Ajax communicates mainly through repetition and physical force — when he has no comeback, he hits. Watch for how he condemns in Achilles the exact qualities he embodies himself.
Thersites!
Thersites!
thersites!
thersites!
Thersites speaks in coarse, inventive abuse — his insults are always specific and always true. Watch for how he simultaneously mocks everyone present and speaks the play's most accurate observations about the war's absurdity.
Agamemnon—how if he had boils, full, all over, generally?
Agamemnon—what if he had boils covering his body everywhere, completely?
Agamemnon—imagine if he was covered head to toe in boils, like full-on everywhere?
what if agamemnon was just covered in boils everywhere?
Thersites!
Thersites!
thersites!
thersites!
And those boils did run—say so. Did not the general run then? Were not
that a botchy core?
And if those boils started running—suppose they did. Wouldn't the general run away too then? Wouldn't that make him a diseased mess?
And if those boils started oozing out—let's say they did—wouldn't Agamemnon run away too? Wouldn't that just be gross?
if his boils started leaking, wouldn't he run? disgusting.
Dog!
Dog!
dog!
dog!
Then there would come some matter from him;
I see none now.
Then he would show some intelligence; but I see nothing from him now.
Then something would actually come out of him—some real thoughts or substance. But I don't see any now.
then he'd have something to say. he's got nothing.
Thou bitch-wolf’s son, canst thou not hear? Feel, then.
You bastard, can't you hear me? Feel this, then.
You son of a bitch, can't you hear? Here, feel this.
can't hear? try this.
The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord!
May the plague of Greece strike you down, you mixed-breed, dumb-witted fool!
May plague hit you, you halfbreed idiot!
plague on you, you dumb mutt
Speak, then, thou unsalted leaven, speak. I will beat thee into
handsomeness.
Speak then, you thick, stupid person; speak. I will beat you until you're handsome.
Talk then, you dumb oaf. I'll beat you until you look decent.
talk! i'll beat you into looking good.
I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness; but I think thy horse
will sooner con an oration than thou learn a prayer without book. Thou
canst strike, canst thou? A red murrain o’ thy jade’s tricks!
I would sooner insult you into being witty and holy; but I think your horse will sooner recite an oration than you will learn a prayer from memory. You can strike, can you? A curse on your horse's tricks!
I'd rather insult you into being smart and good; but honestly, your horse would memorize a speech before you could learn a prayer by heart. So you like to hit? Curse your horse's stupid moves!
i'd insult you smart before your horse learns speeches. you just hit things. your horse is worthless.
Toadstool, learn me the proclamation.
Fool, teach me the proclamation.
Idiot, teach me what the proclamation says.
tell me what the proclamation is
Dost thou think I have no sense, thou strikest me thus?
Do you think I have no sense, hitting me like this?
Do you think I feel nothing when you hit me like that?
you think i don't feel that?
The proclamation!
The proclamation!
the proclamation!
the proclamation!
Thou art proclaim’d fool, I think.
You are announced as a fool, I believe.
You've been declared a fool, in my opinion.
you're announced as a fool
Do not, porpentine, do not; my fingers itch.
Don't, porcupine, don't; my fingers are itching.
Don't do this, porcupine. My hands are itching to hit you.
don't. my fists are itching.
I would thou didst itch from head to foot and I had the scratching of
thee; I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece. When thou art
forth in the incursions, thou strikest as slow as another.
I wish you itched from head to foot and I had the scratching of you; I would make you the most loathsome scab in Greece. When you are out in the raids, you strike as slowly as anyone else.
If only you itched everywhere and I could scratch you—I'd turn you into the grossest sore in all of Greece. And in battle? You hit as slow as anybody else.
wish you itched so i could scratch you raw. in battle you're slow anyway.
I say, the proclamation.
I say, tell me the proclamation.
Come on, just tell me what the proclamation says.
just tell me the proclamation
Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles; and thou art as full
of envy at his greatness as Cerberus is at Proserpina’s beauty—ay, that
thou bark’st at him.
You complain and rant about Achilles every hour; and you are as full of jealousy at his greatness as Cerberus is at Proserpina's beauty—in fact, you bark at him.
You're always whining and ranting about how great Achilles is—you're eaten up with jealousy. You're like a guard dog that barks at every pretty thing Achilles does.
you complain about achilles nonstop. you're jealous. you bark at him like a dog.
Mistress Thersites!
Mistress Thersites!
mistress thersites!
mistress thersites!
Thou shouldst strike him.
You should strike him.
