Warble, child, make passionate my sense of hearing.
Sing, boy. Make my hearing delighted with music.
Come on, kid, sing something beautiful to make me happy.
sing nice
Concolinel.
Concolinel.
Concolinel.
concolinel
Sweet air! Go, tenderness of years, take this key, give enlargement to
the swain, bring him festinately hither. I must employ him in a letter
to my love.
Sweet air! Go, young tender one, take this key and free the servant. Bring him quickly here. I need to use him to carry a letter to my love.
Listen, young man, take this key and go free that guy. Get him here fast—I need him to deliver a letter for me.
get the guy & free him need him to deliver letter
Master, will you win your love with a French brawl?
Master, will you win your love by dancing the brawl, that French dance?
Sir, are you going to win her over by doing that fancy French dance?
dancing gonna work
How meanest thou? Brawling in French?
What do you mean? Fighting in French?
What are you talking about? Fighting in French?
fighting in french
No, my complete master; but to jig off a tune at the tongue’s end,
canary to it with your feet, humour it with turning up your eyelids,
sigh a note and sing a note, sometime through the throat, as if you
swallowed love with singing love, sometime through the nose, as if you
snuffed up love by smelling love; with your hat penthouse-like o’er the
shop of your eyes, with your arms crossed on your thin-belly doublet
like a rabbit on a spit; or your hands in your pocket like a man after
the old painting; and keep not too long in one tune, but a snip and
away. These are compliments, these are humours; these betray nice
wenches that would be betrayed without these; and make them men of
note—do you note me?—that most are affected to these.
No, my accomplished master. Rather, you should sing off a tune from the tip of your tongue, perform a lively dance to it with your feet, add humor by raising and lowering your eyelids, sigh a note and sing a note—sometimes through your throat as if you swallowed love with your singing, sometimes through your nose as if you breathed in love by smelling it. Wear your hat like a roof over the windows of your eyes, cross your arms over your thin-belly doublet like a rabbit on a spit, or put your hands in your pockets like a man in an old painting. Do not stay in one tune too long—a quick change and away. These are tricks, these are mannerisms. They work on naive girls who would be seduced without them anyway, and make them men of note—do you hear me?—most girls are attracted to men who do these things.
No, my brilliant master. What you do is keep the tune going at the tip of your tongue, dance along to it with your feet, move your eyebrows up and down for effect, sigh dramatically and sing dramatically—sometimes like it's coming from deep in your throat like you're swallowing love, sometimes through your nose like you're inhaling it. Put your hat on your head like a roof, cross your arms over your chest like a rabbit on a spit, or keep your hands in your pockets like you're in some old painting. Don't stay in one tune—keep switching it up fast. These are all moves, all tricks. They work on innocent girls who would fall for you anyway, and they make you look like a man of style—you getting this?—girls love guys who do this stuff.
sing keep switching tune dance move ur eyebrows sigh dramatic switch it up fast girls fall for it
How hast thou purchased this experience?
How did you get this experience?
Where did you pick all this up?
how u learn this
By my penny of observation.
From my penny-worth of observation—my careful watching.
Just from watching people closely, sir.
been watching ppl
But O—but O—
Hold on, wait—hold on, wait—
Wait though, hold on—
hold up wait
“The hobby-horse is forgot.”
"The hobby-horse is forgotten."
"People have forgotten about the hobby-horse."
hobby horse forgotten
Call’st thou my love “hobby-horse”?
You call my love a "hobby-horse"?
Are you calling my girlfriend a hobby-horse?
did u just call her a hobby horse
No, master. The hobby-horse is but a colt, and your love perhaps a
hackney. But have you forgot your love?
No, master. The hobby-horse is merely a toy horse, and your love is perhaps a stable horse. But have you forgotten your love?
No sir, the hobby-horse is just a wooden toy, and your lady is maybe a real working horse. But wait—have you actually forgotten about her?
hobby horse toy she's real horse but did u forget about her
Almost I had.
I almost did.
Yeah, nearly forgot.
almost did
Negligent student! Learn her by heart.
Lazy student! Learn her by heart.
You lazy student, you! Memorize everything about her.
lazy memorize her
By heart and in heart, boy.
