Mistress Quickly speaks in digressive monologues loaded with specific domestic detail — exact dates, specific rooms, named neighbors, borrowed vinegar. Her malapropisms ('infinitive' for 'infinite,' 'indited' for 'invited') are her verbal signature. Watch for how her precision about physical facts coexists with her inability to protect herself.
Master Fang, have you entered the action?
Master Fang, have you filed the lawsuit?
Fang, did you file the charges?
have you filed the lawsuit against him
It is entered.
Yes, I've filed it.
Done.
it's filed yes
Where’s your yeoman? Is ’t a lusty yeoman? Will he stand to ’t?
Where's your partner? Is he strong? Will he stick with us?
Where's the other officer? Is he tough? Will he help?
where's your partner is he strong will he help
Sirrah, where’s Snare?
Snare, where are you?
Snare! Where are you?
snare where are you
O Lord, ay! Good Master Snare.
Oh good, thank the Lord! Good Master Snare.
Oh thank God! Master Snare.
thank god master snare here
Here, here.
I'm here.
Here.
i'm here
Snare, we must arrest Sir John Falstaff.
Snare, we have to arrest Sir John Falstaff.
Snare, we're arresting Falstaff.
we arrest sir john falstaff today
Yea, good Master Snare, I have entered him and all.
Yes, good Master Snare, I've filed charges against him and everything.
Yeah, I've got the lawsuit all set up.
i filed it against him everything
It may chance cost some of our lives, for he will stab.
This could cost some of us our lives. He'll stab anyone.
He might hurt us. He'll stab people.
he'll stab he's dangerous be careful
Alas the day, take heed of him. He stabbed me in mine own house, and
that most beastly, in good faith. He cares not what mischief he does,
if his weapon be out, he will foin like any devil. He will spare
neither man, woman, nor child.
Oh God, be careful of him! He stabbed me in my own house, I swear to God. He doesn't care what he does. When his sword is out, he stabs like the Devil himself. He won't spare men, women, or children.
Oh God, watch out! He stabbed me in my own house! He doesn't care who he hurts. When he's got his sword, he stabs everyone—men, women, kids, doesn't matter.
he stabbed me in my own house won't spare anyone men women children be careful
If I can close with him, I care not for his thrust.
If I can grab hold of him, I don't care if he thrusts at me.
If I can get my hands on him, I'm not worried about his sword.
if i grab him i'm not scared of his thrust
No, nor I neither. I’ll be at your elbow.
Me neither. I'll be right there with you.
Neither am I. I'll be right at your side.
neither am i i'll be there with you
An I but fist him once, an he come but within my vice,—
If I can punch him once, if he comes within my reach—
If I can hit him once, if he gets close enough—
if i hit him once in range i'll have him
I am undone by his going, I warrant you, he’s an infinitive thing upon
my score. Good Master Fang, hold him sure. Good Master Snare, let him
not ’scape. He comes continuantly to Pie Corner—saving your manhoods—to
buy a saddle, and he is indited to dinner to the Lubber’s Head in
Lumbert Street, to Master Smooth’s the silkman. I pray you, since my
exion is entered, and my case so openly known to the world, let him be
brought in to his answer. A hundred mark is a long one for a poor lone
woman to bear, and I have borne, and borne, and borne, and have been
fubbed off, and fubbed off, and fubbed off, from this day to that day,
that it is a shame to be thought on. There is no honesty in such
dealing, unless a woman should be made an ass and a beast, to bear
every knave’s wrong. Yonder he comes, and that arrant malmsey-nose
knave, Bardolph, with him. Do your offices, do your offices, Master
Fang and Master Snare, do me, do me, do me your offices.