You should hit him.
hit him
Cobloaf!
Cobloaf!
cobloaf!
cobloaf!
He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor breaks a
biscuit.
He would punch you into pieces with his fist, like a sailor breaks a biscuit.
He'd beat you to pieces with his fist, like crushing a hard biscuit.
he'd smash you to bits with his fist
You whoreson cur!
You whoreson cur!
you whoreson cur!
you whoreson cur!
Do, do.
Do, do.
do, do.
do, do.
Thou stool for a witch!
You stool used by a witch!
You're just a thing witches would use!
you're a witch's tool
Thersites is the play's most important minor character. He functions like a Shakespearean fool — commenting on the action, puncturing pretension, telling the truth nobody else will — but he has no license. He's not protected by a court role. Ajax can hit him and does. His abuse is both the most honest and the most powerless speech in the play. His central observation — that the whole war is fought over 'a whore and a cuckold' — is accurate. His claim that Ulysses and Nestor are using Ajax and Achilles as draft oxen is accurate. And yet nothing he says changes anything. The truth-teller without institutional protection is just a man getting beaten. Watch for how his presence in a scene always signals that the scene's official meaning is probably wrong.
Ay, do, do; thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I
have in mine elbows; an asinico may tutor thee. You scurvy valiant ass!
Thou art here but to thrash Trojans, and thou art bought and sold among
those of any wit like a barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will
begin at thy heel and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no
bowels, thou!
Yes, do, do; you stupid, dull lord! You have no more brain than I have in my elbows; a donkey could teach you. You pathetic warrior! You are here only to fight Trojans, and you are traded around like a slave among people with any intelligence. If you keep beating me, I will start at your heel and describe exactly what you are inch by inch—you worthless thing, you!
Go ahead, go ahead; you thick-headed moron! You've got less brains than I have in my elbows—a donkey could tutor you. You're a pathetic fighter! You're just here to bash Trojans, and they trade you around like a slave because you're stupid. You beat me again and I'll start from your feet and tell everyone what you are piece by piece—you worthless nothing!
you got no brains. a donkey could teach you. you're here just to fight. they trade you like trash. you're worthless.
You dog!
You dog!
you dog!
you dog!
You scurvy lord!
You scurvy lord!
you scurvy lord!
you scurvy lord!
You cur!
You cur!
you cur!
you cur!
Mars his idiot! Do, rudeness; do, camel; do, do.
Mars' idiot! Go ahead with your rudeness; go ahead, you dumb beast; go ahead, go ahead.
You're War's own idiot! Go ahead with your brutality; keep it up, you stupid oaf; go on.
you're just a dumb brute. keep it up.
Achilles is indolent, amused, and accustomed to everyone coming to him. Watch for how he treats Thersites as entertainment while genuinely enjoying the mockery of everyone else.
Why, how now, Ajax! Wherefore do ye thus?
How now, Thersites! What’s the matter, man?
Why, hello there, Ajax! Why are you two doing this? Hello, Thersites! What's the trouble, man?
Hey, Ajax! What's going on here? Thersites! What's your problem, man?
ajax, what's happening? thersites, what's wrong?
You see him there, do you?
You see him there, don't you?
You see him standing there, right?
see him?
Ay; what’s the matter?
Yes; what's the matter?
Yeah; what about him?
yeah. so?
Nay, look upon him.
Look closely at him.
Really look at him.
look at him.
So I do. What’s the matter?
So I am. What's the matter?
I am looking. What's the problem?
i'm looking. what?
Nay, but regard him well.
Well, but look at him carefully.
But really look—pay attention.
pay attention to him.
Well! why, so I do.
Well! yes, so I am.
Fine, yes, I'm doing that.
yeah, i'm looking.
But yet you look not well upon him; for whosomever you take him to be,
he is Ajax.
But yet you're not really looking at him properly; because no matter who you think he is, he is Ajax.
But you're still not really seeing him—because whoever you think he is, he's Ajax.
you're not really seeing. whoever he is, it's ajax.
I know that, fool.
I'm aware of that, you fool.
I know that, idiot.
yeah i know that
Ay, but that fool knows not himself.
Yes, but that fool doesn't know himself.
Right, but that fool doesn't even know who he is.
but he doesn't know himself.
Therefore I beat thee.
That's why I beat you.
That's why I hit you.
that's why
Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! His evasions have ears
thus long. I have bobb’d his brain more than he has beat my bones. I
will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the
ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles—Ajax, who wears his wit in
his belly and his guts in his head—I’ll tell you what I say of him.
