A professional educator/entertainer who is frustrated by his performers' incompetence but immediately adapts when the Daughter arrives. He's manipulative but not cruel—he genuinely believes he's doing the Daughter a kindness by including her. He speaks in Latin phrases and theatrical language.
Fie, fie,
What tediosity and disinsanity
Is here among ye! Have my rudiments
Been laboured so long with ye, milked unto ye,
And, by a figure, even the very plum-broth
And marrow of my understanding laid upon ye,
And do you still cry “Where?” and “How?” and “Wherefore?”
You most coarse-frieze capacities, ye jean judgements,
Have I said “Thus let be” and “There let be”
And “Then let be” and no man understand me?
_Proh Deum, medius fidius_, ye are all dunces!
For why?
Here stand I; here the Duke comes; there are you,
Close in the thicket; the Duke appears; I meet him
And unto him I utter learned things
And many figures; he hears, and nods, and hums,
And then cries “Rare!” and I go forward. At length
I fling my cap up—mark there! Then do you
As once did Meleager and the boar,
Break comely out before him; like true lovers,
Cast yourselves in a body decently,
And sweetly, by a figure, trace and turn, boys.
Come on! What kind of slowness and foolishness is happening here among you all! Have I taught you these basics for so long, drilled them into you, and by analogy, even shared the very essence and heart of my understanding with you, and yet you still ask 'Where?' and 'How?' and 'Why?' You with your thick minds, you with your poor judgment, Have I not said 'Do this' and 'Do that' And 'Now do this' and still nobody understands me? My God, truly, you're all fools! Here's why: I'll stand here; the Duke will come here; you all will be Hidden in the bushes; when the Duke appears, I'll meet him And I'll tell him educated, impressive things And use many rhetorical devices; he'll listen, nod, and hum, And then cry 'Wonderful!' and I'll continue. Then I'll throw my cap in the air—watch for that! When I do, You do what Meleager and his men did with the boar, Burst out before him in an orderly way; like true performers, Toss yourselves out as one group, decently, And gracefully, by plan, move and spin, boys.
Seriously! What is all this slowness and stupidity going on here? Have I been teaching you these basics forever, pounding them into your heads, and basically giving you the full treasure of everything I know, and you still keep asking 'Where?' and 'How?' and 'Why?' You people with your thick brains, you with your bad judgment— Haven't I told you 'Do this' and 'Do that' And 'Now do this' over and over, and still nothing? For God's sake, you're all idiots! Let me explain: I'm going to stand here; the Duke's going to come here; you're all going to hide in the bushes; when the Duke shows up, I'll go meet him and I'll tell him all these impressive, educated things and use all my rhetoric; he'll listen, nod, and hum, and then he'll say 'Amazing!' and I'll keep going. At that point, I'll toss my cap in the air—watch for it! When that happens, You all come running out like warriors fighting a boar, burst out in front of him all neat and orderly; like performers, come out together as a group, nicely, and smoothly, as planned, dance around and spin, you guys.
why r u so dumb ive taught u everything u still dont get it im gonna meet the duke he'll think im smart then u come out dancing when i throw my hat just follow the plan do it nice & smooth
And sweetly we will do it, Master Gerald.
And we'll do it smoothly, Master Gerald.
Yeah, we'll nail it, Master Gerald.
well do it smooth
Draw up the company. Where’s the taborer?
Assemble the group. Where is the drummer?
Get everyone together. Where's the drummer?
get everyone here where's the drummer?
Why, Timothy!
Why, it's Timothy!
Oh, it's Timothy!
timothy!
Here, my mad boys, have at ye.
Here I am, you crazy lads; let's get started.
Here I am, you crazy guys, let's do this.
let's go boys
But I say, where’s their women?
But tell me, where are their women?
But wait, where are the women?
where's the women tho
Here’s Friz and Maudlin.
There's Friz and Maudlin.
We've got Friz and Maudlin here.
friz & maudlin r here
And little Luce with the white legs, and bouncing Barbary.
And there's little Luce with the white legs, and lively Barbary.
