Where the devil should this Romeo be? Came he not home tonight?
Where on earth is this Romeo? Didn't he come home tonight?
So where's Romeo? Didn't he come home last night?
where's romeo?? didnt he come home
Not to his father’s; I spoke with his man.
Not to his father's house; I spoke with his servant.
Not to his father's place. I talked to his servant.
not to his dads house talked to his guy
Why, that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline, torments him so
that he will sure run mad.
That pale, cold-hearted girl Rosaline torments him so much that he'll definitely go mad.
That cold girl Rosaline is torturing him so bad he's gonna lose it.
rosaline's torturing him he'll go crazy
Tybalt, the kinsman to old Capulet, hath sent a letter to his father’s
house.
Tybalt, who is related to old Capulet, has sent a letter to Romeo's father's house.
Tybalt, Capulet's relative, sent a letter to Romeo's father's house.
tybalt sent a letter to romeos dads place
A challenge, on my life.
A challenge, I'll bet my life on it.
A challenge, I'm sure of it.
it's a challenge
Romeo will answer it.
Romeo will respond to it.
Romeo's gonna deal with it.
romeo will
Any man that can write may answer a letter.
Any man who can write can respond to a letter.
Anyone who can write can answer a letter.
anyone can write back to a letter
Nay, he will answer the letter’s master, how he dares, being dared.
No, he will respond to the person who sent the letter, by fighting him since he's been challenged.
No, he'll face the guy who sent the letter, since he's been challenged.
he'll fight the guy who sent it
Alas poor Romeo, he is already dead, stabbed with a white wench’s black
eye; run through the ear with a love song, the very pin of his heart
cleft with the blind bow-boy’s butt-shaft. And is he a man to encounter
Tybalt?
Poor Romeo is as good as dead—wounded by a girl's dark eyes, pierced through the ear by romantic songs, his heart split by Cupid's arrow. Can he really face Tybalt?
Romeo's practically dead already—killed by some girl's eyes, run through by love songs, with his heart torn apart. How's he gonna fight Tybalt?
romeo's dying from a girl his heart's shattered can he fight tybalt??
Why, what is Tybalt?
What do you mean, who is Tybalt?
What do you mean, who's Tybalt?
what about tybalt?
More than Prince of cats. O, he’s the courageous captain of
compliments. He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance,
and proportion. He rests his minim rest, one, two, and the third in
your bosom: the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a duellist;
a gentleman of the very first house, of the first and second cause. Ah,
the immortal passado, the punto reverso, the hay.
He's more than the prince of cats—he's a brave master of politeness. He fights like you sing from sheet music, keeping perfect rhythm, distance, and proportion. He pauses for a beat—one, two, and strikes the third time at your chest: he's a master at cutting silk buttons, a skilled duelist; a gentleman of the highest rank, an expert in dueling codes. The legendary forward thrust, the reverse point, the upward cut!
He's like the king of cats—a fearless dueling perfectionist. He fights like a guy reading sheet music, keeping everything timed and measured. He pauses—one, two, and then stabs on three—he can slice off a silk button, really. He's this super fancy duelist who knows all the moves and codes.
he's obsessed w/ fighting keeps perfect rhythm knows all the fancy moves
The what?
The what?
the what?
the what?
The pox of such antic lisping, affecting phantasies; these new tuners
of accent. By Jesu, a very good blade, a very tall man, a very good
whore. Why, is not this a lamentable thing, grandsire, that we should
be thus afflicted with these strange flies, these fashion-mongers,
these pardon-me’s, who stand so much on the new form that they cannot
sit at ease on the old bench? O their bones, their bones!
A curse on affected pretentious speech patterns and these new accent masters. God, he's a skilled fighter, a tall man, impressive. Why is it so sad, old man, that we're stuck dealing with these odd fashionable types, these fashion-obsessed people who say "pardon me" constantly, who are so obsessed with new styles they can't relax in the old way? Their bones, their bones!