In my heart and with my heart, boy.
With all my heart, Moth.
whole heart
This scene is a masterpiece of comic foreshadowing. By its end, Costard is holding two letters simultaneously: Armado's to Jaquenetta, sealed and entrusted for love; Berowne's to Rosaline, sealed and entrusted for love. The audience can see exactly what is going to happen. Neither sender knows about the other's letter. Neither has chosen a reliable carrier. And Costard — whose grasp of fine distinctions we have seen tested throughout this scene — is already distracted by the comparative value of 'remuneration' versus 'guerdon.' The coming mix-up is not a coincidence or a surprise twist. Shakespeare lays it in front of us like a domino chain and lets us watch it fall in slow motion. This is characteristic of his comedy: the plot's machinery is visible and the pleasure is in the execution, not the revelation.
And out of heart, master. All those three I will prove.
Also while being heartbroken with longing, master. I can demonstrate all three states.
And completely devastated too, sir. I can prove all three situations.
also devastated heartbroken all 3 ways
What wilt thou prove?
What will you prove?
What are you going to show me?
what do u mean
A man, if I live; and this, “by, in, and without,” upon the instant:
“by” heart you love her, because your heart cannot come by her; “in”
heart you love her, because your heart is in love with her; and “out”
of heart you love her, being out of heart that you cannot enjoy her.
I will become a man, if I live, and I'll prove it right now with these three meanings: "By" heart you love her because your heart cannot reach her; "In" heart you love her because your heart is wrapped up in love with her; and "Out" of heart you love her because you are heartbroken that you cannot enjoy her.
If I live, I'll become a man, and I can show you right now. "By" heart means you love her because you literally can't get to her. "In" heart means you love her because your whole heart is totally in love with her. "Out" of heart means you're so heartbroken because you can't be with her.
by heart cant reach her / in heart totally gone for her / out of heart heartbroken cant be w her
I am all these three.
All three conditions apply to me.
Yeah, I'm all of those things at once.
all three yep
And three times as much more, and yet nothing at all.
Multiplied by three again, and paradoxically still amounting to zero.
Triple that amount, but also somehow worth absolutely nothing.
triple & still nothing lol
Fetch hither the swain. He must carry me a letter.
Get the servant for me. He has to carry a letter to my love.
Go get that guy for me. He's going to carry a letter to my girlfriend.
get the guy he's carrying letter
A message well sympathized: a horse to be ambassador for an ass.
A perfectly fitting message—a horse to be messenger for a donkey.
Perfect fit—a horse to deliver messages for a donkey.
horse for a donkey lol
Ha, ha, what sayest thou?
Ha, what did you say?
Ha! What was that?
what
Marry, sir, you must send the ass upon the horse, for he is very
slow-gaited. But I go.
Well, sir, you need to send the donkey on the horse, because he moves very slowly. But I'm going now.
Well, you need to put the donkey on the horse because he's way too slow. I'm off though.
put him on horse he slow lol bye
The way is but short. Away!
The distance is short. Go!
It's not far. Get going!
go quick
As swift as lead, sir.
Moving at the speed of lead, sir.
I'll move with the speed of lead for you, sir.
lead speed lol
The meaning, pretty ingenious?
Is not lead a metal heavy, dull, and slow?
I see what you mean, clever one. Isn't lead a metal that's heavy, dull, and slow?
Hold on, I see what you did there. Lead is a heavy, slow metal, isn't it?
wait lead is heavy & slow
_Minime_, honest master; or rather, master, no.
Certainly not, honest master; or rather, master, no.
Not at all, honest sir. Or I mean, no sir.
nah not really
I say lead is slow.
My position is that lead moves slowly.
What I'm saying is lead takes forever to move.
lead = slow
You are too swift, sir, to say so.
Is that lead slow which is fired from a gun?
You're too quick to say that, sir. When lead is fired from a gun, is that slow?
You're talking too fast, sir. What about when lead is shot from a gun? Is that slow?
not so fast what about bullets from gun
Sweet smoke of rhetoric!
He reputes me a cannon; and the bullet, that’s he.
