Warble, child, make passionate my sense of hearing.
Warble, child, make passionate my sense of hearing.
Warble, child, make passionate my sense of hearing.
warble, child, make passionate my sense of hearing
Concolinel.
Concolinel.
Concolinel.
concolinel
Sweet air! Go, tenderness of years, take this key, give enlargement to
the swain, bring him festinately hither. I must employ him in a letter
to my love.
Sweet air! Go, tenderness of years, take this key, give enlargement to the swain, bring him festinately hither. I must employ him in a letter to my love.
Sweet air! Go, tenderness of years, take this key, give enlargement to the swain, bring him festinately hither. I must employ him in a letter to my love.
sweet air
Master, will you win your love with a French brawl?
Master, will you win your love with a French brawl?
Master, will you win your love with a French brawl?
master, will you win your love with a french brawl
How meanest thou? Brawling in French?
How meanest thou? Brawling in French?
How meanest thou? Brawling in French?
how meanest thou brawling in french
No, my complete master; but to jig off a tune at the tongue’s end,
canary to it with your feet, humour it with turning up your eyelids,
sigh a note and sing a note, sometime through the throat, as if you
swallowed love with singing love, sometime through the nose, as if you
snuffed up love by smelling love; with your hat penthouse-like o’er the
shop of your eyes, with your arms crossed on your thin-belly doublet
like a rabbit on a spit; or your hands in your pocket like a man after
the old painting; and keep not too long in one tune, but a snip and
away. These are compliments, these are humours; these betray nice
wenches that would be betrayed without these; and make them men of
note—do you note me?—that most are affected to these.
No, my complete master; but to jig off a tune at the tongue’s end, canary to it with your feet, humour it with turning up your eyelids, sigh a note and sing a note, sometime through the throat, as if you swallowed love with singing love, sometime through the nose, as if you snuffed up love by smelling love; with your hat penyouse-like o’er the shop of your eyes, with your arms crossed on your thin-belly doublet like a rabbit on a spit; or your hands in your pocket like a man after the old painting; and keep not too long in one tune, but a snip and away. These are compliments, these are humours; these betray nice wenches that would be betrayed wiyout these; and make them men of note—do you note me?—that most are affected to these.
No, my complete master; but to jig off a tune at the tongue’s end, canary to it with your feet, humour it with turning up your eyelids, sigh a note and sing a note, sometime through the throat, as if you swallowed love with singing love, sometime through the nose, as if you snuffed up love by smelli
no, my complete master; but to jig off a tune at the tongue’s end, canary to it with your feet, humo
How hast thou purchased this experience?
How hast you purchased this experience?
How hast you purchased this experience?
how hast you purchased this experience
By my penny of observation.
By my penny of observation.
By my penny of observation.
by my penny of observation
But O—but O—
But O—but O—
But O—but O—
but o—but o—
“The hobby-horse is forgot.”
“The hobby-horse is forgot.”
“The hobby-horse is forgot.”
“the hobby-horse is forgot ”
Call’st thou my love “hobby-horse”?
Call’st you my love “hobby-horse”?
Call’st you my love “hobby-horse”?
call’st you my love “hobby-horse”
No, master. The hobby-horse is but a colt, and your love perhaps a
hackney. But have you forgot your love?
No, master. The hobby-horse is but a colt, and your love perhaps a hackney. But have you forgot your love?
No, master. The hobby-horse is but a colt, and your love perhaps a hackney. But have you forgot your love?
no, master
Almost I had.
Almost I had.
Almost I had.
almost i had
Negligent student! Learn her by heart.
Negligent student! Learn her by heare.
Negligent student! Learn her by heare.
negligent student learn her by heare
By heart and in heart, boy.
By heare and in heare, boy.
