Come, shelter, shelter! I have removed Falstaff’s horse, and he frets
like a gummed velvet.
Come on, hide! I've taken away Falstaff's horse, and he's complaining like a stiff, sticky velvet fabric.
Hey, get down! I took Falstaff's horse, and now he's whining like crazy.
hid! took falstaff's horse lol he's mad
Stand close.
Stay close.
Get close.
stay close
Poins! Poins, and be hanged! Poins!
Poins! Poins, may you be hanged! Poins!
Poins! Poins, go hang yourself! Poins!
poins poins go hang urself poins
Peace, ye fat-kidneyed rascal! What a brawling dost thou keep!
Shut up, you potbellied rascal! What a lot of noise you're making!
Shut up, you chubby jerk! Stop all that yelling!
shut up fatty stop yelling
Where’s Poins, Hal?
Where's Poins, Hal?
Where's Poins, Hal?
where's poins hal
He is walked up to the top of the hill. I’ll go seek him.
He has walked up to the top of the hill. I'll go look for him.
He went up to the top of the hill. I'll go find him.
he went up the hill i'll find him
I am accursed to rob in that thief’s company. The rascal hath removed
my horse and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by
the square further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but
to die a fair death for all this, if I ’scape hanging for killing that
rogue. I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two-and-twenty
years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue’s company. If the rascal
have not given me medicines to make me love him, I’ll be hanged. It
could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! A plague upon
you both! Bardolph! Peto! I’ll starve ere I’ll rob a foot further. An
’twere not as good a deed as drink, to turn true man, and to leave
these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth.
Eight yards of uneven ground is threescore and ten miles afoot with me,
and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough. A plague upon it
when thieves cannot be true one to another! [_They whistle._] Whew! A
plague upon you all! Give me my horse, you rogues, give me my horse and
be hanged!
I'm cursed to rob alongside that thief's company. The rascal has taken my horse and tied him somewhere I don't know. If I walk just four more feet on this road, I'll be out of breath. Well, I don't doubt I'll die a fair death from all this, if I escape hanging for killing that villain. I've sworn off his company every hour for the past twenty-two years, and yet I'm bewitched by the rogue's company. If the rascal hasn't given me medicines to make me love him, I'll be hanged. It could be nothing else: I've drunk medicines. Poins! Hal! A plague on you both! Bardolph! Peto! I'll starve before I'll rob another foot. If it weren't as good a deed as drinking, to become an honest man and leave these rogues, I'd be the most shameful coward that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground is seventy miles on foot for me, and these hard-hearted villains know it well enough. A plague on thieves when they cannot be loyal to one another! Whew! A plague on all of you! Give me my horse, you rogues, give me my horse and be hanged!
I'm cursed to rob with this thief's crew. The rascal stole my horse and I don't even know where he left it. If I have to walk even a few more feet, I'm done for. Look, I probably won't survive this anyway—either I'll die, or if I escape the rope it'll be a miracle. I've been trying to ditch this rogue for twenty-two years, and somehow he keeps dragging me back. He must've slipped me something to make me like him, that's the only explanation. Poins! Hal! Curse you both! Bardolph! Peto! I'm not walking another step for robbery. Honestly, becoming an honest man and leaving you lot would be the best thing I could do—otherwise I'm the saddest excuse for a criminal you ever saw. Eight yards of rocky ground? That's like hiking seventy miles for me, and you guys know it. Curse these thieves who can't even stick together! Argh! Curse all of you! Give me back my horse, you jerks, give it back and get hanged!
robbing w/ thieves sucks stole my horse idk where if i walk more im dead trying 2 escape 4 22 yrs but he got me must've drugged me fr poins hal peto CURSE U not walking 4 this give me my horse back
[_Coming forward._] Peace, you fat guts, lie down, lay thine ear close
to the ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers.
Quiet, you fat fool. Lie down and put your ear to the ground. Listen if you can hear people approaching.
Shut up, you big oaf. Get down there and press your ear to the ground. See if you can hear anyone coming.
lie down listen for footsteps can you hear them coming?
Have you any levers to lift me up again, being down? ’Sblood, I’ll not
bear my own flesh so far afoot again for all the coin in thy father’s
exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?
