Come, shelter, shelter! I have removed Falstaff’s horse, and he frets
like a gummed velvet.
Come, shelter, shelter! I have removed Falstaff’s horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
Stand close.
Stand close.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!
Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! What a brawling dost thou keep!
Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! What a brawling do you keep!
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Where’s Poins, Hal?
Where’s Poins, Hal?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
He is walked up to the top of the hill. I’ll go seek him.
He is walked up to the top of the hill. I’ll go seek him.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
I am accursed to rob in that thief’s company. The rascal hath removed
my horse and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by
the square further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but
to die a fair death for all this, if I ’scape hanging for killing that
rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two-and-twenty
years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue’s company. If the rascal
have not given me medicines to make me love him, I’ll be hanged. It
could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! A plague upon
you both! Bardolph! Peto! I’ll starve ere I’ll rob a foot further. An
’twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man, and to leave
these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth.
Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me,
and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough. A plague upon it
when thieves cannot be true one to another! [_They whistle._] Whew! A
plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues, give me my horse and
be hanged!
I am accursed to rob in that thief’s company. The rascal has removed my horse and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by the square further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I ’scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two-and-twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue’s company. If the rascal have not given me medicines to make me love him, I’ll be hanged. It could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! A plague upon you both! Bardolph! Peto! I’ll starve before I’ll rob a foot further. An ’twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man, and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me, and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough. A plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another! [_They whistle._] Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues, give me my horse and be hanged!
I am accursed to rob in that thief’s company. The rascal has removed my horse and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by the square further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I ’scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two-and-twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue’s company. If the rascal have not given me medicines to make me love him, I’ll be hanged. It could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! A plague upon you both! Bardolph! Peto! I’ll starve before I’ll rob a foot further. An ’twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man, and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me, and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough. A plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another! [_They whistle._] Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues, give me my horse and be hanged!
I am accursed to rob in that thief’s company. The rascal has removed my horse and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by the square further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I ’scape hanging for killing that rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two-and-twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue’s company. If the rascal have not given me medicines to make me love him, I’ll be hanged. It could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! A plague upon you both! Bardolph! Peto! I’ll starve before I’ll rob a foot further. An ’twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man, and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me, and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough. A plague upon it when thieves cannot be true one to another! [_They whistle._] Whew! A plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues, give me my horse and be hanged!
to the ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers.
to the ground, and list if you canst hear the tread of travellers.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? ’Sblood, I’ll not
bear my own flesh so far afoot again for all the coin in thy father’s
exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?
Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? ’Sblood, I’ll not bear my own flesh so far afoot again for all the coin in your father’s exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
The stage direction says Falstaff runs away 'after a blow or two.' He's robbed, beaten, and humiliated — the victims he just terrorised are still tied up somewhere nearby. By any ordinary moral accounting, this is a bad man having a bad time. And yet the scene is joyful. Shakespeare achieves this through Falstaff's extraordinary self-awareness: unlike most comic cowards, Falstaff knows exactly what he is. His complaint that he's 'bewitched with the rogue's company' — that he must have drunk a love potion — is funnier than anything else could be because it acknowledges the voluntary quality of his own captivity to Hal. He could leave. He won't. The play invites us to love him for that, even while letting Hal be a little cruel to him. What Poins predicted in 1-2 — 'the incomprehensible lies that this same fat rogue will tell us' — is the real anticipation the scene creates. We run to 2-4 not for the moral reckoning but for the performance.
Thou liest, thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.
you liest, you art not colted, you art uncolted.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king’s son.
I please, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king’s son.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Out, ye rogue! Shall I be your ostler?
Out, ye rogue! Shall I be your ostler?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters! If I be ta’en, I’ll
peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you all, and sung to
filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison—when a jest is so forward,
and afoot too! I hate it.
Hang thyself in yours own heir-apparent garters! If I be ta’en, I’ll peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you all, and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison—when a jest is so forward, and afoot too! I hate it.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Stand!
Stand!
[Conversational: GADSHILL]
[Emotional core: GADSHILL]
So I do, against my will.
So I do, against my will.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O, ’tis our setter. I know his voice.
Comes forward with Bardolph and Peto.
O, ’tis our setter. I know his voice. Comes forward with Bardolph and Peto.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
Bardolph's two words here — 'What news?' — capture him exactly: present, dutiful, asking the operational question. His legendary nose (red from drink) becomes a recurring comic prop throughout the Falstaff scenes. Watch for Hal's relentless teasing of it.
What news?
What news?
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
Case ye, case ye, on with your visards. There’s money of the King’s
coming down the hill, ’tis going to the King’s exchequer.
Case ye, case ye, on with your visards. There’s money of the King’s coming down the hill, ’tis going to the King’s exchequer.
[Conversational: GADSHILL]
[Emotional core: GADSHILL]
You lie, ye rogue, ’tis going to the King’s tavern.
You lie, ye rogue, ’tis going to the King’s tavern.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
There’s enough to make us all.
There’s enough to make us all.
[Conversational: GADSHILL]
[Emotional core: GADSHILL]
To be hanged.
