The Windsor bell has struck twelve, the moment is coming. Now the passionate gods help me! Remember, Jupiter, you were a bull for your Europa; love put her on your horns. Oh powerful love, that in some ways makes a beast into a man, and in other ways makes a man into a beast! You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda. Oh all-powerful love, how close the god came to looking like a goose! A wrong act done first in the form of a beast; oh Jupiter, a beastly wrong! And then another wrong in the appearance of a bird; think of it, Jupiter, a foul wrong! When gods are lustful, what can poor men do? As for me, I am here like a Windsor deer, and the fattest one, I think, in the forest. Send me a cool breeding season, Jupiter, or who can blame me for letting my fat melt away? Who comes here? My doe?

The Windsor church bell just struck twelve—it's almost time. Come on, gods, help me out here! Jupiter, remember when you turned into a bull to seduce Europa? Love made you do some crazy things. Oh, love is so powerful—it can turn animals into men and men into animals! And Jupiter, you also became a swan for Leda's sake. Love made you look like a goose! That was a beast-like thing to do—wrong disguised as an animal. And then you did it again, this time as a bird. Another crazy wrong move! When gods are running hot, what are us mere humans supposed to do? I'm standing here like a male deer, the fattest stag in the whole forest. Send me relief from this lust, Jupiter, or I'm going to melt away from the heat! Who's that coming? My doe?

church bells hit twelve boys the gods help me jupiter you were a bull, then a swan for love love makes men beasts & beasts men i'm a hot stag in the forest send me relief or i'm done who's there? my doe?

Sir John? Are you there, my dear, my male deer?

Sir John? Are you there, my stag, my buck?

sir john? baby? 🦌

My doe with the black tail! Let the sky rain potatoes, let it thunder to the tune of "Greensleeves", hail kissing-candies and snow root-plants; let there come a storm of temptation, I will shelter myself here.

My doe with the black tail! Let it rain potatoes from the sky, let it thunder to "Greensleeves", let hail fall like kiss-candies and snow like healing roots—let the whole world tempt me, I'm staying right here with you.

my doe with black tail let the sky rain anything i'm not going anywhere

Mistress Page has come with me, sweetheart.

Mistress Page is here with me, love.

mistress page came w me baby

Carve me up like a hunted stag, each of you taking a piece. I'll keep my ribs for myself, my shoulders for the forest warden here, and my horns I give to your husbands. Do I sound like a woodsman? Do I speak like Herne the hunter? Well now, love is being honorable—it's making amends. I swear to you, welcome!

Go ahead, carve me up like a hunted deer—each of you grab a piece. I'll keep the good parts, my shoulders can go to whoever runs these woods, and I'll give my horns to your husbands. Sound like a woodsman? Am I talking like Herne the hunter? Well, look at that—love's actually doing the right thing for once. Come on, welcome!

cut me up like a stag each take a piece i keep the ribs give my horns to your husbands do i sound like a hunter love doing the right thing welcome

Alas, what noise?

alas, what noise?

alas, what noise?

May the heavens look kindly upon us for our misdeeds!

Oh God, I hope heaven forgives what we've just done!

god forgive us omg

What's this? (It's Mistress Ford and Mistress Page!) Away, away!

What's happening? (Oh no—it's both wives!) Run for it!

what is this oh crap its both of them run away

I think the devil will not have me damned, in case the fat oil in me should set hell itself on fire; he would never otherwise oppose me like this.

I don't think the devil even wants me in hell, because my body's so full of fat it would just burn the whole place down. That's why he's messing with me instead.

devil won't take me to hell my fat would burn hell on fire that's why he's torturing me instead lol

With Pistol as a Hobgoblin, Anne Page and the children as Fairies, carrying candles.

There's Pistol dressed as a Hobgoblin, Anne Page and the kids dressed as Fairies with candles.

pistol = hobgoblin anne & kids = fairies w/ candles

Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, You midnight revellers and shades of darkness, You orphan heirs of fixed destiny, Attend to your tasks and your nature. Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy proclamation.

Fairies, black and grey and green and white, You spirits of the night who love to play, You orphans of the world's fixed destiny, Go do the jobs assigned to you. Hobgoblin, cry out the fairy call.

fairies—black, grey, green, white night spirits doing your thing orphans of fate do your jobs hobgoblin make the cry

Elves, listen to your names; silence, you airborne tricksters! Cricket, to Windsor chimneys you shall leap, Where fires you find unraked and hearths unswept, There pinch the maids until they are black and blue. Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttish behaviour.

