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Act 1, Scene 1 — Windsor. Before Page’s house
on stage:
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The argument Justice Shallow arrives in Windsor furious at Falstaff's poaching and brawling, Evans proposes Slender as a suitor for Anne Page, and the whole company dines awkwardly together.
Enter Justice Shallow, Slender and Sir Hugh Evans.
First appearance
SHALLOW

Shallow is a man who reminds everyone of his rank because he secretly fears it doesn't matter. Watch for his compulsive self-citation ('Robert Shallow, esquire, saith...') and his habit of repeating phrases as if volume confers authority.

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Sir Hugh, persuade me not. I will make a Star Chamber matter of it. If

he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow,

esquire.

He has humiliated me—Robert Shallow, Esquire. This is intolerable. I'm taking it to the Star Chamber.

He made me look bad. That's not happening. I'm taking this all the way to court.

hes humiliated me

im robert shallow esquire

this goes to the top court

"Star Chamber matter" The Star Chamber was a powerful royal court dealing with riots and offences by powerful men — Shallow is threatening the highest possible legal escalation over what amounts to a hunting dispute.
First appearance
SLENDER

Slender speaks in non sequiturs and deflections — always changing the subject when he's cornered, always finding a tangent when directness is required. Watch for how he never quite answers a direct question.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

In the county of Gloucester, Justice of Peace and Coram.

In the county of Gloucester, Justice of Peace and Coram.

in the county of gloucester, justice of peace and coram. or something?

in the county of gloucester, justice of

"Coram" Slender's garbled version of 'Quorum' — a subset of JPs whose presence made a bench legally valid. He means to be helpful but mangles the Latin.
SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Ay, cousin Slender, and Custalorum.

Yes, cousin Slender, and Custalorum.

yes, cousin slender, and custalorum.

yes, cousin slender, and custalorum.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Ay, and Ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, Master Parson, who writes

himself “Armigero” in any bill, warrant, quittance, or

obligation—“Armigero.”

Yes, and Ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, Master Parson, who writes himself “Armigero” in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation—“Armigero.”

yes, and ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, master parson, who writes himself “armigero” in any bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation—“armigero.” or something?

yes, and ratolorum too; and a gentleman

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Ay, that I do, and have done any time these three hundred years.

Yes, that I do, and have done any time these three hundred years.

yes, that i do, and have done any time these three hundred years.

yes, that i do, and have done any time these three

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

All his successors, gone before him hath done’t; and all his ancestors

that come after him may. They may give the dozen white luces in their

coat.

All his successors, gone before him has done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may. They may give the dozen white luces in their coat.

all his successors, gone before him has done’t; and all his ancestors that come after him may. they may give the dozen white luces in their coat. or something?

all his successors, gone before him has

"All his successors, gone before him" Slender reverses 'ancestors' and 'successors' — a comic malapropism that he'll never notice.
SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

It is an old coat.

My family has borne arms for three hundred years—we are gentlemen of standing.

My family's had their coat of arms for three hundred years. We're real gentlemen.

three hundred years

real gentlemen

not to be messed with

First appearance
EVANS

Evans is a Welsh parson whose b's and p's swap constantly ('petter' for 'better', 'Got' for 'God'), and who mangles Latinate words with cheerful confidence. Watch for moments where his malapropisms accidentally say something wiser than he intended.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

The dozen white louses do become an old coat well. It agrees well,

passant. It is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.

The dozen white louses do become an old coat well. It agrees well, passant. It is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.

the dozen white louses do become an old coat well. it agrees well, passant. it is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.

the dozen white louses do become an old coat well.

"dozen white louses" Evans mishears 'luces' (pike fish) as 'louses' (lice) — Shakespeare's joke about the Garter King of Arms who was investigating the Shakespeare family coat of arms at this time, possibly referencing a rival.
SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

The luce is the fresh fish. The salt fish is an old coat.

My family has borne arms for three hundred years—we are gentlemen of standing.

My family's had their coat of arms for three hundred years. We're real gentlemen.

three hundred years

real gentlemen

not to be messed with

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I may quarter, coz.