Forget these pretentious guys with their fake accents and affected mannerisms. This Tybalt's a good fighter, tall, impressive. It's pathetic, honestly, that we have to deal with these weird fashion-obsessed show-offs who say "excuse me" constantly, who are so into new styles they can't even sit normally anymore. It's ridiculous.
forget these fake fashion guys they talk weird cant sit normally lol
Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo!
Look, Romeo is arriving!
Oh, here's Romeo!
romeo's here
Without his roe, like a dried herring. O flesh, flesh, how art thou
fishified! Now is he for the numbers that Petrarch flowed in. Laura, to
his lady, was but a kitchen wench,—marry, she had a better love to
berhyme her: Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gypsy; Helen and Hero hildings
and harlots; Thisbe a grey eye or so, but not to the purpose. Signior
Romeo, bonjour! There’s a French salutation to your French slop. You
gave us the counterfeit fairly last night.
Without his roe, like a dried herring fish! Oh flesh, how you've become like a fish! Now he's into the poetic style of Petrarch. His lady was just a kitchen servant—though she had better poets writing about her. Dido a dowdy; Cleopatra a gypsy; Helen and Hero just immoral women; Thisbe with her grey eye, but that's not the point. Sir Romeo, hello! Here's a French greeting for your fancy outfit. You gave us quite the fake performance last night.
He's dried up like a fish. Oh man, you've turned into a fish! Now he's into Petrarch's poetry style. His girl was just a kitchen maid—though she had better poets. Dido boring, Cleopatra a wanderer, Helen and Hero just common girls, Thisbe with those grey eyes. Sir Romeo, hey! French greeting for your fancy outfit. You totally faked it last night.
he's like a dried fish into petrarch poetry now faked it last night
Good morrow to you both. What counterfeit did I give you?
Good day to you both. What fake performance did I give you?
Hey, good morning. What fake thing did I do?
good morning what fake thing?
The slip sir, the slip; can you not conceive?
The slip, sir, the slip; don't you understand? You ditched us.
The slip, man—you ditched us; get it?
you ditched us get it??
Mercutio's rant about 'antic lisping, affecting phantasies' and 'new tuners of accent' isn't random abuse — it's a specific attack on a real Elizabethan cultural phenomenon. In the late 1500s, Italian dueling culture had become fashionable in England, imported through translated fencing manuals and the Italianate affectation of English gentlemen who wanted to seem cosmopolitan. These men adopted Italian fencing terminology (passado, punto reverso, the hay), affected Italian pronunciation, and treated dueling as an art form with precise technical rules. Mercutio despises this for a specific reason: it transforms violence into a performance of style. Tybalt is its perfect product — technically perfect, emotionally hollow. He fights 'as you sing prick-song': from a score, by rote, mechanically. Mercutio fights by instinct, passion, and wit. This difference in philosophy is why their confrontation in 3-1 goes the way it does: Mercutio refuses to take Tybalt's formalism seriously, and that contempt is what gets him under Tybalt's blade.
Pardon, good Mercutio, my business was great, and in such a case as
mine a man may strain courtesy.
Forgive me, good Mercutio; my business was important, and in a situation like mine a man may excuse himself from being polite.
Sorry, Mercutio, I had important stuff to deal with, and when you're in my situation, you get a pass on being polite.
sorry was busy didn't mean to be rude
That’s as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow
in the hams.
That means your situation forces a man to bend at the legs—to curtsy like a woman.
That means your situation makes a man bend his knees—like curtseying.
you're saying love makes you curtsy like a girl lol
Meaning, to curtsy.
Meaning, to curtsy.
meaning, to curtsy.
meaning, to curtsy.
Thou hast most kindly hit it.
You've nailed it perfectly.
You got it exactly right.
exactly
A most courteous exposition.
A very polite explanation.
A very polite way to explain it.
nice explanation
Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.
No, I am the very height of courtesy.
No, I'm the epitome of politeness.
i'm the politest guy around
Pink for flower.
Pink for flower.
pink for flower.
pink for flower.
Right.
Right.
right.
right.
Why, then is my pump well flowered.
Then my shoe must be well decorated with flowers.
Then my shoe must have nice flowers on it.
my shoe has flowers then
Sure wit, follow me this jest now, till thou hast worn out thy pump,
that when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain after the
wearing, solely singular.
