What the devil hast thou brought there—applejohns? Thou knowest Sir
John cannot endure an applejohn.
Why did you bring old apples? You know Falstaff hates these.
Why'd you bring dried apples? You know he hates them.
applejohns old apples falstaff hates
Mass, thou sayest true. The Prince once set a dish of applejohns before
him, and told him there were five more Sir Johns, and, putting off his
hat, said “I will now take my leave of these six dry, round, old,
withered knights.” It angered him to the heart. But he hath forgot
that.
Right. The Prince once fooled him with old apples, calling them fresh.
Yeah. The Prince already tricked him with old apples once.
prince trick old apples fresh
Why then, cover, and set them down, and see if thou canst find out
Sneak’s noise. Mistress Tearsheet would fain hear some music. Dispatch.
The room where they supped is too hot, they’ll come in straight.
Then hide them and find Sneak's music group.
Put them away and find the musicians.
cover sneak noise musicians
Sirrah, here will be the Prince and Master Poins anon, and they will
put on two of our jerkins and aprons, and Sir John must not know of it.
Bardolph hath brought word.
Listen, the Prince and Poins are coming soon. They'll dress like waiters and serve us.
The Prince and Poins are coming. They're gonna dress up as waiters.
prince poins coming waiters serve
By the mass, here will be old utis. It will be an excellent stratagem.
That'll be wild. This plan is brilliant.
Hell yeah, this'll be crazy. Great plan.
old utis excellent fun chaos
I’ll see if I can find out Sneak.
I'll go find Sneak.
I'll find him.
find sneak go
I’ faith, sweetheart, methinks now you are in an excellent good
temperality. Your pulsidge beats as extraordinarily as heart would
desire, and your colour, I warrant you, is as red as any rose, in good
truth, la! But, i’ faith, you have drunk too much canaries, and that’s
a marvellous searching wine, and it perfumes the blood ere one can say
“What’s this?” How do you now?
My dear, you seem to be in such a wonderful mood. You've been singing all day.
Honey, you're in such a good mood. You've been singing.
sweetheart temperality wonderful singing
Doll Tearsheet speaks with startling directness — her insults are precise and her affection is genuine. Watch for how her voice shifts: savage to Pistol, tender to Falstaff. The last lines of the scene, when she can barely speak, are the measure of how real her feeling is.
Better than I was. Hem!
Better than before. [coughs]
Better than I was. [coughs]
better hem
Why, that’s well said. A good heart’s worth gold. Lo, here comes Sir
John.
That's wonderful. A happy heart is priceless. Oh, here comes Falstaff.
That's great. Good mood is everything. Here comes Falstaff.
well said heart gold falstaff
How now, Mistress Doll!
Hello there, Doll!
Hey, Doll!
how now mistress doll
Sick of a calm, yea, good faith.
She's been sick but she's getting better.
She was sick but she's doing better.
sick recovering better
So is all her sect; an they be once in a calm, they are sick.
That's true of all women. When they get peaceful, they get sick.
Yeah, that's how all women are. They get sick when they calm down.
her sect women calm sick
A pox damn you, you muddy rascal, is that all the comfort you give me?
Damn you, you filthy pig, is that all the comfort you give me?
Damn you, you dirty jerk, is that all you got?
pox muddy rascal comfort
You make fat rascals, Mistress Doll.
You turn men into fat rascals, Doll.
You make fat rascals out of men, Doll.
make fat rascals men
I make them? Gluttony and diseases make them; I make them not.
Me? Gluttony and disease make them fat, not me.
I don't. Gluttony and sickness do.
gluttony diseases not me
If the cook help to make the gluttony, you help to make the diseases,
Doll: we catch of you, Doll. We catch of you; grant that, my poor
virtue, grant that.
The cook helps with gluttony, you help with disease. We catch sickness from you.
The cook feeds the gluttony, you give the disease. We catch stuff from you.
cook gluttony disease catch
Yea, joy, our chains and our jewels.
Yes, and we also get chains and jewels from us.
Yeah, and we also get jewelry.
joy chains jewels
“Your brooches, pearls, and ouches:”—for to serve bravely is to come
halting off, you know; to come off the breach with his pike bent
bravely, and to surgery bravely; to venture upon the charged chambers
bravely—
'Your precious things'—but serving bravely means you get injured, then suffer stomach pain.
'Your fancy things'—but serving means you get hurt and your stomach hurts.
brooches pearls toil indigestion
Hang yourself, you muddy conger, hang yourself!
Hang yourself, you dirty eel, hang yourself!
Go hang yourself, you filthy bastard!
hang yourself muddy conger
By my troth, this is the old fashion; you two never meet but you fall
to some discord. You are both, i’ good truth, as rheumatic as two dry
toasts. You cannot one bear with another’s confirmities. What the
good-year! One must bear, and that must be you. You are the weaker
vessel, as as they say, the emptier vessel.
This is the old pattern. You two never meet without starting an argument.
This is the same old thing. You two always fight.
old fashion fall to discord
Can a weak empty vessel bear such a huge full hogshead? There’s a whole
merchant’s venture of Bourdeaux stuff in him; you have not seen a hulk
better stuffed in the hold. Come, I’ll be friends with thee, Jack. Thou
art going to the wars, and whether I shall ever see thee again or no,
there is nobody cares.
How can a weak empty barrel hold such a huge full barrel? This man's enormous!