I may quarter, coz.

i may quarter, coz. or something?

i may quarter, coz.

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

You may, by marrying.

You may, by welling.

you may, by welling.

you may, by welling.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

it is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

it is marring indeed, if he quarter it.

"It is marring indeed" Evans puns: 'marring' (spoiling) sounds like 'marrying' — he's accidentally commenting on the marriage proposal he's about to make.
SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Not a whit.

Not a whit.

not a whit.

not a whit.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Yes, py’r Lady. If he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three

skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures. But that is all one. If

Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the

Church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and

compremises between you.

Yes, py’r Lady. If he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures. But that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the Church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and compremises between you.

yes, py’r lady. if he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures. but that is all one. if sir john falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, i am of the church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and compremises between you.

yes, py’r lady. if he has a quarter of your coat,

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

The Council shall hear it; it is a riot.

The Council will hear it; it is a riot.

the council will hear it; it is a riot.

the council will hear it; it is a riot.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

It is not meet the Council hear a riot. There is no fear of Got in a

riot. The Council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and

not to hear a riot. Take your vizaments in that.

It is not meet the Council hear a riot. There is no fear of Got in a riot. The Council, look you, will desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a riot. Take your vizaments in that.

it is not meet the council hear a riot. there is no fear of got in a riot. the council, look you, will desire to hear the fear of got, and not to hear a riot. take your vizaments in that.

it is not meet the council hear a riot. there is n

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Ha! O’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.

Ha! O’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.

ha! o’ my life, if i were young again, the sword should end it.

ha! o’ my life, if i were young again, the sword s

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it; and there is also

another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions

with it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master George Page,

which is pretty virginity.

It is better that friends is the sword, and end it; and there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master George Page, which is pretty virginity.

it is better that friends is the sword, and end it; and there is also another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions with it. there is anne page, which is daughter to master george page, which is pretty virginity.

it is better that friends is the sword, and end it

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman?

So, um... is she... does she seem like a good person?

So like, is she cool? I guess we could... you know?

does she seem nice

i guess we could get married

idk

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

It is that fery person for all the ’orld, as just as you will desire,

and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold, and silver, is her

grandsire upon his death’s-bed—Got deliver to a joyful

resurrections!—give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old.

It were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire

a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

It is that fery person for all the ’orld, as just as you will desire, and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed—Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!—give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old. It were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.

it is that fery person for all the ’orld, as just as you will desire, and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold, and silver, is her grandsire upon his death’s-bed—got deliver to a joyful resurrections!—give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old. it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage between master abraham and mistress anne page.

it is that fery person for all the ’orld, as just

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.

Yes, and her father is make her a better penny.

yes, and her father is make her a better penny.

yes, and her father is make her a better penny.

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.

I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.

i know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.

i know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot gifts.

Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot gifts.

seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot gifts.

seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot g

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?

He has humiliated me—Robert Shallow, Esquire. This is intolerable. I'm taking it to the Star Chamber.

He made me look bad. That's not happening. I'm taking this all the way to court.

hes humiliated me

im robert shallow esquire

this goes to the top court

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is

false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight Sir John is

there, and I beseech you be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the

door for Master Page.

will I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight Sir John is there, and I beseech you be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master Page.

will i tell you a lie? i do despise a liar as i do despise one that is false, or as i despise one that is not true. the knight sir john is there, and i beseech you be ruled by your well-willers. i will peat the door for master page.

will i tell you a lie? i do despise a liar as i do

[_Knocks._]
What, ho! Got pless your house here!
[_Within_.] Who’s there?
EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow, and here

young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale,

if matters grow to your likings.

Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow, and here young Master Slender, that peradventures will tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.

here is got’s plessing, and your friend, and justice shallow, and here young master slender, that peradventures will tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings.

here is got’s plessing, and your friend, and justi

Enter Page.
First appearance
PAGE

Page is the reasonable man of Windsor — cordial, practical, the one who keeps pointing everyone toward dinner. His reasonableness will make his wife's schemes all the more satisfying.

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master

Shallow.

