gets himself into the company of three or four gentleman-like dogs under the Duke's table; he hasn't been there for barely a moment before the whole room smells him. Someone says "Get that dog out!", another says "What kind of dog is that?", a third says "Whip him out", and the Duke says "Hang him up". I, being familiar with the smell beforehand, knew it was Crab, and I go to the fellow who whips the dogs. "Friend," I say, "you mean to whip the dog?" "Yes, I do," he says. "You'd be wrong," I say. "It was me who did that thing you know of." He doesn't say another word but whips me out of the room instead. How many masters would do this for their servant? I've sat in the stocks as punishment for puddings he stole; otherwise he'd have been executed. I've stood in the pillory for geese he killed; otherwise he'd have suffered for it. And another time, remember when I left Mistress Silvia's house? Didn't I tell you to watch me and do as I do? When did you ever see me lift my leg and pee on a lady's fancy skirt? Did you ever see me do such a thing?
When a man's dog acts like he has no manners, believe me, it's bad—I raised this one from a puppy, pulled him out of the water when his brothers and sisters were drowning. I trained him exactly like you'd train any dog. I was supposed to give him to Mistress Silvia from my master, and the moment I get into the dining room he steals a piece of chicken right off her plate. It's terrible when a dog can't keep himself decent around people! You'd think a dog would know how to act properly. If I hadn't been smart enough to tell them I did it, the dog would've been hanged, no question. He didn't belong anywhere but the rope. He gets in with some other dogs at the Duke's table and barely a moment passes before the whole place reeks. Everyone's yelling "Get him out!", "What is that thing?", "Whip him out", and the Duke himself says "Hang him!". But I recognize the smell and run to the dog-whipper. "You're about to whip the dog?" I ask. "Yeah, I am," he says. "You'd be wrong to do it," I tell him. "That was me." He doesn't even argue, just whips me out of the room instead. How many bosses would let their servant take a whipping for their dog? I've gone to prison for stolen food because of him; he'd be dead otherwise. I've stood in the pillory as punishment for geese he killed. And don't even get me started about the time I was leaving Mistress Silvia's—didn't I tell you to watch me and copy what I do? Did you ever see me pee on some lady's dress? Did you?
my dog's a nightmare i raised him i saved his life i gave him to silvia he STEALS her chicken he STINKS up the duke's table everyone wanted to kill him i took the blame i got whipped stood in prison for his crimes stood in the pillory for geese he stole and he repays me by peeing on ladies' dresses what kind of loyalty is that?
Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well,
And will employ thee in some service presently.
Sebastian is your name? I like you, and I'll give you some work to do soon.
So you're Sebastian? I like you. I've got some tasks for you to do.
you're sebastian? i like you got work for you
In what you please; I’ll do what I can.
Whatever you want; I'll do my best.
Whatever you need; I'll do my best.
whatever you need i'll do it
I hope thou wilt. [_To Lance_.] How now, you whoreson peasant,
Where have you been these two days loitering?
I hope you will. [To Lance] Well then, you useless peasant, where have you been these two days wasting time?
I hope so. [To Lance] So, you worthless peasant, where have you been the last two days loitering around?
where have you been wasting time for two days?
Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you bade me.
Well, sir, I delivered the dog to Mistress Silvia like you asked me to.
Well, sir, I brought the dog to Mistress Silvia like you wanted.
i gave silvia the dog you asked for
And what says she to my little jewel?
And what does she say about my precious gift?
So what did she say about my gift?
what'd she say about the gift?
Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you currish thanks is
good enough for such a present.
Well, she says your dog is a mongrel, and she gives you thanks the same way you deserve for such a gift.
Well, she says your dog is a mutt, and that you get the same kind of thanks as you deserve for such a gift.
she says your dog's a mutt she thanks you like you deserve
But she received my dog?
But she did accept my dog?
But she did take the dog, right?
she took it though?
No, indeed, did she not. Here have I brought him back again.
No, she definitely did not. I've brought him back here.
No, she didn't. I brought him back.
nope i brought him back
What, didst thou offer her this from me?
What, you offered her this gift from me?
Wait, you actually offered it to her from me?
you offered her the gift from me?
Ay, sir, the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman’s boys in
the market-place, and then I offered her mine own, who is a dog as big
as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater.
Yes, sir, the first squirrel was stolen from me by street kids in the marketplace, so I offered her my own, which is a dog as big as ten of yours, and therefore my gift is greater.