How can you hold so much? You're huge!
weak empty vessel huge full hogshead
Sir, Ancient Pistol’s below, and would speak with you.
Sir, an old soldier called Pistol is downstairs and wants to talk to you.
Sir, a guy named Pistol is downstairs wanting to talk.
ancient pistol below speak
Hang him, swaggering rascal! Let him not come hither: it is the
foul-mouthed’st rogue in England.
Hang that swaggering fool! Don't let him come here, he's got the foulest mouth—
Damn him! Don't let him come up, he's—
hang swaggering foul-mouthed
If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith, I must live
among my neighbours. I’ll no swaggerers. I am in good name and fame
with the very best. Shut the door, there comes no swaggerers here. I
have not lived all this while to have swaggering now. Shut the door, I
pray you.
If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith, I must live among my neighbours. I’ll no swaggerers. I am in good name and fame with the very best. Shut the door, there comes no swaggerers here. I have not lived all this while to have swaggering now. Shut the door, I pray you.
If he swagger, let him not come here. No, by my faith, I must live among my neighbours. I’ll no swaggerers. I am in good name and fame with ...
swagger, let him
Dost thou hear, hostess?
do you hear, hostess?
do you hear, hostess?
dost thou hear, hostess?
Pray ye pacify yourself, Sir John. There comes no swaggerers here.
Pray ye pacify yourself, Sir John. There comes no swaggerers here.
Pray ye pacify yourself, Sir John. There comes no swaggerers here.
pray pacify yourself, sir
Dost thou hear? It is mine ancient.
do you hear? It is mine ancient.
do you hear? It is mine ancient.
dost thou hear?
Tilly-fally, Sir John, ne’er tell me. And our ancient swaggerer comes
not in my doors. I was before Master Tisick, the debuty t’other day,
and, as he said to me,—’twas no longer ago than Wednesday last, i’ good
faith,—“Neighbour Quickly,” says he—Master Dumb, our minister, was by
then—“Neighbour Quickly,” says he, “receive those that are civil, for,”
said he “you are in an ill name.” Now he said so, I can tell whereupon.
“For,” says he, “you are an honest woman, and well thought on.
Therefore take heed what guests you receive. Receive,” says he, “no
swaggering companions.” There comes none here. You would bless you to
hear what he said. No, I’ll no swaggerers.
Tilly-fally, Sir John, ne’er tell me. And our ancient swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master Tisick, the debuty t’other day, and, as he said to me,—’twas no longer ago than Wednesday last, i’ good faith,—“Neighbour Quickly,” says he—Master Dumb, our minister, was by then—“Neighbour Quickly,” says he, “receive those that are civil, for,” said he “you are in an ill name.” Now he said so, I can tell whereupon. “For,” says he, “you are an honest woman, and well thought on. Therefore take heed what guests you receive. Receive,” says he, “no swaggering companions.” There comes none here. You would bless you to hear what he said. No, I’ll no swaggerers.
Tilly-fally, Sir John, ne’er tell me. And our ancient swaggerer comes not in my doors. I was before Master Tisick, the debuty t’other day, a...
tilly-fally, sir john, ne’er tell
He’s no swaggerer, hostess; a tame cheater, i’ faith, you may stroke
him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He’ll not swagger with a Barbary
hen, if her feathers turn back in any show of resistance. Call him up,
drawer.
He’s no swaggerer, hostess; a tame cheater, i’ faith, you may stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He’ll not swagger with a Barbary hen, if her feathers turn back in any show of resistance. Call him up, drawer.
He’s no swaggerer, hostess; a tame cheater, i’ faith, you may stroke him as gently as a puppy greyhound. He’ll not swagger with a Barbary he...
he’s swaggerer, hostess;
Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my house, nor no
cheater, but I do not love swaggering, by my troth, I am the worse when
one says “swagger.” Feel, masters, how I shake; look you, I warrant
you.
Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my house, nor no cheater, but I do not love swaggering, by my troth, I am the worse when one says “swagger.” Feel, masters, how I shake; look you, I warrant you.
Cheater, call you him? I will bar no honest man my house, nor no cheater, but I do not love swaggering, by my troth, I am the worse when one...
cheater, call you him?
So you do, hostess.
So you do, hostess.
So you do, hostess.
you do, hostess.
Do I? Yea, in very truth, do I, an ’twere an aspen leaf. I cannot abide
swaggerers.
Do I? Yea, in very truth, do I, an ’twere an aspen leaf. I cannot abide swaggerers.
Do I? Yea, in very truth, do I, an ’twere an aspen leaf. I cannot abide swaggerers.
yea, very
Pistol speaks in theatrical bombast stitched from half-remembered lines from bad plays, classical allusions he doesn't quite understand, and weapons metaphors he deploys constantly. Watch for the pattern: real meaning is always buried under performance. He's a man who can only speak in costume.
God save you, Sir John!
God save you, Sir John!
God save you, Sir John!
god save you, sir john!
Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a cup of sack.
Do you discharge upon mine hostess.
Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a cup of sack. Do you discharge upon mine hostess.
