Toby speaks in festive non sequiturs, half-remembered Latin tags, and magnificent non-answers. He treats any appeal to reason as a personal insult. Watch for how he pivots every criticism into an opportunity to drink or perform — he's never actually cornered.
What a plague means my niece to take the death of her brother thus? I
am sure care’s an enemy to life.
What do you say, Malvolio? Is the Count three days behind?
So what's the word, Malvolio? Is the Count running three days late?
malvolio the count still 3 days away
Maria is sharp, direct, and usually right. She speaks in complete sentences with actual logic — which makes her the straight line against which all the comic curves play. Watch for how she matches and tops Sir Toby's wordplay without breaking a sweat.
By my troth, Sir Toby, you must come in earlier o’ nights; your cousin,
my lady, takes great exceptions to your ill hours.
By your leave, sir.
If you'll excuse me, sir.
excuse me
Why, let her except, before excepted.
Malvolio's a peg-leg compared to this.
Malvolio's got nothing on this guy.
malvolio sucks compared to this
Ay, but you must confine yourself within the modest limits of order.
Why, he has three thousand a year.
He's got three thousand a year in income.
3000 a year rich as hell
Confine? I’ll confine myself no finer than I am. These clothes are good
enough to drink in, and so be these boots too; and they be not, let
them hang themselves in their own straps.
Ay, but he'll have but a year of that kind of fortune. He shall marry Olivia and he shall be of great fortune, though he shall be strange to her.
Yeah, but that won't last long. Once he marries Olivia, he'll be rolling in it. Though she'll probably think he's weird.
yeah but once he marries olivia he's set for life even if shes weirded out by him
That quaffing and drinking will undo you: I heard my lady talk of it
yesterday; and of a foolish knight that you brought in one night here
to be her wooer.
What is the reason of this?
Why would she marry him?
why would she marry him
Who? Sir Andrew Aguecheek?
What is any reason? He has all the marks of a man: he fights you as readily as any man in Illyria, dances as bravely as any man, and he will play at the virginals as skillfully as any man. Besides, he has all the good gifts of nature.
What reason does she need? He's a total package—he fights, he dances, he plays music. He's got everything a woman could want.
hes a catch fights, dances plays music got everything
Ay, he.
And an excellent head of hair besides.
And great hair, don't forget.
nice hair too
He’s as tall a man as any’s in Illyria.
Why, that is what I say—nature gave him a most excellent gift of hair.
Exactly—the guy's got great hair. That's one of nature's gifts to him.
yeah thats what im saying hair is a gift
What’s that to th’ purpose?
But I doubt he will ever get Olivia because he doesn't understand what she wants in a man.
But honestly, Olivia won't look twice because he doesn't get what she's actually into.
olivia wont even look at him he doesn't get what she wants
Why, he has three thousand ducats a year.
What is she into? Does she have a leg?
What does she want? Is she human?
what does she want shes human right
Ay, but he’ll have but a year in all these ducats. He’s a very fool,
and a prodigal.
Sir, I have known her since she was born. She is witty, brilliant, likes music, loves gaming, and has all the accomplishments of a lady. But she's sworn seven years of seclusion, during which time she will not be seen by any man.
I've known her my whole life. She's smart, clever, loves music and games—she's basically got it all. But she took this crazy vow—seven years of hiding away. No guy gets to see her.
shes brilliant witty, loves music and games but shes sworn off men 7 years no suitors allowed
Fie, that you’ll say so! he plays o’ the viol-de-gamboys, and speaks
three or four languages word for word without book, and hath all the
good gifts of nature.
She has no reason to keep this vow as long as you live.
Well, she might change her mind while you're around to convince her.
she might change it with you here
He hath indeed, almost natural: for, besides that he’s a fool, he’s a
great quarreller; and, but that he hath the gift of a coward to allay
the gust he hath in quarrelling, ’tis thought among the prudent he
would quickly have the gift of a grave.