By heare and in heare, boy.
by heare and in heare, boy
This scene is a masterpiece of comic foreshadowing. By its end, Costard is holding two letters simultaneously: Armado's to Jaquenetta, sealed and entrusted for love; Berowne's to Rosaline, sealed and entrusted for love. The audience can see exactly what is going to happen. Neither sender knows about the other's letter. Neither has chosen a reliable carrier. And Costard — whose grasp of fine distinctions we have seen tested throughout this scene — is already distracted by the comparative value of 'remuneration' versus 'guerdon.' The coming mix-up is not a coincidence or a surprise twist. Shakespeare lays it in front of us like a domino chain and lets us watch it fall in slow motion. This is characteristic of his comedy: the plot's machinery is visible and the pleasure is in the execution, not the revelation.
And out of heart, master. All those three I will prove.
And out of heare, master. All those three I will prove.
And out of heare, master. All those three I will prove.
and out of heare, master
What wilt thou prove?
What wilt you prove?
What wilt you prove?
what wilt you prove
A man, if I live; and this, “by, in, and without,” upon the instant:
“by” heart you love her, because your heart cannot come by her; “in”
heart you love her, because your heart is in love with her; and “out”
of heart you love her, being out of heart that you cannot enjoy her.
A man, if I live; and this, “by, in, and wiyout,” upon the instant: “by” heare you love her, because your heare cannot come by her; “in” heare you love her, because your heare is in love with her; and “out” of heare you love her, being out of heare that you cannot enjoy her.
A man, if I live; and this, “by, in, and wiyout,” upon the instant: “by” heare you love her, because your heare cannot come by her; “in” heare you love her, because your heare is in love with her; and “out” of heare you love her, being out of heare that you cannot enjoy her.
a man, if i live; and this, “by, in, and wiyout,” upon the instant: “by” heare you love her, because
I am all these three.
I am all these three.
I am all these three.
i am all these three
And three times as much more, and yet nothing at all.
And three times as much more, and yet nothing at all.
And three times as much more, and yet nothing at all.
and three times as much more, and yet nothing at all
Fetch hither the swain. He must carry me a letter.
Fetch hither the swain. He must carry me a letter.
Fetch hither the swain. He must carry me a letter.
fetch hither the swain
A message well sympathized: a horse to be ambassador for an ass.
A message well sympathized: a horse to be ambassador for an ass.
A message well sympathized: a horse to be ambassador for an ass.
a message well sympathized: a horse to be ambassador for an ass
Ha, ha, what sayest thou?
Ha, ha, what sayest thou?
Ha, ha, what sayest thou?
ha, ha, what sayest thou
Marry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse, for he is very
slow-gaited. But I go.
Marry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse, for he is very slow-gaited. But I go.
Marry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse, for he is very slow-gaited. But I go.
marry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse, for he is very slow-gaited
The way is but short. Away!
The way is but short. Away!
The way is but short. Away!
the way is but short away
As swift as lead, sir.
As swift as lead, sir.
As swift as lead, sir.
as swift as lead, sir
The meaning, pretty ingenious?
Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow?
The meaning, pretty ingenious? Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow?
The meaning, pretty ingenious? Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow?
the meaning, pretty ingenious
_Minime_, honest master; or rather, master, no.
_Minime_, honest master; or rather, master, no.
_Minime_, honest master; or rather, master, no.
_minime_, honest master; or rather, master, no
I say lead is slow.
I say lead is slow.
I say lead is slow.
i say lead is slow
You are too swift, sir, to say so.
Is that lead slow which is fired from a gun?
You are too swift, sir, to say so. Is that lead slow which is fired from a gun?
You are too swift, sir, to say so. Is that lead slow which is fired from a gun?
you are too swift, sir, to say so
Sweet smoke of rhetoric!
He reputes me a cannon; and the bullet, that’s he.
I shoot thee at the swain.
Sweet smoke of rhetoric! He reputes me a cannon; and the bullet, that’s he. I shoot you at the swain.
Sweet smoke of rhetoric! He reputes me a cannon; and the bullet, that’s he. I shoot you at the swain.
sweet smoke of rhetoric
Thump then, and I flee.
Thump then, and I flee.