Welcome, Ancient Pistol. Here, Pistol, I charge you with a cup of sack. Do you discharge upon mine hostess.
welcome, ancient pistol. here, pistol,
Pistol is one of Shakespeare's great comic inventions. He speaks almost entirely in garbled quotations from theatrical plays — 'hollow pampered jades of Asia' from Marlowe's Tamburlaine, theatrical catchphrases like 'Have we not Hiren here?' He literally cannot speak without borrowing someone else's lines. He is a man with no authentic voice of his own, only a costume of other people's language. This makes him the perfect comic foil in a scene about performance and disguise: the Prince is disguised as a bartender; Pistol is permanently disguised as a theatrical character. Neither is fully real. But Pistol's disguise is accidental and unconscious — he doesn't know he's performing. That's what makes him more pitiful and more funny than the Prince.
I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.
I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.
I will discharge upon her, Sir John, with two bullets.
will discharge upon her,
She is pistol-proof, sir; you shall not hardly offend her.
She is pistol-proof, sir; you shall not hardly offend her.
She is pistol-proof, sir; you shall not hardly offend her.
she pistol-proof, sir; you
Come, I’ll drink no proofs nor no bullets. I’ll drink no more than will
do me good, for no man’s pleasure, I.
Come, I’ll drink no proofs nor no bullets. I’ll drink no more than will do me good, for no man’s pleasure, I.
Come, I’ll drink no proofs nor no bullets. I’ll drink no more than will do me good, for no man’s pleasure, I.
come, i’ll drink proofs
Then to you, Mistress Dorothy! I will charge you.
Then to you, Mistress Dorothy! I will charge you.
Then to you, Mistress Dorothy! I will charge you.
then you, mistress dorothy!
Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor, base,
rascally, cheating, lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am
meat for your master.
Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat for your master.
Charge me! I scorn you, scurvy companion. What, you poor, base, rascally, cheating, lack-linen mate! Away, you mouldy rogue, away! I am meat...
charge me! scorn you,
I know you, Mistress Dorothy.
I know you, Mistress Dorothy.
I know you, Mistress Dorothy.
know you, mistress dorothy.
Away, you cut-purse rascal, you filthy bung, away! By this wine, I’ll
thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps an you play the saucy cuttle with
me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you basket-hilt stale juggler, you!
Since when, I pray you, sir? God’s light, with two points on your
shoulder? Much!
Away, you cut-purse rascal, you filthy bung, away! By this wine, I’ll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps an you play the saucy cuttle with me. Away, you bottle-ale rascal, you basket-hilt stale juggler, you! Since when, I pray you, sir? God’s light, with two points on your shoulder? Much!
Away, you cut-purse rascal, you filthy bung, away! By this wine, I’ll thrust my knife in your mouldy chaps an you play the saucy cuttle with...
away, you cut-purse rascal, you
God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this.
God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this.
God let me not live, but I will murder your ruff for this.
god let not live,
No more, Pistol! I would not have you go off here. Discharge yourself
of our company, Pistol.
No more, Pistol! I would not have you go off here. Discharge yourself of our company, Pistol.
No more, Pistol! I would not have you go off here. Discharge yourself of our company, Pistol.
more, pistol! would
No, good Captain Pistol, not here, sweet captain.
No, good Captain Pistol, not here, sweet captain.
No, good Captain Pistol, not here, sweet captain.
no, good captain pistol, not
Captain! Thou abominable damned cheater, art thou not ashamed to be
called captain? An captains were of my mind, they would truncheon you
out, for taking their names upon you before you have earned them. You a
captain? You slave, for what? For tearing a poor whore’s ruff in a
bawdy-house? He a captain! Hang him, rogue, he lives upon mouldy stewed
prunes and dried cakes. A captain? God’s light, these villains will
make the word as odious as the word “occupy,” which was an excellent
good word before it was ill sorted. Therefore captains had need look
to’t.
Captain! you abominable damned cheater, Are you not ashamed to be called captain? An captains were of my mind, they would truncheon you out, for taking their names upon you before you have earned them. You a captain? You slave, for what? For tearing a poor whore’s ruff in a bawdy-house? He a captain! Hang him, rogue, he lives upon mouldy stewed prunes and dried cakes. A captain? God’s light, these villains will make the word as odious as the word “occupy,” which was an excellent good word before it was ill sorted. Therefore captains had need look to’t.
Captain! you abominable damned cheater, Are you not ashamed to be called captain? An captains were of my mind, they would truncheon you out,...
captain! thou abominable damned cheater,
Pray thee go down, good ancient.
Pray you go down, good ancient.
Pray you go down, good ancient.
pray thee down, good
Hark thee hither, Mistress Doll.
Hark you hither, Mistress Doll.
Hark you hither, Mistress Doll.
hark thee hither, mistress doll.
Not I. I tell thee what, Corporal Bardolph, I could tear her. I’ll be
revenged of her.
Not I. I tell you what, Corporal Bardolph, I could tear her. I’ll be revenged of her.
Not I. I tell you what, Corporal Bardolph, I could tear her. I’ll be revenged of her.
not tell thee
Pray thee go down.
Pray you go down.
Pray you go down.
pray thee down.
I’ll see her damned first to Pluto’s damned lake, by this hand, to th’
infernal deep, with Erebus and tortures vile also. Hold hook and line,
say I. Down, down, dogs! Down, faitors! Have we not Hiren here?
I’ll see her damned first to Pluto’s damned lake, by this hand, to th’ infernal deep, with Erebus and tortures vile also. Hold hook and line, say I. Down, down, dogs! Down, faitors! Have we not Hiren here?