I shoot thee at the swain.
Sweet words and clever speech! He says I'm a cannon, and the bullet is himself. I shoot you toward the servant.
Beautiful rhetoric! So he's calling me a cannon and he's the bullet. I'm firing him at that servant.
im cannon hes bullet shooting him at servant
Thump then, and I flee.
Fire then, and I run away.
Fire away then, and I'll take off.
ok firing bye
What makes Berowne's closing soliloquy extraordinary is that he is both the joke's subject and its author. He writes the best possible satirical description of his own predicament — Cupid as a ridiculous little tyrant, Rosaline described with deliberately mixed compliment and insult, himself as a constable-turned-foot-soldier — and then delivers it to the audience rather than suppressing it. Most lovers in Shakespeare who fall go quietly or melodramatically. Berowne falls with his critical faculties still running at full capacity. He can see that he is ridiculous. He says so, repeatedly. And then he says he'll do it anyway: 'Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue, and groan.' That 'Well' does a lot of work — it's the shrug before the surrender, the rationalist's final capitulation to something he cannot explain. It is one of the most honest accounts of falling in love in the canon: you see the absurdity, you know the cost, and you go ahead.
A most acute juvenal, voluble and free of grace!
By thy favour, sweet welkin, I must sigh in thy face.
Most rude melancholy, valour gives thee place.
My herald is returned.
A very quick young wit, fluent and graceful! By your leave, sweet sky, I must sigh in your face. Dark melancholy, valor takes your place now. My messenger has returned.
Such a clever, quick-witted kid, so fluent and graceful! If you don't mind, beautiful day, I have to sigh dramatically. Sad feelings, step aside for courage. Here comes my messenger back.
hes so clever sad leave courage here's my guy back
A wonder, master! Here’s a costard broken in a shin.
A wonder, master! Here's a head broken in a shin.
Amazing, sir! Here's a guy with a smashed head and a broken shin.
wow head busted shin broken
Some enigma, some riddle. Come, thy _l’envoi_ begin.
Some riddle, some puzzle. Come, start your explanation.
It's a riddle, isn't it? Come on, explain it to us.
puzzle explain
No egma, no riddle, no _l’envoi_, no salve in the mail, sir. O, sir,
plantain, a plain plantain! No _l’envoi_, no _l’envoi_, no salve, sir,
but a plantain.
No riddle, no puzzle, no explanation, no salve or healing in the mail, sir. No! Sir, plantain, plain plantain! No explanation, no explanation, no salve, sir, but plantain.
No riddle, no puzzle, no explanations, no healing power in the mail, sir. Come on! Sir, it's plantain, just plain plantain! No explanations, just plantain to put on the wound.
not a riddle just plantain bro plain plantain
By virtue, thou enforcest laughter; thy silly thought, my spleen; the
heaving of my lungs provokes me to ridiculous smiling. O, pardon me, my
stars! Doth the inconsiderate take _salve_ for _l’envoi_, and the word
_l’envoi_ for a _salve?_
By my virtue, you force laughter from me; your simple thought delights me; my laughing makes me smile foolishly. Forgive me, fate! Does the thoughtless person mistake salve for an explanation, and the word explanation for a salve?
Seriously, you're making me laugh. Your simple way of thinking is funny to me. I can't help smiling. Forgive me, fate! Is he really confusing a healing salve with an explanation, and an explanation with a salve?
ur funny simple mind makes me laugh omg is he mixing up salve & explanation
Do the wise think them other? Is not _l’envoi_ a _salve?_
Do the wise think them different? Isn't an explanation a kind of salve?
Don't smart people think they're the same thing? Isn't an explanation like a healing treatment?
arent they the same thing
No, page; it is an epilogue or discourse to make plain
Some obscure precedence that hath tofore been sain.
I will example it:
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee
Were still at odds, being but three.
There’s the moral. Now the _l’envoi_.
No, page. It is a final saying or talk to make clear some hidden meaning that came before. I will give an example: The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee were always fighting, being only three. That's the moral. Now comes the explanation.
