Sir, your glove.
Sir, your glove.
sir, your glove.
sir, your glove.
Not mine. My gloves are on.
Not mine. I'm already wearing gloves.
Those aren't mine. I already have gloves on.
nope mine r already on
Why, then, this may be yours, for this is but one.
Well then, this must be yours, since this one is all there is.
So this must be yours then, since you only have one.
so this is yours bc u only got one
Ha? Let me see. Ay, give it me, it’s mine.
Sweet ornament that decks a thing divine!
Ah, Silvia, Silvia!
What? Let me look. Yes, give it to me, it's mine. Sweet decoration that adorns something divine! Oh, Silvia, Silvia!
Wait, let me see. Yeah, give it here, it's mine. What a beautiful thing that makes something divine look even better! Oh, Silvia, Silvia!
wait let me see yep give it oh silvia
[_Calling_.] Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!
[Calling out.] Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!
[Shouting.] Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!
[yelling] madam silvia madam silvia
How now, sirrah?
What's going on?
What's up?
whats good
She is not within hearing, sir.
She is not within earshot, sir.
She's not close enough to hear you, sir.
she cant hear u from here
Why, sir, who bade you call her?
Why, sir, who told you to call her?
Who told you to call her?
who told u to call her
Your worship, sir, or else I mistook.
Your honor, sir, or else I was mistaken.
I was just addressing you formally, or I got it wrong.
was talkin to u or i messed up
Well, you’ll still be too forward.
Well, you'll still be too presumptuous.
You're still too bold for your own good.
ur still being too forward
And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.
And yet I was scolded last time for being too slow.
But last time you yelled at me for being too slow.
but u yelled at me last time 4 being slow
Go to, sir. Tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?
Come now, sir. Tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?
Anyway, tell me: do you know Madam Silvia?
do u know silvia
She that your worship loves?
The one you're in love with?
The one you're crazy about?
the one u love
Why, how know you that I am in love?
Why, how do you know that I'm in love?
How do you know I'm in love?
how u know im in love
Marry, by these special marks: first, you have learned, like Sir
Proteus, to wreathe your arms like a malcontent; to relish a love-song,
like a robin redbreast; to walk alone, like one that had the
pestilence; to sigh, like a schoolboy that had lost his ABC; to weep,
like a young wench that had buried her grandam; to fast, like one that
takes diet; to watch, like one that fears robbing; to speak puling,
like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to crow
like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you
fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was
for want of money. And now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that,
when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.
Well, I can tell by these obvious signs: first, you've learned, like Proteus, to cross your arms like someone who's unhappy; to savor a love song like a robin; to walk alone like someone who has the plague; to sigh like a schoolboy who's lost his basic education; to cry like a young woman who's buried her grandmother; to skip meals like someone on a diet; to stay awake like someone afraid of being robbed; to whine like a beggar at Halloween. You used to laugh and crow like a rooster; when you walked, you'd walk like one of the lions; when you skipped meals, it was right after dinner; when you looked sad, it was because you had no money. And now you're completely changed by a woman, so much that when I look at you, I can hardly believe you're still my master.
I can tell by some obvious signs. Like Proteus, you've learned to sulk and cross your arms; you savor love songs like they're the best thing ever; you walk alone like you're sick; you sigh like a kid who's just realized he doesn't know anything; you cry like a girl who's lost her grandmother; you skip meals like you're on a diet; you stay up at night paranoid about thieves; you complain and whine like a beggar. You used to laugh and act like a rooster, walk like you owned the place, skip meals right after eating, and get sad because you were broke. But now some woman has completely transformed you—I barely recognize you as the same person.
u got all the signs crossed arms all sulky lovesick sighs cry like a baby used to be loud used to walk like ur the boss used to skip meals after eating lol sad bc ur broke but now shes got u completely changed u dont even look like urself anymore
Are all these things perceived in me?
Can people really see all these things in me?