I’ll see her damned first to Pluto’s damned lake, by this hand, to th’ infernal deep, with Erebus and tortures vile also. Hold hook and line...
i’ll see her damned first
Good Captain Peesel, be quiet, ’tis very late, i’ faith. I beseek you
now, aggravate your choler.
Good Captain Peesel, be quiet, ’tis very late, i’ faith. I beseek you now, aggravate your choler.
Good Captain Peesel, be quiet, ’tis very late, i’ faith. I beseek you now, aggravate your choler.
good captain peesel, quiet,
These be good humours, indeed! Shall packhorses
And hollow pamper’d jades of Asia,
Which cannot go but thirty mile a day,
Compare with Caesars and with Cannibals,
And Trojant Greeks? Nay, rather damn them with
King Cerberus; and let the welkin roar.
Shall we fall foul for toys?
These be good humours, indeed! Shall packhorses And hollow pamper’d jades of Asia, Which cannot go but thirty mile a day, Compare with Caesars and with Cannibals, And Trojant Greeks? No, rather damn them with King Cerberus; and let the welkin roar. Shall we fall foul for toys?
These be good humours, indeed! Shall packhorses And hollow pamper’d jades of Asia, Which cannot go but thirty mile a day, Compare with Caesa...
these good humours, indeed!
By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.
By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.
By my troth, captain, these are very bitter words.
troth, captain, these
Be gone, good ancient. This will grow to a brawl anon.
Be gone, good ancient. This will grow to a brawl anon.
Be gone, good ancient. This will grow to a brawl anon.
gone, good ancient. this
Die men like dogs! Give crowns like pins! Have we not Hiren here?
Die men like dogs! Give crowns like pins! Have we not Hiren here?
Die men like dogs! Give crowns like pins! Have we not Hiren here?
die men like dogs! give
O’ my word, captain, there’s none such here. What the good-year, do you
think I would deny her? For God’s sake, be quiet.
O’ my word, captain, there’s none such here. What the good-year, do you think I would deny her? For God’s sake, be quiet.
O’ my word, captain, there’s none such here. What the good-year, do you think I would deny her? For God’s sake, be quiet.
word, captain, there’s
Then feed and be fat, my fair Calipolis.
Come, give ’s some sack.
_Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento._
Fear we broadsides? No, let the fiend give fire.
Give me some sack; and, sweetheart, lie thou there.
Then feed and be fat, my fair Calipolis. Come, give ’s some sack. _Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento._ Fear we broadsides? No, let the fiend give fire. Give me some sack; and, sweetheart, lie you there.
Then feed and be fat, my fair Calipolis. Come, give ’s some sack. _Si fortune me tormente, sperato me contento._ Fear we broadsides? No, let...
then feed and fat,
Pistol, I would be quiet.
Pistol, I would be quiet.
Pistol, I would be quiet.
pistol, would quiet.
Sweet knight, I kiss thy neaf. What! we have seen the seven stars.
Sweet knight, I kiss your neaf. What! we have seen the seven stars.
Sweet knight, I kiss your neaf. What! we have seen the seven stars.
sweet knight, kiss thy
For God’s sake, thrust him downstairs. I cannot endure such a fustian
rascal.
For God’s sake, thrust him downstairs. I cannot endure such a fustian rascal.
For God’s sake, thrust him downstairs. I cannot endure such a fustian rascal.
for god’s sake, thrust him
Thrust him downstairs? Know we not Galloway nags?
Thrust him downstairs? Know we not Galloway nags?
Thrust him downstairs? Know we not Galloway nags?
thrust him downstairs? know
Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat shilling. Nay, an he do
nothing but speak nothing, he shall be nothing here.
Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat shilling. No, an he do nothing but speak nothing, he shall be nothing here.
Quoit him down, Bardolph, like a shove-groat shilling. No, an he do nothing but speak nothing, he shall be nothing here.
quoit him down, bardolph, like
Come, get you downstairs.
Come, get you downstairs.
Come, get you downstairs.
come, get you downstairs.
What! shall we have incision? Shall we imbrue?
What! shall we have incision? Shall we imbrue?
What! shall we have incision? Shall we imbrue?
what! shall have incision?
Here’s goodly stuff toward!
Here’s goodly stuff toward!
Here’s goodly stuff toward!
here’s goodly stuff toward!
Give me my rapier, boy.
Give me my rapier, boy.
Give me my rapier, boy.
give rapier, boy.
I pray thee, Jack, I pray thee, do not draw.
I pray you, Jack, I pray you, do not draw.
I pray you, Jack, I pray you, do not draw.
pray thee, jack,
Get you downstairs.
Get you downstairs.
Get you downstairs.
get you downstairs.
Here’s a goodly tumult! I’ll forswear keeping house, afore I’ll be in
these tirrits and frights. So, murder, I warrant now. Alas, alas, put
up your naked weapons, put up your naked weapons.
Here’s a goodly tumult! I’ll forswear keeping house, afore I’ll be in these tirrits and frights. So, murder, I warrant now. Alas, alas, put up your naked weapons, put up your naked weapons.