Do you have any levers to lift me up once I'm down? By God's blood, I won't carry my own body this far on foot again for all the money in your father's treasury. What in the world do you mean by playing this trick on me?
You got any levers to get me back up? I'm not walking this far again for all the money in your dad's bank. What are you trying to pull here?
how do i get up?? im not walking that far again 4 money. wtf r u doing
Thou liest, thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.
You're lying, you weren't tricked by having your horse removed, you're free and clear without a horse.
You're lying—you weren't actually tricked out of your horse, you're just on your own two feet.
liar ur not tricked just w/o a horse
The stage direction says Falstaff runs away 'after a blow or two.' He's robbed, beaten, and humiliated — the victims he just terrorised are still tied up somewhere nearby. By any ordinary moral accounting, this is a bad man having a bad time. And yet the scene is joyful. Shakespeare achieves this through Falstaff's extraordinary self-awareness: unlike most comic cowards, Falstaff knows exactly what he is. His complaint that he's 'bewitched with the rogue's company' — that he must have drunk a love potion — is funnier than anything else could be because it acknowledges the voluntary quality of his own captivity to Hal. He could leave. He won't. The play invites us to love him for that, even while letting Hal be a little cruel to him. What Poins predicted in 1-2 — 'the incomprehensible lies that this same fat rogue will tell us' — is the real anticipation the scene creates. We run to 2-4 not for the moral reckoning but for the performance.
I prithee, good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king’s son.
I beg you, good Prince Hal, help me get to my horse, good king's son.
Come on, Prince Hal, help me get my horse back, you noble prince.
pls prince hal help me get my horse
Out, ye rogue! Shall I be your ostler?
Get out of here, you rogue! Am I supposed to be your stable hand?
Get lost, you jerk! You want me to be your stable boy?
no way rogue am i ur stable boy??
Hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters! If I be ta’en, I’ll
peach for this. An I have not ballads made on you all, and sung to
filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison—when a jest is so forward,
and afoot too! I hate it.
Hang yourself with your own royal garters! If I get caught, I'll inform on you for this. If I don't have ballads written about you all and sung to dirty tunes, let a cup of wine be my death—when a joke is going this far and on foot too! I hate it.
Go hang yourself with your fancy royal garters! If I get arrested, I'm ratting you all out. I'm gonna have songs made about how you joked me like this, and I'm gonna sing them to the filthiest tunes I know—or let me drop dead. This has gone way too far! I hate this!
hang urself!! if i get caught im snitching im making songs about u all this is too far i hate it
Stand!
Stop!
Stop right there!
stop
So I do, against my will.
That's what I'm doing, even though I don't want to.
Yeah, but I'm not happy about it.
fine whatever
O, ’tis our setter. I know his voice.
Comes forward with Bardolph and Peto.
Oh, it's our lookout. I know his voice. He comes forward with Bardolph and Peto.
Oh, it's our guy! I recognize his voice. He's coming forward with Bardolph and Peto.
its our guy i know his voice he's coming w bardolph & peto
Bardolph's two words here — 'What news?' — capture him exactly: present, dutiful, asking the operational question. His legendary nose (red from drink) becomes a recurring comic prop throughout the Falstaff scenes. Watch for Hal's relentless teasing of it.
What news?
What's the news?
What's happening?
whats happening
Case ye, case ye, on with your visards. There’s money of the King’s
coming down the hill, ’tis going to the King’s exchequer.
Put on your masks, put on your masks. There's the King's money coming down the hill, it's going to the King's treasury.
Put on your masks, guys. The King's money is coming down the hill—it's headed to the royal treasury.
masks on masks on!! kings money coming down the hill 4 the treasury
You lie, ye rogue, ’tis going to the King’s tavern.
You're lying, you rogue, it's going to the King's tavern.
You're full of it—that money's headed to a tavern!
ur lying lol its going 2 a tavern
There’s enough to make us all.
There's enough there to make all of us rich.
That's enough money to set all of us up.
enough $$ 2 make us all rich
To be hanged.
And then be hanged.
Before we get hanged for it.
b4 we get hanged
Sirs, you four shall front them in the narrow lane. Ned Poins and I
will walk lower; if they ’scape from your encounter, then they light on
us.
