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Act 5, Scene 5 — Another part of the Park
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The argument Falstaff arrives in buck's head costume at midnight, then the women appear and he embraces Mistress Ford. When he mentions Mistress Page, they flee at the sound of horns. The fairies emerge and torture him with pinches and fire while singing of lust's consequences. During the chaos, Slender grabs the wrong boy, Caius grabs another wrong boy, Fenton elopes with Anne Page. The men emerge, reveal Falstaff's humiliation, mock him thoroughly, Falstaff admits defeat. Evans preaches against lust and jealousy. Finally, Fenton and Anne arrive married, both fathers initially resist but accept it, and everyone goes home to laugh about the prank.
Enter Falstaff wearing a buck’s head.
FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

The Windsor bell hath struck twelve, the minute draws on. Now the

hot-blooded gods assist me! Remember, Jove, thou wast a bull for thy

Europa; love set on thy horns. O powerful love, that in some respects,

makes a beast a man, in some other a man a beast! You were also,

Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda. O omnipotent love, how near the

god drew to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in the form

of a beast; O Jove, a beastly fault! And then another fault in the

semblance of a fowl; think on’t, Jove, a foul fault! When gods have hot

backs, what shall poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag, and

the fattest, I think, i’ the forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or

who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? My doe?

The Windsor bell has struck twelve, the minute draws on. Now the hot-blooded gods assist me! Remember, Jove, you wast a bull for your Europa; love set on your horns. O powerful love, that in some respects, makes a beast a man, in some other a man a beast! You were also, Jupiter, a swan for the love of Leda. O omnipotent love, how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose! A fault done first in the form of a beast; O Jove, a beastly fault! And then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on’t, Jove, a foul fault! When gods have hot backs, what will poor men do? For me, I am here a Windsor stag, and the fattest, I know for certain, i’ the forest. Send me a cool rut-time, Jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who comes here? My doe?

the windsor bell has struck twelve, the minute draws on. now the hot-blooded gods assist me! remember, jove, you wast a bull for your europa; love set on your horns. o powerful love, that in some respects, makes a beast a man, in some other a man a beast! you were also, jupiter, a swan for the love of leda. o omnipotent love, how near the god drew to the complexion of a goose! a fault done first in the form of a beast; o jove, a beastly fault! and then another fault in the semblance of a fowl; think on’t, jove, a foul fault! when gods have hot backs, what will poor men do? for me, i am here a windsor stag, and the fattest, i know for certain, i’ the forest. send me a cool rut-time, jove, or who can blame me to piss my tallow? who comes here? my doe?

the windsor bell has struck twelve, the minute dra

🎭 Dramatic irony Falstaff compares himself to Jupiter undergoing transformations for love, unaware that his own transformation into a stag will be the vehicle for his humiliation.
Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page.
MISTRESS FORD Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

Sir John? Art thou there, my deer, my male deer?

Sir John? are you there, my deer, my male deer?

sir john? are you there, my deer, my male deer?

sir john? are you there, my deer, my male deer?

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

My doe with the black scut! Let the sky rain potatoes, let it thunder

to the tune of “Greensleeves”, hail kissing-comfits and snow eringoes;

let there come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here.

A man who laughs at his own jokes is welcome in any company.

A guy who can laugh at himself is good company.

laughing at yourself

thats what matters

[_He embraces her._]
MISTRESS FORD Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.

Mistress Page is come with me, sweetheart.

mistress page is come with me, sweetheart.

mistress page is come with me, sweetheart.

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

Divide me like a bribed buck, each a haunch. I will keep my sides to

myself, my shoulders for the fellow of this walk, and my horns I

bequeath your husbands. Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the

hunter? Why, now is Cupid a child of conscience; he makes restitution.

As I am a true spirit, welcome!

I hunted on his land—I admit it freely. The venison was excellent, and I was hungry. That's the whole of it.

Yeah, I went hunting on his property. And? I was hungry and the meat was fantastic.

i hunted his land

i was hungry

the venison was great

[_A noise of horns within._]
MISTRESS PAGE Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

Alas, what noise?

Alas, what noise?

alas, what noise?

alas, what noise?

MISTRESS FORD Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

Heaven forgive our sins!