If you desire the success of the matter, you must go and see her. If you don't attempt it, you will never succeed.
If you actually want this to happen, you've got to go see her. If you don't try, it's over.
you gotta try or you get nothing
By this hand, they are scoundrels and substractors that say so of him.
Who are they?
Were we not born under Taurus?
Weren't we born under Taurus?
werent we born under taurus
They that add, moreover, he’s drunk nightly in your company.
Taurus? That does not worry me. I'll bring you there before you leave.
Taurus? Forget about it. I'm getting you in to see her before you go.
taurus dont matter im getting you to her
Sir Toby occupies a curious position in the play's moral economy. He is, by any objective measure, a sponger and a liar — he's using Olivia's grief to stay under her roof indefinitely and he's fleecing Andrew for entertainment. And yet he's also the most joyful presence in the play, the engine of carnival, the voice insisting that 'care is an enemy to life.' Critics have argued about whether Toby is villainous or simply earthy — and the answer is probably both. Shakespeare gives him real wit and genuine energy, then slowly reveals the cruelty underneath it. In this scene, his manipulation of Andrew is almost endearing because Andrew is so cheerfully complicit. But watch how that changes as the play goes on and the stakes get higher. For now, Toby is Illyria's licensed lord of misrule — and lords of misrule always have a season that ends.
With drinking healths to my niece; I’ll drink to her as long as there
is a passage in my throat, and drink in Illyria. He’s a coward and a
coystril that will not drink to my niece till his brains turn o’ the
toe like a parish top. What, wench! _Castiliano vulgo:_ for here comes
Sir Andrew Agueface.
Come here. Before we go any further, I will give you such a bottle of wine as will tell us who is a coward and who is a brave man.
Come on. Let's have a drink first. We'll see who's got the guts and who doesn't.
lets drink find out who's brave
Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch?
Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch?
sir toby belch! how now, sir toby belch?
Sir Toby Belch! How now, Sir Toby Belch?
Sweet Sir Andrew!
Sweet Sir Andrew!
sweet sir andrew!
Sweet Sir Andrew!
Andrew is the play's great inadvertent comedian — he mishears, misunderstands, and then agrees enthusiastically with whatever the last person said. Watch for his habit of trying to keep up with wordplay and landing exactly one beat too late.
Bless you, fair shrew.
Bless you, fair shrew.
bless you, fair shrew.
Bless you, fair shrew.
And you too, sir.
And you too, sir.
and you too, sir.
And you too, sir.
Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.
Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.
accost, sir andrew, accost.
Accost, Sir Andrew, accost.
What’s that?
What’s that?
what’s that?
What’s that?
My niece’s chamber-maid.
My niece’s chamber-maid.
my niece’s chamber-maid.
My niece’s chamber-maid.
Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.
Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.
good mistress accost, i desire better acquaintance.
Good Mistress Accost, I desire better acquaintance.
My name is Mary, sir.
My name is Mary, sir.
my name is mary, sir.
My name is Mary, sir.
Good Mistress Mary Accost,—
Good Mistress Mary Accost,—
good mistress mary accost,—
Good Mistress Mary Accost,—
You mistake, knight: accost is front her, board her, woo her, assail
her.
You mistake, knight: accost is front her, board her, woo her, assail her.
you mistake, knight: accost is front her, board her, woo her, assail her.
You mistake, knight: accost is front her, board her, woo her, assail her.
By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the
meaning of accost?
By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of accost?
by my troth, i would not undertake her in this company. is that the meaning of accost?
By my troth, I would not undertake her in this company. Is that the meaning of accost?
Fare you well, gentlemen.
Fare you well, gentlemen.
fare you well, gentlemen.
Fare you well, gentlemen.
And thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst never draw sword
again.
And you let part so, Sir Andrew, would you mightst never draw sword again.
and you let part so, sir andrew, would you mightst never draw sword again.
