Shallow is a man who reminds everyone of his rank because he secretly fears it doesn't matter. Watch for his compulsive self-citation ('Robert Shallow, esquire, saith...') and his habit of repeating phrases as if volume confers authority.
Sir Hugh, persuade me not. I will make a Star Chamber matter of it. If
he were twenty Sir John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow,
esquire.
He has humiliated me—Robert Shallow, Esquire. This is intolerable. I'm taking it to the Star Chamber.
He made me look bad. That's not happening. I'm taking this all the way to court.
hes humiliated me
im robert shallow esquire
this goes to the top court
Slender speaks in non sequiturs and deflections — always changing the subject when he's cornered, always finding a tangent when directness is required. Watch for how he never quite answers a direct question.
In the county of Gloucester, Justice of Peace and Coram.
Within Gloucester County, serving as Justice of the Peace and also Coram.
He holds a Justice position in Gloucester and is also Coram.
justice of the peace in gloucestershire
Ay, cousin Slender, and Custalorum.
Yes, cousin Slender, and also Custalorum.
Right, cousin Slender, and you're Custalorum too.
yep, and custalorum too
Ay, and Ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, Master Parson, who writes
himself “Armigero” in any bill, warrant, quittance, or
obligation—“Armigero.”
Yes, and Ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, Master Parson, one who writes himself "Armigero" on any bill, warrant, receipt, or obligation—"Armigero."
Yeah, and Ratolorum as well; plus I'm a gentleman born, Parson. I sign my name "Armigero"—showing I'm entitled to a coat of arms—on every bill, warrant, receipt, or contract.
got all the fancy titles signs himself armigero
Ay, that I do, and have done any time these three hundred years.
Yes, that's what I do, and my family has done it for the past three hundred years.
Absolutely, and my family's been doing it for three hundred years.
family's been doing it for 300 years
All his successors, gone before him hath done’t; and all his ancestors
that come after him may. They may give the dozen white luces in their
coat.
All his successors who came before him have done it, and all his ancestors who come after him may. They can display twelve white pike fish in their coat of arms.
Every heir who came before him did the same, and everyone who comes after him can too. They get to put twelve white pike fish on their family coat of arms.
ancestors all had these white fish on the coat
It is an old coat.
That's an old coat.
Yeah, it's been around a long time.
old coat
Evans is a Welsh parson whose b's and p's swap constantly ('petter' for 'better', 'Got' for 'God'), and who mangles Latinate words with cheerful confidence. Watch for moments where his malapropisms accidentally say something wiser than he intended.
The dozen white louses do become an old coat well. It agrees well,
passant. It is a familiar beast to man, and signifies love.
A dozen white lice look good on an old coat, really. It works well, walking proudly. It's a creature familiar to man, and it means love.
A dozen white lice actually look perfect on an old coat! They match beautifully, strutting proudly. It's a beast everyone knows, and it stands for love.
white lice on old coats looks good, means love
The luce is the fresh fish. The salt fish is an old coat.
Pike is fresh fish. Salt fish is what ages an old coat.
Pike is a fresh fish. An old coat is what salt fish does—it preserves and ages you.
pike = fresh fish salt fish = old coat
I may quarter, coz.
I can display it on my coat of arms, cousin.
I can add it to my coat of arms, cousin.
can i add it to my coat?
You may, by marrying.
You can, by getting married.
You can, if you marry someone from a family with a coat of arms.
only if you marry into it
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
It would spoil things, if he displays it through marriage.
It would actually ruin it if he gets it through marriage.
marrying would ruin it
Not a whit.
Not at all.
Not even a little bit.
nope
Yes, py’r Lady. If he has a quarter of your coat, there is but three
skirts for yourself, in my simple conjectures. But that is all one. If
Sir John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto you, I am of the
Church, and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atonements and
compremises between you.
Yes, by Our Lady. If he takes a quarter of your coat, that leaves only three sections for you, by my humble reckoning. But never mind. If Sir John Falstaff has insulted you, I'm a man of the Church and I will gladly do my duty to make peace and work out a deal between you.
Yes, absolutely. If he takes a quarter of your coat, you're left with only three quarters for yourself, that's obvious. Anyway, listen: if Sir John Falstaff's insulted you, I'm a churchman and I'd be happy to help make peace and work out a deal between you.
if he takes a quarter you're left with 3 i can help mediate
The Council shall hear it; it is a riot.
The Council will hear about this; it's a crime.
The Council's going to find out about this—it's a riot, an outrage.
council gonna hear about this
It is not meet the Council hear a riot. There is no fear of Got in a
riot. The Council, look you, shall desire to hear the fear of Got, and
not to hear a riot. Take your vizaments in that.
It's not proper for the Council to hear about a riot. There's no reverence for God in a riot. The Council, you see, will want to hear about reverence for God, and not about riots. Take that advice.