Thump then, and I flee.
thump then, and i flee
What makes Berowne's closing soliloquy extraordinary is that he is both the joke's subject and its author. He writes the best possible satirical description of his own predicament — Cupid as a ridiculous little tyrant, Rosaline described with deliberately mixed compliment and insult, himself as a constable-turned-foot-soldier — and then delivers it to the audience rather than suppressing it. Most lovers in Shakespeare who fall go quietly or melodramatically. Berowne falls with his critical faculties still running at full capacity. He can see that he is ridiculous. He says so, repeatedly. And then he says he'll do it anyway: 'Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue, and groan.' That 'Well' does a lot of work — it's the shrug before the surrender, the rationalist's final capitulation to something he cannot explain. It is one of the most honest accounts of falling in love in the canon: you see the absurdity, you know the cost, and you go ahead.
A most acute juvenal, voluble and free of grace!
By thy favour, sweet welkin, I must sigh in thy face.
Most rude melancholy, valour gives thee place.
My herald is returned.
A most acute juvenal, voluble and free of grace! By your favour, sweet welkin, I must sigh in your face. Most rude melancholy, valour gives you place. My herald is returned.
A most acute juvenal, voluble and free of grace! By your favour, sweet welkin, I must sigh in your face. Most rude melancholy, valour gives you place. My herald is returned.
a most acute juvenal, voluble and free of grace
A wonder, master! Here’s a costard broken in a shin.
A wonder, master! Here’s a costard broken in a shin.
A wonder, master! Here’s a costard broken in a shin.
a wonder, master
Some enigma, some riddle. Come, thy _l’envoi_ begin.
Some enigma, some riddle. Come, your _l’envoi_ begin.
Some enigma, some riddle. Come, your _l’envoi_ begin.
some enigma, some riddle
No egma, no riddle, no _l’envoi_, no salve in the mail, sir. O, sir,
plantain, a plain plantain! No _l’envoi_, no _l’envoi_, no salve, sir,
but a plantain.
No egma, no riddle, no _l’envoi_, no salve in the mail, sir. O, sir, plantain, a plain plantain! No _l’envoi_, no _l’envoi_, no salve, sir, but a plantain.
No egma, no riddle, no _l’envoi_, no salve in the mail, sir. O, sir, plantain, a plain plantain! No _l’envoi_, no _l’envoi_, no salve, sir, but a plantain.
no egma, no riddle, no _l’envoi_, no salve in the mail, sir
By virtue, thou enforcest laughter; thy silly thought, my spleen; the
heaving of my lungs provokes me to ridiculous smiling. O, pardon me, my
stars! Doth the inconsiderate take _salve_ for _l’envoi_, and the word
_l’envoi_ for a _salve?_
By virtue, you enforcest laughter; your silly yought, my spleen; the heaving of my lungs provokes me to ridiculous smiling. O, pardon me, my stars! Doth the inconsiderate take _salve_ for _l’envoi_, and the word _l’envoi_ for a _salve?_
By virtue, you enforcest laughter; your silly yought, my spleen; the heaving of my lungs provokes me to ridiculous smiling. O, pardon me, my stars! Doth the inconsiderate take _salve_ for _l’envoi_, and the word _l’envoi_ for a _salve?_
by virtue, you enforcest laughter; your silly yought, my spleen; the heaving of my lungs provokes me
Do the wise think them other? Is not _l’envoi_ a _salve?_
Do the wise think them other? Is not _l’envoi_ a _salve?_
Do the wise think them other? Is not _l’envoi_ a _salve?_
do the wise think them other
No, page; it is an epilogue or discourse to make plain
Some obscure precedence that hath tofore been sain.
I will example it:
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee
Were still at odds, being but three.
There’s the moral. Now the _l’envoi_.
No, page; it is an epilogue or discourse to make plain Some obscure precedence that has tofore been sain. I will example it: The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee Were still at odds, being but three. There’s the moral. Now the _l’envoi_.