Clever wit, keep following this joke until you've worn out your shoe, so that when the sole is worn through, the joke will last longer than the shoe—purely a singular joke.
Okay, smart guy, keep going with this joke until you wear out that decorated shoe, and the joke will outlast the shoe itself—pretty clever.
keep the joke going it's outlasting your shoe
O single-soled jest, solely singular for the singleness!
Oh single-soled joke, alone and unique for its singleness!
Oh what a uniquely single-soled joke!
such a single joke lol
Come between us, good Benvolio; my wits faint.
Come between us, good Benvolio; my wit is failing.
Step between us, Benvolio; I'm losing it.
benvolio help i'm losing it
Swits and spurs, swits and spurs; or I’ll cry a match.
Come on, faster and faster; or I'll declare victory.
Come on, keep going, or I'll say I won.
go faster or i'll win
Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I am done. For thou hast
more of the wild-goose in one of thy wits, than I am sure, I have in my
whole five. Was I with you there for the goose?
No, if your wit goes off on wild pursuits, I give up. You have more wild-goose madness in one of your wits than I have in all five of mine. Did I get you with that joke about the goose?
No way, if you're gonna chase wild geese with your wit, I'm done. You've got more crazy energy in one brain cell than I have in all five. Did I get you with the goose thing?
you're chasing wild geese i'm done did i get you??
Thou wast never with me for anything, when thou wast not there for the
goose.
You were never with me for anything, unless it was for the goose—the joke.
You were never on my side except when you were making the goose joke.
you only get me for goose jokes
I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.
I will bite you by the ear for that joke.
I'm gonna bite your ear for that one.
i'm biting your ear for that lol
Nay, good goose, bite not.
No, good goose, don't bite.
No, come on, don't bite me.
don't bite me goose lol
Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting, it is a most sharp sauce.
Your wit is a bitter-sweet fruit, it's a very sharp sauce.
Your wit is bitter-sweet, real cutting stuff.
your wit is bitter & sharp
And is it not then well served in to a sweet goose?
And doesn't it work well with a sweet goose?
Doesn't that go well with a sweet goose?
pairs well w the goose right
The extended pun-battle between Romeo and Mercutio in the first half of this scene is often cut in performance, treated as filler before the plot resumes. This is a mistake. The wit combat does three things that matter. First, it reestablishes Romeo's true character — he is, by nature, a quick and sociable wit. The Rosaline-moping Romeo was a performance of fashionable melancholy; this Romeo is the real one. Second, it shows Mercutio at his best: the most brilliant mind in the play, genuinely surprised and delighted when Romeo matches him. Mercutio's relationship with Romeo is the play's deepest male friendship, and this scene is its highest expression. Third, and most importantly, the scene exists so that the audience knows exactly what is lost in 3-1. You have to see what Mercutio is — alive, irrepressible, electric — before you see him die. Shakespeare gives us the full picture so the loss is complete.
O here’s a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow to an
ell broad.
Oh here's a wit like chervil—it stretches from one inch narrow to an ell wide.
Oh wow, a wit like chervil—stretches from tiny to huge.
your wit stretches from tiny to huge
I stretch it out for that word broad, which added to the goose, proves
thee far and wide a broad goose.
I extend that interpretation—your word "broad" added to the goose proves you far and wide to be a broad goose.
I'm using that word "broad" to show you're a broad goose—getting around everywhere.
you're a broad goose lmao
Why, is not this better now than groaning for love? Now art thou
sociable, now art thou Romeo; now art thou what thou art, by art as
well as by nature. For this drivelling love is like a great natural,
that runs lolling up and down to hide his bauble in a hole.
Why, isn't this better than moaning about love? Now you're sociable, now you're truly Romeo; now you're what you are, by skill as well as by nature. This slobbering love is like a fool who runs around with his mouth open, hiding his toy in a hole.
Isn't this better than whining about love? Now you're back to being normal Romeo; you're yourself again, both naturally and by effort. This lovesick thing is like some guy running around with his tongue out, hiding his toy.
better than moaning about love you're yourself again this lovesick thing is pathetic
Stop there, stop there.