Elves, hear your names now; quiet, you airy pests! Cricket, jump to every chimney in Windsor, Find the ones where no one's tended the fire, Go pinch those maids until they're black and blue. Our beautiful queen can't stand dirty women and their dirty ways.

elves listen up cricket go pinch the maids make them black & blue queen hates dirty women

They are fairies—whoever speaks to them will die. I will close my eyes and lie low. No one must see what they do.

They're fairies—if anyone talks to them, they die. I'm shutting my eyes and staying down. Can't watch what they're doing.

fairies = death if u talk to em shutting my eyes not watching this

Where's Bead? Go search, and wherever you find a maiden Who says her prayers three times before she sleeps, Control her imagination. She'll sleep as peacefully as an innocent child. But those who sleep without thinking of their sins, Pinch them - their arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins.

Where's Bead? Go find every girl who prays three times before bed And she'll sleep peacefully like a baby. But the ones who sleep without worrying about their sins, Go pinch them all over - arms, legs, back, shoulders, sides, shins.

find girls who pray before sleep they'll sleep like babies the sinful ones tho - pinch em everywhere

Go around, go around! Search Windsor castle, elves, inside and out. Scatter good luck, spirits, in every sacred room, That it may last until the endless end In a state as healthy as is fitting, Worthy of its owner and its owner worthy of it. The various thrones of order, make sure you scrub With balm juice and every precious flower. Each fine furnishing, coat of arms, and separate crest, With loyal heraldry, forever be blessed! And nightly, meadow-fairies, make sure you sing, Like to the Garter's shape, in a circle. The image that it bears, let it be green, More fruitfully fresh than all the field to see; And "Shame to whoever thinks evil" write In emerald clumps, flowers purple, blue and white, Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery, Buckled below fair knighthood's bending knee. Fairies use flowers for their writing. Go, scatter! But until it is one o'clock, Our regular dance in a circle around the oak Of Herne the hunter let us not forget.

Spread out, spread out! Search everywhere in Windsor castle, elves, inside and outside. Leave good luck scattered in every holy room, So it stays beautiful forever and ever, In perfect condition as it should be, Matching the owner and the owner matching it. All those fancy thrones, make them shine With balm and flowers and everything precious. Every fine decoration, every coat of arms, every family crest, With loyal heraldry, always blessed! And every night, meadow-fairies, sing your songs, In a circle, like the Garter order. Let its symbol stay green, Fresh and growing better than the fields around; Write "Shame to evil thoughts" with emerald and flowers— Purple, blue and white, like jewels, Like sapphires and pearls and the finest embroidery, Fixed below the knight's noble kneeling. Fairies leave messages in flowers. Go now, scatter! But don't forget— Until one o'clock, our circle dance Around Herne the hunter's oak.

spread out search windsor spread good luck in every room keep it perfect forever polish those thrones blessing all the crests fairies sing in circles tonight green symbol w flowers write shame to evil like jewels & sapphires dance around the oak till 1am

Please join hands in order, all of you; And twenty glow-worms will be our lanterns, To guide our dance around the tree. But wait, I smell a man from the middle earth.

Everybody join hands and line up; We'll use twenty glow-worms as our lanterns, To light up our dance around the tree. Hold on—I smell a real man here.

lock hands in line glow-worms light the way dance around tree wait i smell a human

May the heavens protect me from that Welsh fairy, in case he transforms me into a piece of cheese!

God protect me from that Welsh fairy, or he'll turn me into cheese!

heaven save me from the welsh fairy or he'll make me cheese lol

Foul creature, you were bewitched even at your birth.

You disgusting worm, you were cursed the day you were born.

u were cursed at birth u nasty creature

With test-fire touch his finger-end. If he is chaste, the flame will go backwards And cause him no pain; but if he flinches, It is the flesh of a wicked heart.

Burn his finger with test-fire. If he's pure, the flame will back away and he won't hurt—but if he jumps back, that proves his heart is corrupt.

test fire his finger pure = flame backs off no pain flinches = corrupt heart

A trial, come.

a trial, come.

a trial, come.

Come, will this wood catch fire?

Come on, will this wood burn?

will this burn?

O, o, o!

o, o, o!

o, o, o!

Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted with lust! Fairies, gather around him and sing a mocking rhyme, And, as you dance, keep pinching him to the rhythm.