It's not fitting for the Council to deal with riots. There's no fear of God in a riot. The Council, look, they should be hearing about reverence for God, not about riots. That's my wisdom.
council should care about god not riots
Ha! O’ my life, if I were young again, the sword should end it.
By my life! If I were young again, my sword would settle this.
Ha! If I were still young, I'd settle this with my sword.
if i was young i'd duel him
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it; and there is also
another device in my prain, which peradventure prings goot discretions
with it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master George Page,
which is pretty virginity.
It's better that friends are the solution, not the sword, to end this. And there's also another idea in my mind that perhaps brings good judgment with it. There is Anne Page, daughter to Master George Page, who is an attractive young woman.
It's better that friends settle this, not swords. Plus, I've got another idea—a really smart one. There's Anne Page, Master George Page's daughter—she's a pretty young woman.
friends better than swords btw anne page is cute
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks small like a woman?
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and she speaks in a quiet voice like a woman?
Mistress Anne Page? Brown hair, and she has a soft, quiet voice?
anne page? brown hair? quiet voice?
It is that fery person for all the ’orld, as just as you will desire,
and seven hundred pounds of moneys, and gold, and silver, is her
grandsire upon his death’s-bed—Got deliver to a joyful
resurrections!—give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years old.
It were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and desire
a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
She is exactly the person for all the world, as perfect as you could desire, and seven hundred pounds of money and gold and silver her grandfather is leaving her on his deathbed—may God bring her to a joyful resurrection!—she'll get when she's old enough to reach seventeen years. It would be a good idea if we left our petty quarrels behind and arranged a marriage between Master Abraham Slender and Mistress Anne Page.
She's the perfect person you could possibly want—seven hundred pounds from her grandfather's estate in money, gold, and silver. And she'll get it when she turns seventeen. It'd be a smart move if we dropped all this bickering and set up a marriage between Master Abraham Slender and Mistress Anne Page.
anne page is perfect 700 quid inheritance should marry slender
Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
Did her grandfather leave her seven hundred pounds?
Her grandfather left her seven hundred pounds?
so her grandpa gave her 700?
Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
Yes, and her father is making her an even better fortune.
Yeah, and her father's setting her up with an even better fortune.
yep and dad's making it better
I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.
I'm familiar with this young lady; she possesses many fine qualities and talents.
I know her—she's got good qualities.
i know her, she's talented
Seven hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot gifts.
Seven hundred pounds and future prospects—those are very good gifts.
Seven hundred pounds and future opportunities—those are seriously good advantages.
700 quid + prospects = great gifts
Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
Well, let's go see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
Alright, let's go see Master Page. Is Falstaff around?
let's see page falstaff there?
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do despise one that is
false, or as I despise one that is not true. The knight Sir John is
there, and I beseech you be ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the
door for Master Page.
Would I lie to you? I hate a liar as much as I hate someone dishonest or someone untrue. Sir John Falstaff is there, and I beg you to listen to your friends. I will knock on the door for Master Page.
Would I lie to you? I hate liars—I hate dishonest people just as much. Sir John Falstaff is in there, and I'm asking you to listen to those of us trying to help. I'll knock on the door for Master Page.
i don't lie falstaff's in there i'll get page
What, ho! Got pless your house here!
Hello! God bless your house here!
Hey there! God bless this house!
hey god bless ur house
Page is the reasonable man of Windsor — cordial, practical, the one who keeps pointing everyone toward dinner. His reasonableness will make his wife's schemes all the more satisfying.
[_Within_.] Who’s there?
Who's there?
Who is it?
who?
Here is Got’s plessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow, and here
young Master Slender, that peradventures shall tell you another tale,
if matters grow to your likings.
Here is God's blessing, and your friend, and Justice Shallow, and here is young Master Slender, who perhaps will tell you a different story if things go well for you.
Here's God's blessing on you, your friend, Justice Shallow, and young Master Slender here—he might have a different proposal for you if you're interested.
god bless here's your friend shallow
I am glad to see your worships well. I thank you for my venison, Master
Shallow.
I'm glad to see you both well. I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
I'm glad to see you both in good health. Thank you for sending the venison, Master Shallow.
good to see you both thanks for the venison
Master Page, I am glad to see you, much good do it your good heart! I
wished your venison better; it was ill killed. How doth good Mistress
Page? And I thank you always with my heart, la, with my heart.
Master Page, I'm glad to see you—much good may it do your kind heart! I wish the venison had been better; it was badly killed. How is good Mistress Page doing? And I thank you always with all my heart, truly, with all my heart.
Master Page, I'm happy to see you! I really do appreciate your generosity. Though I have to say, the venison could've been better—it wasn't killed well. How's Mistress Page doing? I'm genuinely grateful, truly grateful.
glad to see you venison could've been better how's mistress page?