Heaven forgive our sins!

heaven forgive our sins!

heaven forgive our sins!

FALSTAFF ≋ verse Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

What should this be?

MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE.

Away, away!

I see a lovely woman and I cannot help but notice.

I see a pretty woman, I'm gonna say something nice.

shes beautiful

im just noticing

[_They run off._]
FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

I think the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that’s in me

should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus.

I know for certain the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that’s in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus.

i know for certain the devil will not have me damned, lest the oil that’s in me should set hell on fire; he would never else cross me thus.

i know for certain the devil will not have me damn

Enter Mistress Quickly as the Queen of Fairies, Sir Hugh Evans as a
Satyr, Pistol as Hobgoblin, Anne Page and children as Fairies, carrying
tapers.
MISTRESS QUICKLY ≋ verse Gossipy and eager; playing all sides of the scheme

Fairies, black, grey, green, and white,

You moonshine revellers and shades of night,

You orphan heirs of fixed destiny,

Attend your office and your quality.

Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes.

Fairies, black, grey, green, and white, You moonshine revellers and shades of night, You orphan heirs of fixed destiny, Attend your office and your quality. Crier Hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes.

fairies, black, grey, green, and white, you moonshine revellers and shades of night, you orphan heirs of fixed destiny, attend your office and your quality. crier hobgoblin, make the fairy oyes.

fairies, black, grey, green, and white, you moonsh

PISTOL ≋ verse Theatrically bombastic; all swagger, no substance

Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys!

Cricket, to Windsor chimneys shalt thou leap,

Where fires thou find’st unraked and hearths unswept,

There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry.

Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery.

Elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys! Cricket, to Windsor chimneys will you leap, Where fires you find’st unraked and hearths unswept, There pinch the maids as blue as bilberry. Our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery.

elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys! cricket, to windsor chimneys will you leap, where fires you find’st unraked and hearths unswept, there pinch the maids as blue as bilberry. our radiant queen hates sluts and sluttery.

elves, list your names; silence, you airy toys! cr

FALSTAFF ≋ verse Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

They are fairies, he that speaks to them shall die.

I’ll wink and couch. No man their works must eye.

They are fairies, he that speaks to them will die. I’ll wink and couch. No man their works must eye.

they are fairies, he that speaks to them will die. i’ll wink and couch. no man their works must eye.

they are fairies, he that speaks to them will die.

🎭 Dramatic irony Falstaff thinks he's protecting himself from real fairies by closing his eyes; in reality he's perfectly visible to the fake fairies who proceed to torture him.
[_Lies down upon his face._]
EVANS
Where’s Bead? Go you, and where you find a maid
That ere she sleep has thrice her prayers said,
Rein up the organs of her fantasy;
Sleep she as sound as careless infancy.
But those as sleep and think not on their sins,
Pinch them, arms, legs, backs, shoulders, sides, and shins.
MISTRESS QUICKLY ≋ verse Gossipy and eager; playing all sides of the scheme

About, about!

Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out.

Strew good luck, oafs, on every sacred room,

That it may stand till the perpetual doom

In state as wholesome as in state ’tis fit,

Worthy the owner and the owner it.

The several chairs of order look you scour

With juice of balm and every precious flower.

Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest,

With loyal blazon, evermore be blest!

And nightly, meadow-fairies, look you sing,

Like to the Garter’s compass, in a ring.

Th’ expressure that it bears, green let it be,

More fertile-fresh than all the field to see;

And _Honi soit qui mal y pense_ write

In em’rald tufts, flowers purple, blue and white,

Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery,

Buckled below fair knighthood’s bending knee.

Fairies use flowers for their charactery.

Away, disperse! But till ’tis one o’clock,

Our dance of custom round about the oak

Of Herne the hunter let us not forget.