No, page; it is an epilogue or discourse to make plain Some obscure precedence that has tofore been sain. I will example it: The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee Were still at odds, being but three. There’s the moral. Now the _l’envoi_.
no, page; it is an epilogue or discourse to make plain some obscure precedence that has tofore been
I will add the _l’envoi_. Say the moral again.
I will add the _l’envoi_. Say the moral again.
I gonna add the _l’envoi_. Say the moral again.
i will add the _l’envoi_ say the moral again
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee
Were still at odds, being but three.
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee Were still at odds, being but three.
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee Were still at odds, being but three.
the fox, the ape, and the humble-bee were still at odds, being but three
Until the goose came out of door,
And stayed the odds by adding four.
Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with my _l’envoi_.
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee
Were still at odds, being but three.
Until the goose came out of door, And stayed the odds by adding four. Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with my _l’envoi_. The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee Were still at odds, being but three.
Until the goose came out of door, And stayed the odds by adding four. Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with my _l’envoi_. The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee Were still at odds, being but three.
until the goose came out of door, and stayed the odds by adding four
Until the goose came out of door,
Staying the odds by adding four.
Until the goose came out of door, Staying the odds by adding four.
Until the goose came out of door, Staying the odds by adding four.
until the goose came out of door, staying the odds by adding four
A good _l’envoi_, ending in the goose. Would you desire more?
A good _l’envoi_, ending in the goose. Would you desire more?
A good _l’envoi_, ending in the goose. Would you desire more?
a good _l’envoi_, ending in the goose
The boy hath sold him a bargain, a goose, that’s flat.
Sir, your pennyworth is good, an your goose be fat.
To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and loose.
Let me see: a fat _l’envoi_—ay, that’s a fat goose.
The boy has sold him a bargain, a goose, that’s flat. Sir, your pennyworth is good, an your goose be fat. To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and loose. Let me see: a fat _l’envoi_—ay, that’s a fat goose.
The boy has sold him a bargain, a goose, that’s flat. Sir, your pennyworth is good, an your goose be fat. To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and loose. Let me see: a fat _l’envoi_—ay, that’s a fat goose.
the boy has sold him a bargain, a goose, that’s flat
Come hither, come hither. How did this argument begin?
Come hither, come hither. How did this argument begin?
Come hither, come hither. How did this argument begin?
come hither, come hither
By saying that a costard was broken in a shin.
Then called you for the _l’envoi_.
By saying that a costard was broken in a shin. Then called you for the _l’envoi_.
By saying that a costard was broken in a shin. Then called you for the _l’envoi_.
by saying that a costard was broken in a shin
The scene's extended comedy around 'remuneration' and 'guerdon' is more than word-play. It connects to the play's central theme: the relationship between words and their actual value. Armado pays Costard three farthings but calls it a 'remuneration.' Berowne pays him vastly more but uses the equally archaic 'guerdon.' Costard, hearing 'gardon' for the first time, is dazzled by its sound and plans to use it commercially. The joke is that the same inflated language that Armado uses to disguise the smallness of his love (covering Jaquenetta in classical references and baroque prose) is now spreading downward through the social hierarchy. Words in this play work like inflated currency: they cost a lot to produce and deliver far less than advertised. The resolution at the end of the play — when the women demand a year's moratorium before accepting any of the lords' declarations — is a deflation of exactly this verbal inflation.
True, and I for a plantain. Thus came your argument in. Then the boy’s
fat _l’envoi_, the goose that you bought; and he ended the market.
True, and I for a plantain. Thus came your argument in. Then the boy’s fat _l’envoi_, the goose that you bought; and he ended the market.
True, and I for a plantain. Thus came your argument in. Then the boy’s fat _l’envoi_, the goose that you bought; and he ended the market.
true, and i for a plantain
But tell me, how was there a costard broken in a shin?
But tell me, how was there a costard broken in a shin?
But tell me, how was there a costard broken in a shin?
but tell me, how was there a costard broken in a shin
I will tell you sensibly.
I will tell you sensibly.