Yes, sir, the other squirrel got stolen from me by those street kids, so I gave her my own instead, and it's a dog that's way bigger than yours, so actually my gift is better.
the squirrel got stolen i gave her my own dog it's way bigger than yours
Go, get thee hence, and find my dog again,
Or ne’er return again into my sight.
Away, I say. Stayest thou to vex me here?
A slave that still an end turns me to shame.
Go, leave here, and find my dog again, or never come back into my sight. Away, I say. Are you still here trying to upset me? You're a servant who constantly brings me shame.
Get out of here and find my dog, or don't bother coming back. Go! Why are you still here annoying me? You just keep embarrassing me.
get out and find my dog or never come back stop embarrassing me
Sebastian, I have entertained thee
Partly that I have need of such a youth
That can with some discretion do my business—
For ’tis no trusting to yond foolish lout—
But chiefly for thy face and thy behaviour,
Which, if my augury deceive me not,
Witness good bringing up, fortune, and truth.
Therefore, know thou, for this I entertain thee.
Go presently, and take this ring with thee,
Deliver it to Madam Silvia.
She loved me well delivered it to me.
I've given you work partly because I need a young man who can handle my business discreetly—I can't trust that foolish servant—but mostly because of your appearance and behavior, which, unless I'm completely wrong, show you've had good upbringing, luck, and honesty. That's why I'm hiring you. Now go right away and take this ring with you. Deliver it to Madam Silvia. She would think well of receiving it from me.
Look, I hired you partly because I need someone smart and trustworthy to run my errands—that other guy's useless—but honestly, it's mostly because you seem like good people. Your looks and how you carry yourself tell me you've had a decent life and you're honest. So that's the real reason you're here. I need you to do something for me right now: take this ring to Silvia. She'd appreciate getting it from me.
hired u cuz u seem solid - smarter & more trustworthy than that fool i need u to take this ring to silvia asap if she gets it from me maybe she'll finally see my worth
It seems you loved not her, to leave her token.
She’s dead belike?
It seems you didn't love her, since you left without giving her a gift. Is she dead, perhaps?
Sounds like you don't really love her if you left without giving her something to remember you by. Is she dead?
you don't love her if you left her with nothing she's dead?
Not so; I think she lives.
No, that's not the case; I think she's still alive.
No, I think she's still alive.
no she's alive
Alas!
Alas!
alas!
alas!
Why dost thou cry “Alas”?
Why are you crying out in sadness?
Why are you so upset about it?
why are you sad?
I cannot choose
But pity her.
I can't help but feel sorry for her.
I can't help but feel bad for her.
i can't help but pity her
Wherefore shouldst thou pity her?
Why should you feel sorry for her?
Why should you care about her?
why pity her?
Because methinks that she loved you as well
As you do love your lady Silvia.
She dreams on him that has forgot her love;
You dote on her that cares not for your love.
’Tis pity love should be so contrary;
And thinking on it makes me cry “Alas.”
Because I think she loved you just as much as you love Silvia. She thinks about you while you've forgotten her love; you're infatuated with her while she doesn't care for your love. It's sad that love should work so backwards; thinking about it makes me cry out in sadness.
Because I think she loved you just as much as you love Silvia. She dreams about you and you've forgotten her, but you're obsessed with Silvia who doesn't care about you. It's just so sad that love is so backwards. That's why I'm upset.
she loved you like you love silvia she dreams of you you forgot her you want silvia silvia doesn't want you love is backwards
Well, give her that ring, and therewithal
This letter. That’s her chamber. Tell my lady
I claim the promise for her heavenly picture.
Your message done, hie home unto my chamber,
Where thou shalt find me sad and solitary.
Well, give her that ring, and along with it this letter. That's her room there. Tell my lady I'm claiming what she promised me—her beautiful picture. When you've delivered your message, hurry back to my room, where you'll find me sad and alone.
Okay, give her this ring and the letter. That's her room over there. Tell her I'm expecting the picture she promised me. When you're done, come back to my room where I'll be alone and miserable.
give her the ring and letter that's her room tell her i want her picture come back when you're done i'll be alone and sad
How many women would do such a message?
Alas, poor Proteus, thou hast entertained
A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs.
Alas, poor fool, why do I pity him
That with his very heart despiseth me?
Because he loves her, he despiseth me;
Because I love him, I must pity him.
This ring I gave him when he parted from me,
To bind him to remember my good will;
And now am I, unhappy messenger,
To plead for that which I would not obtain,
To carry that which I would have refused,
To praise his faith, which I would have dispraised.
I am my master’s true confirmed love,
But cannot be true servant to my master
Unless I prove false traitor to myself.