Can everyone really see all that in me?
ppl can c all that in me
They are all perceived without ye.
They are all obvious to everyone outside of you.
Everyone but you can see it.
everyone but u can see it
Without me? They cannot.
Can't see them without me there?
They need my presence to be visible?
they cant c it w/o me tho
Without you? Nay, that’s certain, for without you were so simple, none
else would. But you are so without these follies, that these follies
are within you, and shine through you like the water in an urinal, that
not an eye that sees you but is a physician to comment on your malady.
You misunderstand. That's definite, because without your foolishness nobody else would be foolish. But you're so completely taken over by these follies that they shine right through you like water in a glass—anyone who looks at you becomes a physician diagnosing your sickness.
You got me wrong. That's for sure—if you weren't such an idiot, nobody else would be. But you're so full of this lovesickness that it shows through you like water in a glass, and anyone who sees you thinks they're a doctor analyzing your condition.
u got it wrong if u werent stupid nobody else would be but ur so love sick it shows right thru u everyone c's it and thinks theyre a doctor
But tell me, dost thou know my lady Silvia?
But tell me, do you know my lady Silvia?
But seriously, do you know Silvia?
but do u know silvia
She that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?
The one you stare at so intensely when she's eating dinner?
The one you keep staring at whenever she sits down to eat?
the one u stare at when shes eating
Hast thou observed that? Even she I mean.
Have you noticed that? Yes, she's the one I mean.
You caught that? Yeah, that's the one.
ya thats the one
Why, sir, I know her not.
Sir, I'm not familiar with her.
I have no idea who she is, sir.
i dont know her
Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet know’st her not?
Do you know her by the fact that I gaze at her, and yet claim you don't know her?
You figure out who she is from me staring at her, but then you say you don't know her?
u know whos she from me staring but u say u dont know her lol
Is she not hard-favoured, sir?
Is she not unattractive, sir?
She's not very attractive, is she?
shes not pretty tho right
Not so fair, boy, as well-favoured.
Not as beautiful in looks, boy, as she is in kindness.
She's not as beautiful as she is charming.
shes not as pretty as shes nice
Sir, I know that well enough.
That's not news to me, sir.
Yeah, I already know that.
i know that
What dost thou know?
What do you know?
So what exactly are you saying you know?
what do u know
That she is not so fair as, of you, well-favoured.
That she is not as beautiful as you think she is kind.
That she's not as pretty as you think she's nice.
shes not as pretty as u think shes nice
I mean that her beauty is exquisite but her favour infinite.
I mean that her beauty is extraordinary but her kindness is boundless.
I mean, her looks are amazing but her kindness is infinite.
her beauty is crazy good but her kindness is endless
That’s because the one is painted, and the other out of all count.
That's because one is artificial makeup, and the other is beyond all measure.
That's because one is just makeup and the other is beyond counting.
bc one is makeup the other is beyond counting
How painted? And how out of count?
How artificial? And how beyond measure?
What do you mean by artificial? And how is it beyond measure?
what u mean tho
Silvia's letter scheme is one of the cleverest moments in early Shakespeare. She cannot directly declare her love to a man — social convention forbids it. So she creates a situation where he declares it himself, then returns the declaration to him. It's a form of plausible deniability: if Valentine fails to understand (as he nearly does), she's given nothing away. If he understands, she's communicated perfectly without violating any rule. The scheme also tests him — does he have enough wit and sensitivity to read her meaning? Valentine needs Speed to explain it. He passes the test by a hair. Silvia throughout the play is the character who sees most clearly and speaks most directly — she's the one who calls Proteus out, refuses his advances, and makes her own escape plan. The letter trick is the first glimpse of that.
Marry, sir, so painted to make her fair, that no man counts of her
beauty.
Well, sir, she's so heavily made up to appear beautiful that no man counts her beauty as real.
She wears so much makeup to look pretty that nobody thinks her beauty is real.
she wears so much makeup no one thinks shes actually pretty
How esteem’st thou me? I account of her beauty.
