Lance, by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!
Lance, I swear it, welcome to Milan!
Lance, honestly, welcome to Milan!
hey lance youre here!
Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not welcome. I reckon this
always, that a man is never undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome
to a place till some certain shot be paid and the hostess say
“Welcome”.
Don't swear falsely, young man. I'm not welcome yet. I reckon it this way: a man is never truly ruined until he's hanged, and he's never truly welcomed to a place until he's paid his bill and the hostess says "Welcome."
Hold on, don't make false promises, kid. I'm not actually welcome yet. Here's how I see it: a guy isn't ruined until he's hanged, and he's not really welcome anywhere until he's paid his tab and the landlady says "Welcome."
dont swear kid. im not welcome til i pay and the host lady says it
Come on, you madcap. I’ll to the alehouse with you presently, where,
for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have five thousand welcomes.
But, sirrah, how did thy master part with Madam Julia?
Come on, you wild character. I'll go to the alehouse with you right now, where for one drink costing five pence, you'll get five thousand welcomes. But tell me, how did your master part with Madam Julia?
Come on, you crazy guy. I'm hitting the bar with you right now. For five pence you'll get treated like royalty. But what actually happened between your master and Julia?
come on lets get to the bar. five pence gets you treated great. what happened with your master and julia?
Marry, after they closed in earnest, they parted very fairly in jest.
Well, after they kissed seriously, they parted in a very playful, joking way.
They were making out seriously, but then they split up joking around.
they made out seriously then joked around leaving
But shall she marry him?
But will she marry him?
So will she actually marry him?
shell marry him?
No.
No.
no.
no.
How then? Shall he marry her?
So what—will he marry her?
What about it—will he marry her?
hell marry her?
No, neither.
No, neither.
no, neither.
no, neither.
What, are they broken?
So they're separated now?
They split?
they done?
No, they are both as whole as a fish.
No, they're both in perfect condition, intact and whole.
No, they're both completely fine and whole.
nah theyre both good whole
Why then, how stands the matter with them?
So how do things stand with them?
So what's actually going on with them?
so whats going on with them?
Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it stands well with her.
Well, it works like this: when things are good for him, they're good for her.
Look, it's simple: when he's doing well, she's doing well.
when hes good shes good. simple.
What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.
What a fool you are! I don't understand what you're saying.
You're an idiot! I have no idea what you're talking about.
youre an idiot i dont get you
What a block art thou that thou canst not! My staff understands me.
What a stupid person you are that you can't understand! Even my walking staff understands me.
You're so dense! Even my walking stick would get it better than you.
youre so dumb even my stick gets me
What thou sayst?
What are you saying?
What are you talking about?
what?
Ay, and what I do too. Look thee, I’ll but lean, and my staff
understands me.
Yes, and the same with what I do. Watch—I'll just lean on it, and my staff understands me.
Yeah, same with my actions. Here, see? I lean on it and it gets me.
yeah watch ill lean on it and it gets me
It stands under thee indeed.
It certainly does stand under you.
Yeah, it's literally standing under you.
it literally stands under you lol
Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.
Well, standing under something and understanding are the same thing.
See? Standing under and understanding are basically the same word.
stand-under = understand its the same word
But tell me true, will’t be a match?
But tell me honestly, will they be a couple?
But seriously, will they actually end up together?
but will they actually get together?
Ask my dog. If he say “Ay”, it will; if he say “No”, it will; if he
shake his tail and say nothing, it will.
Ask my dog. If he says yes, they will; if he says no, they will; if he shakes his tail and says nothing, they will.
Ask my dog. No matter what he does—yes, no, or just wags his tail—they're getting married.
ask my dog whatever he does theyre getting married
The conclusion is, then, that it will.
So the conclusion is that they definitely will be a couple.
So basically, they're definitely getting married then.
so theyre totally getting married
Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a parable.
You'll never get such a secret out of me except through a parable.
The only way I'm telling you anything is if you figure it out through stories.
youll only get secrets outta me through stories
’Tis well that I get it so. But, Lance, how sayst thou that my master
is become a notable lover?
It's good that I'm getting it that way. But Lance, how do you say that my master has become such a famous lover?
That works fine. But Lance, how come you say my master has turned into this big romantic guy?
ok works. but why you say my masters suddenly this big lover?
I never knew him otherwise.
I've never known him to be any other way.
He's always been like that as far as I know.
hes always been that way
Than how?
Than how?
than how?
than how?
A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.
A notable clumsy fellow, just as you describe him to be.
A clumsy oaf, like you've been saying.
a clumsy oaf like you said
Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistak’st me.
Why, you idiot, you're misunderstanding me.
You idiot! You're deliberately misunderstanding me!
dude youre messing with me
Why, fool, I meant not thee, I meant thy master.
Well, you fool, I wasn't talking about you—I meant your master.
I wasn't talking about you, dummy. I meant your master.
i meant your master not you
I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.
I'm telling you, my master has become an intense, passionate lover.
Look, my master has turned into this obsessive guy about love.
my master is obsessed with love now
Why, I tell thee, I care not though he burn himself in love. If thou
wilt, go with me to the alehouse; if not, thou art an Hebrew, a Jew,
and not worth the name of a Christian.
Well, I'm telling you, I don't care if he burns himself up with love. If you'll go with me to the alehouse, fine; if not, you're not even worth being called a Christian.
Look, I don't care if he burns himself out chasing love. If you come to the bar with me, great. If not, you're worthless.
dont care if he burns himself. come drink or youre not my friend
Why?
Why?
why?
why?
Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to go to the ale with
a Christian. Wilt thou go?
Because you don't have enough decency in you to go have a drink with a Christian. Will you come?
Because you're too stuck-up to grab a drink with a normal person like me. You coming or not?
youre too good to drink with me you coming?
At thy service.
At your service.
I'm with you.
lets go
The Reckoning
In this comic interlude, two servants trade puns in a Milan street while their masters' love affairs are left hanging. It sits between Proteus's arrival and his soliloquy of betrayal, so it gives the audience a breather before things turn ugly. Notice how Lance never answers straight. His 'stand-under and under-stand' joke and his dog-based prophecy turn Speed's simple questions into nonsense. There's irony in it, too. Lance cheerfully insists the match with Julia will happen, while the audience is about to watch Proteus drop her. The servants' easy friendship over a pint is also a quiet contrast to the friendship between their masters, which is about to break.
If this happened today…
Your friend from back home finally moves to your city, and the first thing you do is text him for the tea: are his roommate and that girl still together? He answers in memes. 'Are they broken up?' Nope. 'Getting married?' Also nope. 'So what's going on?' He sends a picture of his dog and says whatever the dog does means yes. Then he roasts your roommate for being a lovesick mess and says he'll only talk more once you're at the bar. You go. Of course you go.