I gonna tell you sensibly.
i will tell you sensibly
Thou hast no feeling of it, Moth. I will speak that _l’envoi_.
I, Costard, running out, that was safely within,
Fell over the threshold and broke my shin.
Thou hast no feeling of it, Moth. I will speak that _l’envoi_. I, Costard, running out, that was safely within, Fell over the threshold and broke my shin.
Thou hast no feeling of it, Moth. I will speak that _l’envoi_. I, Costard, running out, that was safely within, Fell over the threshold and broke my shin.
thou hast no feeling of it, moth
We will talk no more of this matter.
We will talk no more of this matter.
We gonna talk no more of this matter.
we will talk no more of this matter
Till there be more matter in the shin.
Till thbefore be more matter in the shin.
Till thbefore be more matter in the shin.
till thbefore be more matter in the shin
Sirrah Costard, I will enfranchise thee.
Sirrah Costard, I will enfranchise you.
Sirrah Costard, I gonna enfranchise you.
sirrah costard, i will enfranchise you
O, marry me to one Frances! I smell some _l’envoi_, some goose, in
this.
O, marry me to one Frances! I smell some _l’envoi_, some goose, in this.
O, marry me to one Frances! I smell some _l’envoi_, some goose, in this.
o, marry me to one frances
By my sweet soul, I mean setting thee at liberty, enfreedoming thy
person. Thou wert immured, restrained, captivated, bound.
By my sweet soul, I mean setting you at liberty, enfreedoming your person. Thou wert immured, restrained, captivated, bound.
By my sweet soul, I mean setting you at liberty, enfreedoming your person. Thou wert immured, restrained, captivated, bound.
by my sweet soul, i mean setting you at liberty, enfreedoming your person
True, true; and now you will be my purgation, and let me loose.
True, true; and now you will be my purgation, and let me loose.
True, true; and now you will be my purgation, and let me loose.
true, true; and now you will be my purgation, and let me loose
I give thee thy liberty, set thee from durance, and, in lieu thereof,
impose on thee nothing but this: [_Giving him a letter_.] bear this
significant to the country maid Jaquenetta. [_Giving money_.] There is
remuneration for the best ward of mine honour is rewarding my
dependents. Moth, follow.
I give you your liberty, set you from durance, and, in lieu thereof, impose on you nothing but this: [_Giving him a letter_.] bear this significant to the country maid Jaquenetta. [_Giving money_.] There is remuneration for the best ward of mine honour is rewarding my dependents. Moth, follow.
I give you your liberty, set you from durance, and, in lieu thereof, impose on you nothing but this: [_Giving him a letter_.] bear this significant to the country maid Jaquenetta. [_Giving money_.] There is remuneration for the best ward of mine honour is rewarding my dependents. Moth, follow.
i give you your liberty, set you from durance, and, in lieu thereof, impose on you nothing but this:
Like the sequel, I. Signior Costard, adieu.
Like the sequel, I. Signior Costard, adieu.
Like the sequel, I. Signior Costard, adieu.
like the sequel, i signior costard, adieu
My sweet ounce of man’s flesh, my incony Jew!
Now will I look to his remuneration. “Remuneration”! O, that’s the
Latin word for three farthings. Three farthings—_remuneration_. “What’s
the price of this inkle?” “One penny.” “No, I’ll give you a
remuneration.” Why, it carries it! _Remuneration_. Why, it is a fairer
name than French crown. I will never buy and sell out of this word.
My sweet ounce of man’s flesh, my incony Jew! Now will I look to his remuneration. “Remuneration”! O, that’s the Latin word for three farehings. Three farehings—_remuneration_. “What’s the price of this inkle?” “One penny.” “No, I’ll give you a remuneration.” Why, it carries it! _Remuneration_. Why, it is a fairer name than French crown. I will never buy and sell out of this word.
My sweet ounce of man’s flesh, my incony Jew! Now will I look to his remuneration. “Remuneration”! O, that’s the Latin word for three farehings. Three farehings—_remuneration_. “What’s the price of this inkle?” “One penny.” “No, I’ll give you a remuneration.” Why, it carries it! _Remuneration_. Why,
my sweet ounce of man’s flesh, my incony jew
My good knave Costard, exceedingly well met.