Hold it right there.
Hold on, hold on.
wait wait wait
Thou desirest me to stop in my tale against the hair.
You're asking me to stop my story against my nature—against what I want to do.
You want me to stop my story when I'm just getting going.
you're making me stop when i don't wanna
Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.
Otherwise you would have made your story much longer.
Otherwise your story would've been way longer.
your story woulda been longer
O, thou art deceived; I would have made it short, for I was come to the
whole depth of my tale, and meant indeed to occupy the argument no
longer.
Oh, you're wrong; I would have made it short, because I had reached the end of my tale and didn't mean to spend more time on this topic anyway.
No, you're wrong; I would've kept it short because I was already done with it anyway and wasn't gonna talk about it more.
nah i was done w it
Here’s goodly gear!
A sail, a sail!
Here's a wonderful sight! A sail, a sail!
What a sight! A sail, a sail!
a sail!
Two, two; a shirt and a smock.
Two, two—a man's shirt and a woman's undergarment.
Two of them—a guy's shirt and a woman's dress.
two people coming a guy & a girl
Peter!
Peter!
peter!
peter!
Anon.
In a moment.
Coming.
coming
My fan, Peter.
My fan, Peter.
my fan, peter.
my fan, peter.
Good Peter, to hide her face; for her fan’s the fairer face.
Good move, hide her face with the fan, because the fan is prettier than her face.
Good move, hide her face with the fan—the fan's prettier anyway.
hide her face the fan looks better lol
God ye good morrow, gentlemen.
God grant you a good morning, gentlemen.
Good morning, gentlemen.
good morning guys
God ye good-den, fair gentlewoman.
God grant you good evening, fair gentlewoman.
Good day to you, fair lady.
good day pretty lady
Is it good-den?
Is it already evening?
Is it already afternoon?
already afternoon huh
’Tis no less, I tell ye; for the bawdy hand of the dial is now upon the
prick of noon.
It is no less, I tell you, because the crude hand of the clock is now pointing at noon.
It is, I'm telling you—the clock hand is pointing right at noon.
yeah it's noon check the clock
Out upon you! What a man are you?
Shame on you! What kind of man are you?
Come on! What's wrong with you?
what kind of guy are you
The Nurse's role in this scene — receiving the wedding details to relay to Juliet — makes her the pivot on which the entire plot turns. Without her, there is no wedding. But what's interesting is the way she conducts herself before agreeing to help: she delivers a serious speech warning Romeo not to lead Juliet into a 'fool's paradise' or 'deal double' with her. This isn't comic relief. The Nurse genuinely loves Juliet, has raised her since infancy, and is measuring Romeo with real care before she becomes his accomplice. She passes the message only after she's satisfied he's serious. This makes her later betrayal — when she advises Juliet to forget Romeo and marry Paris in Act 3 — a more significant failure. She saw Romeo clearly enough to trust him here. What she fails to see is that Juliet has grown past needing the Nurse's protection and judgment. By the time the Nurse withdraws her support, Juliet has already become the play's moral center — and her old guardian is just not able to follow her there.
One, gentlewoman, that God hath made for himself to mar.
Someone whom God has made and then decided to ruin.
Someone God made and then decided to mess up.
just a guy god made to ruin lol
By my troth, it is well said; for himself to mar, quoth a? Gentlemen,
can any of you tell me where I may find the young Romeo?
By my faith, that's well said—to ruin himself, you're saying? Gentlemen, can anyone tell me where I can find young Romeo?
That's well put—to ruin himself, you're saying? Guys, can anyone tell me where to find young Romeo?
where can i find young romeo
I can tell you: but young Romeo will be older when you have found him
than he was when you sought him. I am the youngest of that name, for
fault of a worse.
I can tell you, but Romeo will be older by the time you find him than he was when you looked for him. I'm the youngest person with that name, for lack of a better candidate.
I can tell you, but Romeo'll be older by the time you find him. I'm the youngest Romeo around, for what it's worth.
i'll find him but he's prob older now i'm youngest romeo here
You say well.