And thou let part so, Sir Andrew, would thou mightst never draw sword again.
And you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair
lady, do you think you have fools in hand?
And you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?
and you part so, mistress, i would i might never draw sword again. fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?
And you part so, mistress, I would I might never draw sword again. Fair lady, do you think you have fools in hand?
Andrew Aguecheek has one of the most consistent comic rhythms in Shakespeare: he understands things one beat too late, takes metaphors literally, and repeats the last thing he heard as if it were his own idea. His name itself is a joke — 'ague' was a fever causing shivering; 'cheek' suggests pallor; together they paint a portrait of a thin, trembling, pale man, which productions have leaned into for centuries. But there's something almost touching about Andrew underneath the comedy: he genuinely wants to be admired, genuinely worries about his intelligence, and genuinely (if ineffectually) tries to do the right thing in his hopeless way. His sadness at the end — 'I was adored once too' — is one of the play's most unexpectedly moving moments, arriving like a single quiet note in the middle of a farce. Watch for it.
Sir, I have not you by the hand.
Sir, I have not you by the hand.
sir, i have not you by the hand.
Sir, I have not you by the hand.
Marry, but you shall have, and here’s my hand.
Marry, but you shall have, and here’s my hand.
marry, but you shall have, and here’s my hand.
Marry, but you shall have, and here’s my hand.
Now, sir, thought is free. I pray you, bring your hand to th’ buttery
bar and let it drink.
Now, sir, yought is free. I pray you, bring your hand to th’ buttery bar and let it drink.
now, sir, yought is free. i pray you, bring your hand to th’ buttery bar and let it drink.
Now, sir, thought is free. I pray you, bring your hand to th’ buttery bar and let it drink.
Wherefore, sweetheart? What’s your metaphor?
Wherefore, sweetheart? What’s your metaphor?
wherefore, sweetheart? what’s your metaphor?
Wherefore, sweetheart? What’s your metaphor?
It’s dry, sir.
It’s dry, sir.
it’s dry, sir.
It’s dry, sir.
Why, I think so; I am not such an ass but I can keep my hand dry. But
what’s your jest?
Why, I think so; I am not such an ass but I can keep my hand dry. But what’s your jest?
why, i think so; i am not such an ass but i can keep my hand dry. but what’s your jest?
Why, I think so; I am not such an ass but I can keep my hand dry. But what’s your jest?
A dry jest, sir.
A dry jest, sir.
a dry jest, sir.
A dry jest, sir.
Are you full of them?
Are you full of them?
are you full of them?
Are you full of them?
Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers’ ends: marry, now I let go your
hand, I am barren.
Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers’ ends: marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren.
ay, sir, i have them at my fingers’ ends: marry, now i let go your hand, i am barren.
Ay, sir, I have them at my fingers’ ends: marry, now I let go your hand, I am barren.
O knight, thou lack’st a cup of canary: When did I see thee so put
down?
O knight, you lack’st a cup of canary: When did I see thee so put down?
o knight, you lack’st a cup of canary: when did i see thee so put down?
O knight, thou lack’st a cup of canary: When did I see thee so put down?
Never in your life, I think, unless you see canary put me down.
Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary
man has; but I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm
to my wit.
Never in your life, I think, unless you see canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has; but I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm to my wit.
never in your life, i think, unless you see canary put me down. methinks sometimes i have no more wit than a christian or an ordinary man has; but i am a great eater of beef, and i believe that does harm to my wit.
Never in your life, I think, unless you see canary put me down. Methinks sometimes I have no more wit than a Christian or an ordinary man has; but I am a great eater of beef, and I believe that does harm
No question.
No question.
no question.
No question.
And I thought that, I’d forswear it. I’ll ride home tomorrow, Sir Toby.
And I yought that, I’d forswear it. I’ll ride home tomorrow, Sir Toby.
and i yought that, i’d forswear it. i’ll ride home tomorrow, sir toby.