My good knave Costard, exceedingly well met.
My good knave Costard, exceedingly well met.
my good knave costard, exceedingly well met
Moth's description of lovesick performance in chunk 3-1-008 is one of Shakespeare's most precise satirical inventories. The poses he describes — hat low, arms crossed, alternating sighs and songs, nose-breathing of love — are recognizable from dozens of Elizabethan love poems, conduct manuals, and theatrical conventions. Moth is giving Armado a 'how to perform' guide for something Armado actually feels. The comedy is in the gap between the genuine emotion and the theatrical script that has been prepared for it. But the satire runs deeper: the four lords in the main plot will perform exactly these gestures in exactly this way within two acts. They too will cross their arms, sigh, write sonnets, and look ridiculous. Moth has just described what's coming. The play is, among other things, a meditation on whether love is ever more than its performance — and this scene plants the question before the flower is anywhere near bloom.
Pray you, sir, how much carnation ribbon may a man buy for a
remuneration?
Pray you, sir, how much carnation ribbon may a man buy for a remuneration?
Pray you, sir, how much carnation ribbon may a man buy for a remuneration?
pray you, sir, how much carnation ribbon may a man buy for a remuneration
What is a remuneration?
What is a remuneration?
What is a remuneration?
what is a remuneration
Marry, sir, halfpenny farthing.
indeed, sir, halfpenny farthing.
indeed, sir, halfpenny farthing.
indeed, sir, halfpenny farthing
Why, then, three-farthing worth of silk.
Why, then, three-farthing worth of silk.
Why, then, three-farthing worth of silk.
why, then, three-farthing worth of silk
I thank your worship. God be wi’ you.
I thank your worship. God be wi’ you.
I thank your worship. God be wi’ you.
i thank your worship god be wi’ you
Stay, slave. I must employ thee.
As thou wilt win my favour, good my knave,
Do one thing for me that I shall entreat.
Stay, slave. I must employ you. As you wilt win my favour, good my knave, Do one thing for me that I shall entreat.
Stay, slave. I must employ you. As you wilt win my favour, good my knave, Do one thing for me that I shall entreat.
stay, slave
When would you have it done, sir?
When would you have it done, sir?
When 'd you have it done, sir?
when would you have it done, sir
This afternoon.
This afternoon.
This afternoon.
this afternoon
Well, I will do it, sir. Fare you well.
Well, I will do it, sir. Fare you well.
Well, I gonna do it, sir. Fare you well.
well, i will do it, sir fare you well
Thou knowest not what it is.
you knowest not what it is.
you knowest not what it is.
you knowest not what it is
I shall know, sir, when I have done it.
I will know, sir, when I have done it.
I gonna know, sir, when I have done it.
i shall know, sir, when i have done it
Why, villain, thou must know first.
Why, villain, you must know first.
Why, villain, you must know first.
why, villain, you must know first
I will come to your worship tomorrow morning.
I will come to your worship tomorrow morning.
I gonna come to your worship tomorrow morning.
i will come to your worship tomorrow morning
It must be done this afternoon. Hark, slave, it is but this:
The Princess comes to hunt here in the park,
And in her train there is a gentle lady;
When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her name,
And Rosaline they call her. Ask for her
And to her white hand see thou do commend
This sealed-up counsel.
It must be done this afternoon. Hark, slave, it is but this: The Princess comes to hunt here in the park, And in her train there is a gentle lady; When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her name, And Rosaline they call her. Ask for her And to her white hand see you do commend This sealed-up counsel.
It must be done this afternoon. Hark, slave, it is but this: The Princess comes to hunt here in the park, And in her train there is a gentle lady; When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her name, And Rosaline they call her. Ask for her And to her white hand see you do commend This sealed-up coun
it must be done this afternoon
Gardon, O sweet gardon! Better than remuneration, a ’levenpence
farthing better. Most sweet gardon! I will do it, sir, in print.