Look, look, look, look, what tiny bits of wit he speaks! His excuses go on forever. I have hit his brain more than he has beaten my bones. I will buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his brain matter is not worth the ninth part of a sparrow. This lord, Achilles—Ajax, who keeps his wit in his belly and his guts in his head—let me tell you what I think of him.
Listen, listen—all these little things he says! His excuses stretch forever. I've scrambled his brain way more than he's bruised my bones. You can buy nine sparrows for a penny, and his brain is worth less than a single sparrow. This guy, who he thinks he's fighting for Achilles—Ajax, who's got his brains in his gut and his guts in his head—let me tell you what he really is.
tiny bits of wit. his brain's scrambled. his brain's worth less than a sparrow. he's got guts for brains.
What?
What?
what?
what?
I say this Ajax—
Let me tell you what I think about Ajax—
I'm saying this about Ajax—
this ajax—
Nay, good Ajax.
No, good Ajax.
No, Ajax, don't.
no ajax.
Has not so much wit—
Barely possesses a shred of intelligence—
Doesn't have enough wit—
doesn't have the brains—
Nay, I must hold you.
No, I must hold you.
No, I need to stop you here.
i'm stopping you.
As will stop the eye of Helen’s needle, for whom he comes to fight.
As would fill the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he comes to fight.
As would fit through the eye of a needle—the needle of Helen, who he's supposedly fighting for.
as would fit through a needle's eye. he's fighting for helen.
Peace, fool.
Peace, fool.
peace, fool.
peace, fool.
I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not— he there; that
he; look you there.
I would have peace and quiet, but the fool won't give it to me—he's there; that one there; look.
I want peace and quiet, but he won't let me have it—look at him; right there; see?
i want peace. he won't give it. look at him.
Ajax is one of the greatest warriors in Greek mythology — the second-best fighter after Achilles, the man who carried Achilles's body from the battlefield. Shakespeare's Ajax is something between a parody and a tragic figure: vain, stupid, envious, unable to see that he's being managed. The irony of his final question — 'O, meaning you?' (meaning Achilles) — is that he immediately takes away the possibility that the challenge is for him. His entire conversation with Achilles, and his sudden departure 'to learn more,' is exactly the mechanism Ulysses intended. The machine is running.
O thou damned cur! I shall—
O you damned dog! I shall—
Oh you cursed bastard! I'm going to—
you bastard! i'm gonna—
Will you set your wit to a fool’s?
Will you match your intelligence against a fool's?
Are you really going to pit your brains against a fool's?
you're matching wits with a fool?
No, I warrant you, the fool’s will shame it.
No, I promise you, the fool will put his to shame.
No, I swear, the fool will beat you at it.
nah, fool's gonna win.
Patroclus is Achilles's companion and mirror — he tries to maintain decorum Achilles doesn't bother with. Watch for how thin his patience is when Thersites aims at him.
Good words, Thersites.
Good words, Thersites.
good words, thersites.
good words, thersites.
What’s the quarrel?
What’s the quarrel?
what’s the quarrel?
what’s the quarrel?
I bade the vile owl go learn me the tenour of the proclamation, and he
rails upon me.
I asked that vile fool to go learn me what the proclamation says, and he just insults me.
I told that idiot to go find out what the proclamation is, and instead he just insults me.
i asked him to get the proclamation. he just insults me.
I serve thee not.
I don't serve you.
I don't work for you.
nah, not your slave
Well, go to, go to.
Well, go on then, go on.
Fine, whatever, go on.
whatever.
I serve here voluntary.
I'm serving here by choice.
I'm a volunteer here.
i'm volunteering here
Your last service was suff’rance; ’twas not voluntary. No man is beaten
voluntary. Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.
Your last service was just having to endure it; it wasn't voluntary. No man chooses to be beaten. Ajax was here voluntarily, but you were pressed into service.
Your last service was just taking a beating; you didn't volunteer for that. Nobody chooses to get beaten. Ajax came by choice, but you were drafted.
you didn't volunteer last time. nobody chooses beatings. ajax volunteered, you didn't.
E’en so; a great deal of your wit too lies in your sinews, or else
there be liars. Hector shall have a great catch and knock out either of
your brains: a’ were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.
Even so; a lot of your intelligence too lies in your muscles, or else there are liars. Hector will have a great chance and knock out either of your brains: he might as well try to crack an old nut with no kernel.