And we've got little Luce with the white legs, and bouncy Barbary.
luce & barbary 2
And freckled Nel, that never failed her master.
And freckled Nel, who always served her partner.
And freckled Nel, who never lets us down.
nel the freckled one
Where be your ribbons, maids? Swim with your bodies,
And carry it sweetly and deliverly,
And now and then a favour and a frisk.
Where are your ribbons, girls? Move your bodies with the music, And carry yourselves gracefully and nimbly, And now and then add a flourish and a jump.
Where are your ribbons, girls? Flow with the music, and move smoothly and quickly, and throw in some style and some bouncy energy.
where r ur ribbons move smooth & quick add some flair
Let us alone, sir.
Leave us alone, sir.
Let us handle it, sir.
we got this
Where’s the rest o’ th’ music?
Where is the rest of the musicians?
Where are the rest of the musicians?
where's the rest of the music
Dispersed, as you commanded.
Spread out, as you ordered.
We've scattered out like you said.
spread out like u said
Couple, then,
And see what’s wanting. Where’s the Bavian?
My friend, carry your tail without offence
Or scandal to the ladies; and be sure
You tumble with audacity and manhood;
And when you bark, do it with judgement.
Pair up now, and check if we're missing anything. Where's the man in the ape costume? My friend, carry your tail without causing offense Or embarrassment to the ladies; and make sure You do your tumbling with boldness and manhood; And when you growl, do it with skill.
Get together now, and see if we need anything else. Where's the guy in the ape suit? Hey buddy, keep that tail respectful and don't make the ladies uncomfortable; and you better do your flips with some real confidence and guts; And when you make noise, do it like you know what you're doing.
pair up check whats missing ape guy keep the tail chill do flips with attitude sound confident
Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
In other words: yes, sir.
yes sir
_Quo usque tandem?_ Here is a woman wanting.
How much longer? We're missing a woman.
Where is she? We're missing a dancer.
where's the missing woman
We may go whistle; all the fat’s i’ th’ fire.
We're in trouble; everything's fallen apart.
We're done for; the whole thing just fell apart.
were screwed everythings ruined
We have,
as learned authors utter, washed a tile.
we have been _fatuus_ and laboured vainly.
We have, as learned scholars write, accomplished nothing. We've been foolish and wasted our effort.
We've basically accomplished nothing, as smart people would say. We've been stupid and wasted all our time.
we accomplished nothing wasted our time
This is that scornful piece, that scurvy hilding,
That gave her promise faithfully, she would be here,
Cicely, the sempster’s daughter.
The next gloves that I give her shall be dogskin!
Nay an she fail me once—You can tell, Arcas,
She swore by wine and bread, she would not break.
This is that mean, disrespectful girl, Who promised faithfully she would be here— Cicely, the seamstress's daughter. The next gloves I give her will be made of dog skin! And if she lets us down even once—You know this, Arcas, She swore by wine and bread that she wouldn't break her word.
This is that cruel, rude girl, Who promised faithfully she'd show up— Cicely, the seamstress's daughter. Next pair of gloves I give her better be made of cheap dog skin! And if she flakes on us even one more time—You know what Arcas, She swore by wine and bread that she'd keep her promise.
cicely is a jerk she promised shed be here if she flakes again im gonna be mad she swore on it
An eel and woman,
A learned poet says, unless by th’ tail
And with thy teeth thou hold, will either fail.
In manners this was false position.
An eel and a woman, A wise poet says, are impossible to hold on to unless you grip them By the tail and with your teeth you control them. This idea was logically wrong.
An eel and a woman, according to some smart poet, are slippery—the only way to keep them is by grabbing them by the tail and biting down. But that logic doesn't actually apply here.
women r like eels hard to control that saying doesnt work
A fire ill take her; does she flinch now?
A curse take her; does she back out now?