Sir, I thank you.
I express my gratitude to you, sir.
I appreciate it.
thanks
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
Sir, I thank you; honestly, I do.
I really do thank you—honestly, I mean it.
i really do thank you
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
I'm glad to see you, Master Slender.
Good to see you, Master Slender.
good to see you
How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he was outrun on
Cotsall.
How is your pale greyhound doing, sir? I heard he was outrun at Cotswold.
How's your greyhound doing? I heard he got beaten in a race at Cotswold.
how's your greyhound? heard he lost a race
It could not be judged, sir.
It couldn't be decided, sir.
It was too close to call, really.
couldn't tell who won
The Merry Wives of Windsor is unique in Shakespeare's work: it is the only comedy set entirely among the English middle class, in a specific English town, in recognizable contemporary London-area reality. The court is mentioned but never seen. The aristocracy appears only in Falstaff — and Falstaff is here precisely because he's run out of money and credit at court. Windsor was also the seat of the Order of the Garter, England's highest chivalric honour, which adds an irony: a play about a fat knight's humiliation is set in the town of England's most prestigious knightly order. The opening scene establishes Windsor as a place of law, property, family, and domestic order — everything Falstaff is about to try to disrupt.
You’ll not confess, you’ll not confess.
You won't admit it, you won't admit it.
You won't come clean about it, will you?
you won't admit your dog lost
That he will not. ’Tis your fault; ’tis your fault. ’Tis a good dog.
He won't. It's your fault; it's your fault. It's a good dog.
He won't admit it. That's your fault. It's still a good dog though.
he won't your fault good dog tho
A cur, sir.
A cur, sir.
a cur, sir.
a cur, sir.
Sir, he’s a good dog, and a fair dog, can there be more said? He is
good, and fair. Is Sir John Falstaff here?
Sir, he's a well-bred dog and a handsome dog—what more could we say? He is virtuous and fair-looking. Is Sir John Falstaff here?
Sir, he's a good dog and a fair dog—what more can you say? He's good and he's fair. Is Falstaff here?
good dog, fair dog what more to say? falstaff here?
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good office between you.
Sir, he's inside, and I wish I could do something good to help mediate between you.
He's inside, and I really wish I could help smooth things over between you two.
he's inside wish i could help mediate
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
That's how a Christian should speak.
That's what a Christian should say—very noble of you.
that's what christians do
He hath wronged me, Master Page.
He has wronged me, Master Page.
He's treated me badly, Master Page.
he wronged me
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
Sir, he does somewhat admit to it.
He does sort of admit to it.
he kinda admits it
If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not that so, Master Page?
He hath wronged me, indeed he hath, at a word, he hath. Believe me.
Robert Shallow, esquire, saith he is wronged.
If he confesses, but doesn't make it right, what's the point, isn't that so, Master Page? He has wronged me, he truly has, in a word, he has. Believe me. Robert Shallow, esquire, says he is wronged.
Confessing to a wrong without fixing it doesn't help, does it, Master Page? He did wrong me—he absolutely did. He really did. Trust me. I'm Robert Shallow, esquire, and I'm telling you I was wronged.
confession ≠ fixing wrong he wronged me i'm shallow i got wronged
Here comes Sir John.
Sir John is approaching.
Here he comes now.
here comes john
Falstaff's weapon is cheerful brazenness: he admits everything and makes the admission itself into a joke, wrong-footing anyone who came expecting remorse. Watch for how he turns accusations into punchlines.
Now, Master Shallow, you’ll complain of me to the King?
Now, Master Shallow, you're going to complain about me to the King?
So, Master Shallow, you planning to run to the King with complaints about me?
gonna complain to the king?
Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and broke open my
lodge.
Sir, you have assaulted my servants, slaughtered my game, and forced your way into my hunting lodge.
Knight, you beat up my men, killed my deer, and broke into my hunting lodge.
you beat my guys killed my deer broke into my place
But not kissed your keeper’s daughter!
But I didn't kiss your gamekeeper's daughter!
But I didn't try to seduce your gamekeeper's daughter!
didn't kiss your keeper's daughter
Tut, a pin! This shall be answered.
Nonsense! This will be answered for.
That's ridiculous! You'll answer for this.
that doesn't matter you'll answer for this
I will answer it straight: I have done all this. That is now answered.
I'll answer for it right now: I've done all of this. That's now settled.
I'll settle it right now: Yeah, I did all that. Case closed.
yeah i did it all case closed
The Council shall know this.
The Council will learn of this.
The Council's going to know about this.
council will know
’Twere better for you if it were known in counsel: you’ll be laughed
at.
You'd be better off keeping this quiet—you'll look foolish when word gets out.