I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.

i am glad to see your worships well. i thank you for my venison, master shallow.

i am glad to see your worships well. i thank you f

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Master Page, I am glad to see you, much good do it your good heart! I

wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress

Page? And I thank you always with my heart, la, with my heart.

Master Page, I am glad to see you, much good do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How does good Mistress Page? And I thank you always with my heart, la, with my heart.

master page, i am glad to see you, much good do it your good heart! i wished your venison better; it was ill killed. how does good mistress page? and i thank you always with my heart, la, with my heart.

master page, i am glad to see you, much good do it

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Sir, I thank you.

Sir, I thank you.

sir, i thank you.

sir, i thank you.

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.

Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.

sir, i thank you; by yea and no, i do.

sir, i thank you; by yea and no, i do.

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.

i am glad to see you, good master slender.

i am glad to see you, good master slender.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on

Cotsall.

How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on Cotsall.

how does your fallow greyhound, sir? i heard say he was outrun on cotsall. or something?

how does your fallow greyhound, sir? i h

🎭 Dramatic irony Mistress Ford is standing right here when Falstaff kisses her hand — the audience who knows this is a comedy can already see the trap being set, though nobody knows it yet.
PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

It could not be judged, sir.

It could not be judged, sir.

it could not be judged, sir.

it could not be judged, sir.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.

You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.

you’ll not confess, you’ll not confess. or something?

you’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

That he will not. ’Tis your fault; ’tis your fault. ’Tis a good dog.

That he will not. ’Tis your fault; ’tis your fault. ’Tis a good dog.

that he will not. ’tis your fault; ’tis your fault. ’tis a good dog.

that he will not. ’tis your fault; ’tis your fault

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

A cur, sir.

A cur, sir.

a cur, sir.

a cur, sir.

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog, can there be more said? He is

good, and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?

He has humiliated me—Robert Shallow, Esquire. This is intolerable. I'm taking it to the Star Chamber.

He made me look bad. That's not happening. I'm taking this all the way to court.

hes humiliated me

im robert shallow esquire

this goes to the top court

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.

Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.

sir, he is within; and i would i could do a good office between you.

sir, he is within; and i would i could do a good o

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.

it is spoke as a christians ought to speak.

it is spoke as a christians ought to speak.

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

He hath wronged me, Master Page.

He has wronged me, Master Page.

he has wronged me, master page.

he has wronged me, master page.

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.

Sir, he does in some sort confess it.

sir, he does in some sort confess it.

sir, he does in some sort confess it.

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not that so, Master Page?

He hath wronged me, indeed he hath, at a word, he hath. Believe me.

Robert Shallow, esquire, saith he is wronged.

If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not that so, Master Page? He has wronged me, indeed he has, at a word, he has. Believe me. Robert Shallow, esquire, saith he is wronged.

if it be confessed, it is not redressed. is not that so, master page? he has wronged me, indeed he has, at a word, he has. believe me. robert shallow, esquire, saith he is wronged.

if it be confessed, it is not redressed. is not th

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Here comes Sir John.

Here comes Sir John.

here comes sir john.

here comes sir john.

Enter Sir John Falstaff, Bardolph, Nym and Pistol.
First appearance
FALSTAFF

Falstaff's weapon is cheerful brazenness: he admits everything and makes the admission itself into a joke, wrong-footing anyone who came expecting remorse. Watch for how he turns accusations into punchlines.

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the King?

Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the King?

now, master shallow, you’ll complain of me to the king?

now, master shallow, you’ll complain of me to the

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my

lodge.

My family has borne arms for three hundred years—we are gentlemen of standing.

My family's had their coat of arms for three hundred years. We're real gentlemen.

three hundred years

real gentlemen

not to be messed with

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

But not kissed your keeper’s daughter!

But not kissed your keeper’s daughter!

but not kissed your keeper’s daughter!

but not kissed your keeper’s daughter!

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Tut, a pin! This shall be answered.

Tut, a pin! This will be answered.

tut, a pin! this will be answered.

tut, a pin! this will be answered.

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

I will answer it straight: I have done all this. That is now answered.