He's ruining me by staying away, I promise you. He owes me a huge debt. Good Master Fang, hold him tight. Good Master Snare, don't let him escape. He comes constantly to Pie Corner—with respect to you both—to buy a saddle, and he's supposed to eat dinner at the Lubber's Head in Lumbert Street with Master Smooth the silk merchant. Since my lawsuit is now public and known to everyone, please bring him to answer for it. A hundred marks is a lot for a poor woman alone to carry, and I've carried it, and carried it, and carried it, put off and put off and put off, from one day to the next. It's shameful to think about. There's no honesty in dealing like this, unless women are supposed to be asses and beasts, taking every man's abuse. There he comes! And that drunk, red-nosed Bardolph with him! Do your job, do your job, Master Fang and Master Snare! Get him for me! Get him for me!
He's destroying me. He owes me a fortune. Fang, hold him. Snare, don't let him go. He's always at Pie Corner buying saddles and eating at fancy places. My lawsuit's public now, so haul him in. I've carried this hundred-mark debt forever—put off and put off and put off. It's a shame. Women shouldn't have to bear every man's abuse. Here he comes! With that drunk Bardolph! Arrest him! Do it! Get him for me!
he's ruining me huge debt keep him don't let him escape public humiliation i've waited too long do your job arrest him
How now, whose mare’s dead? What’s the matter?
Well, what's happened? Who's dead? What's going on?
What's going on? What's wrong? Who died?
what's happened whose horse is dead what's the matter
Sir John, I arrest you at the suit of Mistress Quickly.
Sir John, I'm arresting you on behalf of Mistress Quickly.
Sir John, you're under arrest. Mistress Quickly's suing you.
i arrest you sir john for mistress quickly
Away, varlets! Draw, Bardolph! Cut me off the villain’s head. Throw the
quean in the channel.
Out of my way, servants! Bardolph, draw your sword! Cut off this officer's head. Throw the woman in the street.
Get away from me! Bardolph, pull your sword! Chop this guy's head off. Throw her in the gutter.
out of my way draw sword cut his head off throw her away
Throw me in the channel? I’ll throw thee in the channel. Wilt thou,
wilt thou, thou bastardly rogue? Murder, murder! Ah, thou honeysuckle
villain, wilt thou kill God’s officers and the King’s? Ah, thou
honeyseed rogue, thou art a honeyseed, a man-queller, and a
woman-queller.
You want to throw me in the street? I'll throw you in the street, you bastardly rogue!
Throw me in the gutter? I'll throw you in the gutter, you rotten bastard!
throw me in the street will you throw YOU you bastard
Keep them off, Bardolph.
Bardolph, keep them away from me.
Bardolph, keep them back!
keep them off bardolph keep fighting
A rescue! A rescue!
Help! Help! Someone help me!
Help! Help me!
help rescue i need help
Good people, bring a rescue or two. Thou wo’t, wo’t thou? Thou wo’t,
wo’t ta? Do, do, thou rogue! Do, thou hempseed!
Good people, help us! Somebody call for help! Will you do your job? Yes, you there, do it! Arrest him! He's nothing but a bad seed! You lousy street thug, get him! Will you fight? Will you do anything? Come on, you nasty little toad!
People! Help! Someone get the law! Come on, you cowards! Get him! He's trash! You scummy rogue, move! Will you fight? Anything? Come on, you little toad!
help me bring rescue get him won't you do it come on this rogue this toad
Away, you scullion! you rampallian! you fustilarian! I’ll tickle your
catastrophe.
Get away from here, you kitchen maid! You filthy woman! You disgusting brute! I'll break you.
Shut up, you dirty maid! You gross thing! You filthy jerk! I'll smash you.
get away you kitchen maid filthy brute i'll hurt you
Mistress Quickly is one of Shakespeare's most carefully drawn comic victims. She speaks in malapropisms — 'infinitive' for 'infinite,' 'indited' for 'invited,' 'honeysuckle' for 'homicidal' — which make her funny. But her specificity is extraordinary: she remembers the exact goblet, the exact room, the exact neighbor who came to borrow vinegar, the exact conversation about prawns and fresh wounds. This woman is not stupid. She is not even confused. She is a person with a very specific, very real memory of a promise made, in precise circumstances, by a man who immediately began breaking it. The malapropisms are her excitement, not her incomprehension. The Chief Justice calls it correctly: Falstaff has 'practiced upon the easy-yielding spirit of this woman.' She is easy to yield because she is generous and trusting, not because she is foolish.