Seriously, you don't want this getting around; people will laugh at you.
keep it quiet or you'll look stupid
_Pauca verba_, Sir John; goot worts.
Few words, Sir John; good words.
Less talking, Sir John—just be reasonable.
fewer words be nice
Good worts? Good cabbage!—Slender, I broke your head. What matter have
you against me?
Good words? Nonsense!—Slender, I broke your head. What do you have against me?
Good words? What a load!—Slender, I cracked you on the head. So what's your complaint against me?
good words lol i hit you slender what's your beef?
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you, and against your
cony-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They carried me to
the tavern and made me drunk, and afterwards picked my pocket.
Indeed, sir, I have a serious complaint against you and against your thieving rascals—Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They took me to the tavern, got me drunk, and then picked my pocket.
Well, sir, I've got a problem with you and your gang of con artists—Bardolph, Nym, and Pistol. They dragged me to the tavern, got me plastered, and stole my wallet.
you & your con artist friends got me drunk stole my wallet
You Banbury cheese!
You're as thin as a Banbury cheese!
You skinny jerk!
ur so thin
Ay, it is no matter.
Yes, it's nothing.
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
whatever
Pistol speaks in fragments of bombastic verse, all theatrical swagger and zero follow-through. He sounds like a man who learned English from bad plays. Watch for how his rhetoric is always disproportionate to the situation.
How now, Mephostophilus?
What's going on, you devil?
Hey, you devil!
yo demon
Ay, it is no matter.
Yes, it's nothing.
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
whatever
Nym's verbal tic is the word 'humour' — he attaches it to everything as a substitute for actual thought. Watch for how the word does no work but makes him sound like he has a philosophy.
Slice, I say! _Pauca, pauca_, slice, that’s my humour.
Draw your sword, I say! Few words, few words, draw it—that's my way.
Cut with your sword! Fewer words, fewer words—that's how I do things.
fight! few words that's my style
Where’s Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?
Where's Simple, my servant? Do you know, cousin?
Where's Simple, my man? Do you know where he is, cousin?
seen my guy simple?
Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand; there is three umpires in
this matter, as I understand: that is, Master Page, _fidelicet_ Master
Page; and there is myself, _fidelicet_ myself; and the three party is,
lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
Peace, I beg you. Now let's understand this properly: there are three mediators in this matter, as I understand it: that is, Master Page—specifically Master Page—and there is myself—specifically myself—and the third party is, at last and finally, the innkeeper of the Garter.
Please, let's have peace. Now, here's what I think: there are three of us who can help settle this—Master Page, myself, and finally, the innkeeper of the Garter. Those are our three judges.
let's have peace three judges: page, me, inn guy
We three to hear it and end it between them.
The three of us will hear it and settle it between you.
We three will listen and settle this between you.
we'll hear & settle it
Fery goot. I will make a prief of it in my notebook, and we will
afterwards ’ork upon the cause with as great discreetly as we can.
Very good. I will write a summary of it in my notebook, and we will afterwards work on the matter with as much discretion as we can.
Excellent. I'll write it down in my notebook, and then we'll work through this as carefully as we can.
ok i'll write it down then we'll handle it
Pistol!
Pistol!
pistol!
pistol!
He hears with ears.
Obviously he has ears to hear with.
Well, he has ears, so he hears.
he got ears so he hears
The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this, “He hears with ear”? Why,
it is affectations.
The devil and his tail! What kind of phrase is this, "He hears with ears"? Why, it's just affectation.
The devil and his tail! What kind of stupid thing is that to say? It's just pretentious nonsense.
what a dumb thing to say that's just pretentious
Pistol, did you pick Master Slender’s purse?
Pistol, did you steal Master Slender's wallet?
Pistol, did you swipe Slender's purse?
pistol you steal slender's wallet?
Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might never come in mine own
great chamber again else! Of seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two
Edward shovel-boards that cost me two shilling and two pence a-piece of
Yed Miller, by these gloves.
Yes, by my gloves, he did, or may I never enter my own bedroom again! Seven groats in small sixpences, and two Edward shovel-board coins that cost me two shillings and two pence each from Red Miller—I swear by these gloves.
Yes, he absolutely did, or I'll never go back to my bedroom! He got seven groats in small coins and two of those fancy playing tokens that cost me two shillings and two pence each from Red Miller. I swear by it.
yeah he did stole coins & tokens i swear it
Is this true, Pistol?
Pistol, can you confirm this is accurate?
Did you really do this, Pistol?
is it true pistol?
No, it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
No, it's false if he's being called a pickpocket.
No, that's not true if you're saying he's a pickpocket.
nah he's not a pickpocket
Ha, thou mountain-foreigner!—Sir John and master mine,
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.—
Word of denial in thy _labras_ here!
Word of denial! Froth and scum, thou liest.