He's corrupt, he's corrupt, he's full of lust! Fairies, circle around him and sing something mean, And pinch him to the beat as you dance.

corrupt corrupt tainted w lust fairies mock him pinch him to the beat

Shame on sinful desire! Shame on lust and luxury! Lust is just a bloody fire, Set alight by unchaste desire, Fed by heart-flames that climb higher and higher, As thoughts blow them up more. Pinch him, fairies, all of you together; Pinch him for his wickedness. Pinch him and burn him and spin him around, Until candles and starlight and moonlight are gone.

Shame on dirty fantasies! Shame on lust and all that excess! Lust is just a bloody fire, Started by unchaste wanting, Feeding the heart-flames that climb higher, As your thoughts pump them up. Pinch him, fairies, every one of you; Pinch him because he's wicked. Pinch, burn, and spin him around Till all the light is gone from the world.

shame on lust & luxury lust is just a bloody fire started by dirty desire feeding the heart flame higher pinch him fairies pinch burn spin him till the lights go out

No, do not run away. I think we have been watching you this whole time. Do you need nothing but Herne the hunter to satisfy you?

Don't run. We've been watching you the whole time. Is Herne the hunter the only one who could satisfy you?

don't run we been watching u hernethe hunter ur type?

I ask you, come, let us stop playing this trick any higher.— Now, good Sir John, what do you think of Windsor wives? See these, husband?

Come on, let's drop the act now.— So, Sir John, what do you think of us Windsor wives now? Look at these, husband?

ok let's stop the act so sir john what u think of us? look at these husband

Don't these fine women Look better in the forest than in town?

Aren't these women Looking way better out here in the forest than back in town?

don't we look hot in the forest vs town

Now, sir, who is the cuckold now? Master Brook, Falstaff's a scoundrel, a cuckoldly scoundrel. Here are his horns, Master Brook. And, Master Brook, he has enjoyed nothing of Ford's except his laundry basket, his club, and twenty pounds of money, which must be paid back to Master Brook. His horses are seized for debt, Master Brook.

So now, sir, who's the cuckold? Master Brook, Falstaff's a real bastard, a horned bastard. Look at his horns, Master Brook. And Master Brook, all he got from Ford was the laundry basket, a beating with a club, and owed twenty pounds to you. His horses are impounded for it, Master Brook.

who's the cuckold now? falstaff's a scoundrel w horns he only got laundry basket & club owes twenty pounds horses seized

Sir John, we have been unlucky; we could never meet. I will never take you as my lover again, but I will always count you my dear.

Sir John, we just couldn't make it work. I'm never going to be with you romantically, but I'll always think of you as my darling.

unlucky we could never meet never ur lover again but always my dear

I am beginning to realize that I have been made a fool.

I'm starting to figure out that I've been played for a fool.

i'm a fool. i get it now

Yes, and an ox too. We have full proof of both.

Yeah, and an ox as well. We've got proof of everything.

& an ox too. we got proof

And these are not fairies? I was three or four times thinking they were not fairies; and yet the guilt in my mind, the sudden shock to my senses, drove the foolishness of the trick into my accepted belief, despite all logic and reason, that they were fairies. Look now how wit can be made a laughingstock when it is put to bad use!

And they're not fairies? I kept thinking they weren't fairies, three or four times. But my guilty conscience and the shock of it all just made me believe in the stupid trick, no matter what logic said. My own intelligence turned against me and made me look foolish!

they're not fairies? i thought they weren't but guilt & shock made me believe my wit became my enemy

Sir John Falstaff, obey God, and abandon your desires, and fairies will not pinch you.

Sir John Falstaff, serve God and give up your dirty desires, and fairies won't pinch you.

serve god give up ur lust fairies won't pinch u then

That's sound wisdom, sprite Hugh.

You got that right, magical Hugh.

nice one hugh

And you give up your jealousies too, I ask you.

And you give up your jealousy too, if you don't mind.

& u give up ur jealousy too

I will never distrust my wife again, until you are able to seduce her in proper English.

I'll never doubt my wife again, not until you can charm her in proper English.

won't doubt my wife again ti u can charm her in english lol

Have I baked my brain in the sun and dried it out so much that it has no wisdom left to prevent such a gross deception as this? Am I also bothered by a Welsh goat? Will I end up wearing a cap of coarse wool? It is time I was choked with a piece of toasted cheese.

Have I fried my brain in the sun till it's completely useless? Did I not see this massive trick coming? Am I also being mocked by a Welsh goat? Is a cheap wool cap my prize? I deserve to choke on toasted cheese.

fried my brain didnt see this coming mocked by a welsh goat deserve to choke on cheese

Cheese is not good to eat with butter. Your belly is all fat.