What do you think of me? I do consider her beauty real.
What about me? I think her beauty is real.
but i think shes pretty
You never saw her since she was deformed.
You haven't seen her since she became ugly.
You haven't seen her since she got ugly.
u havent seen her since she got ugly
How long hath she been deformed?
How long has she been ugly?
So how long has she looked like this?
how long shes been ugly
Ever since you loved her.
Ever since you started loving her.
Since you fell in love with her.
since u fell 4 her
I have loved her ever since I saw her, and still I see her beautiful.
I have loved her from the moment I first saw her, and I still see her as beautiful.
I've loved her from the first moment I saw her, and she still looks beautiful to me.
i loved her from the start shes still beautiful 2 me
If you love her, you cannot see her.
When you're in love, you lose your ability to see someone clearly.
If you love her, you can't see her for what she really is.
if u love her u cant c clearly
Why?
Why?
why?
why?
Because Love is blind. O, that you had mine eyes, or your own eyes had
the lights they were wont to have when you chid at Sir Proteus for
going ungartered!
Because love is blind. I wish you had my eyes, or that your own eyes had the brightness they used to have when you criticized Proteus for wearing his stockings loose!
Because love makes you blind. I wish you had my eyes, or that your eyes were as sharp as they used to be when you made fun of Proteus for not wearing garters!
love is blind i wish u could c straight like when u made fun of proteus
What should I see then?
So what exactly would I be looking at?
What would I see then?
what would i c
Your own present folly and her passing deformity; for he, being in
love, could not see to garter his hose; and you, being in love, cannot
see to put on your hose.
Your current foolishness and how obviously ugly she is; because when he was in love, he couldn't even manage to fasten his stockings; and you, being in love, cannot even manage to put on your stockings.
Your stupid behavior right now and how ugly she actually is. When Proteus was in love, he couldn't even manage his socks; now you can't even get your stockings on.
ur being dumb and shes ugly proteus couldnt even do his socks u cant even put urs on
Belike, boy, then you are in love, for last morning you could not see
to wipe my shoes.
Perhaps then, boy, you are in love, because this morning you couldn't see to clean my shoes.
Then I guess you're in love too, because this morning you couldn't even see to clean my shoes.
so ur in love 2 then u couldnt c to clean my shoes this morning
True, sir, I was in love with my bed. I thank you, you swinged me for
my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.
That's true, sir, I was in love with my bed. I thank you, you beat me for my love, which makes me braver enough to scold you for yours.
That's right, sir, I was in love with my bed. Thanks for beating me for that, but it makes me bold enough to give you a hard time about your love.
ya i was in love w my bed thanks 4 beating me but now im brave enough to call u out
In conclusion, I stand affected to her.
In short, I am emotionally affected by her, in love with her.
Bottom line, I'm in love with her.
im in love with her
I would you were set, so your affection would cease.
I wish you were settled in marriage, so your love would end.
I wish you were married so you'd stop being in love.
i wish u were married so u'd stop being lovesick
Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she loves.
Last night she ordered me to write some poems to someone she loves.
Last night she told me to write a love letter for her.
she told me 2 write her a love letter
And have you?
And have you?
and have you?
and have you?
I have.
I have.
i have.
i have.
Are they not lamely writ?
Aren't they poorly written?
They're not well written, are they?
theyre not good right
No, boy, but as well as I can do them.
Peace, here she comes.
No, boy, but as well as I can write them. Be quiet, here she comes.
No, they're as good as I can make them. Shh, here she comes.
theyre the best i can do shh shes here
[_Aside_.] O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet!
Now will he interpret to her.
[Aside.] What an excellent display of movement! What a marvelous performer! Now he will explain this to her.
[Aside.] Oh, what great acting! What a fantastic performance! Now he's going to explain things to her.
[to self] such good acting. such a show. he'll explain it to her
Madam and mistress, a thousand good-morrows.