You four will confront them in the narrow lane. Ned Poins and I will stand lower down; if they escape from your fight, then they'll run into us.
You four guys take them in the narrow lane. Poins and I will be down lower, so if they get away from you, they'll run right into us.
u 4 stop them in the lane me & poins below so they run in2 us if they escape
Peto is Bardolph's near-silent companion in the lower-rank crew — he asks one practical question about numbers and otherwise follows orders. He fades from the story after the histories, his function mostly being a body that confirms Falstaff has a gang.
How many be there of them?
How many of them are there?
How many are there?
how many r there
Some eight or ten.
About eight or ten.
Around eight or ten.
like 8 or 10
Hal and Poins disguise themselves in suits of buckram — a stiff, coarse cotton fabric, usually used for book bindings or padding. It's the cheapest possible disguise material, which is part of the joke: Falstaff is robbed not by sophisticated assailants but by two men in stiff cotton. The word 'buckram' becomes significant again in 2-4, when Falstaff's lying version of events keeps inflating the number of men in buckram who attacked him — two becomes four becomes seven becomes eleven. The joke works because the audience remembers exactly what buckram looked like. It's the theatrical equivalent of a visible punchline.
Zounds, will they not rob us?
My God, won't they rob us?
Wait, won't they rob us?
omg wont they rob us
What, a coward, Sir John Paunch?
What, are you a coward, Sir John Fatbelly?
What, are you scared, Fatty?
r u scared fatty
Indeed, I am not John of Gaunt, your grandfather, but yet no coward,
Hal.
Indeed, I'm not your grandfather John of Gaunt, but I'm no coward either, Hal.
Look, I'm not your grandfather, but I'm not a coward either, Hal.
im not ur grandpa but im not scared hal
Well, we leave that to the proof.
Well, we'll see if that's true by your actions.
We'll see about that when this is over.
we'll see bout that
Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge. When thou need’st him,
there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast.
Jack, your horse is standing behind the hedge. When you need him, you'll find him there. Goodbye, and stand firm.
Jack, your horse is waiting behind that hedge. When you need it, just go find it there. See you later, stay strong.
jack ur horse is behind hedge bye & stay strong
Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.
Now I can't even hit him, even if I were hanged for it.
And now I can't even take a swing at him!
now i cant even hit him lol
[_aside to Poins._] Ned, where are our disguises?
Ned, where are our disguises?
Ned, where'd we put our disguises?
where r our disguises
[_aside to Prince Henry._] Here, hard by. Stand close.
[aside to Prince Henry.] Right here, close by. Keep hidden.
[quietly to Prince Henry.] They're right here, nearby. Stay out of sight.
right here stay hidden
Now, my masters, happy man be his dole, say I. Every man to his
business.
Now, my friends, let luck favor us, I say. Every man to his task.
Alright guys, good luck to us. Everyone get to work.
ok guys good luck lets do this
Come, neighbour, the boy shall lead our horses down the hill; we’ll
walk afoot awhile and ease our legs.
Come, neighbor, the boy will lead our horses down the hill; we'll walk on foot for a while and stretch our legs.
Come on, let the boy take the horses down, and we'll walk for a bit to stretch our legs.
boy takes the horses down we walk & chill our legs
Stand!
Stop!
Hands up!
stop
Jesu bless us!
Jesus bless us!
Oh my God, help us!
oh god help us
Strike, down with them, cut the villains’ throats! Ah, whoreson
caterpillars, bacon-fed knaves, they hate us youth. Down with them,
fleece them!
Strike, knock them down, cut the villains' throats! Ah, you bastard vermin, fat parasites, you hate us young people. Knock them down, steal everything from them!
Come on, take them down, cut their throats! You nasty worms, you fat lazy bums, you hate young people like us. Get them, rob them blind!
attack!! cut em! u fat worms hate us youth rob em blind
This line is one of the play's most uncomfortable moments, and it's usually played for laughs. But what does Hal actually say? That laughter prevents pity. Which means: if the situation were not funny, he would pity Falstaff. But because it's funny, he doesn't. The laugh replaces the feeling. This is a philosophically interesting position — and it's the same position Hal has described in his 1-2 soliloquy: using entertainment as a substitute for connection. He keeps Falstaff around because the entertainment value is high, and the laugh insulates him from the relationship's emotional weight. Audiences tend not to notice this because the scene is so funny. But Shakespeare puts the uncomfortable line there deliberately, and it sets up the rejection in 5-5 of Henry V more than any political scene does.