Cheese ain't good when you're already full of fat, man. Your belly's plenty buttery as it is.

cheese is bad your belly already fat enough

"Cheese" and "fat"? Have I lived to hear the taunts of one who mangles English? This is enough to destroy lust and stop people walking around late at night in this kingdom.

"Cheese" and "fat"? Am I really listening to someone butcher the English language? This alone is enough to kill off lust and end people wandering the streets at night.

he mangles english this kills lust & late night walks

Why, Sir John, do you think that even though we would have thrown virtue out of our hearts completely and given ourselves without question to hell, that the devil could ever have made you our pleasure?

Sir John, even if we'd thrown out every bit of virtue and sold our souls to hell, do you really think the devil could've made us want you?

even if we sold our souls devil couldn't make us want u

What, a sausage pudding? A bag of flax?

What, some kind of pudding? A bag of flax?

a pudding? a bag of flax?

A puffed man?

a puffed man?

a puffed man?

Old, cold, dried up, and with disgusting internal organs?

Old, cold, withered, and absolutely disgusting inside?

old cold withered & gross inside?

And one who is as slanderous as Satan?

And one who spreads lies like Satan himself?

spreads lies like satan?

And destitute as Job was in his suffering?

And completely penniless like Job?

broke & suffering like job?

And as wicked as Job's wife?

And just as evil as Job's wife turned out to be?

evil like job's wife?

And given to fornication, taverns, wine, beer, mixed drinks, drinking, swearing, and staring, with idle chatter and nonsense?

And addicted to affairs, bars, wine, beer, booze, drinking, cursing, and staring, with constant stupid gossip?

affairs bars wine beer booze swearing staring gossip?

Well, I am your subject of ridicule. You have the advantage over me. I am defeated. I cannot match the Welsh insults. Ignorance itself weighs me down completely. Use me as you please.

Okay, I'm the butt of your jokes. You've got the upper hand. I'm beat. I can't keep up with Welsh insults. Stupidity's crushing me. Do whatever you want with me.

i'm ur joke u got me i quit can't keep up do what u want

Well, sir, we will take you to Windsor to Master Brook, the one you cheated out of money, the one you were supposed to help seduce his wife. Beyond the suffering you have already endured, I think repaying that money will be a painful punishment.

Well, sir, we're taking you to Windsor to see Master Brook—the guy whose money you stole and who you were supposed to help with his wife. On top of everything else you've been through, paying him back is going to hurt.

we're taking u to master brook u scammed him gotta pay him back that'll hurt

Still, be cheerful, knight. You will eat a warm dessert tonight at my house, where I will ask you to laugh at my wife, who now laughs at you. Tell her Master Slender has married her daughter.

Look, stay positive, knight. You're eating a warm drink tonight at my place, and I'll ask you to laugh at my wife—she's laughing at you now, after all. Tell her Master Slender married her daughter.

cheer up knight eat posset at my place laughat my wife who laughs at u slender married her daughter

Doctors would dispute that. But if Anne Page is my daughter, she is now the wife of Doctor Caius.

I doubt that's true. But if Anne really is my daughter, she's already married to Doctor Caius now.

doubt it if she's my daughter she just married doctor caius

Hey there, father Page!

Father Page, look over here!

yo page!

Son, how are you? How are you now, son? Have you finished?

Son, how are things? Have you done it, son?

son did u do it?

Finished? I will make sure the best people in Gloucestershire know about it. I wish I were hanged if I do not!

Finished? Everyone in Gloucestershire will know about this. I'm serious, or I'll hang myself!

everyone in gloucestershire will know or hang me

Of what, son?

of what, son?

of what, son?

I came over there at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she is a tall muscular boy. If it had not been in the church, I would have beaten him, or he would have beaten me. If I did not think it was Anne Page, I swear it! And it is a postmaster's boy.

I went to Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page, but she's a big hefty boy. If we hadn't been in a church, I would've smacked him or he would've hit me. I swear I thought it was Anne! And he's just some postmaster's kid.

thought i was marrying anne it was a big boy would've hit him outside church it's the postmaster's son

On my word, then, you married the wrong person.

Then you definitely married the wrong person.

u married the wrong person

Why do you need to tell me that? I know—when I took a boy for a girl. If I had married him, even though he was dressed as a woman, I would not have wanted him.

I know that already! I took a boy for a girl. Even if I'd married him dressed like a woman, I wouldn't have wanted him.

i know i mistook a boy for a girl wouldn't want him even dressed as woman

Why, this is your own foolishness. Did I not tell you how you should recognize my daughter by her clothes?