And I thought that, I’d forswear it. I’ll ride home tomorrow, Sir Toby.
_Pourquoy_, my dear knight?
_Pourquoy_, my dear knight?
_pourquoy_, my dear knight?
_Pourquoy_, my dear knight?
What is _pourquoy?_ Do, or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in
the tongues that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting. O, had I
but followed the arts!
What is _pourquoy?_ Do, or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting. O, had I but followed the arts!
what is _pourquoy?_ do, or not do? i would i had bestowed that time in the tongues that i have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting. o, had i but followed the arts!
What is _pourquoy?_ Do, or not do? I would I had bestowed that time in the tongues that I have in fencing, dancing, and bear-baiting. O, had I but followed the arts!
Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
Then hadst you had an excellent head of hair.
then hadst you had an excellent head of hair.
Then hadst thou had an excellent head of hair.
Scene 1 was all longing, excess, beauty, and music. Scene 2 was survival, intelligence, and grief. Scene 3 is chaos, drinking jokes, and a man who doesn't know what 'pourquoy' means. The tonal whiplash is deliberate and serves a structural purpose: Shakespeare is establishing that Illyria contains multiple registers simultaneously. The Duke's palace is all romantic intensity; Olivia's house contains both grief and farce. These worlds will collide — Viola will move between them, carrying the emotional register of Scene 2 into the comic world of Scene 3's household. The contrast makes Viola's predicament funnier (she's the only serious person in a clown show) and also more poignant (the clown show has real stakes). Keep watching how the play uses comedy to soften what would otherwise be almost unbearably sad.
Why, would that have mended my hair?
Why, would that have mended my hair?
why, would that have mended my hair?
Why, would that have mended my hair?
Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature.
Past question; for you seest it will not curl by nature.
past question; for you seest it will not curl by nature.
Past question; for thou seest it will not curl by nature.
But it becomes me well enough, does’t not?
But it becomes me well enough, does’t not?
but it becomes me well enough, does’t not?
But it becomes me well enough, does’t not?
Excellent, it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to see a
huswife take thee between her legs, and spin it off.
Excellent, it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to see a huswife take thee between her legs, and spin it off.
excellent, it hangs like flax on a distaff; and i hope to see a huswife take thee between her legs, and spin it off.
Excellent, it hangs like flax on a distaff; and I hope to see a huswife take thee between her legs, and spin it off.
Faith, I’ll home tomorrow, Sir Toby; your niece will not be seen, or if
she be, it’s four to one she’ll none of me; the Count himself here hard
by woos her.
Faith, I’ll home tomorrow, Sir Toby; your niece will not be seen, or if she be, it’s four to one she’ll none of me; the Count himself here hard by woos her.
faith, i’ll home tomorrow, sir toby; your niece will not be seen, or if she be, it’s four to one she’ll none of me; the count himself here hard by woos her.
Faith, I’ll home tomorrow, Sir Toby; your niece will not be seen, or if she be, it’s four to one she’ll none of me; the Count himself here hard by woos her.
She’ll none o’ the Count; she’ll not match above her degree, neither in
estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear’t. Tut, there’s life
in’t, man.
She’ll none o’ the Count; she’ll not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear’t. Tut, there’s life in’t, man.
she’ll none o’ the count; she’ll not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; i have heard her swear’t. tut, there’s life in’t, man.
She’ll none o’ the Count; she’ll not match above her degree, neither in estate, years, nor wit; I have heard her swear’t. Tut, there’s life in’t, man.
I’ll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o’ the strangest mind i’ the
world; I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether.
I’ll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o’ the strangest mind i’ the world; I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether.
i’ll stay a month longer. i am a fellow o’ the strangest mind i’ the world; i delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether.
I’ll stay a month longer. I am a fellow o’ the strangest mind i’ the world; I delight in masques and revels sometimes altogether.
Art thou good at these kick-shawses, knight?