About, about! Search Windsor castle, elves, within and out. Strew good luck, oafs, on every sacred room, That it may stand till the perpetual doom In state as wholesome as in state ’tis fit, Worthy the owner and the owner it. The several chairs of order look you scour With juice of balm and every precious flower. Each fair instalment, coat, and several crest, With loyal blazon, evermore be blest! And nightly, meadow-fairies, look you sing, Like to the Garter’s compass, in a ring. Th’ expressure that it bears, green let it be, More fertile-fresh than all the field to see; And _Honi soit qui mal y pense_ write In em’rald tufts, flowers purple, blue and white, Like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery, Buckled below fair knighthood’s bending knee. Fairies use flowers for their charactery. Away, disperse! But till ’tis one o’clock, Our dance of custom round about the oak Of Herne the hunter let us not forget.

about, about! search windsor castle, elves, within and out. strew good luck, oafs, on every sacred room, that it may stand till the perpetual doom in state as wholesome as in state ’tis fit, worthy the owner and the owner it. the several chairs of order look you scour with juice of balm and every precious flower. each fair instalment, coat, and several crest, with loyal blazon, evermore be blest! and nightly, meadow-fairies, look you sing, like to the garter’s compass, in a ring. th’ expressure that it bears, green let it be, more fertile-fresh than all the field to see; and _honi soit qui mal y pense_ write in em’rald tufts, flowers purple, blue and white, like sapphire, pearl, and rich embroidery, buckled below fair knighthood’s bending knee. fairies use flowers for their charactery. away, disperse! but till ’tis one o’clock, our dance of custom round about the oak of herne the hunter let us not forget.

about, about! search windsor castle, elves, within

EVANS ≋ verse Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Pray you, lock hand in hand, yourselves in order set;

And twenty glow-worms shall our lanterns be,

To guide our measure round about the tree.

But stay, I smell a man of middle earth.

Pray you, lock hand in hand, yourselves in order set; And twenty glow-worms will our lanterns be, To guide our measure round about the tree. But stay, I smell a man of middle earth.

pray you, lock hand in hand, yourselves in order set; and twenty glow-worms will our lanterns be, to guide our measure round about the tree. but stay, i smell a man of middle earth.

pray you, lock hand in hand, yourselves in order s

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he transform me to a

piece of cheese!

Heavens defend me from that Welsh fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese!

heavens defend me from that welsh fairy, lest he transform me to a piece of cheese!

heavens defend me from that welsh fairy, lest he t

PISTOL Theatrically bombastic; all swagger, no substance

Vile worm, thou wast o’erlooked even in thy birth.

Vile worm, you wast o’erlooked even in your birth.

vile worm, you wast o’erlooked even in your birth.

vile worm, you wast o’erlooked even in your birth.

MISTRESS QUICKLY ≋ verse Gossipy and eager; playing all sides of the scheme

With trial-fire touch me his finger-end.

If he be chaste, the flame will back descend

And turn him to no pain; but if he start,

It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.

With trial-fire touch me his finger-end. If he be chaste, the flame will back descend And turn him to no pain; but if he start, It is the flesh of a corrupted heart.

with trial-fire touch me his finger-end. if he be chaste, the flame will back descend and turn him to no pain; but if he start, it is the flesh of a corrupted heart.

with trial-fire touch me his finger-end. if he be

PISTOL Theatrically bombastic; all swagger, no substance

A trial, come.

A trial, come.

a trial, come.

a trial, come.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Come, will this wood take fire?

Come, will this wood take fire?

come, will this wood take fire?

come, will this wood take fire?

[_They put the tapers to his fingers, and he starts._]
FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

O, o, o!

O, o, o!

o, o, o!

o, o, o!

MISTRESS QUICKLY ≋ verse Gossipy and eager; playing all sides of the scheme

Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire!

About him, fairies, sing a scornful rhyme,

And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.

Corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! About him, fairies, sing a scornful rhyme, And, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.

corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! about him, fairies, sing a scornful rhyme, and, as you trip, still pinch him to your time.

corrupt, corrupt, and tainted in desire! about him

SONG ≋ verse SONG's declaration

Fie on sinful fantasy!

Fie on lust and luxury!

Lust is but a bloody fire,

Kindled with unchaste desire,

Fed in heart, whose flames aspire,

As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher.

Pinch him, fairies, mutually;

Pinch him for his villainy.

Pinch him and burn him and turn him about,

Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.