O, we are undone, both we and ours for ever!
Oh, we are ruined, both we and our families forever!
We're done for! We and our families are finished!
were done 4 good nobody escapes this
Hang ye, gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No, ye fat chuffs, I would
your store were here! On, bacons, on! What, ye knaves! young men must
live. You are grandjurors, are ye? We’ll jure ye, faith.
Hang you, you potbellied knaves, are you ruined? No, you fat lumps, I wish your money were here! Go on, you fat fools! What, you knaves! Young men must make a living. Are you important jurors? We'll teach you a lesson, truly.
Come on, you fat jerks, are you ruined? No way, I wish you had your money on you! Go, you pigs! Come on, you knaves! Young guys need to survive. You think you're important? We'll fix that!
u fat jerks gonna die lol i wish u had ur $$ come on fatties!! young ppl gotta live u grandjurors?? we'll teach u
The thieves have bound the true men. Now could thou and I rob the
thieves, and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week,
laughter for a month, and a good jest for ever.
The thieves have tied up the honest men. Now if you and I could rob the thieves and go happily to London, it would be a story people talk about for a week, something to laugh about for a month, and a great joke forever.
The thieves got the travelers tied up. Imagine if you and I robbed the robbers and headed to London laughing—that'd be the talk for weeks!
thieves got the travelers if we robbed the thieves & went 2 london = legendary
Stand close, I hear them coming.
Stay close, I hear them coming.
Get close, they're coming.
get close theyre coming
Come, my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day. An the
Prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there’s no equity stirring.
There’s no more valour in that Poins than in a wild duck.
Come, my friends, let us divide the money and then ride away before daybreak. If the Prince and Poins are not complete cowards, there's no justice in the world. There's no more courage in that Poins than in a wild duck.
Come on, let's split the money and get out of here before daylight. If the Prince and Poins aren't total cowards, then justice is dead. Poins has less guts than a wild duck!
split the $$$ lets go b4 sunrise prince & poins r cowards poins has 0 guts lol
Your money!
Your money!
Give us your money!
give us ur money
Villains!
You villains!
You scumbags!
scumbags
Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse.
The thieves are all scatter’d, and possess’d with fear
So strongly that they dare not meet each other;
Each takes his fellow for an officer.
Away, good Ned. Falstaff sweats to death,
And lards the lean earth as he walks along.
Were’t not for laughing, I should pity him.
We got it easily. Now cheerfully to our horses. The thieves are all scattered and filled with such fear that they dare not meet each other; each one mistakes his fellow for an officer. Let's go, good Ned. Falstaff sweats so much he might die, and covers the ground with his sweat as he walks along. If I weren't about to laugh, I'd feel sorry for him.
Got the loot with no problem. Time to ride out laughing. The robbers are completely spooked—so scared they won't even face each other; they think everyone else is a cop! Let's move, Ned. Falstaff's sweating buckets and basically watering the earth as he waddles. I'd actually feel bad for him if it wasn't so hilarious.
easy win lets go thieves r terrified think evryones a cop lol falstaff sweating buckets wattering the ground im dying
How the fat rogue roared!
How loudly the fat rogue howled!
Man, that fat guy was screaming!
fatty was screaming lol
The Reckoning
This scene is pure physical comedy, and it lands harder because we know what's coming. Falstaff's self-pity without his horse, his furious grandstanding at the robbery, and then his immediate panicked flight when two men in disguise attack — it's all one long portrait of a man who performs courage while demonstrating its absence. And Hal, watching from the shadows, delivers the play's most heartless punchline: 'Were't not for laughing, I should pity him.' There's something in that line that isn't entirely comfortable.
If this happened today…
Imagine a heist movie where the crew has planned everything — except one guy's car got moved as a prank and he's been loudly complaining for twenty minutes. Then the heist goes off fine, but as soon as they start dividing the money, two guys in ski masks jump them and take it all. The first crew runs off screaming, leaving everything behind. The two guys in ski masks take their masks off and it turns out to be their boss and his friend, filming the whole thing for their own amusement.