You say well.
you say well.
you say well.
Yea, is the worst well? Very well took, i’faith; wisely, wisely.
Yes, did the worst turn out well? Very cleverly said, truly; wisely, wisely.
Did he handle that well? Very clever, really smart.
clever move real smart
If you be he, sir, I desire some confidence with you.
If you're him, sir, I want to have a private conversation with you.
If you're him, I'd like to talk to you privately.
need to talk to you alone
She will endite him to some supper.
She will invite him to supper.
She's inviting him to dinner.
she's asking him to dinner
A bawd, a bawd, a bawd! So ho!
A woman who arranges affairs! So there!
She's gonna set him up! There!
she's gonna hook him up lol
What hast thou found?
What have you found?
What did you find?
what'd you find
No hare, sir; unless a hare, sir, in a lenten pie, that is something
stale and hoar ere it be spent.
No rabbit, sir, unless it's a rabbit in a Lenten pie—something stale and moldy.
No rabbit, unless there's a rabbit in a Lenten pie—something old and moldy.
no rabbit unless an old one in a pie
An old hare hoar,
And an old hare hoar,
Is very good meat in Lent;
But a hare that is hoar
Is too much for a score
When it hoars ere it be spent.
Romeo, will you come to your father’s? We’ll to dinner thither.
An old gray hare, And an old gray hare, Is very good meat in Lent; But a hare that is gray Is too costly for a dozen When it turns gray before it's eaten. Romeo, will you come to your father's house? We'll go to dinner there.
An old gray hare, An old gray hare, Makes good meat for fasting season; But a hare that's gone gray Costs too much for what it's worth Once it's aged and showing its years. Romeo, come on over to your father's place. We're heading there for dinner.
old gray hare makes good lent meat but stale gray hare costs too much romeo let's go to dinner
I will follow you.
I'm going to come after you.
I'm right behind you.
i'll follow
Farewell, ancient lady; farewell, lady, lady, lady.
Goodbye, old lady; goodbye, lady, lady, lady.
Goodbye, old lady; bye, bye, bye.
bye old lady
I pray you, sir, what saucy merchant was this that was so full of his
ropery?
I beg you, sir, what impudent rogue was this who was full of his tricks?
Sir, who was that cheeky guy with all those insults?
who was that rude guy
A gentleman, Nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, and will speak
more in a minute than he will stand to in a month.
A gentleman, Nurse, who loves to hear himself talk, and will say more in a minute than he'll stand behind in a month.
A gentleman, Nurse, who loves the sound of his own voice and says way more than he'll back up later.
a guy who loves talking says stuff he won't back up
And a speak anything against me, I’ll take him down, and a were lustier
than he is, and twenty such Jacks. And if I cannot, I’ll find those
that shall. Scurvy knave! I am none of his flirt-gills; I am none of
his skains-mates.—And thou must stand by too and suffer every knave to
use me at his pleasure!
And if he says anything against me, I'll take him down, even if he were stronger than he is, and twenty like him. And if I can't, I'll find those who can. Dirty scoundrel! I'm not one of his loose girls; I'm not one of his criminal friends. And you must stand by and let every scoundrel treat me as he likes!
If he says anything about me, I'll take him down—even if he were tougher, and twenty more like him. And if I can't, I'll find someone who can. Gross jerk! I'm not one of his girls or his thug friends. And you're just standing there letting every guy treat me like trash!
if he says anything i'll take him down why are you letting them treat me like that
I saw no man use you at his pleasure; if I had, my weapon should
quickly have been out. I warrant you, I dare draw as soon as another
man, if I see occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side.
I saw no man treat you wrongly; if I had, my weapon would have come out quickly. I assure you, I would fight as soon as anyone else if I saw a good reason and the law was on my side.
