Sonnet 119

My sufferings from confusion and self-betrayal have paradoxically strengthened my love; the ruin of past love becomes the foundation for a greater, renovated love.

Original

Modern

1 What potions have I drunk of Siren tears

What potency is in thy pity? say,

2 Distilled from limbecks foul as hell within,

That whensoever it is call'd, she goes,

3 Applying fears to hopes, and hopes to fears,

And visits thee, the sick and worn away,

4 Still losing when I saw my self to win!

With arms across, and hands held to the bows.

5 What wretched errors hath my heart committed,

But O, what banquet for my wandering heart

6 Whilst it hath thought it self so blessed never!

Feeds on the rarities of thy fair mind;

7 How have mine eyes out of their spheres been fitted

And, as the moon controls the tide,

8 In the distraction of this madding fever!

So do thy thoughts my captive heart remind.

Volta The volta shifts from lamenting past errors to celebrating them as beneficial: 'O benefit of ill, now I find true / That better is, by evil still made better.'

9 O benefit of ill, now I find true

For if I should despair, I should grow mad,

10 That better is, by evil still made better.

And in my madness might speak ill of thee;

11 And ruined love when it is built anew

Now this ill-wresting world is grown so bad,

12 Grows fairer than at first, more strong, far greater.

That I may not be honest in charity.

13 So I return rebuked to my content,

But thou art all my art, and dost advance

14 And gain by ills thrice more than I have spent.

As high as learning, my rude ignorance.

Siren Tears and Liminal Distraction

The opening catalogues the speaker's sufferings: potions of tears, distilled poisons, fears applied to hopes and hopes to fears. The speaker exists in a state of perpetual oscillation and confusion ('madding fever'). This is love as psychological torment: eyes fitted out of their 'spheres,' a consciousness fragmented by obsession. The losses are real, the self-betrayals genuine, not performed as in 117.

The Alchemy of Evil into Good

The sestet accomplishes a remarkable rhetorical reversal: the speaker finds that 'by evil still made better' is a paradoxical truth. Ruined love, when rebuilt, 'Grows fairer than at first, more strong, far greater.' This isn't mere rationalization; it's a claim that surviving love's destruction makes love stronger. The speaker's return to 'content' is hard-won, purchased through genuine suffering and error.

If this happened today

You've made terrible relationship mistakes, hurt someone you cared about, been a wreck. But living through that wreckage somehow rebuilt you more honestly. Now you understand commitment differently—not as avoiding pain but as moving through it.

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