Here’s a goodly tumult! I’ll forswear keeping house, afore I’ll be in these tirrits and frights. So, murder, I warrant now. Alas, alas, put ...
here’s goodly tumult! i’ll
This is the last Eastcheap scene in the play, and Shakespeare knows it. The Pistol episode is broad comedy — shouting, sword-drawing, theatrical ranting. But the emotional center of the scene is the relationship between Falstaff, Doll, and Quickly, and it's handled with surprising delicacy. 'I am old, I am old.' 'I love thee better than I love any scurvy young boy of them all.' Doll can't speak when he goes. Quickly calls him honest after twenty-nine years. These are not grand theatrical moments — they're small, precise, and real. Shakespeare places them inside a big noisy scene so they hit harder. The comedy and the elegy happen simultaneously.
I pray thee, Jack, be quiet. The rascal’s gone. Ah, you whoreson little
valiant villain, you!
I pray you, Jack, be quiet. The rascal’s gone. Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, you!
I pray you, Jack, be quiet. The rascal’s gone. Ah, you whoreson little valiant villain, you!
pray thee, jack,
Are you not hurt i’ th’ groin? Methought he made a shrewd thrust at
your belly.
Are you not hurt i’ th’ groin? Methought he made a shrewd thrust at your belly.
Are you not hurt i’ th’ groin? Methought he made a shrewd thrust at your belly.
are you not hurt
Have you turned him out o’ doors?
Have you turned him out o’ doors?
Have you turned him out o’ doors?
have you turned him out
Yea, sir. The rascal’s drunk. You have hurt him, sir, i’ th’ shoulder.
Yea, sir. The rascal’s drunk. You have hurt him, sir, i’ th’ shoulder.
Yea, sir. The rascal’s drunk. You have hurt him, sir, i’ th’ shoulder.
yea, sir. the rascal’s drunk.
A rascal, to brave me!
A rascal, to brave me!
A rascal, to brave me!
rascal, brave me!
Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! Alas, poor ape, how thou sweat’st!
Come, let me wipe thy face. Come on, you whoreson chops. Ah, rogue! i’
faith, I love thee. Thou art as valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five
of Agamemnon, and ten times better than the Nine Worthies. Ah, villain!
Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! Alas, poor ape, how you sweat’st! Come, let me wipe your face. Come on, you whoreson chops. Ah, rogue! i’ faith, I love you. you Are as valorous as Hector of Troy, worth five of Agamemnon, and ten times better than the Nine Worthies. Ah, villain!
Ah, you sweet little rogue, you! Alas, poor ape, how you sweat’st! Come, let me wipe your face. Come on, you whoreson chops. Ah, rogue! i’ f...
ah, you sweet little rogue,
A rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.
A rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.
A rascally slave! I will toss the rogue in a blanket.
rascally slave! will
Do, an thou darest for thy heart. An thou dost, I’ll canvass thee
between a pair of sheets.
Do, an you darest for your heart. An you do, I’ll canvass you between a pair of sheets.
Do, an you darest for your heart. An you do, I’ll canvass you between a pair of sheets.
do, thou darest for
The music is come, sir.
The music is come, sir.
The music is come, sir.
the music come, sir.
Let them play. Play, sirs. Sit on my knee, Doll. A rascal bragging
slave! The rogue fled from me like quicksilver.
Let them play. Play, sirs. Sit on my knee, Doll. A rascal bragging slave! The rogue fled from me like quicksilver.
Let them play. Play, sirs. Sit on my knee, Doll. A rascal bragging slave! The rogue fled from me like quicksilver.
let them play. play, sirs.
I’ faith, and thou followedst him like a church. Thou whoreson little
tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when wilt thou leave fighting a-days and
foining a-nights, and begin to patch up thine old body for heaven?
I’ faith, and you followedst him like a church. you whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when will you leave fighting a-days and foining a-nights, and begin to patch up yours old body for heaven?
I’ faith, and you followedst him like a church. you whoreson little tidy Bartholomew boar-pig, when will you leave fighting a-days and foini...
faith, and thou followedst
Peace, good Doll, do not speak like a death’s-head; do not bid me
remember mine end.
Peace, good Doll, do not speak like a death’s-head; do not bid me remember mine end.
Peace, good Doll, do not speak like a death’s-head; do not bid me remember mine end.
peace, good doll, not
Sirrah, what humour ’s the Prince of?
Sirrah, what humour ’s the Prince of?
Sirrah, what humour ’s the Prince of?
sirrah, what humour the
A good shallow young fellow; he would have made a good pantler; he
would ha’ chipped bread well.
A good shallow young fellow; he would have made a good pantler; he would ha’ chipped bread well.
A good shallow young fellow; he would have made a good pantler; he would ha’ chipped bread well.
good shallow young fellow;
They say Poins has a good wit.
They say Poins has a good wit.
They say Poins has a good wit.
they say poins has
He a good wit? Hang him, baboon! His wit’s as thick as Tewksbury
mustard; there’s no more conceit in him than is in a mallet.
He a good wit? Hang him, baboon! His wit’s as thick as Tewksbury mustard; there’s no more conceit in him than is in a mallet.
He a good wit? Hang him, baboon! His wit’s as thick as Tewksbury mustard; there’s no more conceit in him than is in a mallet.
good wit? hang
Why does the Prince love him so, then?
Why does the Prince love him so, then?