Curse her; is she backing out right now?
curse her shes backing out
The Schoolmaster is not a villain, but he's fundamentally pragmatic. When Cicely doesn't show, he faces disaster. When the mad girl arrives, he sees opportunity. He doesn't pause to consider whether it's right to use a clearly mentally ill woman as a performer. Instead, he sees her madness as useful—her broken responses make her unpredictable and entertaining. He talks to her gently, he incorporates her babble into the performance, and he successfully recruits her. The scene presents this as clever problem-solving and skillful adaptation. But it's also uncomfortable: we're watching a professional manipulate someone who has no ability to consent or resist. The play knows this is happening. The Countrymen's subsequent joy and the Duke's generous payment don't change the fact that the Daughter has been used.
What
Shall we determine, sir?
What Shall we do, sir?
What should we do now, sir?
what do we do
Nothing.
Our business is become a nullity,
Yea, and a woeful and a piteous nullity.
Nothing. Our business has become worthless, Yes, and a sad and pitiful waste.
Nothing. This whole thing is ruined, Yeah, and it's such a sad, pathetic waste.
nothings gonna work everything is ruined so pathetic
Now, when the credit of our town lay on it,
Now to be frampul, now to piss o’ th’ nettle!
Go thy ways; I’ll remember thee. I’ll fit thee.
Now, when our town's reputation was on the line, Now to be difficult, now to act against us! Go on your way; I'll remember this. I'll get you back.
Right when our town's whole reputation was riding on this, She has to be difficult and screw us over! Go ahead; I'll remember this. I'll make you pay.
right when town needs us she flakes im gonna remember shell pay 4 it
_The George Alow came from the south,
From the coast of Barbary-a.
And there he met with brave gallants of war,
By one, by two, by three-a._
_Well hailed, well hailed, you jolly gallants,
And whither now are you bound-a?
O let me have your company
Till I come to the sound-a._
_There was three fools fell out about an howlet:
The one said it was an owl,
The other he said nay,
The third he said it was a hawk,
And her bells were cut away._
_The George Alow came from the south, From the coast of Barbary-a. And there he met with brave soldiers, By one, by two, by three-a._ _Well greeted, well greeted, you jolly soldiers, And where are you heading-a? O let me have your company Until I come to the sound-a._ _There were three fools who argued about a screech owl: The one said it was an owl, The other said no, The third said it was a hawk, And her bells were taken off._
_The George Alow sailed from the south, From the Barbary coast. And there he met with brave fighters, One after another after another._ _Well met, well met, you jolly fighters, And where are you going? O let me travel with you Until we reach port._ _There were three idiots fighting about a screech owl: One said it was definitely an owl, The other said absolutely not, The third said it was a hawk, And someone took off its bells._
theres a song about a ship & barbary coast and sailors meeting up and three fools arguing about an owl v random
There’s a dainty mad woman, Master,
Comes i’ th’ nick, as mad as a March hare.
If we can get her dance, we are made again;
I warrant her, she’ll do the rarest gambols.
There's a delightful strange woman here, Master, who showed up at just the right moment, as mad as a hare in spring. If we can get her to dance, we're saved; I guarantee you, she'll do the most amazing moves.
There's this cool crazy woman here, Master, who just arrived at the perfect time, as mad as anything. If we can get her to dance with us, we're golden; I'm telling you, she'll do some insane moves.
theres a crazy lady who just showed up if she dances w us were saved shell do sick moves
A madwoman? We are made, boys.
A crazy woman? We're saved, guys.
A crazy woman? We're gonna make it, you guys.
crazy lady were saved
And are you mad, good woman?
And are you insane, my good woman?
And you're crazy, right, sweetheart?
ur crazy right
I would be sorry else.
Give me your hand.
I would be upset if I weren't. Give me your hand.
I'd be really sad if I wasn't. Give me your hand.
id be upset if i wasnt give me ur hand
Why?
Why?
In other words: why?
why
I can tell your fortune.
You are a fool. Tell ten. I have posed him. Buzz!
Friend, you must eat no white bread; if you do,
Your teeth will bleed extremely. Shall we dance, ho?
I know you, you’re a tinker; sirrah tinker,
Stop no more holes but what you should.
I can tell your future. You're a fool. That's obvious. I've figured you out. Ha! Friend, you should not eat white bread; if you do, Your teeth will bleed really badly. Should we dance, hey? I know what you are—you're a tinker; listen, tinker, Don't fix anything except what you're supposed to.