Madam and lady, I wish you a thousand greetings.
Madam, I wish you a thousand good mornings.
madam good morning
[_Aside_.] O, give ye good e’en! Here’s a million of manners.
[Aside.] Oh, good evening to you! Here is an extraordinary display of courtesy.
[Aside.] Oh, good evening! What an overwhelming show of politeness.
[to self] good evening wow so much politeness
Silvia speaks sparingly but with precision — every sentence does double work. Her letter-return gambit shows she's several steps ahead of everyone in the scene. Watch for how she communicates most when she seems to be saying least.
Sir Valentine and servant, to you two thousand.
Sir Valentine and humble servant, I wish you two thousand greetings in return.
Sir Valentine and your humble servant, I return two thousand greetings to you.
i return double the greetings
[_Aside_.] He should give her interest, and she gives it him.
[Aside.] He should receive her attention and affection, and she is giving it to him.
[Aside.] He should be getting interest from her, and look - she's actually giving it to him.
[to self] he should get interest from her & she gives it
As you enjoined me, I have writ your letter
Unto the secret nameless friend of yours,
Which I was much unwilling to proceed in
But for my duty to your ladyship.
As you ordered me, I have written your letter to your secret nameless friend, which I was very reluctant to do but because of my duty to you, madam.
As you asked, I wrote your letter to your secret friend, which I really didn't want to do, but I had to because you're my lady.
i wrote ur letter to ur secret friend i didnt want to but its my job
I thank you, gentle servant, ’tis very clerkly done.
I thank you, kind servant, it is very skillfully written.
Thank you, kind servant, it's very well written.
thanks its really well done
Now trust me, madam, it came hardly off,
For, being ignorant to whom it goes,
I writ at random, very doubtfully.
Believe me, madam, it was difficult to write, because, not knowing who it's for, I wrote somewhat blindly, very uncertainly.
Honestly, madam, it was hard to write, because I didn't know who it was for, so I was just guessing the whole time.
it was hard 2 write i didnt know who it was 4 so i was just guessing
Perchance you think too much of so much pains?
Perhaps you think I have taken too much trouble?
Maybe you think I've made too big a fuss?
u think i did 2 much
No, madam; so it stead you, I will write,
Please you command, a thousand times as much.
And yet—
No, madam; as long as it serves you, I will write, if you command, a thousand times as much. And yet—
No, madam, as long as it helps you, I'll write a thousand more if you ask. And yet—
i'll write a thousand more if u want and yet—
A pretty period. Well, I guess the sequel;
And yet I will not name it. And yet I care not.
And yet take this again.
A nice ending to that sentence. Well, I can guess what comes next; and yet I won't say it. And yet I don't even care. And yet take this back.
That's a nice stopping point. I can guess where this is going, but I'm not going to say it. And honestly I don't even care. But take the letter back.
i know where this is going but i dont care take it back
Silvia calls Valentine 'servant' and he calls her 'mistress' — these aren't accidental. They're the technical vocabulary of the medieval and Renaissance courtly love tradition: the lady is the mistress (ruler), the lover her servant (vassal). It's a quasi-feudal model of romantic devotion, where the man pledges himself as a kind of knight to a noble lady. Valentine takes the role so completely that the word 'servant' becomes his title in this play. The joke is that being a 'servant' in this sense — available, devoted, obedient — puts him in exactly the right position for Silvia's trick. He serves her so thoroughly he writes his own love letter. The courtly love tradition is charming and also slightly absurd, and Shakespeare keeps it at arm's length by letting Speed comment on it from outside.
And yet I thank you,
Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.
And yet I thank you, meaning from now on I won't trouble you with this request anymore.
But thank you anyway—I won't bother you with this again.
thanks but i wont ask u to do this again
[_Aside_.] And yet you will; and yet another “yet”.
[Aside.] And yet you will do it; and yet another 'and yet' to come.