Fie on sinful fantasy! Fie on lust and luxury! Lust is but a bloody fire, Kindled with unchaste desire, Fed in heart, whose flames aspire, As thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. Pinch him, fairies, mutually; Pinch him for his villainy. Pinch him and burn him and turn him about, Till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.

fie on sinful fantasy! fie on lust and luxury! lust is but a bloody fire, kindled with unchaste desire, fed in heart, whose flames aspire, as thoughts do blow them, higher and higher. pinch him, fairies, mutually; pinch him for his villainy. pinch him and burn him and turn him about, till candles and starlight and moonshine be out.

fie on sinful fantasy! fie on lust and luxury! lus

[_During the song they pinch him, and Doctor Caius comes one way and
steals away a boy in green; and Slender another way takes a boy in
white; Fenton comes in and steals away Anne Page. A noise of hunting is
heard within and all the fairies run away. Falstaff pulls off his
buck’s head, and rises up._]
Enter Page, Ford, Mistress Page and Mistress Ford.
PAGE ≋ verse Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Nay, do not fly. I think we have watched you now.

Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?

No, do not fly. I think we have watched you now. Will none but Herne the hunter serve your turn?

no, do not fly. i think we have watched you now. will none but herne the hunter serve your turn?

no, do not fly. i think we have watched you now. w

MISTRESS PAGE ≋ verse Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher.—

Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives?

See you these, husband?

I pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher.— Now, good Sir John, how like you Windsor wives? See you these, husband?

i pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher.— now, good sir john, how like you windsor wives? see you these, husband?

i pray you, come, hold up the jest no higher.— now

[_She points to the horns._]
Do not these fair yokes
Become the forest better than the town?
FORD Jealously suspicious; possessively protective of his wife

Now, sir, who’s a cuckold now? Master Brook, Falstaff’s a knave, a

cuckoldly knave. Here are his horns, Master Brook. And, Master Brook,

he hath enjoyed nothing of Ford’s but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and

twenty pounds of money, which must be paid to Master Brook. His horses

are arrested for it, Master Brook.

Now, sir, who’s a cuckold now? Master Brook, Falstaff’s a knave, a cuckoldly knave. Here are his horns, Master Brook. And, Master Brook, he has enjoyed nothing of Ford’s but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must be paid to Master Brook. His horses are arrested for it, Master Brook.

now, sir, who’s a cuckold now? master brook, falstaff’s a knave, a cuckoldly knave. here are his horns, master brook. and, master brook, he has enjoyed nothing of ford’s but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of money, which must be paid to master brook. his horses are arrested for it, master brook.

now, sir, who’s a cuckold now? master brook, falst

MISTRESS FORD Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

Sir John, we have had ill luck, we could never meet. I will never take

you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer.

Sir John, we have had ill luck, we could never meet. I will never take you for my love again, but I will always count you my deer.

sir john, we have had ill luck, we could never meet. i will never take you for my love again, but i will always count you my deer.

sir john, we have had ill luck, we could never mee

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.

I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.

i do begin to perceive that i am made an ass.

i do begin to perceive that i am made an ass.

FORD Jealously suspicious; possessively protective of his wife

Ay, and an ox too. Both the proofs are extant.

Yes, and an ox too. Both the proofs are extant.

yes, and an ox too. both the proofs are extant.

yes, and an ox too. both the proofs are extant.

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

And these are not fairies? I was three or four times in the thought

they were not fairies; and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden

surprise of my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a

received belief, in despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that

they were fairies. See now how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent when ’tis

upon ill employment!

A man who laughs at his own jokes is welcome in any company.

A guy who can laugh at himself is good company.

laughing at yourself

thats what matters

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will

not pinse you.

Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you.

sir john falstaff, serve got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not pinse you.

sir john falstaff, serve got, and leave your desir

FORD Jealously suspicious; possessively protective of his wife

Well said, fairy Hugh.

Well said, fairy Hugh.

well said, fairy hugh.

well said, fairy hugh.

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you.

And leave you your jealousies too, I pray you.

and leave you your jealousies too, i pray you.

and leave you your jealousies too, i pray you.

FORD Jealously suspicious; possessively protective of his wife

I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in

good English.

I will never mistrust my wife again, till you are able to woo her in good English.

i will never mistrust my wife again, till you are able to woo her in good english.

i will never mistrust my wife again, till you are

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to

prevent so gross o’erreaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat

too? Shall I have a cox-comb of frieze? ’Tis time I were choked with a

piece of toasted cheese.