Ha, you mountain stranger!—Sir John, my master! I challenge with this cheap sword! Here's my denial on your lips! Denial! Froth and scum, you lie.
Ha, you mountain man!—Sir John, listen to me! I'm challenging with this sword! I deny it to your face! You're lying!
i challenge you! i deny it you're a liar
[_Points at Nym_.] By these gloves, then, ’twas he.
By these gloves, then it was him.
Yeah, it was him—I'm swearing it by these gloves.
it was him
The first 50 lines of Merry Wives are almost entirely about credentials: JP, Quorum, Custos Rotulorum, Armigero, coat of arms. Shallow and Slender are obsessed with their rank because it is their only interesting quality. Shakespeare, who was himself in the process of applying for a coat of arms for his father at roughly this time, was writing from the inside of this social anxiety. The joke is that all these credentials mean nothing to Falstaff — he's socially superior to everyone in Windsor by virtue of his knighthood, and he still ends up dunked in a laundry basket.
Be avised, sir, and pass good humours. I will say “marry trap with
you”, if you run the nuthook’s humour on me. That is the very note of
it.
Be advised, sir, and stay in good humor. I will say I'll set a trap for you if you provoke me like you're enforcing the law. That is exactly the point of it.
Listen, be smart about this and stay calm. If you push me like you're some kind of cop, I'll set a trap for you. That's just how I am.
stay cool man or i'll trap you
By this hat, then, he in the red face had it. For though I cannot
remember what I did when you made me drunk, yet I am not altogether an
ass.
By this hat, then, Bardolph with the red face must have done it. Though I don't remember what happened when you got me drunk, I'm not completely foolish.
By my hat, it was the red-faced guy—Bardolph. Yeah, I can't remember much after you got me drunk, but I'm not stupid.
red-faced guy did it i don't remember much but i'm not dumb
What say you, Scarlet and John?
What is your response to this, you two?
So what do you two have to say for yourselves?
what do you got to say?
Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had drunk himself out of his
five sentences.
Why, sir, I say the gentleman drank himself out of his five senses.
Well, sir, I'd say the gentleman got so drunk he lost his mind.
guy got so drunk he lost his mind
It is his “five senses”. Fie, what the ignorance is!
It is his five senses. For shame, what ignorance!
It's his five senses, not sentences! Honestly, such ignorance!
it's senses not sentences so dumb
And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and so conclusions
passed the careers.
And being drunk, sir, he was, as they say, cast out; and so his thoughts ran away.
And being drunk, he was basically thrown out; and then his thoughts just went wild.
got drunk & thrown out thoughts went crazy
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but ’tis no matter. I’ll ne’er be
drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, civil, godly company, for
this trick. If I be drunk, I’ll be drunk with those that have the fear
of God, and not with drunken knaves.
Yes, you all spoke in Latin then too, but it doesn't matter. I'll never get drunk again while I live, except in honest, decent, godly company, because of this trick. If I get drunk, it'll be with people who fear God, not with drunken villains.
Yeah, you were all talking in Latin too, but never mind. I swear I'll never get drunk again—well, only in honest, decent, religious company. If I drink, it'll be with people who respect God, not with drunken jerks.
never drinking again except with good people not w/ jerks
So Got ’udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
So God help me, that is a virtuous decision.
May God help me, that's a noble resolve.
that's good thinking
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
Gentlemen, you witness all of this denial; you have heard it for yourselves.
You hear them all denying everything, don't you?
everybody's denying it
wine.
Bring wine!
Get me some wine!
wine now
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in, we’ll drink within.
No, daughter, bring the wine inside, we'll drink there.
No honey, take the wine in—we'll drink inside.
no take the wine in well drink inside
O heaven, this is Mistress Anne Page.
Oh my goodness, this is Mistress Anne Page.
Wow, this is Mistress Anne Page.
heaven its her mistress anne is here
How now, Mistress Ford?
How are you, Mistress Ford?
Well, how are you doing, Mistress Ford?
how's it going?
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met. By your leave, good
mistress.
Mistress Ford, I'm truly glad to see you. By your leave, good mistress.
Mistress Ford, it's really good to see you. If you don't mind, mistress.
good to see you
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a hot venison pasty to
dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.
Wife, welcome these gentlemen. Come, we have hot venison pastry for dinner. Come, gentlemen, I hope we will drink away all hard feelings.
Wife, make our guests feel welcome. Come on, we've got hot venison pie for dinner. Come on, everyone, I hope we can all have a drink and forget about this mess.
come eat & drink let's forget the drama
I had rather than forty shillings I had my book of _Songs and Sonnets_
here.
I would prefer to possess my book of Songs and Sonnets right now rather than receive forty shillings.
I'd give forty shillings just to have my poetry book here.
wish i had my poetry book
How now, Simple, where have you been? I must wait on myself, must I?