No, Moth. An explanation is like a closing statement that explains some hidden meaning from earlier. Let me show you: The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee kept fighting because there were only three. That's the moral. Now the explanation.
explanation explains hidden meaning earlier fox ape bee fighting thats moral now explanation
I will add the _l’envoi_. Say the moral again.
I will add the explanation. Say the moral again.
I'll add the explanation. Say that moral again.
ill add explanation say it again
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee
Were still at odds, being but three.
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee were always fighting, being only three.
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee kept fighting because they were only three.
fox ape bee three always fighting
Until the goose came out of door,
And stayed the odds by adding four.
Now will I begin your moral, and do you follow with my _l’envoi_.
The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee
Were still at odds, being but three.
Until the goose came out, and balanced things by adding four. Now I will begin your moral, and you follow with my explanation. The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee were always fighting, being only three.
Until the goose showed up and made it four to balance things out. Now I'll do your moral and you do my explanation. The fox, the ape, and the humble-bee kept fighting because there were only three.
til goose came made it 4 balanced now i do moral you do explanation
Until the goose came out of door,
Staying the odds by adding four.
Until the goose came out, keeping the balance by adding four.
Until the goose came out and balanced it by making four.
til goose made it 4
A good _l’envoi_, ending in the goose. Would you desire more?
A good explanation, ending with the goose. Would you want more?
Good explanation, ending with the goose. Want anything else?
good one ending w goose want more
The boy hath sold him a bargain, a goose, that’s flat.
Sir, your pennyworth is good, an your goose be fat.
To sell a bargain well is as cunning as fast and loose.
Let me see: a fat _l’envoi_—ay, that’s a fat goose.
The boy has sold him a bargain—a goose, that's certain. Sir, you got a good deal, if your goose is fat. Selling a bargain well is just like the game of fast and loose. Let me see: a fat explanation—that's a fat goose.
That kid just sold him a deal—a goose, straight up. Sir, you made a good deal if that goose is fat. Selling a bargain is like playing that fast-and-loose game. A fat explanation—that's one fat goose.
boy sold him goose good deal if fat fat explanation fat goose lol
Come hither, come hither. How did this argument begin?
Come here, come here. How did this conversation start?
Come over here. How did we get into all this?
come over here explain this convo
By saying that a costard was broken in a shin.
Then called you for the _l’envoi_.
By saying that a head was broken in a shin. Then you called for the explanation.
By me saying his head got smashed in his shin. Then you asked for an explanation.
i said head broken in shin you asked explanation
The scene's extended comedy around 'remuneration' and 'guerdon' is more than word-play. It connects to the play's central theme: the relationship between words and their actual value. Armado pays Costard three farthings but calls it a 'remuneration.' Berowne pays him vastly more but uses the equally archaic 'guerdon.' Costard, hearing 'gardon' for the first time, is dazzled by its sound and plans to use it commercially. The joke is that the same inflated language that Armado uses to disguise the smallness of his love (covering Jaquenetta in classical references and baroque prose) is now spreading downward through the social hierarchy. Words in this play work like inflated currency: they cost a lot to produce and deliver far less than advertised. The resolution at the end of the play — when the women demand a year's moratorium before accepting any of the lords' declarations — is a deflation of exactly this verbal inflation.
True, and I for a plantain. Thus came your argument in. Then the boy’s
fat _l’envoi_, the goose that you bought; and he ended the market.
Right, and I asked for plantain. So came your request. Then the boy's fat explanation and the goose you bought, and he finished the deal.
Right, and I wanted plantain. So that's how it went. Then the kid's big explanation and the goose you bought, and that's how the deal ended.
i wanted plantain then his explanation & goose u bought deal done
But tell me, how was there a costard broken in a shin?
However, explain to me how his head ended up broken in his leg.
Okay, but help me understand how his head got smashed into his leg.
how his head get in his shin tho
I will tell you sensibly.
I will tell you clearly.
I'll explain it plainly.
ill explain
Thou hast no feeling of it, Moth. I will speak that _l’envoi_.
I, Costard, running out, that was safely within,
Fell over the threshold and broke my shin.
You don't understand it, Moth. I will tell that explanation. I, Costard, running out of safety, fell over the threshold and broke my shin.