To be hanged.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane. Ned Poins and I
will walk lower; if they ’scape from your encounter, then they light on
us.
Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane. Ned Poins and I will walk lower; if they ’scape from your encounter, then they light on us.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Peto is Bardolph's near-silent companion in the lower-rank crew — he asks one practical question about numbers and otherwise follows orders. He fades from the story after the histories, his function mostly being a body that confirms Falstaff has a gang.
How many be there of them?
How many be there of them?
[Conversational: PETO]
[Emotional core: PETO]
Hal and Poins disguise themselves in suits of buckram — a stiff, coarse cotton fabric, usually used for book bindings or padding. It's the cheapest possible disguise material, which is part of the joke: Falstaff is robbed not by sophisticated assailants but by two men in stiff cotton. The word 'buckram' becomes significant again in 2-4, when Falstaff's lying version of events keeps inflating the number of men in buckram who attacked him — two becomes four becomes seven becomes eleven. The joke works because the audience remembers exactly what buckram looked like. It's the theatrical equivalent of a visible punchline.
Some eight or ten.
Some eight or ten.
[Conversational: GADSHILL]
[Emotional core: GADSHILL]
Zounds, will they not rob us?
Zounds, will they not rob us?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?
What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather, but yet no coward,
Hal.
Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather, but yet no coward, Hal.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Well, we leave that to the proof.
Well, we leave that to the proof.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge. When thou need’st him,
there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast.
sir Jack, your horse stands behind the hedge. When you need’st him, there you shall find him. Farewell, and stand fast.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.
Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I. Every man to his
business.
Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I. Every man to his business.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Come, neighbour, the boy shall lead our horses down the hill; we’ll
walk afoot awhile and ease our legs.
Come, neighbour, the boy shall lead our horses down the hill; we’ll walk afoot awhile and ease our legs.
[Conversational: FIRST TRAVELLER]
[Emotional core: FIRST TRAVELLER]
Stand!
Stand!
[Conversational: THIEVES]
[Emotional core: THIEVES]
Jesu bless us!
Jesu bless us!
[Conversational: SECOND TRAVELLER]
[Emotional core: SECOND TRAVELLER]
This line is one of the play's most uncomfortable moments, and it's usually played for laughs. But what does Hal actually say? That laughter prevents pity. Which means: if the situation were not funny, he would pity Falstaff. But because it's funny, he doesn't. The laugh replaces the feeling. This is a philosophically interesting position — and it's the same position Hal has described in his 1-2 soliloquy: using entertainment as a substitute for connection. He keeps Falstaff around because the entertainment value is high, and the laugh insulates him from the relationship's emotional weight. Audiences tend not to notice this because the scene is so funny. But Shakespeare puts the uncomfortable line there deliberately, and it sets up the rejection in 5-5 of Henry V more than any political scene does.
Strike, down with them, cut the villains’ throats! Ah, whoreson
caterpillars, bacon-fed knaves, they hate us youth. Down with them,
fleece them!
Strike, down with them, cut the villains’ throats! Ah, whoreson caterpillars, bacon-fed knaves, they hate us youth. Down with them, fleece them!
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!
O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!
[Conversational: FIRST TRAVELLER]
[Emotional core: FIRST TRAVELLER]
Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye fat chuffs, I would
your store were here! On, bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must
live. You are grandjurors, are ye? We’ll jure ye, faith.
Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye fat chuffs, I would your store were here! On, bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must live. You are grandjurors, are ye? We’ll jure ye, faith.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou and I rob the
thieves, and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week,
laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever.
The thieves have bound the true men. Now could you and I rob the thieves, and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Stand close, I hear them coming.
Stand close, I hear them coming.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the
Prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there’s no equity stirring.
There’s no more valour in that Poins than in a wild duck.
Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the Prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there’s no equity stirring. There’s no more valour in that Poins than in a wild duck.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Your money!
Your money!
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Villains!
Villains!
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse.
The thieves are all scatter’d, and possess’d with fear
So strongly that they dare not meet each other;
Each takes his fellow for an officer.
Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,
And lards the lean earth as he walks along.
Were’t not for laughing, I should pity him.
Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse. The thieves are all scatter’d, and possess’d with fear So strongly that they dare not meet each other; Each takes his fellow for an officer. Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death, And lards the lean earth as he walks along. Were’t not for laughing, I should pity him.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
How the fat rogue roared!
How the fat rogue roared!
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
The Reckoning
This scene is pure physical comedy, and it lands harder because we know what's coming. Falstaff's self-pity without his horse, his furious grandstanding at the robbery, and then his immediate panicked flight when two men in disguise attack — it's all one long portrait of a man who performs courage while demonstrating its absence. And Hal, watching from the shadows, delivers the play's most heartless punchline: 'Were't not for laughing, I should pity him.' There's something in that line that isn't entirely comfortable.
If this happened today…
Imagine a heist movie where the crew has planned everything — except one guy's car got moved as a prank and he's been loudly complaining for twenty minutes. Then the heist goes off fine, but as soon as they start dividing the money, two guys in ski masks jump them and take it all. The first crew runs off screaming, leaving everything behind. The two guys in ski masks take their masks off and it turns out to be their boss and his friend, filming the whole thing for their own amusement.