I will answer it straight: I have done all this. That is now answered.

i will answer it straight: i have done all this. that is now answered.

i will answer it straight: i have done all this. t

Why it matters This is Falstaff's method in miniature — he admits everything and makes the admission itself the joke, wrong-footing anyone who expected denial or apology.
SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

The Council shall know this.

The Council will know this.

the council will know this.

the council will know this.

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel: you’ll be laughed

at.

A man who laughs at his own jokes is welcome in any company.

A guy who can laugh at himself is good company.

laughing at yourself

thats what matters

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

_Pauca verba_, Sir John; goot worts.

_Pauca verba_, Sir John; goot worts.

_pauca verba_, sir john; goot worts.

_pauca verba_, sir john; goot worts.

"Pauca verba" Latin: 'few words' — a phrase Evans deploys, slightly garbling his own attempt at authority.
FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

Good worts? Good cabbage!—Slender, I broke your head. What matter have

you against me?

Good worts? Good cabbage!—Slender, I broke your head. What matter have you against me?

good worts? good cabbage!—slender, i broke your head. what matter have you against me?

good worts? good cabbage!—slender, i broke your he

"Good worts? Good cabbage!" Falstaff mishears Evans's 'worts' (dialect for 'words') as 'worts' (herbs/cabbage) — a deliberately obtuse pun to disrupt Evans's peacemaking.
SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you, and against your

cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to

the tavern and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket.

Well, sir, I have matter in my head against you, and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to the tavern and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket.

well, sir, i have matter in my head against you, and against your cony-catching rascals, bardolph, nym, and pistol. they carried me to the tavern and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket. or something?

well, sir, i have matter in my head agai

BARDOLPH BARDOLPH's declaration

You Banbury cheese!

You Banbury cheese!

you banbury cheese!

you banbury cheese!

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Ay, it is no matter.

Yes, it is no matter.

yes, it is no matter. or something?

yes, it is no matter.

First appearance
PISTOL

Pistol speaks in fragments of bombastic verse, all theatrical swagger and zero follow-through. He sounds like a man who learned English from bad plays. Watch for how his rhetoric is always disproportionate to the situation.

PISTOL Theatrically bombastic; all swagger, no substance

How now, Mephostophilus?

How now, Mephostophilus?

how now, mephostophilus?

how now, mephostophilus?

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Ay, it is no matter.

Yes, it is no matter.

yes, it is no matter. or something?

yes, it is no matter.

First appearance
NYM

Nym's verbal tic is the word 'humour' — he attaches it to everything as a substitute for actual thought. Watch for how the word does no work but makes him sound like he has a philosophy.

NYM Cynically observant; deploying pseudo-philosophy

Slice, I say! _Pauca, pauca_, slice, that’s my humour.

Slice, I say! _Pauca, pauca_, slice, that’s my sense.

slice, i say! _pauca, pauca_, slice, that’s my sense.

slice, i say! _pauca, pauca_, slice, that’s my sen

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?

where’s simple, my man? can you tell, cousin? or something?

where’s simple, my man? can you tell, co

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand; there is three umpires in

this matter, as I understand: that is, Master Page, _fidelicet_ Master

Page; and there is myself, _fidelicet_ myself; and the three party is,

lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.

Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand; there is three umpires in this matter, as I understand: that is, Master Page, _fidelicet_ Master Page; and there is myself, _fidelicet_ myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.

peace, i pray you. now let us understand; there is three umpires in this matter, as i understand: that is, master page, _fidelicet_ master page; and there is myself, _fidelicet_ myself; and the three party is, lastly and finally, mine host of the garter.

peace, i pray you. now let us understand; there is

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

We three to hear it and end it between them.

We three to hear it and end it between them.

we three to hear it and end it between them.

we three to hear it and end it between them.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Fery goot. I will make a prief of it in my notebook, and we will

afterwards ’ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.

Fery goot. I will make a prief of it in my notebook, and we will afterwards ’ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.

fery goot. i will make a prief of it in my notebook, and we will afterwards ’ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.

fery goot. i will make a prief of it in my noteboo

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

Pistol!