You don't get it, Moth. I'll tell the explanation. I'm Costard, I ran out when I shouldn't have, tripped over the doorway and broke my leg.
i costard ran out tripped doorway broke shin
We will talk no more of this matter.
We will not discuss this anymore.
Let's not talk about this anymore.
no more talk about this
Till there be more matter in the shin.
Until there is more matter in my shin.
Until there's more meat on my leg to show for it.
til more stuff to show for it
Sirrah Costard, I will enfranchise thee.
Listen here, Costard, I will give you your freedom.
Hey Costard, I'm going to set you free.
ur free costard
O, marry me to one Frances! I smell some _l’envoi_, some goose, in
this.
Oh, marry me to a woman named Frances! I smell some explanation or profit in this.
Oh, marry me to Frances! I smell a trick here or something good for me.
marry me to frances something good here
By my sweet soul, I mean setting thee at liberty, enfreedoming thy
person. Thou wert immured, restrained, captivated, bound.
By my soul, I mean letting you go free, freeing your body. You were locked up, held back, trapped, bound.
I mean I'm setting you free for real, letting your body go. You were locked up, trapped, held prisoner.
ur free & let loose ur locked up trapped
True, true; and now you will be my purgation, and let me loose.
Right, and now you will be my healing, and let me loose.
Right, and now you'll be my cure and let me go free.
ur my cure now let me go
I give thee thy liberty, set thee from durance, and, in lieu thereof,
impose on thee nothing but this: [_Giving him a letter_.] bear this
significant to the country maid Jaquenetta. [_Giving money_.] There is
remuneration for the best ward of mine honour is rewarding my
dependents. Moth, follow.
I give you your freedom, let you out of prison, and instead of anything else, I ask only this: take this letter to the country girl Jaquenetta. Here is payment. The finest thing about honor is rewarding those who serve you. Moth, follow me.
You're free now, out of prison, and all you have to do is take this letter to the country girl Jaquenetta. Here's your payment. The real mark of honor is taking care of your servants. Moth, come on.
ur free take letter to jaquenetta heres payment honor means rewarding servants
Like the sequel, I. Signior Costard, adieu.
I'll follow like the ending. Costard, goodbye.
I'll come along like the ending of a story. Goodbye, Costard.
bye costard
My sweet ounce of man’s flesh, my incony Jew!
Now will I look to his remuneration. “Remuneration”! O, that’s the
Latin word for three farthings. Three farthings—_remuneration_. “What’s
the price of this inkle?” “One penny.” “No, I’ll give you a
remuneration.” Why, it carries it! _Remuneration_. Why, it is a fairer
name than French crown. I will never buy and sell out of this word.
My sweet ounce of human strength, my clever young man! Now I will think about his payment. "Payment"! That's the Latin word for three farthings. Three farthings—payment. "What's the price of this thread?" "One penny." "No, I'll give you a payment." Well, that works! Payment. It's a better word than French crown. I will never buy and sell using any other word.
My clever little guy! Now I'm thinking about what he paid me. "Payment"! That's the fancy word for three farthings. Three farthings—payment. "How much is this thread?" "One penny." "Nah, I'll give you a payment instead." That works great! Payment. It's a nicer word than French crown. I'm never using any other word for money again.
payment fancy word 4 3 farthings works better than french crown
My good knave Costard, exceedingly well met.
My good servant Costard, I'm very pleased to see you.
Costard, my good man, great to see you.
hey costard good 2 c u
Moth's description of lovesick performance in chunk 3-1-008 is one of Shakespeare's most precise satirical inventories. The poses he describes — hat low, arms crossed, alternating sighs and songs, nose-breathing of love — are recognizable from dozens of Elizabethan love poems, conduct manuals, and theatrical conventions. Moth is giving Armado a 'how to perform' guide for something Armado actually feels. The comedy is in the gap between the genuine emotion and the theatrical script that has been prepared for it. But the satire runs deeper: the four lords in the main plot will perform exactly these gestures in exactly this way within two acts. They too will cross their arms, sigh, write sonnets, and look ridiculous. Moth has just described what's coming. The play is, among other things, a meditation on whether love is ever more than its performance — and this scene plants the question before the flower is anywhere near bloom.