I didn't see anyone mistreat you; if I had, I would've pulled out my weapon. I'd fight just as fast as anyone if I had a good reason and the law backing me up.
didn't see that would fight if needed if law was on my side
The scene opens with the news of Tybalt's letter — a formal dueling challenge to Romeo — and this information quietly structures everything that follows. Mercutio and Benvolio both assume Romeo will have to deal with it. The comic middle section of the scene (the wit-battle, the Nurse business) plays out in the shadow of this coming confrontation. Romeo, in his wedding happiness, doesn't engage with the challenge at all — he doesn't even mention it. But the audience knows it's waiting. The wedding plan being arranged in the second half of this scene is therefore being laid on top of a time bomb. The Tybalt confrontation can't be avoided; the wedding can't be undisclosed; and these two facts — Romeo is now secretly a Capulet by marriage, Romeo has been challenged by a Capulet to a duel — will collide in 3-1 with fatal results. This scene is the last moment where Romeo could have done something about Tybalt before the wedding. He doesn't. He lets the clock tick.
Now, afore God, I am so vexed that every part about me quivers. Scurvy
knave. Pray you, sir, a word: and as I told you, my young lady bid me
enquire you out; what she bade me say, I will keep to myself. But first
let me tell ye, if ye should lead her in a fool’s paradise, as they
say, it were a very gross kind of behaviour, as they say; for the
gentlewoman is young. And therefore, if you should deal double with
her, truly it were an ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and
very weak dealing.
ROMEO. Nurse, commend me to thy lady and mistress. I protest unto
thee,—
Before God, I'm so upset that I'm shaking all over. Dirty scoundrel! Please, sir, a word: as I told you, my young lady asked me to find you out. What she asked me to say, I'll keep to myself. But first let me tell you, if you lead her into false hope, as they say, it would be very bad behavior; for the girl is young. And if you trick her, it would be a terrible thing to do to any young lady, and very dishonorable.
I'm so mad I'm shaking. That jerk! Sir, listen—my lady asked me to find you. What she wanted me to say is private. But I'm warning you: if you get her hopes up and let her down, that's awful behavior, especially since she's young. If you two-face her, that's a terrible thing to do and really low.
i'm so mad my lady's asking abt u don't fake her out she's young & will get hurt
Good heart, and i’faith I will tell her as much. Lord, Lord, she will
be a joyful woman.
Sure, and truly I will tell her as much. Lord, Lord, she will be a happy woman.
Sure, I'll tell her that. God, she'll be so happy.
she'll be so happy
What wilt thou tell her, Nurse? Thou dost not mark me.
What will you tell her, Nurse? You're not listening to me.
What are you gonna tell her, Nurse? You're not hearing me.
you're not listening to me
I will tell her, sir, that you do protest, which, as I take it, is a
gentlemanlike offer.
I will tell her, sir, that you declare your love, which, as I understand it, is a gentlemanly offer.
I'll tell her you're declaring yourself, which is a nice gentlemanly thing.
i'll tell her you're serious that's gentlemanly
Bid her devise
Some means to come to shrift this afternoon,
And there she shall at Friar Lawrence’ cell
Be shriv’d and married. Here is for thy pains.
Tell her to find a way to come to confession this afternoon, and there at Friar Lawrence's room she'll confess her sins and be married. Here's payment for your trouble.
Tell her to get to confession this afternoon. At Friar Lawrence's place she can confess and get married. Here's some money for your help.
come to confession this afternoon get married at the friar's here's money 4 u
No truly, sir; not a penny.
Absolutely not, sir; not even a penny.
No way, I don't need payment.
not taking money
Go to; I say you shall.
Come on, I'm telling you to take it.
Come on, just take it.
just take it
This afternoon, sir? Well, she shall be there.
This afternoon, sir? Well, she will be there.
This afternoon? Okay, she'll be there.
she's coming
And stay, good Nurse, behind the abbey wall.
Within this hour my man shall be with thee,
And bring thee cords made like a tackled stair,
Which to the high topgallant of my joy
Must be my convoy in the secret night.
Farewell, be trusty, and I’ll quit thy pains;
Farewell; commend me to thy mistress.
And wait, good Nurse, behind the abbey wall. Within this hour my servant will be with you and bring you rope ladders so I can climb to the height of my happiness in the secret night. Goodbye, be trustworthy, and I'll reward your efforts; goodbye, give my regards to your mistress.