Pistol!

pistol!

pistol!

PISTOL Theatrically bombastic; all swagger, no substance

He hears with ears.

He hears with ears.

he hears with ears.

he hears with ears.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this, “He hears with ear”? Why,

it is affectations.

The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this, “He hears with ear”? Why, it is affectations.

the tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, “he hears with ear”? why, it is affectations.

the tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, “he he

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?

Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?

pistol, did you pick master slender’s purse?

pistol, did you pick master slender’s purse?

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might never come in mine own

great chamber again else! Of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two

Edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of

Yed Miller, by these gloves.

Yes, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might never come in mine own great chamber again else! Of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of Yed Miller, by these gloves.

yes, by these gloves, did he, or i would i might never come in mine own great chamber again else! of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of yed miller, by these gloves. or something?

yes, by these gloves, did he, or i would

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

Is this true, Pistol?

Is this true, Pistol?

is this true, pistol?

is this true, pistol?

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

No, it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

No, it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

no, it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

no, it is false, if it is a pick-purse.

PISTOL ≋ verse Theatrically bombastic; all swagger, no substance

Ha, thou mountain-foreigner!—Sir John and master mine,

I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.—

Word of denial in thy _labras_ here!

Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest.

Ha, you mountain-foreigner!—Sir John and master mine, I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.— Word of denial in your _labras_ here! Word of denial! Froth and scum, you liest.

ha, you mountain-foreigner!—sir john and master mine, i combat challenge of this latten bilbo.— word of denial in your _labras_ here! word of denial! froth and scum, you liest.

ha, you mountain-foreigner!—sir john and master m

[_Points at Nym_.] By these gloves, then, ’twas he.
NYM Cynically observant; deploying pseudo-philosophy

Be avised, sir, and pass good humours. I will say “marry trap with

you”, if you run the nuthook’s humour on me. That is the very note of

it.

Be avised, sir, and pass good senses. I will say “Well trap with you”, if you run the nuthook’s sense on me. That is the very note of it.

be avised, sir, and pass good senses. i will say “well trap with you”, if you run the nuthook’s sense on me. that is the very note of it.

be avised, sir, and pass good senses. i will say “

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

By this hat, then, he in the red face had it. For though I cannot

remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an

ass.

By this hat, then, he in the red face had it. For though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.

by this hat, then, he in the red face had it. for though i cannot remember what i did when you made me drunk, yet i am not altogether an ass. or something?

by this hat, then, he in the red face ha

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

What say you, Scarlet and John?

What say you, Scarlet and John?

what say you, scarlet and john?

what say you, scarlet and john?

BARDOLPH BARDOLPH's declaration

Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his

five sentences.

Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.

why, sir, for my part, i say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his five sentences.

why, sir, for my part, i say the gentleman had dru

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

It is his “five senses”. Fie, what the ignorance is!

It is his “five senses”. Fie, what the ignorance is!

it is his “five senses”. fie, what the ignorance is!

it is his “five senses”. fie, what the ignorance i

BARDOLPH BARDOLPH's declaration

And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and so conclusions

passed the careers.

And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and so conclusions passed the careers.

and being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and so conclusions passed the careers.

and being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; a

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no matter. I’ll ne’er be

drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for

this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear

of God, and not with drunken knaves.

Yes, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no matter. I’ll ne’er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.

yes, you spake in latin then too; but ’tis no matter. i’ll ne’er be drunk whilst i live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick. if i be drunk, i’ll be drunk with those that have the fear of god, and not with drunken knaves. or something?

yes, you spake in latin then too; but ’t

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

So Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

So Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

so got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

so got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

you hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.

you hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you

Enter Mistress Ford, Mistress Page and her daughter Anne Page with
wine.
PAGE
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in, we’ll drink within.
[_Exit Anne Page._]
SLENDER
O heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page.
PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

How now, Mistress Ford?

How now, Mistress Ford?

how now, mistress ford?

how now, mistress ford?

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met. By your leave, good

mistress.

I see a lovely woman and I cannot help but notice.