Why does the Prince love him so, then?
why does the prince love
Because their legs are both of a bigness, and he plays at quoits well,
and eats conger and fennel, and drinks off candles’ ends for
flap-dragons, and rides the wild mare with the boys, and jumps upon
joint stools, and swears with a good grace, and wears his boots very
smooth like unto the sign of the Leg, and breeds no bate with telling
of discreet stories, and such other gambol faculties he has that show a
weak mind and an able body, for the which the Prince admits him: for
the Prince himself is such another. The weight of a hair will turn the
scales between their avoirdupois.
Because their legs are both of a bigness, and he plays at quoits well, and eats conger and fennel, and drinks off candles’ ends for flap-dragons, and rides the wild mare with the boys, and jumps upon joint stools, and swears with a good grace, and wears his boots very smooth like unto the sign of the Leg, and breeds no bate with telling of discreet stories, and such other gambol faculties he has that show a weak mind and an able body, for the which the Prince admits him: for the Prince himself is such another. The weight of a hair will turn the scales between their avoirdupois.
Because their legs are both of a bigness, and he plays at quoits well, and eats conger and fennel, and drinks off candles’ ends for flap-dra...
because their legs are both
Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off?
Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off?
Would not this nave of a wheel have his ears cut off?
would not this nave
Let’s beat him before his whore.
Let’s beat him before his whore.
Let’s beat him before his whore.
let’s beat him before his
Look whe’er the withered elder hath not his poll clawed like a parrot.
Look whe’er the withered elder has not his poll clawed like a parrot.
Look whe’er the withered elder has not his poll clawed like a parrot.
look whe’er the withered elder
Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive performance?
Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive performance?
Is it not strange that desire should so many years outlive performance?
not strange that
Kiss me, Doll.
Kiss me, Doll.
Kiss me, Doll.
kiss me, doll.
Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! What says th’ almanac to
that?
Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! What says th’ almanac to that?
Saturn and Venus this year in conjunction! What says th’ almanac to that?
saturn and venus this year
And look whether the fiery Trigon, his man, be not lisping to his
master’s old tables, his note-book, his counsel-keeper.
And look whether the fiery Trigon, his man, be not lisping to his master’s old tables, his note-book, his counsel-keeper.
And look whether the fiery Trigon, his man, be not lisping to his master’s old tables, his note-book, his counsel-keeper.
and look whether the fiery
Thou dost give me flattering busses.
you do give me flattering busses.
you do give me flattering busses.
thou dost give flattering
By my troth, I kiss thee with a most constant heart.
By my troth, I kiss you with a most constant heart.
By my troth, I kiss you with a most constant heart.
troth, kiss
I am old, I am old.
I am old, I am old.
I am old, I am old.
old,
I love thee better than I love e’er a scurvy young boy of them all.
I love you better than I love e’er a scurvy young boy of them all.
I love you better than I love e’er a scurvy young boy of them all.
love thee better than
What stuff wilt have a kirtle of? I shall receive money o’ Thursday;
shalt have a cap tomorrow. A merry song! Come, it grows late, we’ll to
bed. Thou’lt forget me when I am gone.
What stuff will have a kirtle of? I shall receive money o’ Thursday; shall have a cap tomorrow. A merry song! Come, it grows late, we’ll to bed. you’lt forget me when I am gone.
What stuff will have a kirtle of? I shall receive money o’ Thursday; shall have a cap tomorrow. A merry song! Come, it grows late, we’ll to ...
what stuff wilt have
By my troth, thou’lt set me a-weeping an thou sayest so. Prove that
ever I dress myself handsome till thy return. Well, hearken a’ th’ end.
By my troth, you’lt set me a-weeping an you sayest so. Prove that ever I dress myself handsome till your return. Well, hearken a’ th’ end.
By my troth, you’lt set me a-weeping an you sayest so. Prove that ever I dress myself handsome till your return. Well, hearken a’ th’ end.
troth, thou’lt set
Some sack, Francis.
PRINCE & POINS.
Anon, anon, sir.
Some sack, Francis. PRINCE & POINS. Anon, anon, sir.
Some sack, Francis. PRINCE & POINS. Anon, anon, sir.
some sack, francis. prince
Ha! A bastard son of the King’s? And art thou not Poins his brother?
Ha! A bastard son of the King’s? And Are you not Poins his brother?
Ha! A bastard son of the King’s? And Are you not Poins his brother?
ha! bastard son
Why, thou globe of sinful continents, what a life dost thou lead!
Why, you globe of sinful continents, what a life do you lead!
Why, you globe of sinful continents, what a life do you lead!
why, thou globe sinful
A better than thou. I am a gentleman, thou art a drawer.
A better than you. I am a gentleman, you Are a drawer.
A better than you. I am a gentleman, you Are a drawer.
better than thou.
Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears.
Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears.
Very true, sir, and I come to draw you out by the ears.
very true, sir, and
O, the Lord preserve thy Grace! By my troth, welcome to London. Now,
the Lord bless that sweet face of thine! O Jesu, are you come from
Wales?
O, the Lord preserve your Grace! By my troth, welcome to London. Now, the Lord bless that sweet face of yours! O Jesu, are you come from Wales?
O, the Lord preserve your Grace! By my troth, welcome to London. Now, the Lord bless that sweet face of yours! O Jesu, are you come from Wales?
the lord preserve thy
Thou whoreson mad compound of majesty, by this light flesh and corrupt
blood, thou art welcome.
you whoreson mad compound of majesty, by this light flesh and corrupt blood, you Are welcome.
you whoreson mad compound of majesty, by this light flesh and corrupt blood, you Are welcome.
thou whoreson mad compound
How? You fat fool, I scorn you.