That's true; all your brains are just muscles, or people are lying. Hector's going to get a great shot and knock sense out of either of you—like trying to crack an empty nut.
yeah. your brains are all muscle or people lie. hector'll smash you. you're empty inside anyway.
What, with me too, Thersites?
Are you insulting me too, Thersites?
Me too, Thersites?
me too?
There’s Ulysses and old Nestor—whose wit was mouldy ere your grandsires
had nails on their toes—yoke you like draught oxen, and make you plough
up the wars.
There's Ulysses and old Nestor—whose wit was decayed before your grandfathers were even born—they yoke you like oxen, and make you plow up the wars.
There's Ulysses and old Nestor—they were already old and losing it when your grandfathers were kids—they harness you up like oxen and make you drag wars around.
ulysses and nestor are ancient. they yoke you up like oxen.
What, what?
What, what?
what, what?
what, what?
Yes, good sooth. To Achilles, to Ajax, to—
Yes, truly. To Achilles, to Ajax, to—
Yes, for real. To Achilles, to Ajax, to—
yep. to achilles, ajax, to—
I shall cut out your tongue.
I will cut out your tongue.
I'm going to cut your tongue out.
i'll cut out your tongue
’Tis no matter; I shall speak as much as thou afterwards.
It doesn't matter; I will speak as much as you afterward.
It won't matter; I'll still talk as much as you after that.
won't matter. i'll still talk.
No more words, Thersites; peace!
No more words, Thersites; be quiet!
Stop talking, Thersites; shut up!
stop talking, thersites
I will hold my peace when Achilles’ brach bids me, shall I?
I will keep silent when Achilles' female servant tells me to, shall I?
I'm supposed to shut up when Achilles' pet tells me to? Really?
i shut up for achilles' girl? nah.
There’s for you, Patroclus.
Here's something for you, Patroclus.
That's for you, Patroclus.
here patroclus
I will see you hang’d like clotpoles ere I come any more to your tents.
I will keep where there is wit stirring, and leave the faction of
fools.
I will see you all hanged like blockheads before I come to your tents again. I will go where real intelligence is, and stay away from this group of fools.
I hope you all get hanged like idiots before I come back to your tents. I'm leaving to find smart people and getting away from you fools.
i'll leave before i come back. going where there's sense. leaving you fools.
A good riddance.
A good riddance.
a good riddance.
a good riddance.
Marry, this, sir, is proclaim’d through all our host,
That Hector, by the fifth hour of the sun,
Will with a trumpet ’twixt our tents and Troy,
Tomorrow morning, call some knight to arms
That hath a stomach; and such a one that dare
Maintain I know not what; ’tis trash. Farewell.
Look, this is announced throughout our camp: that Hector, by the fifth hour of daylight, will with a trumpet between our tents and Troy, tomorrow morning, call some knight to arms who has courage; and such a one who dares to maintain something—I don't know what; it's nonsense. Goodbye.
Listen, this has been announced all through camp: Hector's going to stand between here and Troy tomorrow morning at dawn with a trumpet and call out for some knight brave enough to fight him—someone willing to fight over something, I don't even know what. It's pointless. Goodbye.
hector's calling out tomorrow morning. wants a knight who's brave. something about it. doesn't matter. bye.
Farewell. Who shall answer him?
Goodbye. Who will answer him?
Goodbye. Who's going to take him on?
bye. who's gonna fight him?
I know not; ’tis put to lott’ry, otherwise,
He knew his man.
I don't know; it's decided by lottery; otherwise, he would have known his challenger.
I don't know; they're drawing lots for it; if it was chosen, he'd already have picked someone.
dunno. lottery decides. otherwise he'd know who.
O, meaning you? I will go learn more of it.
Oh, meaning yourself? I will go learn more about it.
Oh, you mean you? I'm going to find out more.
you mean you? gonna find out more.
The Reckoning
This is the play's comic engine at full blast. Thersites is the fool who tells the truth everyone else is too polite to say — and his truth is that the whole war is idiotic, all the generals are stupid, and the only currency anyone respects is violence. Ajax hitting him and calling himself in the right is the play's thesis statement in miniature. The scene ends with Achilles letting slip the lottery — and Ajax, hearing it might not be aimed at him, immediately deciding he must investigate.
If this happened today…
A manager at a failing company keeps hitting an honest intern who points out the company strategy is failing. The CEO drops by, finds the intern hilarious, and lets him explain exactly how everyone in leadership is incompetent. The intern points out that the CEO and the manager are being played by consultants. The intern quits. The manager, now alone with the CEO, learns there's an award coming — and isn't sure if it's for him.