I can read your fortune. You're an idiot. Pretty clear. Got you figured out. Ha! Hey buddy, don't eat white bread; if you do, Your teeth are going to bleed everywhere. Wanna dance? I know who you are—you're a tinker; listen up, tinker, Only fix holes that are supposed to be fixed.
ur a fool i got u figured out dont eat white bread wanna dance yr a tinker guy stop fixing everything
_Dii boni!_ A tinker, damsel?
Good lord! A tinker, young woman?
What? A tinker, ma'am?
a tinker
Or a conjurer.
Raise me a devil now, and let him play
_Qui passa_ o’ th’ bells and bones.
Or a magician. Summon a demon for me right now, and have him play A certain musical piece on bells and bones.
Or maybe a wizard. Conjure up a demon for me now, and have him play Some kind of tune on bells and bones.
or a wizard raise a demon make him play music w bells & bones
Go, take her,
And fluently persuade her to a peace.
_Et opus exegi, quod nec Jovis ira, nec ignis—_
Strike up, and lead her in.
Go on, take her, And persuade her skillfully to calm down. _And I have completed a work that neither Jupiter's anger nor fire—_ Start the music, and lead her in.
Go on, take her, And talk her into settling down smoothly. _And I have finished a work that not even gods could destroy—_ Start the music, and bring her out.
take her get her to chill start the music lead her out
Come, lass, let’s trip it.
Come on, girl, let's dance.
Come on, let's dance together.
lets dance
I’ll lead.
I’ll lead.
In other words: i’ll lead.
i’ll lead
Do, do!
Do, do!
In other words: do, do!
do, do!
Persuasively, and cunningly.
Away, boys; I hear the horns. Give me some meditation,
And mark your cue.
With charm and cunning. Away, boys; I hear the horns. Give me a moment to think, And watch for your signal.
Smoothly and cleverly. Go on, guys; I hear the hunting horns. Let me gather my thoughts, And keep your eyes on me for the cue.
b charming & clever i hear horns watch 4 my cue
Pallas inspire me.
Athena, inspire me.
Goddess of wisdom, help me here.
athena help me out
This way the stag took.
The stag went this way.
The deer went this way.
thats where the deer went
The Countrymen began act 2 as cheerful working men heading to the games. Here in 3-5 they've succeeded brilliantly. They've impressed the Duke, they've been paid generously, they've proven their village's worth. They get everything they wanted. But their triumph depends entirely on the Jailer's Daughter's broken mind. If she were sane, she'd either refuse to participate or her participation would seem normal and unentertain ing. Her madness is their asset. The scene ends with them celebrating wildly, and the audience is left with a bitter thought: their happiness is directly proportional to someone else's suffering. The play is making a statement about social class and justice—the working men get to be happy, the aristocratic men get to be entertained, but the woman who loved Palamon and is now broken gets to be a costume prop.
Stay, and edify!
Stop, and be enlightened!
Wait and watch this!
stay and watch
What have we here?
What is this that we have here?
What's going on here?
what is this
Some country sport, upon my life, sir.
Some kind of country entertainment, I'd wager, sir.
Some kind of local show, I'd guess, sir.
some country show i think
Well, sir, go forward; we will “edify.”
Ladies, sit down. We’ll stay it.
Well then, go ahead; we'll watch and enjoy. Ladies, please sit. We'll stay and watch.
All right, go for it; we'll watch and have fun. Ladies, sit down. We'll stick around.
go ahead well watch ladies sit
Thou doughty Duke, all hail! All hail, sweet ladies!
You great and powerful Duke, greetings! Greetings to you, lovely ladies!
Your Highness, sir, hello! Hello to all you beautiful ladies!
hail great duke hello ladies
This is a cold beginning.
This is a somewhat uninspiring opening.
Well, that's kind of a weak start.
weak start
If you but favour, our country pastime made is.
We are a few of those collected here
That ruder tongues distinguish “villager.”
And to say verity, and not to fable,
We are a merry rout, or else a _rabble_,
Or company, or by a figure, _chorus_,
That ’fore thy dignity will dance a morris.