How? You fat fool, I scorn you.
How? You fat fool, I scorn you.
how? you fat fool,
Hal watches Falstaff in his private setting from behind a disguise — and what he sees is complicated. He hears Falstaff call him shallow and good for nothing. He watches an old fat man being stroked on the head by a younger woman who genuinely loves him. He hears 'I am old, I am old.' He hears Quickly call Falstaff the most honest man she knows. What does all this do? It's possible he's confirmed in his decision to cut Falstaff loose. But it's also possible he sees, for the first time clearly, what will be lost. The spy scenario was set up as a joke. It ends with Hal leaving abruptly for duty, rebuking himself for wasting time. The laughter has drained from the enterprise. Watch how quickly, in 4-5, he proves Quickly right about what kind of man he can be.
My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all to a
merriment, if you take not the heat.
My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all to a merriment, if you take not the heat.
My lord, he will drive you out of your revenge and turn all to a merriment, if you take not the heat.
lord, will drive
You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you speak of me even now
before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman!
You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you speak of me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman!
You whoreson candle-mine, you, how vilely did you speak of me even now before this honest, virtuous, civil gentlewoman!
you whoreson candle-mine, you, how
God’s blessing of your good heart! and so she is, by my troth.
God’s blessing of your good heart! and so she is, by my troth.
God’s blessing of your good heart! and so she is, by my troth.
god’s blessing your good
Didst thou hear me?
did you hear me?
did you hear me?
didst thou hear me?
Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by Gad’s Hill. You
knew I was at your back, and spoke it on purpose to try my patience.
Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by Gad’s Hill. You knew I was at your back, and spoke it on purpose to try my patience.
Yea, and you knew me, as you did when you ran away by Gad’s Hill. You knew I was at your back, and spoke it on purpose to try my patience.
yea, and you knew me,
No, no, no, not so; I did not think thou wast within hearing.
No, no, no, not so; I did not think you wast within hearing.
No, no, no, not so; I did not think you wast within hearing.
no, no, no, not so;
I shall drive you then to confess the wilful abuse, and then I know how
to handle you.
I shall drive you then to confess the wilful abuse, and then I know how to handle you.
I shall drive you then to confess the wilful abuse, and then I know how to handle you.
shall drive you then
No abuse, Hal, o’ mine honour, no abuse.
No abuse, Hal, o’ mine honour, no abuse.
No abuse, Hal, o’ mine honour, no abuse.
abuse, hal, mine
Not to dispraise me, and call me pantler and bread-chipper and I know
not what?
Not to dispraise me, and call me pantler and bread-chipper and I know not what?
Not to dispraise me, and call me pantler and bread-chipper and I know not what?
not dispraise me, and
No abuse, Hal.
No abuse, Hal.
No abuse, Hal.
abuse, hal.
No abuse?
No abuse?
No abuse?
abuse?
No abuse, Ned, i’ th’ world, honest Ned, none. I dispraised him before
the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love with thee; in which
doing, I have done the part of a careful friend and a true subject, and
thy father is to give me thanks for it. No abuse, Hal; none, Ned, none;
no, faith, boys, none.
No abuse, Ned, i’ th’ world, honest Ned, none. I dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love with you; in which doing, I have done the part of a careful friend and a true subject, and your father is to give me thanks for it. No abuse, Hal; none, Ned, none; no, faith, boys, none.
No abuse, Ned, i’ th’ world, honest Ned, none. I dispraised him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall in love with you; in which...
abuse, ned, th’
See now whether pure fear and entire cowardice doth not make thee wrong
this virtuous gentlewoman to close with us. Is she of the wicked? Is
thine hostess here of the wicked? Or is thy boy of the wicked? Or
honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns in his nose, of the wicked?
See now whether pure fear and entire cowardice does not make you wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with us. Is she of the wicked? Is yours hostess here of the wicked? Or is your boy of the wicked? Or honest Bardolph, whose zeal burns in his nose, of the wicked?
See now whether pure fear and entire cowardice does not make you wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close with us. Is she of the wicked? Is ...
see now whether pure fear
Answer, thou dead elm, answer.
Answer, you dead elm, answer.
Answer, you dead elm, answer.
answer, thou dead elm, answer.
The fiend hath pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable, and his face is
Lucifer’s privy-kitchen, where he doth nothing but roast malt-worms.
For the boy, there is a good angel about him, but the devil outbids him
too.
The fiend has pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable, and his face is Lucifer’s privy-kitchen, where he does nothing but roast malt-worms. For the boy, there is a good angel about him, but the devil outbids him too.
The fiend has pricked down Bardolph irrecoverable, and his face is Lucifer’s privy-kitchen, where he does nothing but roast malt-worms. For ...
the fiend hath pricked down
For the women?
For the women?
For the women?
for the women?
For one of them, she’s in hell already, and burns poor souls. For th’
other, I owe her money, and whether she be damned for that I know not.
For one of them, she’s in hell already, and burns poor souls. For th’ other, I owe her money, and whether she be damned for that I know not.
For one of them, she’s in hell already, and burns poor souls. For th’ other, I owe her money, and whether she be damned for that I know not.
for one them, she’s
No, I warrant you.
No, I warrant you.