That's your own stupid fault. Didn't I tell you how to identify my daughter by what she was wearing?

ur own fault i told u what she'd wear

I approached her dressed in white and called out "mum", and she responded "budget", which was our secret signal, and yet it was not Anne at all, but only a postmaster's boy.

I went to her in white and said "mum", and she said "budget"—that's what we arranged—but it wasn't Anne, just some postmaster's kid.

went to her in white said mum she said budget our sign but it was a boy

Good George, do not be angry. I knew about your plan; I dressed my daughter in green, and in fact she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.

George, don't be mad. I knew what you were planning, so I dressed my daughter in green. She's actually at the deanery with the doctor right now, and they just got married.

george don't be mad i knew ur plan dressed my daughter green she married doctor at deanery

Where is Mistress Page? By God, I'm tricked! I've married a boy, a peasant boy. It's not Anne Page. By God, I'm tricked!

Where's Mistress Page? Man, I got completely fooled! I married a boy - a country boy. That's not Anne Page at all. I got totally tricked!

where's mistress page?? got catfished - married a BOY not anne page

Why did you take her when she was in green?

So you took the girl in green?

u took her in green?

Yes, by God, and it is a boy. By God, I will raise all Windsor. FORD This is strange. Who has married the real Anne?

Yeah, by God, and it's a boy. By God, I'm going to tell everyone in Windsor. FORD This is crazy. So who married the real Anne?

yeah it's a boy fixin to tell all windsor who married real anne?

My heart tells me something is wrong. Here comes Master Fenton.—How are you now, Master Fenton!

My gut's telling me something's off. Oh, here comes Master Fenton.—Hey, Master Fenton, what's up!

something's wrong here comes fenton hey fenton what's good

Forgive me, good father. Please forgive me, good mother.

Forgive me, Dad. Please forgive me, Mom.

sorry dad sorry mom

Now, young lady, why did you not go with Master Slender?

So, what happened? Why didn't you go with Master Slender?

why didn't u go w slender?

Why did you not go with Master Doctor, girl?

And why didn't you go with the doctor?

why didn't u go w doctor?

You are confusing her. Listen to the truth of it. You wanted to marry her in a terrible way, Where there was no real love. The truth is, she and I have been bound to each other for a long time, And now we are so certain that nothing can separate us. The wrong she has done is actually holy, And this deception stops being wrong When it avoids thousands of hours of unholy suffering, Which a forced marriage would have brought on her.

Stop confusing her. Listen to what actually happened. You wanted to marry her without any real love. The real story? She and I promised ourselves to each other a long time ago, And now we're so committed nothing can break us apart. What she did wasn't actually wrong—it was right, Because she escaped thousands of hours of suffering That a marriage you forced on her would've caused.

we promised each other long ago we're certain now nothing can separate us she avoided hell forced marriage would bring what she did was right

Stop being shocked—there is no solution. In love, the heavens themselves guide what happens. Money buys land, but wives are given by fate.

Stop being so shocked—there's nothing to be done. When it comes to love, the heavens make the decisions. You can buy land with money, but wives are given by destiny.

no solution heaven guides love money buys land fate gives wives

I am glad, though you have taken special aim to strike at me, that your arrow has missed.

I'm just happy that even though you all took aim at me, your attack went wide.

glad ur arrow missed me

Well, what is to be done? Fenton, may heaven give you joy! What cannot be avoided must be accepted.

Well, what else can we do? Fenton, I hope heaven blesses you! What's done is done—we have to accept it.

what can we do heavens bless u fenton accept what's done

When night-hunting dogs run, all kinds of deer are hunted down.

When hunting dogs run at night, every kind of deer gets chased.

when hunting dogs run all deer get chased

Well, I will worry no more.—Master Fenton, May heaven give you many, many happy days! Good husband, let us all go home, And laugh about this game we played by a country fire, Sir John and all.

Okay, I'm done worrying.—Master Fenton, May heaven bless you with lots of happy days! Husband, let's all head home, And laugh about this whole prank by the fire, Sir John included.

done worrying heavens bless u fenton w many days let's go home laugh by fire w everyone

Let it be so, Sir John. You still owe Master Brook your word, Because he will sleep with Mistress Ford tonight.

Okay, Sir John. You still owe Master Brook what you promised— Because he's sleeping with Mistress Ford tonight.

still owe master brook he gets mistress ford tonight