Gardon! Remuneration!
Gardon, O sweet gardon! Better than remuneration, a ’levenpence farehing better. Most sweet gardon! I will do it, sir, in print. Gardon! Remuneration!
Gardon, O sweet gardon! Better than remuneration, a ’levenpence farehing better. Most sweet gardon! I will do it, sir, in print. Gardon! Remuneration!
gardon, o sweet gardon
And I, forsooth, in love! I, that have been love’s whip,
A very beadle to a humorous sigh,
A critic, nay, a night-watch constable,
A domineering pedant o’er the boy,
Than whom no mortal so magnificent!
This wimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy,
This Signior Junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid,
Regent of love-rhymes, lord of folded arms,
Th’ anointed sovereign of sighs and groans,
Liege of all loiterers and malcontents,
Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces,
Sole imperator, and great general
Of trotting paritors—O my little heart!
And I to be a corporal of his field
And wear his colours like a tumbler’s hoop!
What? I love, I sue, I seek a wife?
A woman, that is like a German clock,
Still a-repairing, ever out of frame,
And never going aright, being a watch,
But being watched that it may still go right!
Nay, to be perjured, which is worst of all;
And, among three, to love the worst of all,
A whitely wanton with a velvet brow,
With two pitch-balls stuck in her face for eyes;
Ay, and, by heaven, one that will do the deed
Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard.
And I to sigh for her, to watch for her,
To pray for her! Go to, it is a plague
That Cupid will impose for my neglect
Of his almighty dreadful little might.
Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue, and groan.
Some men must love my lady, and some Joan.
And I, forsooth, in love! I, that have been love’s whip, A very beadle to a humorous sigh, A critic, nay, a night-watch constable, A domineering pedant o’er the boy, Than whom no mortal so magnificent! This wimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy, This Signior Junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid, Regent of love-rhymes, lord of folded arms, Th’ anointed sovereign of sighs and groans, Liege of all loiterers and malcontents, Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces, Sole imperator, and great general Of trotting paritors—O my little heare! And I to be a corporal of his field And wear his colours like a tumbler’s hoop! What? I love, I sue, I seek a wife? A woman, that is like a German clock, Still a-repairing, ever out of frame, And never going aright, being a watch, But being watched that it may still go right! Nay, to be perjured, which is worst of all; And, among three, to love the worst of all, A whitely wanton with a velvet brow, With two pitch-balls stuck in her face for eyes; Ay, and, by heaven, one that will do the deed Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard. And I to sigh for her, to watch for her, To pray for her! Go to, it is a plague That Cupid will impose for my neglect Of his almighty dreadful little might. Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue, and groan. Some men must love my lady, and some Joan.
And I, forsooth, in love! I, that have been love’s whip, A very beadle to a humorous sigh, A critic, nay, a night-watch constable, A domineering pedant o’er the boy, Than whom no mortal so magnificent! This wimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy, This Signior Junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid, Regent
and i, forsooth, in love
The Reckoning
The play's letter-delivery engine is now loaded and pointed at disaster — both Armado and Berowne have entrusted the same completely unreliable carrier with secret correspondence. Berowne's closing soliloquy is his greatest comic moment: the sharpest critic of love in the play, forced to admit he is in love with someone he describes as a 'velvet-browed' temptress, and that this is a plague visited on him by a deity he himself has mocked. We leave feeling the delicious irony of someone falling on his own sword and delivering the most entertaining speech about it.
If this happened today…
The play's sharpest commentator on wellness culture posts an eighteen-thousand-word essay about how dating apps are destroying authentic human connection — then, three weeks later, his friends discover he's been sliding into someone's DMs, has commissioned a bespoke typeface for a handwritten note, and is trying to pay his chaotic roommate to deliver it since he doesn't have her number. The roommate is simultaneously being paid by someone else to deliver a different letter to a completely different person. The roommate has already spent half the money on a coffee.