Yet will I woo for him, but yet so coldly
As, heaven it knows, I would not have him speed.
How many women would carry out such a task? Poor Proteus, you've hired a snake to guard your sheep. Poor fool, why do I feel sorry for him when he hates me from his very heart? Because he loves her, he despises me; because I love him, I must pity him. This ring I gave him when he left me, to make him remember how much I cared for him; and now I'm the unhappy messenger, sent to ask for what I would never ask for myself, to carry what I would have refused for myself, to praise his faithfulness when I would have criticized it. I'm truly in love with my master, but I can't be a faithful servant to him unless I betray myself. Still, I'll help him pursue her, but so half-heartedly that, as heaven knows, I would rather he fails.
Who else would be stupid enough to do this? Proteus, you've literally hired a snake to guard your sheep. Why do I feel bad for him when he hates me so much? He loves Silvia, so he hates me, but because I love him, I have to pity him. I gave him this ring when he left to remind him I loved him, and now I'm carrying his love message to someone else, defending his loyalty when I should be attacking it. I really am in love with him, but I can't be a good servant to him without betraying myself. So I'll help him pursue her, but I'll do it badly—I'd rather he fails.
who would do this? he hired a snake to guard sheep he hates me but i love him so i pity him i gave him this ring now i'm begging for him i love him but i hope he fails
Gentlewoman, good day. I pray you be my mean
To bring me where to speak with Madam Silvia.
Hello, good lady. Please help me meet with Madam Silvia so I can speak with her.
Hi there. Would you mind helping me out? I need to talk to Silvia—could you introduce me or bring me to her?
hey - can u help me meet with silvia? i need to talk to her
What would you with her, if that I be she?
What do you want with her, if I am indeed her?
What do you want with her if I'm the one you're looking for?
what do you want?
If you be she, I do entreat your patience
To hear me speak the message I am sent on.
If you are her, I ask you to be patient and listen to the message I've been sent to deliver.
If you're her, please listen to what I've been sent to tell you.
if you're silvia listen to my message
From whom?
From whom?
from whom?
from whom?
From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.
It comes from my master, Sir Proteus, my lady.
From my master, Sir Proteus, ma'am.
from sir proteus
O, he sends you for a picture?
Oh, he sent you here to get my picture?
So your master is trying to get me to hand over my portrait?
he wants my picture?
Ay, madam.
Yes, madam.
Yes, ma'am.
yes
Ursula, bring my picture there.
Ursula, bring my picture here.
Ursula, get my portrait for me.
ursula get my picture
Go, give your master this. Tell him from me,
One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget,
Would better fit his chamber than this shadow.
Take this to your master. Tell him from me that Julia—the woman whose love he's abandoned—would suit his room far better than this picture of me.
Give this to him. And tell him I said he should think about Julia instead. The real woman he's throwing away would be much better company than a painting of me.
tell ur master the real julia would b way better for him than my picture he's losing a good thing
Madam, please you peruse this letter.
My lady, please read this letter.
Ma'am, could you read this letter?
read this letter please
Pardon me, madam, I have unadvised
Delivered you a paper that I should not.
This is the letter to your ladyship.
Forgive me, madam—I carelessly gave you a paper I shouldn't have. This is the actual letter meant for you.
I'm sorry, I made a mistake. I accidentally gave you the wrong letter. This is the one that's actually for you.
my bad - i gave u the wrong letter this one's for u
I pray thee, let me look on that again.
Please, let me look at that again.
Let me see that again, please.
let me see it again
It may not be. Good madam, pardon me.
I can't do that. Forgive me, madam.
I can't. I'm sorry, ma'am.
i can't sorry
There, hold.
I will not look upon your master’s lines.
I know they are stuffed with protestations
And full of new-found oaths, which he will break
As easily as I do tear his paper.
There, take it back. I won't read your master's words. I know they're filled with declarations of love and brand-new promises, which he'll break just as easily as I'm tearing up his letter.
Here, keep it. I'm not reading what your master wrote. I know it's full of false promises and new vows that he'll break just as easily as I'm ripping up this paper.
i'm not reading his letter it's lies and broken promises he'll break them anyway
Madam, he sends your ladyship this ring.
My lady, he sends you this ring.
Ma'am, he's sending you this ring.
a gift for you from him
The more shame for him that he sends it me;
For I have heard him say a thousand times
His Julia gave it him at his departure.
Though his false finger have profaned the ring,
Mine shall not do his Julia so much wrong.