And I that am the rectifier of all,
By title _pædagogus_, that let fall
The birch upon the breeches of the small ones,
And humble with a ferula the tall ones,
Do here present this machine, or this frame.
And, dainty Duke, whose doughty dismal fame
From Dis to Dædalus, from post to pillar,
Is blown abroad, help me, thy poor well-willer,
And with thy twinkling eyes look right and straight
Upon this mighty _Morr_, of mickle weight.
_Is_ now comes in, which being glued together
Makes _Morris_, and the cause that we came hither.
The body of our sport, of no small study.
I first appear, though rude and raw and muddy,
To speak before thy noble grace this tenner,
At whose great feet I offer up my penner.
The next, the Lord of May and Lady bright,
The Chambermaid and Servingman, by night
That seek out silent hanging; then mine Host
And his fat Spouse, that welcomes to their cost
The galled traveller, and with a beck’ning
Informs the tapster to inflame the reck’ning.
Then the beest-eating Clown and next the Fool,
The Bavian with long tail and eke long tool,
_Cum multis aliis_ that make a dance.
Say “Ay,” and all shall presently advance.
If you will just favor us, our country show is ready. We are a group that is gathered here Who people call 'village folk' to be insulting. And to tell the truth without exaggerating, We are a cheerful group, or else a bunch, Or company, or to use a fancy term, a chorus, Who will perform a country dance before your greatness. I am the organizer of everything, By title 'teacher,' the one who used to let The stick fall on the backsides of the small children, And discipline with a stick the tall ones, And now I present this show or performance. And, important Duke, your terrible and famous reputation From the underworld to everywhere else, passed from mouth to mouth, Is known across the land; help me, your humble servant, And with your keen eyes look carefully and straight At this great performance, of great importance. The letter M is now coming in; when it's joined together With the letter R, it makes the word Morris, and that's the reason we're here. The heart of our entertainment, which we worked hard on. I appear first, though rough and unprepared and muddy, To speak before your noble greatness these ten opening lines, At whose great feet I offer up my pen. Next comes the Lord of May and the beautiful Lady, The Chambermaid and the Servant, looking for Quiet places to meet; then the Innkeeper And his fat Wife, who welcomes the weary traveler And by a gesture tells the bartender to charge extra. Then the crude Farmworker and next the Fool, The ape with a long tail and also long... well, you know, _And many other things_ that make a dance. Just say 'Yes,' and everything will begin right away.
If you'll just support us, our little show is ready to go. We're basically a group of regular people who some folks like to call 'peasants' as an insult. And honestly, without making up anything, we're a fun bunch, or a group, Or a troupe, or if you want to get fancy about it, a chorus, who are going to do a country dance in front of you. I'm the guy in charge of the whole thing, offcially the teacher, the guy who used to hit the little kids on their butts, and discipline the big ones with a stick too, and now I'm presenting this show. And Your Mighty Duke, your scary and famous name from hell itself to everywhere, known everywhere, help me out, your poor servant here, And use your sharp eyes to look carefully at this big performance we've put together. The letter M is coming in now; when they join it with the letter R, they make the word Morris—that's why we're here. This is the main entertainment we worked hard on. I'm going first, even though I'm rough and unprepared and dirty, to recite these ten opening lines in front of your noble self, at whose feet I'm humbly offering my work. Next comes the Lord of May and the pretty Lady, the Chambermaid and the Servant, sneaking around to find quiet places; then comes the Innkeeper and his fat Wife, greeting tired travelers and winking at the bartender to overcharge them. Then the rough Farmworker, and then the Fool, the ape with a long tail and a long... you get it, _and all the rest of us_ who make up the dance. Just say 'Yes,' and we'll get going right now.
pls watch our show were village folk we do a country dance im the teacher im presenting this u know my reputation its a big production the letter M + R = Morris just say yes well start
Ay, ay, by any means, dear _Domine_.
Yes, certainly, my dear teacher.
Yeah, definitely, my good teacher.
yes teacher
Produce.
Produce.