I see a pretty woman, I'm gonna say something nice.

shes beautiful

im just noticing

[_Kisses her._]
PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to

dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.

Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we will drink down all unkindness.

wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. come, we have a hot venison pasty to dinner. come, gentlemen, i hope we will drink down all unkindness.

wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. come, we have a

[_Exeunt all but Slender._]
SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of _Songs and Sonnets_

here.

I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of _Songs and Sonnets_ here.

i had rather than forty shillings i had my book of _songs and sonnets_ here. or something?

i had rather than forty shillings i had

"book of Songs and Sonnets" Tottel's Miscellany — the most popular poetry anthology of the era. The joke is that Slender can't woo without a script, and he doesn't even have the script.
Enter Simple.
How now, Simple, where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I?
You have not the _Book of Riddles_ about you, have you?
SIMPLE SIMPLE's declaration

_Book of Riddles?_ Why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon

Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?

_Book of Riddles?_ Why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?

_book of riddles?_ why, did you not lend it to alice shortcake upon allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore michaelmas?

_book of riddles?_ why, did you not lend it to ali

Enter Shallow and Sir Hugh Evans.
SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Come, coz; come, coz, we stay for you. A word with you, coz. Marry,

this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar

off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me?

Come, coz; come, coz, we stay for you. A word with you, coz. Well, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me?

come, coz; come, coz, we stay for you. a word with you, coz. well, this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by sir hugh here. do you understand me?

come, coz; come, coz, we stay for you. a word with

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be so, I shall do that

that is reason.

Yes, sir, you will find me reasonable. If it be so, I will do that that is reason.

yes, sir, you will find me reasonable. if it be so, i will do that that is reason. or something?

yes, sir, you will find me reasonable. i

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Nay, but understand me.

No, but understand me.

no, but understand me.

no, but understand me.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

So I do, sir.

So I do, sir.

so i do, sir. or something?

so i do, sir.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Give ear to his motions, Master Slender. I will description the matter

to you, if you be capacity of it.

Give ear to his motions, Master Slender. I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

give ear to his motions, master slender. i will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.

give ear to his motions, master slender. i will de

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I pray you pardon me, he’s a

Justice of Peace in his country, simple though I stand here.

No, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I pray you pardon me, he’s a Justice of Peace in his country, simple though I stand here.

no, i will do as my cousin shallow says. i pray you pardon me, he’s a justice of peace in his country, simple though i stand here. or something?

no, i will do as my cousin shallow says.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

But that is not the question. The question is concerning your marriage.

But that is not the question. The question is concerning your marriage.

but that is not the question. the question is concerning your marriage.

but that is not the question. the question is conc

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Ay, there’s the point, sir.

Yes, there’s the point, sir.

yes, there’s the point, sir.

yes, there’s the point, sir.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Marry, is it; the very point of it—to Mistress Anne Page.

Well, is it; the very point of it—to Mistress Anne Page.

well, is it; the very point of it—to mistress anne page.

well, is it; the very point of it—to mistress anne

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.

So, um... is she... does she seem like a good person?

So like, is she cool? I guess we could... you know?

does she seem nice

i guess we could get married

idk

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command to know that of your

mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is

parcel of the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will

to the maid?

But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?

but can you affection the ’oman? let us command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth. therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?

but can you affection the ’oman? let us command to

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?

cousin abraham slender, can you love her?

cousin abraham slender, can you love her?

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.

I hope, sir, I will do as it will become one that would do reason.

i hope, sir, i will do as it will become one that would do reason. or something?

i hope, sir, i will do as it will become

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies! You must speak possitable, if you can

carry her your desires towards her.

No, Got’s lords and his ladies! You must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.

no, got’s lords and his ladies! you must speak possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.

no, got’s lords and his ladies! you must speak pos

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?

That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, Well her?

that you must. will you, upon good dowry, well her?

that you must. will you, upon good dowry, well her

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any

reason.

I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason.

i will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any reason. or something?

i will do a greater thing than that, upo

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz. What I do is to pleasure you,

coz. Can you love the maid?

No, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz. What I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?

no, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz. what i do is to pleasure you, coz. can you love the maid?

no, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz. what i do

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I will marry her, sir, at your request. But if there be no great love

in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance,

when we are married and have more occasion to know one another. I hope

upon familiarity will grow more contempt. But if you say “Marry her,” I

will marry her. That I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.

So, um... is she... does she seem like a good person?

So like, is she cool? I guess we could... you know?

does she seem nice

i guess we could get married

idk

"I hope upon familiarity will grow more contempt" Slender means 'content' — familiarity breeding contempt is the familiar phrase, but he accidentally says the opposite of what he means, which is perfectly apt.
Why it matters This is Slender's comic masterpiece: he articulates the logic of arranged marriage with accidental candour and then mangles the one sentiment he's reaching for.
EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

It is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is in the ’ord

“dissolutely.” The ’ort is, according to our meaning, “resolutely.” His

meaning is good.

It is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is in the ’ord “dissolutely.” The ’ort is, according to our meaning, “resolutely.” His meaning is good.

it is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is in the ’ord “dissolutely.” the ’ort is, according to our meaning, “resolutely.” his meaning is good.

it is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is i

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Ay, I think my cousin meant well.

Yes, I think my cousin meant well.

yes, i think my cousin meant well.

yes, i think my cousin meant well.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

Yes, or else I would I might be hanged, la!

yes, or else i would i might be hanged, la! or something?

yes, or else i would i might be hanged,

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Here comes fair Mistress Anne.

Here comes fair Mistress Anne.

here comes fair mistress anne.

here comes fair mistress anne.

Enter Anne Page.
SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

Here comes fair Mistress Anne.—Would I were young for your sake,

Mistress Anne.

Here comes fair Mistress Anne.—Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne.

here comes fair mistress anne.—would i were young for your sake, mistress anne.

here comes fair mistress anne.—would i were young

First appearance
ANNE

Anne speaks little but acts precisely — every line she gets is polite, firm, and trying to move the scene forward. Watch for how she never says what she thinks but always manages the situation.

ANNE Politely firm; managing the situation with grace

The dinner is on the table, my father desires your worships’ company.

The dinner is on the table, my father desires your worships’ company.

the dinner is on the table, my father desires your worships’ company.

the dinner is on the table, my father desires your

SHALLOW Outraged dignity; demanding public respect and legal redress

I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.

I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.

i will wait on him, fair mistress anne.

i will wait on him, fair mistress anne.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

’Od’s plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.

’Od’s plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.

’od’s plessed will! i will not be absence at the grace.

’od’s plessed will! i will not be absence at the g

[_Exeunt Shallow and Sir Hugh Evans._]
ANNE
Will’t please your worship to come in, sir?
SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.

No, I thank you, truly, heartily; I am very well.

no, i thank you, truly, heartily; i am very well. or something?

no, i thank you, truly, heartily; i a

ANNE Politely firm; managing the situation with grace

The dinner attends you, sir.

The dinner attends you, sir.

the dinner attends you, sir.

the dinner attends you, sir.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. [_To Simple_.] Go, sirrah,

for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin Shallow.

I am not a-hungry, I thank you, truly. [_To Simple_.] Go, sir, for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin Shallow.

i am not a-hungry, i thank you, truly. [_to simple_.] go, sir, for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin shallow. or something?

i am not a-hungry, i thank you, truly

[_Exit Simple._]
A Justice of Peace sometime may be beholding to his friend for a man. I
keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead. But what
though? Yet I live like a poor gentleman born.
ANNE Politely firm; managing the situation with grace

I may not go in without your worship. They will not sit till you come.

I may not go in without your worship. They will not sit till you come.

i may not go in without your worship. they will not sit till you come.

i may not go in without your worship. they will no

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I’ faith, I’ll eat nothing. I thank you as much as though I did.

I’ faith, I’ll eat nothing. I thank you as much as though I did.

i’ faith, i’ll eat nothing. i thank you as much as though i did. or something?

i’ faith, i’ll eat nothing. i thank you

ANNE Politely firm; managing the situation with grace

I pray you, sir, walk in.