It's shameful that he sends it to me; because I've heard him say countless times that Julia gave it to him when they parted. Even though his unfaithful hand has cheapened the ring, I won't treat Julia so badly by keeping it.
It's terrible that he's sending me this. I've heard him say so many times that Julia gave him this ring when they broke up. Even though he's already betrayed the ring by being unfaithful, I won't hurt Julia by accepting it.
julia gave him this ring i won't hurt her by keeping it
She thanks you.
She thanks you.
she thanks you.
she thanks you.
What sayst thou?
What are you saying?
What did you say?
what?
I thank you, madam, that you tender her.
Poor gentlewoman, my master wrongs her much.
I thank you, madam, for your concern for her. Poor woman, my master has wronged her greatly.
Thank you for caring about her, ma'am. Poor woman, my master has really treated her badly.
thanks for caring about her my master hurt her
Dost thou know her?
Do you know her?
Have you met her before?
you know her?
Almost as well as I do know myself.
To think upon her woes, I do protest
That I have wept a hundred several times.
Almost as well as I know myself. Just thinking about her pain, I can tell you I've cried about it hundreds of times.
Almost as well as I know myself. Just thinking about what she's going through, I swear I've cried so many times.
like i know myself i cry thinking about her hundreds of times
Belike she thinks that Proteus hath forsook her?
Do you think she believes that Proteus has abandoned her?
Does she think Proteus has abandoned her?
she thinks he abandoned her?
I think she doth, and that’s her cause of sorrow.
I think she does, and that's why she's so sad.
Yeah, I think she does, and that's why she's so miserable.
yeah that's why she's sad
Is she not passing fair?
Is she not extremely beautiful?
Isn't she really beautiful?
she's pretty right?
She hath been fairer, madam, than she is.
When she did think my master loved her well,
She, in my judgement, was as fair as you.
But since she did neglect her looking-glass
And threw her sun-expelling mask away,
The air hath starved the roses in her cheeks
And pinched the lily-tincture of her face,
That now she is become as black as I.
She used to be more beautiful than she is now. When she believed my master loved her well, she was, in my opinion, as beautiful as you are. But since she stopped taking care of herself and stopped protecting her face from the sun, the exposure has drained the color from her cheeks and damaged her complexion, so now her skin has darkened like mine.
She used to be prettier than she is now. When she thought my master really loved her, she was as beautiful as you are. But then she stopped taking care of herself and stopped protecting her skin from the sun, and it's really aged her—her cheeks have lost their color and her skin has gotten dark like mine.
she was prettier before when she thought he loved her but she stopped caring the sun damaged her skin now she looks dark like me
How tall was she?
What was her height?
How tall is she?
how tall?
About my stature; for at Pentecost,
When all our pageants of delight were played,
Our youth got me to play the woman’s part,
And I was trimmed in Madam Julia’s gown,
Which served me as fit, by all men’s judgements,
As if the garment had been made for me;
Therefore I know she is about my height.
And at that time I made her weep agood,
For I did play a lamentable part.
Madam, ’twas Ariadne, passioning
For Theseus’ perjury and unjust flight,
Which I so lively acted with my tears
That my poor mistress, moved therewithal,
Wept bitterly; and would I might be dead
If I in thought felt not her very sorrow.
About my height; at the Pentecost celebration, when all our festival entertainments were performed, we young people had me play a woman's part, and I was dressed in Julia's gown, which fit me perfectly, according to everyone there, as if it had been made for me; therefore I know she's about my height. And at that time I made her cry hard, because I played such a tragic role. My lady, it was Ariadne, expressing her pain about Theseus's broken promises and wrongful abandonment, which I acted so vividly with my tears that my poor mistress, moved by it, wept bitterly; and I would wish myself dead if I haven't felt her sorrow in my own heart.
About my height; at Pentecost, when we had all these performances, I was picked to play a woman's part, and I wore Julia's gown, which fit me perfectly, like it was made for me. So I know she's about as tall as I am. And I made her cry so hard that day because I did this really sad performance. It was about Ariadne, who was heartbroken because Theseus broke his promises and abandoned her. I acted it so well with real tears that Julia was so moved she cried really hard. I swear I felt her pain as if it was my own.
about my height at pentecost i wore her gown fit me perfect i played ariadne heartbroken over a man she cried so hard i felt her pain
She is beholding to thee, gentle youth.
Alas, poor lady, desolate and left!
I weep myself to think upon thy words.
Here, youth, there is my purse. I give thee this
For thy sweet mistress’ sake, because thou lov’st her.