What is the matter? Keep the peace here, ho!
What is this commotion about? Everyone stop fighting immediately!
What's going on here? Stop the brawl! Now!
what's the matter stop fighting keep the peace
Good my lord, be good to me. I beseech you stand to me.
My lord, please be kind to me. I'm begging you to listen to my side.
My lord, please help me. Listen to what I have to say.
my lord be good to me listen please
How now, Sir John? What are you brawling here?
Doth this become your place, your time and business?
You should have been well on your way to York.
Stand from him, fellow. Wherefore hang’st thou upon him?
Sir John, what is this brawling? Is this fitting for your position, at this time, with the King's business pending?
Sir John, what's this fighting about? Is this how you should act? The King's business is waiting.
sir john why brawl unfitting bad time king's business
O my most worshipful lord, an’t please your Grace, I am a poor widow of
Eastcheap, and he is arrested at my suit.
My most honored lord, with your permission, I am a poor widow from Eastcheap, and he has been arrested by my lawsuit.
My lord, if it please you, I'm just a poor widow from Eastcheap, and I'm suing this man.
my lord poor widow eastcheap arrest him my suit
For what sum?
How much does he owe you?
How much is he on the hook for?
for what sum how much does he owe
It is more than for some, my lord; it is for all, all I have. He hath
eaten me out of house and home. He hath put all my substance into that
fat belly of his: but I will have some of it out again, or I will ride
thee o’ nights like the mare.
It's more than some people have, my lord—it's everything I own. He has eaten me out of house and home; he's spent all my money on his belly. But I'll get some of it back, I swear, or I'll haunt him night after night like a ghost.
It's not just a little, my lord—it's everything I've got. He's eaten me out of house and home; he's spent all my cash on himself. I'm gonna get it back, even if I have to haunt him every night.
everything i have all i own eaten me out house and home his fat belly i'll haunt him night after night
I think I am as like to ride the mare if I have any vantage of ground
to get up.
I'm as likely to ride the mare if I can find solid ground to mount from.
Yeah, I'd ride the ghost if I had something to stand on.
ride the mare if i had ground to get up
How comes this, Sir John? Fie! what man of good temper would endure
this tempest of exclamation? Are you not ashamed to enforce a poor
widow to so rough a course to come by her own?
How did this happen, Sir John? For shame! What decent man would put up with all this shouting and chaos? Aren't you ashamed of forcing this poor widow to such desperate measures just to get what's already owed to her?
How did this happen? Shame on you! What respectable person would let this go on? You should be ashamed of yourself for making this poor widow take you to court just to get her own money back.
how comes this shame brawling chaos poor widow desperate her own money
What is the gross sum that I owe thee?
What is the total amount I owe you?
So what's the bottom line? How much do I owe?
what sum gross amount i owe
Marry, if thou wert an honest man, thyself and the money too. Thou
didst swear to me upon a parcel-gilt goblet, sitting in my Dolphin
chamber, at the round table, by a sea-coal fire, upon Wednesday in
Wheeson week, when the Prince broke thy head for liking his father to a
singing-man of Windsor, thou didst swear to me then, as I was washing
thy wound, to marry me and make me my lady thy wife. Canst thou deny
it? Did not goodwife Keech, the butcher’s wife, come in then and call
me gossip Quickly? coming in to borrow a mess of vinegar, telling us
she had a good dish of prawns, whereby thou didst desire to eat some,
whereby I told thee they were ill for green wound? And didst thou not,
when she was gone downstairs, desire me to be no more so familiarity
with such poor people, saying that ere long they should call me madam?
And didst thou not kiss me, and bid me fetch thee thirty shillings? I
put thee now to thy book-oath. Deny it, if thou canst.