[Aside.] Oh yes you will; and here comes another 'and yet.'
[to self] oh you'll do it. another yet
What means your ladyship? Do you not like it?
What do you mean, madam? Don't you like it?
What are you saying? Are you unhappy with it?
what do u mean u dont like it
Yes, yes, the lines are very quaintly writ,
But, since unwillingly, take them again.
Nay, take them.
Yes, yes, the lines are very nicely written, but, since you were unwilling, take them back. No, really, take them.
Yeah, the writing is really nice, but since you didn't want to write them, take them back. No, seriously, take them.
yeah theyre nice but since u didnt want to take them back no seriously take them
Madam, they are for you.
Madam, I wrote them for you.
Madam, they're yours.
theyre 4 u
Ay, ay, you writ them, sir, at my request,
But I will none of them. They are for you.
I would have had them writ more movingly.
Yes, yes, you wrote them at my request, but I don't want them. They're for you. I would have wanted them written more emotionally.
Yes, you wrote them because I asked, but I don't want them. They're yours. I wish they'd been written with more feeling.
u wrote them bc i asked but i dont want them i wish they had more feeling
Please you, I’ll write your ladyship another.
If it pleases you, I will write another one for you.
I'll write you another one if you'd like.
ill write u another
And when it’s writ, for my sake read it over,
And if it please you, so; if not, why, so.
And when it's written, please read it over for me, and if it pleases you, fine; if not, that's also fine.
And when you're done, read it over for me, and if you like it, great; if not, no big deal.
read it when ur done if u like it cool if not thats ok 2
If it please me, madam? What then?
If it pleases me, madam? What then?
What do you mean if it pleases me?
what if i like it
Why, if it please you, take it for your labour.
And so good morrow, servant.
Why, if it pleases you, take it as payment for your work. And so farewell, servant.
If you like it, consider it payment for your trouble. Well, goodbye, servant.
if u like it take it as payment goodbye
[_Aside_.] O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible,
As a nose on a man’s face, or a weathercock on a steeple!
My master sues to her, and she hath taught her suitor,
He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
O excellent device! Was there ever heard a better?
That my master, being scribe, to himself should write the letter?
[Aside.] Oh, what a clever trick - obvious yet hidden, plain as a nose on a man's face, or a weathervane on a steeple! My master courts her, and she has made her suitor - he her student - become her teacher. Oh, what an excellent device! Has anything more brilliant ever been heard of? That my master, acting as her writer, should end up writing a love letter to himself?
[Aside.] Oh, that's so clever - you can't see it even though it's obvious, like a nose on someone's face or a weathervane on a steeple! My master is trying to win her over, and she's gotten him - her student - to become her teacher. That's brilliant! Has anyone ever heard of anything better? That my master, writing as her secretary, ends up writing a love letter to himself?
[to self] brilliant trick obvious as a nose. my master courts her & she made him her teacher. genius. he writes love letter to himself
How now, sir? What are you reasoning with yourself?
What's this, sir? What are you thinking about by yourself?
What are you doing? Why are you talking to yourself?
what u doing why u talking to urself
Nay, I was rhyming. ’Tis you that have the reason.
No, I was making rhymes. You're the one who's supposed to have sense.
I wasn't thinking, I was making rhymes. You're the one who should have sense.
i was rhyming u should be the smart one
To do what?
To do what?
to do what?
to do what?
To be a spokesman from Madam Silvia.
To be a messenger from Madam Silvia.
To be Silvia's messenger.
2 be silvia's messenger
To whom?
To whom?
to whom?
to whom?
To yourself. Why, she woos you by a figure.
To yourself. She's courting you through wordplay.
To yourself. She's basically wooing you through wordplay.
2 urself shes wooing u thru wordplay
What figure?
What figure?
what figure?
what figure?
By a letter, I should say.
Through a letter, I mean to say.
I mean through a letter.
thru a letter
Why, she hath not writ to me.