A man who laughs at his own jokes is welcome in any company.

A guy who can laugh at himself is good company.

laughing at yourself

thats what matters

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

Seese is not good to give putter. Your belly is all putter.

Seese is not good to give putter. Your belly is all putter.

seese is not good to give putter. your belly is all putter.

seese is not good to give putter. your belly is al

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

“Seese” and “putter”? Have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that

makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and

late-walking through the realm.

“Seese” and “putter”? Have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the realm.

“seese” and “putter”? have i lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes fritters of english? this is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking through the realm.

“seese” and “putter”? have i lived to stand at the

MISTRESS PAGE Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of

our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without

scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?

Why, Sir John, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?

why, sir john, do you think, though we would have thrust virtue out of our hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?

why, sir john, do you think, though we would have

FORD Jealously suspicious; possessively protective of his wife

What, a hodge-pudding? A bag of flax?

What, a hodge-pudding? A bag of flax?

what, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?

what, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?

MISTRESS PAGE Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

A puffed man?

A puffed man?

a puffed man?

a puffed man?

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?

Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?

old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?

old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?

FORD Jealously suspicious; possessively protective of his wife

And one that is as slanderous as Satan?

And one that is as slanderous as Satan?

and one that is as slanderous as satan?

and one that is as slanderous as satan?

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

And as poor as Job?

And as poor as Job?

and as poor as job?

and as poor as job?

FORD Jealously suspicious; possessively protective of his wife

And as wicked as his wife?

And as wicked as his wife?

and as wicked as his wife?

and as wicked as his wife?

EVANS Pompously deploying malapropisms and half-understood Latin

And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and

metheglins, and to drinkings and swearings and starings, pribbles and

prabbles?

And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings and swearings and starings, pribbles and prabbles?

and given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins, and to drinkings and swearings and starings, pribbles and prabbles?

and given to fornications, and to taverns, and sac

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

Well, I am your theme. You have the start of me. I am dejected, I am

not able to answer the Welsh flannel. Ignorance itself is a plummet

o’er me. Use me as you will.

Well, I am your theme. You have the start of me. I am dejected, I am not able to answer the Welsh flannel. Ignorance itself is a plummet o’er me. Use me as you will.

well, i am your theme. you have the start of me. i am dejected, i am not able to answer the welsh flannel. ignorance itself is a plummet o’er me. use me as you will.

well, i am your theme. you have the start of me. i

FORD Jealously suspicious; possessively protective of his wife

Marry, sir, we’ll bring you to Windsor to one Master Brook, that you

have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander. Over and

above that you have suffered, I think to repay that money will be a

biting affliction.

Well, sir, we’ll bring you to Windsor to one Master Brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander. Over and above that you have suffered, I think to repay that money will be a biting affliction.

well, sir, we’ll bring you to windsor to one master brook, that you have cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander. over and above that you have suffered, i think to repay that money will be a biting affliction.

well, sir, we’ll bring you to windsor to one maste

🎭 Dramatic irony Ford jokes that Falstaff will finally keep his word to Brook by letting him sleep with Mistress Ford — except Ford IS Brook, and the joke is that Ford has been Falstaff's spy all along.
PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Yet be cheerful, knight. Thou shalt eat a posset tonight at my house,

where I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee.

Tell her Master Slender hath married her daughter.

Yet be cheerful, knight. you will eat a posset tonight at my house, where I will desire you to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at you. Tell her Master Slender has married her daughter.

yet be cheerful, knight. you will eat a posset tonight at my house, where i will desire you to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at you. tell her master slender has married her daughter.

yet be cheerful, knight. you will eat a posset t

[_Aside_.] Doctors doubt that. If Anne Page be my daughter, she is, by
MISTRESS PAGE Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

this, Doctor Caius’ wife.

this, Doctor Caius’ wife.

this, doctor caius’ wife.

this, doctor caius’ wife.

Enter Slender.
SLENDER
Whoa, ho, ho, father Page!
PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Son, how now! How now, son, have you dispatched?

Son, how now! How now, son, have you dispatched?

son, how now! how now, son, have you dispatched?

son, how now! how now, son, have you dispatched?