Well, if you were an honest man, you'd owe me yourself as well as the money. You swore to me on a gilded goblet, sitting in my best room, at my round table, by the fire, on a Wednesday during Whitsun week, right after the Prince hit you because you called his father a choir singer—you swore to me then, while I was bandaging your wound, that you'd marry me and make me your lady. You gave me plenty of leftover food; and by that same gilded goblet, you promised me your hand in marriage.
If you were honest, you'd owe me everything. You swore on a fancy goblet in my best room, by my round table, at my fire, on a Wednesday during Whitsun week, right after the Prince beat you up for insulting his father—you swore on that very day, while I was cleaning your wounds, that you'd marry me and make me a lady. You gave me good meals; and by that same goblet, you promised me marriage.
swore on goblet in my best room round table sea-coal fire whitsun week swore to marry make me a lady promised by the goblet
My lord, this is a poor mad soul, and she says up and down the town
that her eldest son is like you. She hath been in good case, and the
truth is, poverty hath distracted her. But for these foolish officers,
I beseech you I may have redress against them.
My lord, this is a poor confused woman. She goes around town saying her oldest son looks like you. She's had wild fits and delusions several times this week.
My lord, she's a confused woman, poor thing. She tells everyone her son looks like you. She's been having crazy fits all week.
poor mad woman says son looks like you frenzy crazy this week
Sir John, Sir John, I am well acquainted with your manner of wrenching
the true cause the false way. It is not a confident brow, nor the
throng of words that come with such more than impudent sauciness from
you, can thrust me from a level consideration. You have, as it appears
to me, practised upon the easy-yielding spirit of this woman, and made
her serve your uses both in purse and in person.
Sir John, I know your technique well. You twist the truth and make it sound like a lie. You have taken advantage of this woman's trusting nature and made her serve your purposes in money and in her labor and person.
Sir John, I know how you work. You twist the truth and turn it inside out. You've manipulated this woman's generous nature and used her for money and everything else.
you twist truth wrenching the cause false way practised upon her trusting spirit used her
Yea, in truth, my lord.
Yes, my lord, that's exactly right.
Yes, my lord, that's the truth.
yes in truth my lord right
Pray thee, peace. Pay her the debt you owe her, and unpay the villany
you have done with her. The one you may do with sterling money, and the
other with current repentance.
Be quiet. Pay her the debt you owe her, and undo the wrong you have done her. You can repay the money with actual cash, and you can repay the injury with genuine remorse.
Stop. Pay her back what you owe, and make up for what you've done to her. Pay the money in cash, and pay for the betrayal with real regret.
pay her repay debt undo the wrong money repentance
My lord, I will not undergo this sneap without reply. You call
honourable boldness impudent sauciness; if a man will make curtsy and
say nothing, he is virtuous. No, my lord, my humble duty remembered, I
will not be your suitor. I say to you, I do desire deliverance from
these officers, being upon hasty employment in the King’s affairs.
My lord, I will not accept this rebuke without answer. You call honorable courage impudent rudeness. If a man just apologizes and stays quiet, you call him virtuous. But no, my lord—with all respect for your position—I will not be your suppliant. I must say, I need to be released from these officers because I have urgent business for the King.
My lord, I'm not taking this lecture without defending myself. You call bold courage disrespect. If a man apologizes and shuts up, he's virtuous, right? But no, my lord—with all respect to you—I'm not going to grovel. I have to be let go. The King's business is urgent.
won't accept rebuke honourable boldness impudent sauciness king's business urgeent let me go
You speak as having power to do wrong; but answer in th’ effect of your
reputation, and satisfy the poor woman.
You speak as if you have the power to do wrong and get away with it. But you need to back up your reputation with action and satisfy this poor woman.
You talk like you can do whatever you want. But your reputation demands that you actually help this poor woman.
you speak as having power to do wrong answer in effect reputation satisfy the woman
Come hither, hostess.
Come here, Mistress Quickly.
Come here, Mistress Quickly.
come hither hostess talk
Now, Master Gower, what news?
Now, Master Gower, what news do you bring?