Pray you, sir, how much carnation ribbon may a man buy for a
remuneration?
If you please, sir, how much pink ribbon can a man buy for a payment?
Sir, how much pink ribbon can you get for one of those "payments"?
how much pink ribbon 4 payment
What is a remuneration?
What is a payment?
I have no idea what you mean by payment.
no clue what payment means
Marry, sir, halfpenny farthing.
Well, sir, half a penny farthing.
Well, sir, it's worth about half a penny farthing.
half penny farthing
Why, then, three-farthing worth of silk.
That equals the price of silk worth three farthings.
So you could buy silk that costs three farthings.
u can get 3 farthings silk
I thank your worship. God be wi’ you.
I thank you, sir. May God be with you.
Thanks, sir. God bless.
thanks god bless
Stay, slave. I must employ thee.
As thou wilt win my favour, good my knave,
Do one thing for me that I shall entreat.
Wait, stay. I need to use you. If you want to win my favor, my good servant, do one thing for me that I will ask you to do.
Hold on, wait. I need your help. If you want to stay on my good side, do me one favor—just one thing.
hold on i need ur help do one thing 4 me
When would you have it done, sir?
When do you want it done, sir?
When do you need it done, sir?
when
This afternoon.
This afternoon.
This afternoon.
this afternoon
Well, I will do it, sir. Fare you well.
Well, I will do it, sir. Goodbye.
Okay, I'll do it, sir. See you.
ok ill do it bye
Thou knowest not what it is.
You don't know what it is.
You don't know what I'm asking yet.
u dont know what it is
I shall know, sir, when I have done it.
I will know, sir, once I've done it.
I'll find out once I do it, sir.
ill find out when i do it
Why, villain, thou must know first.
Listen, you fool, you must know first.
No, you idiot, you need to know before you do it.
u need 2 know first dummy
I will come to your worship tomorrow morning.
I will come to your place tomorrow morning.
I'll come by tomorrow morning then.
ill come by tomorrow
It must be done this afternoon. Hark, slave, it is but this:
The Princess comes to hunt here in the park,
And in her train there is a gentle lady;
When tongues speak sweetly, then they name her name,
And Rosaline they call her. Ask for her
And to her white hand see thou do commend
This sealed-up counsel.
It must be done this afternoon. Listen, servant: here's the situation. The Princess comes to hunt here in the forest, and among her ladies is a gentle woman. When people speak well, they mention her name—Rosaline. Ask for her and give a special, sealed letter to her white hand.
It has to be done this afternoon. Okay, look: the Princess is coming to hunt in the forest today, and she's bringing a beautiful lady with her. People talk about her when they're being nice—her name is Rosaline. You need to find her and deliver this sealed letter to her.
this afternoon princess hunting forest beautiful lady rosaline find her deliver letter
There’s thy guerdon. Go.
There's your reward. Go.
That's your payment. Go.
here's ur money. go
Gardon, O sweet gardon! Better than remuneration, a ’levenpence
farthing better. Most sweet gardon! I will do it, sir, in print.
Gardon! Remuneration!
Oh, thank you! Better than payment—an eleven-pence farthing better. Most wonderful thank you! I will do it, sir, perfectly. Thank you! Payment!
Oh, thank you! That's way better than a payment—eleven pence farthings better! Most wonderful, thanks! I'll do it perfectly, sir. Thanks! Payment!
thank u better than payment way better ill do it perfect
And I, forsooth, in love! I, that have been love’s whip,
A very beadle to a humorous sigh,
A critic, nay, a night-watch constable,
A domineering pedant o’er the boy,
Than whom no mortal so magnificent!
This wimpled, whining, purblind, wayward boy,
This Signior Junior, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid,
Regent of love-rhymes, lord of folded arms,
Th’ anointed sovereign of sighs and groans,
Liege of all loiterers and malcontents,
Dread prince of plackets, king of codpieces,
Sole imperator, and great general
Of trotting paritors—O my little heart!
And I to be a corporal of his field
And wear his colours like a tumbler’s hoop!
What? I love, I sue, I seek a wife?