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

Dispatched? I’ll make the best in Gloucestershire know on’t. Would I

were hanged, la, else!

Dispatched? I’ll make the best in Gloucestershire know on’t. Would I were hanged, la, else!

dispatched? i’ll make the best in gloucestershire know on’t. would i were hanged, la, else! or something?

dispatched? i’ll make the best in glouce

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Of what, son?

Of what, son?

of what, son?

of what, son?

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she’s a great

lubberly boy. If it had not been i’ the church, I would have swinged

him, or he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne

Page, would I might never stir! And ’tis a postmaster’s boy.

So, um... is she... does she seem like a good person?

So like, is she cool? I guess we could... you know?

does she seem nice

i guess we could get married

idk

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Upon my life, then, you took the wrong.

Upon my life, then, you took the wrong.

upon my life, then, you took the wrong.

upon my life, then, you took the wrong.

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl.

If I had been married to him, for all he was in woman’s apparel, I

would not have had him.

So, um... is she... does she seem like a good person?

So like, is she cool? I guess we could... you know?

does she seem nice

i guess we could get married

idk

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you how you should know my

daughter by her garments?

Why, this is your own folly. Did not I tell you how you should know my daughter by her garments?

why, this is your own folly. did not i tell you how you should know my daughter by her garments?

why, this is your own folly. did not i tell you ho

SLENDER Nervous and evasive; talking about everything except what he should

I went to her in white and cried “mum”, and she cried “budget”, as Anne

and I had appointed, and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster’s boy.

So, um... is she... does she seem like a good person?

So like, is she cool? I guess we could... you know?

does she seem nice

i guess we could get married

idk

MISTRESS PAGE Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

Good George, be not angry. I knew of your purpose, turned my daughter

into green, and indeed she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and

there married.

Good George, be not angry. I knew of your purpose, turned my daughter into green, and indeed she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.

good george, be not angry. i knew of your purpose, turned my daughter into green, and indeed she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there married.

good george, be not angry. i knew of your purpose,

Enter Doctor Caius.
CAIUS
Vere is Mistress Page? By gar, I am cozened, I ha’ married _un garçon_,
a boy; _un paysan_, by gar, a boy. It is not Anne Page. By gar, I am
cozened.
MISTRESS PAGE Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

Why, did you take her in green?

Why, did you take her in green?

why, did you take her in green?

why, did you take her in green?

CAIUS ≋ verse Angry and combative; defending his honor

Ay, by gar, and ’tis a boy. By gar, I’ll raise all Windsor.

FORD

This is strange. Who hath got the right Anne?

Yes, by God, and ’tis a boy. By gar, I’ll raise all Windsor. FORD This is strange. Who has got the right Anne?

yes, by god, and ’tis a boy. by gar, i’ll raise all windsor. ford this is strange. who has got the right anne?

yes, by god, and ’tis a boy. by gar, i’ll raise al

Enter Fenton and Anne Page.
PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

My heart misgives me. Here comes Master Fenton.—How now, Master Fenton!

My heart misgives me. Here comes Master Fenton.—How now, Master Fenton!

my heart misgives me. here comes master fenton.—how now, master fenton!

my heart misgives me. here comes master fenton.—ho

ANNE Politely firm; managing the situation with grace

Pardon, good father. Good my mother, pardon.

Pardon, good father. Good my mother, pardon.

pardon, good father. good my mother, pardon.

pardon, good father. good my mother, pardon.

PAGE Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Now, mistress, how chance you went not with Master Slender?

Now, mistress, how chance you went not with Master Slender?

now, mistress, how chance you went not with master slender?

now, mistress, how chance you went not with master

MISTRESS PAGE Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

Why went you not with Master Doctor, maid?

Why went you not with Master Doctor, maid?

why went you not with master doctor, maid?

why went you not with master doctor, maid?

FENTON ≋ verse FENTON's declaration

You do amaze her. Hear the truth of it.

You would have married her most shamefully,

Where there was no proportion held in love.

The truth is, she and I, long since contracted,

Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us.

Th’ offence is holy that she hath committed,

And this deceit loses the name of craft,

Of disobedience, or unduteous title,

Since therein she doth evitate and shun

A thousand irreligious cursed hours,

Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.