But she hasn't written to me.
But she hasn't written me anything.
but she didnt write 2 me
What need she, when she hath made you write to yourself? Why, do you
not perceive the jest?
Why would she need to, when she's made you write to yourself? Why don't you understand the joke?
Why would she need to when she got you to write to yourself? Don't you get the joke?
why would she when u wrote 2 urself u dont get the joke
No, believe me.
No, believe me.
no, believe me.
no, believe me.
No believing you indeed, sir. But did you perceive her earnest?
I truly can't believe you, sir. But did you notice she was serious?
I really don't believe you, sir. But did you catch how serious she was being?
i dont believe u but did u c shes serious
She gave me none, except an angry word.
She gave me nothing, except angry words.
She didn't give me anything, just angry words.
she didnt give me anything just anger
Why, she hath given you a letter.
Well, she gave you a letter.
But she gave you a letter.
but she gave u a letter
That’s the letter I writ to her friend.
That's the letter I wrote for her supposed friend.
That's the letter I wrote for her so-called friend.
thats the letter i wrote 4 her friend
And that letter hath she delivered, and there an end.
And she delivered that letter back to you, and that's the end of it.
And she gave that letter back to you, and that's all there is to it.
she gave it back 2 u thats it
I would it were no worse.
I wish it were no more serious than that.
I wish that were the only problem.
i wish thats all
I’ll warrant you, ’tis as well.
For often have you writ to her, and she, in modesty
Or else for want of idle time, could not again reply,
Or fearing else some messenger that might her mind discover,
Herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover.
All this I speak in print, for in print I found it. Why muse you, sir?
’Tis dinner time.
I assure you, it's just as well. Because you've written to her many times, and she, out of modesty or because she has no free time, couldn't write back, or fearing that some messenger might reveal her feelings, has taught the person she loves to write to the person who loves her. I'm telling you facts here, because I found it in print. Why are you brooding, sir? It's dinner time.
Trust me, it's fine. You've written to her a lot, and she couldn't write back because she's too modest or too busy, or she's worried a messenger might give her away. So instead she got you to write a letter to yourself! I'm speaking facts here—I read it somewhere. Why are you so down, sir? It's time to eat.
trust me its fine u wrote 2 her a lot shes 2 shy or busy or worried someone finds out so she got u 2 write 2 urself i read this somewhere why u sad lets eat
I have dined.
I have dined.
i have dined.
i have dined.
Ay, but hearken, sir, though the chameleon Love can feed on the air, I
am one that am nourished by my victuals, and would fain have meat. O,
be not like your mistress! Be moved, be moved.
Yes, but listen, sir. Although love can survive on just air like a chameleon, I'm someone who needs actual food to survive, and I'd very much like to eat. Come on, don't act like your mistress! Move along, move along.
Yeah, but listen, sir. Love might be able to live on thin air like a chameleon, but I need real food, and I'm starving. Come on, don't be like Silvia! Let's go, let's go.
look love lives on air but i need actual food im hungry dont be like ur mistress lets go lets go
The Reckoning
This scene is a perfect comedy of self-blindness: Valentine cannot see what every other person in the scene sees instantly. Speed's extended mockery of the lovestruck symptoms is funnier for being precisely the list Valentine himself recited in 1-1 as proofs of Proteus's foolishness. The Silvia trick — getting your admirer to write himself a love letter — is elegant and funny. Valentine is the last to understand it. The audience is left delighted by Silvia's intelligence and amused by Valentine's total eclipse.
If this happened today…
Your friend messages you from his new city job saying he's definitely not into anyone. Then you call and he accidentally describes his co-worker's glove for two minutes. His roommate reads you the list of symptoms: checking his phone constantly, skipping the gym, crying at Spotify playlists. Your friend insists nothing's happening. The co-worker has apparently asked him to proofread a message to 'a friend' — and the roommate has already figured out it was a message to himself.