A woman, that is like a German clock,
Still a-repairing, ever out of frame,
And never going aright, being a watch,
But being watched that it may still go right!
Nay, to be perjured, which is worst of all;
And, among three, to love the worst of all,
A whitely wanton with a velvet brow,
With two pitch-balls stuck in her face for eyes;
Ay, and, by heaven, one that will do the deed
Though Argus were her eunuch and her guard.
And I to sigh for her, to watch for her,
To pray for her! Go to, it is a plague
That Cupid will impose for my neglect
Of his almighty dreadful little might.
Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, sue, and groan.
Some men must love my lady, and some Joan.
And I, truly, in love! Me, who have been love's punisher, a harsh officer to a sad sigh, a critic, even a night-watch guard, a bullying teacher over the boy Cupid, than whom no man is more magnificent! This shy, whining, half-blind, stubborn boy, this Junior fellow, giant-dwarf, Dan Cupid, ruler of love-rhymes, lord of crossed arms, the crowned king of sighs and groans, master of all who wander and complain, terrible prince of lovers, king of the styles of flirtation, sole emperor and great general of the runners of court business—oh, my little heart! And I am to be a soldier in his army and wear his colors like an acrobat wears a hoop! What? I love, I beg, I search for a wife? A woman who is like a broken clock, always being fixed, never working right, and never going correctly even though she's a watch, but being watched so she stays working? And worse, breaking my vows, which is the worst thing; and among three loves, to love the worst one—a pale flirting girl with a velvet brow, with two black balls stuck in her face for eyes. And yes, by heaven, one who will act on her desire even if a guard of a hundred eyes watched her. And I am to sigh for her, to keep vigil for her, to pray for her! Come on, it's a punishment that Cupid will give me for ignoring his mighty power. Well, I will love, write, sigh, pray, beg, and groan. Some men must love my lady, and some must love Joan.
And me, truly, falling in love! Me, who have been the enemy of love, someone tough about sad sighs, a critic, even a cop on night watch, a mean teacher to little Cupid, who is more important than anyone! This shy, whining, half-blind, stubborn kid, this young Cupid, small and tall at the same time, the king of love poems, lord of crossed arms, the ruler of all sighs and complaints, the scary prince of flirting, the king of dating moves, the only emperor and commander of all the court messengers—oh man! And I'm supposed to be his soldier and wear his colors like a circus guy wearing a loop! What? Me? I love, I ask, I look for a wife? A woman who's like a broken clock, always getting fixed, never works right, and even though she's a watch she never tells time right unless someone's watching her? Even worse, I'll break my promises—the worst thing—and of all the women I could love, I pick the worst one. A pale, flirty girl with soft eyebrows, with two black balls stuck on her face for eyes. And yes, honestly, one who will do whatever she wants even if a hundred guards were watching. And I'm supposed to sigh for her, stay up for her, pray for her! Come on, this is torture that Cupid's giving me because I didn't respect his power. Fine, I'll love, I'll write love letters, I'll sigh, I'll pray, I'll beg, and I'll complain. Some men have to love my lady, and some have to love Joan.
im in love me the love hater now that kid cupid owns me how humiliating love sigh pray beg groan im done
The Reckoning
The play's letter-delivery engine is now loaded and pointed at disaster — both Armado and Berowne have entrusted the same completely unreliable carrier with secret correspondence. Berowne's closing soliloquy is his greatest comic moment: the sharpest critic of love in the play, forced to admit he is in love with someone he describes as a 'velvet-browed' temptress, and that this is a plague visited on him by a deity he himself has mocked. We leave feeling the delicious irony of someone falling on his own sword and delivering the most entertaining speech about it.
If this happened today…
The play's sharpest commentator on wellness culture posts an eighteen-thousand-word essay about how dating apps are destroying authentic human connection — then, three weeks later, his friends discover he's been sliding into someone's DMs, has commissioned a bespoke typeface for a handwritten note, and is trying to pay his chaotic roommate to deliver it since he doesn't have her number. The roommate is simultaneously being paid by someone else to deliver a different letter to a completely different person. The roommate has already spent half the money on a coffee.