You do amaze her. Hear the truth of it. You would have married her most shamefully, Where there was no proportion held in love. The truth is, she and I, long since contracted, Are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us. Th’ offence is holy that she has committed, And this deceit loses the name of craft, Of disobedience, or unduteous title, Since therein she does evitate and shun A thousand irreligious cursed hours, Which forced marriage would have brought upon her.

you do amaze her. hear the truth of it. you would have married her most shamefully, where there was no proportion held in love. the truth is, she and i, long since contracted, are now so sure that nothing can dissolve us. th’ offence is holy that she has committed, and this deceit loses the name of craft, of disobedience, or unduteous title, since therein she does evitate and shun a thousand irreligious cursed hours, which forced marriage would have brought upon her.

you do amaze her. hear the truth of it. you would

🎭 Dramatic irony While Fenton is pleading for forgiveness for taking Anne, he's actually the only suitor who has acted with genuine respect for her agency and her love.
FORD ≋ verse Jealously suspicious; possessively protective of his wife

Stand not amazed, here is no remedy.

In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state.

Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.

Stand not amazed, here is no remedy. In love, the heavens themselves do guide the state. Money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.

stand not amazed, here is no remedy. in love, the heavens themselves do guide the state. money buys lands, and wives are sold by fate.

stand not amazed, here is no remedy. in love, the

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

I am glad, though you have ta’en a special stand to strike at me, that

your arrow hath glanced.

I am glad, though you have ta’en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow has glanced.

i am glad, though you have ta’en a special stand to strike at me, that your arrow has glanced.

i am glad, though you have ta’en a special stand t

PAGE ≋ verse Reasonable and practical; trying to keep things civil

Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy!

What cannot be eschewed must be embraced.

Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give you joy! What cannot be eschewed must be embraced.

well, what remedy? fenton, heaven give you joy! what cannot be eschewed must be embraced.

well, what remedy? fenton, heaven give you joy! w

FALSTAFF Brazenly confident; weaponizing charm and humor

When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased.

I hunted on his land—I admit it freely. The venison was excellent, and I was hungry. That's the whole of it.

Yeah, I went hunting on his property. And? I was hungry and the meat was fantastic.

i hunted his land

i was hungry

the venison was great

MISTRESS PAGE ≋ verse Sharp and in control; executing the scheme with precision and wit

Well, I will muse no further.—Master Fenton,

Heaven give you many, many merry days!

Good husband, let us every one go home,

And laugh this sport o’er by a country fire,

Sir John and all.

Well, I will muse no further.—Master Fenton, Heaven give you many, many merry days! Good husband, let us every one go home, And laugh this sport o’er by a country fire, Sir John and all.

well, i will muse no further.—master fenton, heaven give you many, many merry days! good husband, let us every one go home, and laugh this sport o’er by a country fire, sir john and all.

well, i will muse no further.—master fenton, heave

FORD ≋ verse Jealously suspicious; possessively protective of his wife

Let it be so, Sir John,

To Master Brook you yet shall hold your word,

For he tonight shall lie with Mistress Ford.

Let it be so, Sir John, To Master Brook you yet will hold your word, For he tonight will lie with Mistress Ford.

let it be so, sir john, to master brook you yet will hold your word, for he tonight will lie with mistress ford.

let it be so, sir john, to master brook you yet wi

[_Exeunt._]

The Reckoning

The entire play resolves in this 107-chunk tour de force. Every plot thread gets resolved or humorously subverted: Falstaff's seduction attempt becomes his public humiliation, the three suitors for Anne all fail (even the ones who grabbed the 'right' color), Ford's jealousy is exposed and mocked, the women's revenge is complete and validated by male authority figures. The scene oscillates between slapstick (pinching, burning), theatrical spectacle (fairies and lights), emotional resolution (Fenton and Anne's marriage), and moral authority (Evans's sermon). By the end, Falstaff is invited to dinner as a joke, having lost his dignity but not his place in the community.

If this happened today…

A coordinated intervention where everyone shows up to catch a guy being a predator, it goes perfectly, he's humiliated in front of the whole town, his attempt to seduce your wife backfires completely, and then you all go get dinner as a prank-bonding experience.