You have not the _Book of Riddles_ about you, have you?
What's up, Simple, where have you been? I have to wait on myself, don't I? You don't have the Book of Riddles with you, do you?
Where've you been, Simple? I've gotta wait on myself? You don't have the Book of Riddles on you, do you?
where u been simple i gotta wait on myself? u got the book of riddles?
_Book of Riddles?_ Why, did you not lend it to Alice Shortcake upon
Allhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas?
A book of riddles? Why, didn't you lend it to Alice Shortcake at All Hallows last, a fortnight before Michaelmas?
A riddle book? Didn't you lend it to Alice Shortcake last Hallowe'en, two weeks before Michaelmas?
didn't you lend it to alice last halloween?
Come, coz; come, coz, we stay for you. A word with you, coz. Marry,
this, coz: there is, as ’twere, a tender, a kind of tender, made afar
off by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me?
Come, cousin, come, cousin, we're waiting for you. A word with you, cousin. Indeed, cousin, there is, so to speak, a proposal, a kind of proposal, made from afar by Sir Hugh here. Do you understand me?
Come on, cousin, come on, we're waiting. Listen, cousin, Sir Hugh Evans here has made a sort of proposal—a marriage proposal, if you know what I mean. You getting what I'm saying?
evans made a proposal marriage proposal get it?
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable. If it be so, I shall do that
that is reason.
Yes, sir, you'll find me reasonable. If that's the case, I'll do what makes sense.
Yeah, sir, I'm being reasonable about it. If it's a good deal, I'll do the right thing.
i'm being reasonable if it's good i'll do it
Nay, but understand me.
No, but understand me.
But listen to me carefully.
just listen to me
So I do, sir.
I do, sir.
I am listening, sir.
i'm listening
Give ear to his motions, Master Slender. I will description the matter
to you, if you be capacity of it.
Listen to what he's saying, Master Slender. I'll explain the matter to you, if you have the capacity to understand it.
Listen up, Master Slender. I'll break this down for you, if you can follow me.
listen to him slender. i'll explain if u can handle it
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says. I pray you pardon me, he’s a
Justice of Peace in his country, simple though I stand here.
No, I'll do as my cousin Shallow says. I ask your pardon, but he's a Justice of the Peace in his region, even though I may seem simple standing here.
No, I'll listen to my cousin Shallow. Sorry, but he's a Justice of the Peace where we're from—even if I seem a bit out of place here.
i'll do what shallow says. he's a judge even if i'm kinda simple
But that is not the question. The question is concerning your marriage.
But that's not the point at issue. The real question concerns your marriage.
That's not what we're talking about here. The question is whether you're going to marry.
not the point. we're talking about ur marriage
Ay, there’s the point, sir.
Yes, that's exactly the point, sir.
Right, that's exactly it, sir.
yep that's it
Marry, is it; the very point of it—to Mistress Anne Page.
Indeed, that's it; the very point of it is about Mistress Anne Page.
Exactly right; the whole point is you should marry Mistress Anne Page.
yes exactly - it's about marrying anne page
Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any reasonable demands.
Well, if that's the case, I will marry her on any reasonable terms.
Well, if that's what everyone wants, I'll marry her as long as it's reasonable.
ok if that's what u want i'll marry her for any fair price
But can you affection the ’oman? Let us command to know that of your
mouth, or of your lips; for divers philosophers hold that the lips is
parcel of the mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will
to the maid?
But can you love the woman? Let us hear from your own mouth, or from your lips—since various philosophers hold that the lips are part of the mouth. So, precisely, can you show your goodwill toward the girl?
But can you actually love her? I want to hear you say it yourself—your own lips saying it, since philosophers say the lips are part of the mouth anyway. So, can you honestly show you care for the girl?
do u actually love her? can u say u care about her?
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
Cousin Abraham Slender, are you capable of loving her?
Abraham, can you actually feel something for her?
can u actually love her?
I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that would do reason.
I hope, sir, I will act as one should when acting reasonably.
I hope I'll do what's right and sensible, sir.
i'll do the right thing
Nay, Got’s lords and his ladies! You must speak possitable, if you can
carry her your desires towards her.
No, for God's sake! You must speak clearly if you can show her your desires toward her.
Come on! You need to speak plainly if you can actually show you want her.
u gotta speak up and show u want her
That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?
You must indeed. Will you marry her if she has a good dowry?
You absolutely must. So, if she has a decent dowry, will you marry her?
u gotta. will u marry her for money?
Anne Page is intelligent, attractive, and has three suitors by the end of the first act. Slender's wooing technique consists of: refusing to enter the house, talking about dogs, boasting about fencing injuries, and delivering a long speech about bear-baiting to the woman he's supposed to be charming. He can't say he loves her, can't say he doesn't, and keeps offering to go second through every door. The scene is a masterclass in comedy through social awkwardness — and it's worth noting that Anne's responses are models of polite patience. She manages the situation perfectly. Slender is a test she passes easily.