Art you good at these kick-shawses, knight?
art you good at these kick-shawses, knight?
Art thou good at these kick-shawses, knight?
As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my
betters; and yet I will not compare with an old man.
As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare with an old man.
as any man in illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters; and yet i will not compare with an old man.
As any man in Illyria, whatsoever he be, under the degree of my betters; and yet I will not compare with an old man.
What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
What is your excellence in a galliard, knight?
what is your excellence in a galliard, knight?
What is thy excellence in a galliard, knight?
Faith, I can cut a caper.
Faith, I can cut a caper.
faith, i can cut a caper.
Faith, I can cut a caper.
And I can cut the mutton to’t.
And I can cut the mutton to’t.
and i can cut the mutton to’t.
And I can cut the mutton to’t.
And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong as any man in
Illyria.
And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong as any man in Illyria.
and i think i have the back-trick simply as strong as any man in illyria.
And I think I have the back-trick simply as strong as any man in Illyria.
Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have these gifts a curtain
before ’em? Are they like to take dust, like Mistress Mall’s picture?
Why dost thou not go to church in a galliard, and come home in a
coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not so much as make
water but in a sink-a-pace. What dost thou mean? Is it a world to hide
virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of thy leg, it
was formed under the star of a galliard.
Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have these gifts a curtain before ’em? Are they like to take dust, like Mistress Mall’s picture? Why dost you not go to church in a galliard, and come home in a coranto? My very walk should be a jig; I would not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. What dost you mean? Is it a world to hide virtues in? I did think, by the excellent constitution of your leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.
wherefore are these things hid? wherefore have these gifts a curtain before ’em? are they like to take dust, like mistress mall’s picture? why dost you not go to church in a galliard, and come home in a coranto? my very walk should be a jig; i would not so much as make water but in a sink-a-pace. what dost you mean? is it a world to hide virtues in? i did think, by the excellent constitution of your leg, it was formed under the star of a galliard.
Wherefore are these things hid? Wherefore have these gifts a curtain before ’em? Are they like to take dust, like Mistress Mall’s picture? Why dost thou not go to church in a galliard, and come home in a
Ay, ’tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a dam’d-colour’d
stock. Shall we set about some revels?
Ay, ’tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a dam’d-colour’d stock. Shall we set about some revels?
ay, ’tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a dam’d-colour’d stock. shall we set about some revels?
Ay, ’tis strong, and it does indifferent well in a dam’d-colour’d stock. Shall we set about some revels?
What shall we do else? Were we not born under Taurus?
What shall we do else? Were we not born under Taurus?
what shall we do else? were we not born under taurus?
What shall we do else? Were we not born under Taurus?
Taurus? That’s sides and heart.
Taurus? That’s sides and heart.
taurus? that’s sides and heart.
Taurus? That’s sides and heart.
No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee caper. Ha, higher: ha,
ha, excellent!
No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee caper. Ha, higher: ha, ha, excellent!
no, sir, it is legs and thighs. let me see thee caper. ha, higher: ha, ha, excellent!
No, sir, it is legs and thighs. Let me see thee caper. Ha, higher: ha, ha, excellent!
The Reckoning
After Viola's focused, urgent opening scene, Shakespeare cuts to pure comic relief — a drunk uncle and his even drunker friend. The tonal whiplash is deliberate. Sir Toby is running a con on Sir Andrew (milking him for free lodging and entertainment money), and Andrew is too dim to see it. What you're left with is a portrait of wasted potential and cheerful self-deception so accurate it's almost painful — and somehow still hilarious.
If this happened today…
Your rich friend's uncle has been crashing on her couch for six months claiming he's 'in between things.' He's convinced her neighbor — who has a trust fund but the personality of a golden retriever — to hang around in hopes of dating her, mostly so the uncle has someone to drink with. The neighbor genuinely thinks he's funny. He is not. But he's generous with the credit card, and the uncle is not above using that.