No, I warrant you.
no, warrant you.
No, I think thou art not, I think thou art quit for that. Marry, there
is another indictment upon thee, for suffering flesh to be eaten in thy
house, contrary to the law, for the which I think thou wilt howl.
No, I think you Are not, I think you Are quit for that. Marry, there is another indictment upon you, for suffering flesh to be eaten in your house, contrary to the law, for the which I think you will howl.
No, I think you Are not, I think you Are quit for that. Marry, there is another indictment upon you, for suffering flesh to be eaten in your...
no, think thou art
All victuallers do so. What’s a joint of mutton or two in a whole Lent?
All victuallers do so. What’s a joint of mutton or two in a whole Lent?
All victuallers do so. What’s a joint of mutton or two in a whole Lent?
all victuallers so. what’s
You, gentlewoman.
You, gentlewoman.
You, gentlewoman.
you, gentlewoman.
What says your Grace?
What says your Grace?
What says your Grace?
what says your grace?
His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.
His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.
His grace says that which his flesh rebels against.
his grace says that which
Who knocks so loud at door? Look to th’ door there, Francis.
Who knocks so loud at door? Look to th’ door there, Francis.
Who knocks so loud at door? Look to th’ door there, Francis.
who knocks loud
Peto, how now, what news?
Peto, how now, what news?
Peto, how now, what news?
peto, how now, what news?
The King your father is at Westminster,
And there are twenty weak and wearied posts
Come from the north: and as I came along,
I met and overtook a dozen captains,
Bareheaded, sweating, knocking at the taverns,
And asking everyone for Sir John Falstaff.
The King your father is at Westminster, And there are twenty weak and wearied posts Come from the north: and as I came along, I met and overtook a dozen captains, Bareheaded, sweating, knocking at the taverns, And asking everyone for Sir John Falstaff.
The King your father is at Westminster, And there are twenty weak and wearied posts Come from the north: and as I came along, I met and over...
the king your father
By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame,
So idly to profane the precious time,
When tempest of commotion, like the south
Borne with black vapour, doth begin to melt
And drop upon our bare unarmed heads.
Give me my sword and cloak. Falstaff, good night.
By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame, So idly to profane the precious time, When tempest of commotion, like the south Borne with black vapour, does begin to melt And drop upon our bare unarmed heads. Give me my sword and cloak. Falstaff, good night.
By heaven, Poins, I feel me much to blame, So idly to profane the precious time, When tempest of commotion, like the south Borne with black ...
heaven, poins, feel
Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and we must hence and
leave it unpicked.
Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and we must hence and leave it unpicked.
Now comes in the sweetest morsel of the night, and we must hence and leave it unpicked.
now comes the sweetest
You must away to court, sir, presently.
A dozen captains stay at door for you.
You must away to court, sir, presently. A dozen captains stay at door for you.
You must away to court, sir, presently. A dozen captains stay at door for you.
you must away court,
farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, how men of merit are sought
after. The undeserver may sleep, when the man of action is called on.
Farewell, good wenches. If I be not sent away post, I will see you
again ere I go.
farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, how men of merit are sought after. The undeserver may sleep, when the man of action is called on. Farewell, good wenches. If I be not sent away post, I will see you again ere I go.
farewell, Doll. You see, my good wenches, how men of merit are sought after. The undeserver may sleep, when the man of action is called on. ...
farewell, doll. you see,
I cannot speak; if my heart be not ready to burst—well, sweet Jack,
have a care of thyself.
I cannot speak; if my heart be not ready to burst—well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.
I cannot speak; if my heart be not ready to burst—well, sweet Jack, have a care of thyself.
cannot speak;
Farewell, farewell.
Farewell, farewell.
Farewell, farewell.
farewell, farewell.
Well, fare thee well. I have known thee these twenty-nine years, come
peascod-time; but an honester and truer-hearted man—well, fare thee
well.
Well, fare you well. I have known you these twenty-nine years, come peascod-time; but an honester and truer-hearted man—well, fare you well.
Well, fare you well. I have known you these twenty-nine years, come peascod-time; but an honester and truer-hearted man—well, fare you well.
well, fare thee well.
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
what’s the matter?
O, run, Doll, run; run, good Doll; come. She comes blubbered. Yea, will
you come, Doll?
O, run, Doll, run; run, good Doll; come. She comes blubbered. Yea, will you come, Doll?
O, run, Doll, run; run, good Doll; come. She comes blubbered. Yea, will you come, Doll?
run, doll, run; run,
The Reckoning
The great Eastcheap farewell. Everything here is tinged with ending: the most alive scene in the play is also the last of its kind. Falstaff is tender with Doll, Hal is watching everything from behind a disguise, and the arrival of news about the war — twenty exhausted messengers at the tavern door — tears the party apart. Doll can't speak when Falstaff leaves. Quickly says she's known him twenty-nine years. It's genuinely moving, which is part of what makes the eventual rejection so hard.
If this happened today…
A famous aging rock star's private late-night after-party. His groupie and his manager keep the night running. A delusional hanger-on who calls himself 'Captain' crashes the party with theatrical threats until he's physically removed. Two journalists have gone undercover as bartenders to get the star on record saying something terrible — which he does. Then an urgent call comes through: international crisis, everyone reports immediately. The party ends. The women cry. The star leaves muttering about being 'a man of merit.' The journalists look at each other.