I will do a greater thing than that, upon your request, cousin, in any
reason.
I will do something greater than that, at your request, cousin, in any reasonable matter.
I'll do something even better than that if you ask, cousin, whatever you reasonably need.
i'll do more than that for u
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz. What I do is to pleasure you,
coz. Can you love the maid?
No, understand me, understand me, sweet cousin. What I'm doing is for your benefit, cousin. Can you love the girl?
No, listen to me, listen to me, cousin. I'm doing this for you, okay? Can you love her?
understand me cuz - i'm doing this for u. can u love her?
I will marry her, sir, at your request. But if there be no great love
in the beginning, yet heaven may decrease it upon better acquaintance,
when we are married and have more occasion to know one another. I hope
upon familiarity will grow more contempt. But if you say “Marry her,” I
will marry her. That I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
I will marry her, sir, at your request. But if there isn't great love at the start, perhaps heaven may increase it through better acquaintance when we are married and have more occasion to know one another. I hope that familiarity will grow into more affection. But if you say 'Marry her,' I will marry her. I am fully resolved and committed.
I'll marry her if you want me to, sir. Even if we don't start out in love, we might grow to care for each other as we get to know each other better after we're married. I think living together might help. But yeah, if you tell me to marry her, I will. I'm completely decided.
i'll marry her if u want. maybe we'll get closer over time. if u say do it i will
It is a fery discretion answer, save the fall is in the ’ord
“dissolutely.” The ’ort is, according to our meaning, “resolutely.” His
meaning is good.
It is a very discreet answer, except the flaw is in the word 'dissolutely.' The word should be, according to our meaning, 'resolutely.' His meaning is good.
That's a thoughtful answer, except for one problem—the word 'dissolutely.' He meant to say 'resolutely,' I think. But his heart's in the right place.
good answer but wrong word. he meant 'resolutely' not 'dissolutely'. he means well
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
Yes, I think my cousin meant well.
Yeah, I think he meant well.
yeah he meant good
Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
Yes, or else I wish I might be hanged!
Yeah, or I hope I'd be hanged if I didn't!
yeah for real i swear
Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
Mistress Anne is arriving now.
There's Mistress Anne.
here comes anne
Here comes fair Mistress Anne.—Would I were young for your sake,
Mistress Anne.
Here comes the fair Mistress Anne. I wish I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne.
Here comes Mistress Anne. If only I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne.
here comes anne - wish i were young for u
Anne speaks little but acts precisely — every line she gets is polite, firm, and trying to move the scene forward. Watch for how she never says what she thinks but always manages the situation.
The dinner is on the table, my father desires your worships’ company.
The dinner is ready, and my father wants you gentlemen to join him.
Dinner's ready, and Dad wants you all to come eat.
dinner's ready. dad wants u to eat
I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
I will attend to him, fair Mistress Anne.
I'll come with him, Mistress Anne.
i'll go with him
’Od’s plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.
God's blessed will! I will not be absent from the blessing.
I swear to God, I won't miss saying grace!
i won't miss grace!
Will’t please your worship to come in, sir?
Would it please you to come in, sir?
Would you please come in, sir?
u coming in sir?
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.
No, I thank you very much; I am quite well.
No thanks, I'm good, really.
nah i'm good thanks
The dinner attends you, sir.
The dinner is waiting for you, sir.
Dinner's waiting for you, sir.
dinner's waiting
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. [_To Simple_.] Go, sirrah,
for all you are my man, go wait upon my cousin Shallow.
I am not hungry, I thank you. Go, fellow, even though you are my servant, go wait on my cousin Shallow.
I'm not hungry, thanks. Hey, go attend to my cousin Shallow, even though you're supposed to be my servant.
not hungry thanks. u go help shallow even tho ur my guy
A Justice of Peace sometime may be beholding to his friend for a man. I
keep but three men and a boy yet, till my mother be dead. But what
though? Yet I live like a poor gentleman born.
A justice of the peace sometimes needs to owe a favor to his friend for a servant. I only have three men and a boy so far, until my mother dies. But what does it matter? I still live like a gentleman born to poverty.
A justice sometimes needs to borrow a servant from a friend. I only keep three men and a boy right now, until my mother dies. But whatever—I still live like a poor gentleman.
a justice sometimes gotta borrow a servant from a friend i only got 3 men & a boy til my mom dies but whatever i live like a poor gentleman
I may not go in without your worship. They will not sit till you come.
I cannot go in without you. They will not sit until you come.
I can't go in without you. They won't start eating until you're there.
i can't go in without u. they won't start
I’ faith, I’ll eat nothing. I thank you as much as though I did.