I pray you, sir, walk in.

i pray you, sir, walk in.

i pray you, sir, walk in.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin th’ other day

with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence—three veneys

for a dish of stewed prunes—and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell

of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? Be there bears i’ the

town?

I saw the most incredible bear-baiting last week. You should have been there.

Dude, the bear-baiting was insane. Best thing ever.

the bear thing was crazy

you shouldve seen it

amazing

ANNE Politely firm; managing the situation with grace

I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.

I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.

i think there are, sir; i heard them talked of.

i think there are, sir; i heard them talked of.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in

England. You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not?

I saw the most incredible bear-baiting last week. You should have been there.

Dude, the bear-baiting was insane. Best thing ever.

the bear thing was crazy

you shouldve seen it

amazing

ANNE Politely firm; managing the situation with grace

Ay, indeed, sir.

Yes, indeed, sir.

yes, indeed, sir.

yes, indeed, sir.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

That’s meat and drink to me now. I have seen Sackerson loose twenty

times, and have taken him by the chain. But, I warrant you, the women

have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed. But women, indeed,

cannot abide ’em; they are very ill-favoured rough things.

That’s meat and drink to me now. I have seen Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the chain. But, I warrant you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed. But women, indeed, cannot abide ’em; they are very ill-favoured rough things.

that’s meat and drink to me now. i have seen sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the chain. but, i warrant you, the women have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed. but women, indeed, cannot abide ’em; they are very ill-favoured rough things. or something?

that’s meat and drink to me now. i have

"Sackerson" A famous bear at the Paris Garden in Southwark — a celebrity animal that London audiences would have known. Slender is name-dropping a bear as if this impresses Anne.
Enter Page.
PAGE
Come, gentle Master Slender, come. We stay for you.
SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I’ll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.

I’ll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.

i’ll eat nothing, i thank you, sir. or something?

i’ll eat nothing, i thank you, sir.

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! Come, come.

By cock and pie, you will not choose, sir! Come, come.

by cock and pie, you will not choose, sir! come, come.

by cock and pie, you will not choose, sir! come, c

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Nay, pray you lead the way.

No, pray you lead the way.

no, pray you lead the way. or something?

no, pray you lead the way.

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Come on, sir.

Come on, sir.

come on, sir.

come on, sir.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.

So, um... is she... does she seem like a good person?

So like, is she cool? I guess we could... you know?

does she seem nice

i guess we could get married

idk

ANNE Politely firm; managing the situation with grace

Not I, sir; pray you keep on.

Not I, sir; pray you keep on.

not i, sir; pray you keep on.

not i, sir; pray you keep on.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Truly, I will not go first; truly, la! I will not do you that wrong.

Truly, I will not go first; truly, la! I will not do you that wrong.

truly, i will not go first; truly, la! i will not do you that wrong. or something?

truly, i will not go first; truly, la! i

ANNE Politely firm; managing the situation with grace

I pray you, sir.

I pray you, sir.

i pray you, sir.

i pray you, sir.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I’ll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. You do yourself wrong,

indeed, la!

I’ll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!

i’ll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. you do yourself wrong, indeed, la! or something?

i’ll rather be unmannerly than troubleso

[_Exeunt._]

The Reckoning

The comedy announces itself through noise and comedy of manners — Shallow's wounded dignity, Evans's mangled English, and Slender's complete inability to woo a woman he's standing right next to. The audience meets the whole Windsor world in one crowded scene, each character bumbling toward their own agenda. What lingers is Slender's exquisite haplessness: Anne Page clearly wants nothing to do with him, and he spends their entire exchange talking about bear-baiting.

If this happened today…

Imagine a HOA meeting that somehow morphs into a family dinner. The neighbourhood busybody is furious that the loud new resident crashed his garden party, ate his venison, and punched someone. A well-meaning church treasurer suggests that hey, while we're all here, his cousin could really use a date. The cousin spends the next twenty minutes talking about extreme sports to the woman everyone's trying to set him up with, who is desperately trying to get him to come inside and eat something. Nobody resolves anything.

Continue to 1.2 →