In other words: produce.
produce
_Intrate, filii!_ Come forth and foot it.
_Come in, my sons! Come out and dance.
_Come on in, guys! Come on out and dance.
come dance boys
perform a morris dance.
Ladies, if we have been merry
And have pleased ye with a derry,
And a derry, and a down,
Say the schoolmaster’s no clown.
Duke, if we have pleased thee too
And have done as good boys should do,
Give us but a tree or twain
For a Maypole, and again,
Ere another year run out,
We’ll make thee laugh, and all this rout.
perform a morris dance. Ladies, if we have been merry And have pleased you with merriment, And more merriment and celebration, Say the schoolmaster is no fool. Duke, if we have pleased you too And have acted as good boys should, Give us just a tree or two For a Maypole, and then again, Before another year passes, We'll make you laugh, all of you.
perform a morris dance. Ladies, if we've had fun And made you happy with a good time, And more good times on top of that, Then say the schoolmaster isn't an idiot. Duke, if we've pleased you too And we've done our job right, Just give us a tree or two For a Maypole, and look, Before the year ends, We'll make you laugh, all of you.
we had fun yeah? made u happy right? schoolmaster's no fool duke if we pleased u too just give us a tree or two for maypole next year we'll make u all laugh
Take twenty, _Domine_.—How does my sweetheart?
Take twenty gold coins more, my teacher.—How is my beloved?
Here's another twenty for you, teacher.—How's my sweetheart doing?
take 20 more teacher hows my love
Never so pleased, sir.
I've never been happier, sir.
I couldn't be more pleased, sir.
ive never been happier
’Twas an excellent dance,
And, for a preface, I never heard a better.
That was an excellent dance, And for an introduction, I've never heard a better one.
That was a fantastic dance, And for a warm-up, I've never heard better.
great dance best intro ever
Schoolmaster, I thank you.—One see’em all rewarded.
Schoolmaster, I thank you.—Everyone, make sure they're all rewarded.
Schoolmaster, thanks for that.—Someone, pay all these people.
thanks teacher pay them all
And here’s something to paint your pole withal.
And here's something to decorate your maypole with.
And here's something to paint your maypole with.
here's money for your pole
Now to our sports again.
Now let's get back to hunting.
Now let's go back to hunting.
back to hunting
May the stag thou hunt’st stand long,
And thy dogs be swift and strong;
May they kill him without lets,
And the ladies eat his dowsets.
May the deer you hunt give you a long chase, and may your dogs be swift and strong. May they kill him cleanly, and may the ladies enjoy the venison.
May the deer you hunt put up a good fight, and may your dogs be swift and strong. May they kill it cleanly, and may the ladies enjoy the meat.
good luck on the hunt may your dogs be fast may u catch it
Come, we are all made. _Dii deæque omnes_,
You have danced rarely, wenches.
Come, we've all done well. All gods and goddesses, You have danced excellently, young women.
Come on, we totally nailed it. Gods above, You all danced amazingly, ladies.
we killed it gods above u danced so good
The Reckoning
This is the play's pivot point, though it might look like pure comic relief. The Schoolmaster is a professional—he's dealt with missing performers before and sees opportunity in the Daughter's madness. He's not unkind; he recognizes that her broken mind is perfect for a village entertainment, where coherence isn't required. The Countrymen are delightful—working men trying to impress the Duke with minimal resources and maximum enthusiasm. What's happening underneath is darker: the Daughter has been integrated into the system. Her madness is being used. The Duke watches, is entertained, and rewards the Countrymen generously. Everyone leaves happy except the Daughter, who's danced into further fragmentation. And Arcite is there, in the Duke's retinue—he's served his purpose in the games and in Emilia's favor, and now he's part of the court. The Countrymen are made; Arcite has won; the Daughter has become a prop in someone else's story.
If this happened today…
A woman having a mental health crisis on the street is spotted by a theater impresario casting a show about urban desperation. She needs shelter and food; he needs an authentic performer. He offers her both. She accepts. The show opens and gets great reviews. Everyone benefits except her, who's now more lost than ever, but at least she's fed.