I swear, I'll eat nothing. I thank you as much as if I did.
I'm serious, I won't eat anything. I appreciate the offer anyway.
i won't eat. thanks anyway
I pray you, sir, walk in.
I ask you, sir, come inside.
Please, sir, come in.
come in please
I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised my shin th’ other day
with playing at sword and dagger with a master of fence—three veneys
for a dish of stewed prunes—and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell
of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? Be there bears i’ the
town?
I'd rather walk here, thank you. I bruised my shin the other day playing at fencing with a master—three bouts for a dish of stewed prunes—and, by my word, I cannot bear the smell of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? Are there bears in the town?
I'll stay out here, thanks. I hurt my shin the other day doing fencing practice with a sword master—did three bouts for some stewed prunes—and honestly, I can't stand the smell of cooked meat anymore. Why are your dogs barking? Do you have bears in this town?
ill stay here thanks. bruised my shin fencing. now hot meat smell makes me sick. why dogs barking? bears here?
I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.
I believe so, sir; I've heard them discussed.
I think there are bears around; people talk about seeing them.
yeah i heard ppl talking about em
I love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel at it as any man in
England. You are afraid, if you see the bear loose, are you not?
I enjoy the sport well enough, but I would argue about it just as quickly as any man in England. You would be afraid if you saw the bear loose, would you not?
I like the sport, but I'd quarrel about it as fast as any other guy in England. You'd be scared if you saw a loose bear, right?
i like the sport but id fight over it. youre scared of loose bears?
Ay, indeed, sir.
Yes, indeed, sir.
yes, indeed, sir.
yes, indeed, sir.
That’s meat and drink to me now. I have seen Sackerson loose twenty
times, and have taken him by the chain. But, I warrant you, the women
have so cried and shrieked at it that it passed. But women, indeed,
cannot abide ’em; they are very ill-favoured rough things.
That's my entertainment now. I have seen that bear Sackerson let loose twenty times and I have taken him by the chain myself. But I assure you, the women have cried and shrieked so much at it that it was remarkable. But women indeed cannot stand bears; they are very ugly, rough creatures.
That's the best entertainment for me now. I've seen that bear Sackerson loose about twenty times and I've grabbed him by the chain myself. I swear, the women were screaming and yelling so much you wouldn't believe it. But honestly, women can't stand bears—they think they're hideous, rough things.
that's my jam. i've held sackerson the bear 20 times. women scream so loud. they hate bears ugly things
Come, gentle Master Slender, come. We stay for you.
Come on, kind Master Slender, come. We're waiting for you.
Master Slender, hurry up, everyone's waiting.
come on slender we waiting 4 u
I’ll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
I have no appetite, I thank you, sir.
I'm really not hungry, but thanks for asking, sir.
nah i'm good
By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! Come, come.
By my word, you shall not have a choice, sir! Come, come.
You don't have a choice, sir! Come on, let's go!
u don't get to choose! come on!
Nay, pray you lead the way.
No, I ask you to lead the way.
No, please go first.
no u go first
Come on, sir.
Come on, sir.
come on, sir.
come on, sir.
Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
Mistress Anne, you should lead the way.
Mistress Anne, you should go in first.
you go first mistress anne
Not I, sir; pray you keep on.
Not me, sir; I ask you to continue on.
Not me, sir; you go ahead.
not me u go
Truly, I will not go first; truly, la! I will not do you that wrong.
Truly, I will not go first; truly, I will not do you the discourtesy.
I really won't go first, honestly! I wouldn't be rude to you like that.
i won't go first that'd be rude to u
I pray you, sir.
I ask you, sir.
Please, sir.
please
I’ll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. You do yourself wrong,
indeed, la!
I would rather be impolite than bothersome. You do yourself an injustice, indeed!
I'd rather be rude than get in your way. You're being too humble, honestly!
better impolite than annoying u. u'r being weird
The Reckoning
The comedy announces itself through noise and comedy of manners — Shallow's wounded dignity, Evans's mangled English, and Slender's complete inability to woo a woman he's standing right next to. The audience meets the whole Windsor world in one crowded scene, each character bumbling toward their own agenda. What lingers is Slender's exquisite haplessness: Anne Page clearly wants nothing to do with him, and he spends their entire exchange talking about bear-baiting.
If this happened today…
Imagine a HOA meeting that somehow morphs into a family dinner. The neighbourhood busybody is furious that the loud new resident crashed his garden party, ate his venison, and punched someone. A well-meaning church treasurer suggests that hey, while we're all here, his cousin could really use a date. The cousin spends the next twenty minutes talking about extreme sports to the woman everyone's trying to set him up with, who is desperately trying to get him to come inside and eat something. Nobody resolves anything.