Farewell.
She owes you much, kind youth. Oh, poor lady, lonely and abandoned! I myself am crying as I think about what you've said. Here, young man, take my purse. I'm giving you this for your sweet mistress's sake, because you love her. Goodbye.
You've been so kind to her, young man. Poor lady, all alone and abandoned! I'm crying just thinking about what you said. Here, take my money. I'm giving it to you for your mistress's sake, because you care about her. Goodbye.
you're so kind to her poor lady all alone i'm crying take this money for your mistress bye
And she shall thank you for’t, if e’er you know her.
And she will thank you for that, if you ever meet her.
And she'd thank you for that if she ever got to know you.
she'd thank you if she knew you
A virtuous gentlewoman, mild and beautiful.
I hope my master’s suit will be but cold,
Since she respects my mistress’ love so much.
Alas, how love can trifle with itself!
Here is her picture; let me see. I think
If I had such a tire, this face of mine
Were full as lovely as is this of hers;
And yet the painter flattered her a little,
Unless I flatter with myself too much.
Her hair is auburn, mine is perfect yellow;
If that be all the difference in his love,
I’ll get me such a coloured periwig.
Her eyes are grey as glass, and so are mine.
Ay, but her forehead’s low, and mine’s as high.
What should it be that he respects in her
But I can make respective in myself,
If this fond Love were not a blinded god?
Come, shadow, come, and take this shadow up,
For ’tis thy rival. O thou senseless form,
Thou shalt be worshipped, kissed, loved, and adored;
And were there sense in his idolatry,
My substance should be statue in thy stead.
I’ll use thee kindly for thy mistress’ sake,
That used me so; or else, by Jove I vow,
I should have scratched out your unseeing eyes
To make my master out of love with thee.
She's a good, gentle woman and beautiful. I'm hoping my master won't push too hard with her now that she's been so kind about my mistress. But look at this—how love can fool itself! Here's her picture. Let me really look at it. I think if I dressed my hair like hers, my face would be just as lovely as hers is. Though the painter probably flattered her a bit, unless I'm deceiving myself too. Her hair is reddish-brown and mine is bright yellow—if that's all that's different about his love, I could get a wig that color. Her eyes are grey like glass, and so are mine. Well, her forehead is lower than mine. So what does he see in her that I couldn't show him if Love weren't such a blind fool? Come here, picture, you rival of mine. You'll be kissed and worshipped and adored, and if he had any sense in how he idolizes you, my real body should take your place as a statue. I'll treat you nicely for my mistress's sake, because she was nice to me. But if I don't, I swear I'll scratch out those blind eyes to stop him loving you.
She's really nice and beautiful, I'll give her that. I'm glad she was kind about Julia—maybe that'll make him back off. But here's the thing about love: it makes you crazy. Look at this picture of her. Honestly, if I did my hair like hers, I'd look just as good. She's pretty, sure, but the painter definitely made her look better than she is in real life. Her hair's reddish-brown, mine's yellow. If that's the only reason he likes her better, I could just get a wig. We have the same eye color. Yeah, her forehead's different from mine, but still. So what is he seeing that I can't be? If love weren't so blind and stupid, I could compete with this. Picture, you're my rival. You're going to get all the kissing and loving and attention. If he had any sense, I should be the statue instead of you. But you know what? I'll be nice to you anyway, because she was nice to me. Otherwise I swear I'd scratch your eyes out so he'd stop loving you.
ok she's beautiful & kind but like if i got her hair color & style i'd look just as good love makes u stupid blind this picture's gonna get everything i should get so unfair
The Reckoning
In this scene Julia, disguised as a boy, is sent to woo her rival for the man who abandoned her, and it is the emotional heart of the play. Lance's monologue about taking a beating for his dog comes first and shows the kind of loyalty Proteus lacks. Then Julia hears Proteus hand off her own ring and has to plead his case while hoping it fails. Watch the dramatic irony: every time she says 'she,' she means herself. Her invented story about playing Ariadne, the deserted lover, is really her own story. Silvia's decency surprises her. The two women end up allied against Proteus, and Julia's closing speech to the portrait mixes jealousy with dawning self-respect.
If this happened today…
Your ex has moved on, and through a mix of bad luck and stubbornness you end up working as his assistant without him knowing who you are. On your first day he asks you to deliver a gift to his new crush, and it's the watch you bought him. You give it to her. She pushes it back and says she knows who it came from and won't keep it. You go home and zoom in on her Instagram photos, working out what she has that you don't.