And stay behind the abbey wall. Within an hour my servant will bring you rope ladders so I can climb to her tonight. Goodbye, keep this secret, and I'll pay you well for your help. Say hello to your mistress.
wait by the abbey wall my guy brings rope ladder i'm climbing to her tonight hang tight & get paid
Now God in heaven bless thee. Hark you, sir.
Now God in heaven bless you. Listen, sir.
God bless you. Listen, sir.
listen
What say’st thou, my dear Nurse?
What do you say, my dear Nurse?
What is it, Nurse?
what
Is your man secret? Did you ne’er hear say,
Two may keep counsel, putting one away?
Is your servant discreet? Haven't you heard it said that two people can keep a secret only if one is dead?
Can your servant keep his mouth shut? Haven't you heard that two people can only keep a secret if one is dead?
can he keep a secret?? two people can't keep one
I warrant thee my man’s as true as steel.
I assure you my servant is as loyal as steel.
I promise my guy is completely trustworthy.
my guy's loyal af
Well, sir, my mistress is the sweetest lady. Lord, Lord! When ’twas a
little prating thing,—O, there is a nobleman in town, one Paris, that
would fain lay knife aboard; but she, good soul, had as lief see a
toad, a very toad, as see him. I anger her sometimes, and tell her that
Paris is the properer man, but I’ll warrant you, when I say so, she
looks as pale as any clout in the versal world. Doth not rosemary and
Romeo begin both with a letter?
Well, sir, my mistress is the sweetest lady. Lord, Lord! When she was a little chattering thing—oh, there is a nobleman in town, one Paris, who would like to pursue her, but she, good soul, would rather see a toad than see him. I make her angry sometimes and tell her Paris is a better man, but I assure you, when I say so, she turns as pale as any cloth in the whole world. Don't rosemary and Romeo start with the same letter?
Well, sir, my mistress is so sweet. When she was little and talking a lot—there's this guy Paris in town who wants her, but she'd rather see a toad. I mess with her and say Paris is better-looking, but she goes pale as a ghost. Doesn't rosemary and Romeo start with the same letter?
she's sweet af paris wants her but she hates him romeo & rosemary both start w r right
Ay, Nurse; what of that? Both with an R.
Yes, Nurse, what about that? Both with an R.
Yeah, Nurse, so what? Both with R.
yeah both r
Ah, mocker! That’s the dog’s name. R is for the—no, I know it begins
with some other letter, and she hath the prettiest sententious of it,
of you and rosemary, that it would do you good to hear it.
Ah, you're mocking me! That's a dog sound. R is for the—no, it starts with something else, and she has this cute little saying about you and rosemary that you'd love to hear.
Stop making fun of me! That's a dog bark. The letter starts with... no wait, something different. Anyway, she's got this adorable rhyme about you and rosemary.
stop mocking me she's got a cute rhyme 'bout you & rosemary
Commend me to thy lady.
Give my regards to your lady.
Say hi to your lady for me.
say hi to your lady
Ay, a thousand times. Peter!
Yes, absolutely! A thousand times, Peter!
Definitely! I'll tell her that over and over, Peter!
absolutely ill tell her a million times peter
Anon.
In a moment.
Coming.
coming
Before and apace.
Go ahead, quickly.
Get going, fast.
go fast
The Reckoning
This scene exists as a kind of last long breath before everything turns. Romeo and Mercutio at full comic velocity together, trading puns faster than the audience can catch them. Shakespeare gives us this precisely so we know what's at stake in 3-1. We need to see Mercutio alive and electric before we see him die. The Tybalt challenge that opens the scene also quietly sets the clock ticking — the duel is already coming; the wedding is about to happen; these two facts are on a collision course and nobody in the play knows it except the audience.
If this happened today…
Think of two best friends who've been out of sync — one has been moping over a breakup for weeks while the other's been losing patience. Then one day the moper shows up grinning and sharp again, and the energy between them is immediately exactly what it used to be. That's the first half of this scene. The second half is the same guy trying to relay serious information to a contact while his friend, still in comic mode, refuses to let it be serious.