Gower, what news do you have?
master gower what news bring it
The King, my lord, and Harry Prince of Wales
Are near at hand: the rest the paper tells.
The King, my lord, and Prince Harry are approaching. The rest of the details are in this letter.
The King and Prince Harry are coming. The letter has the rest.
king prince harry near at hand letter rest of details
As I am a gentleman.
I swear to you by my honor as a gentleman.
I swear on my honor as a gentleman.
as i am gentleman swear
Faith, you said so before.
Good God, you've said that before.
You already said that.
you said so before already
As I am a gentleman. Come, no more words of it.
I swear on my honor as a gentleman. Now, no more talk about it.
I swear on my honor. Now stop talking about it.
as i am gentleman no more words stop
By this heavenly ground I tread on, I must be fain to pawn both my
plate and the tapestry of my dining-chambers.
I swear by the ground I'm standing on, I'm going to have to pawn both my dishes and the tapestry from my dining room.
I swear on this ground I'm standing on, I'm gonna have to pawn my best dishes and the tapestry from my dining room.
heavenly ground i tread pawn plate tapestry dining chambers my valuables
Glasses, glasses, is the only drinking. And for thy walls, a pretty
slight drollery, or the story of the Prodigal, or the German hunting in
waterwork, is worth a thousand of these bed-hangers and these
fly-bitten tapestries. Let it be ten pound, if thou canst. Come, an
’twere not for thy humours, there’s not a better wench in England. Go,
wash thy face, and draw the action. Come, thou must not be in this
humour with me; dost not know me? Come, come, I know thou wast set on
to this.
Glasses are the only civilized drinking vessel. And for your walls, a pretty little painting—a story of the Prodigal Son, or a lively battle scene—will outshine and outlast those old tapestries. So, do I have the means to pay for it all?
Glasses are the real way to drink. And some pretty painting—the Prodigal Son or a battle scene—will look better on your walls than that old tapestry. So do I have the money to pay for all this?
glasses only drinking pretty painting prodigal son german battle outface tapestry pay for it
Watch the sequence of moves in this scene. Falstaff is caught. He immediately tries to turn the tables — calling Quickly 'a poor mad woman' and suggesting she tells people her eldest son looks like the Chief Justice (a funny insult disguised as pastoral concern). When that doesn't work, he takes Quickly aside and applies the same technique that's worked a dozen times before: charm, dismissal of her legitimate grievances as temporary moods, compliments ('there's not a better wench in England'), reverse psychology ('let it alone, I'll find another way'), and the promise of dinner and company. The stage direction is that Falstaff 'talks aside with the Hostess' — we don't hear what he actually says, which is perfect, because the audience can fill it in. He ends the scene with fresh credit, a free dinner, and Doll Tearsheet invited. The Chief Justice's clear judgment was delivered and immediately circumvented. The law lost.
Pray thee, Sir John, let it be but twenty nobles. I’ faith, I am loath
to pawn my plate, so God save me, la!
Sir John, I'm begging you, make it just twenty nobles. I really don't want to pawn my dishes, so help me God.
Sir John, please, just twenty nobles. I hate to pawn my good dishes, I swear to God.
let it be twenty nobles loath to pawn plate so god save me
Let it alone, I’ll make other shift: you’ll be a fool still.
Never mind, I'll figure something else out. You'll always be foolish anyway.
Forget it, I'll find another way. You're gonna be dumb no matter what.
let it alone other shift fool still find another way
Well, you shall have it, though I pawn my gown. I hope you’ll come to
supper. You’ll pay me all together?
All right, you can have the money, even if I have to pawn my gown to get it. I hope you'll come to supper. Will you pay me everything at once?
Fine, you'll get it, even if I have to pawn my dress. I hope you'll come to dinner. You will pay me back all of it, right?
you shall have it pawn my gown hope you'll come supper pay me all together
Will I live? [_To Bardolph_.] Go, with her, with her. Hook on, hook on.
Will I stay alive? [To Bardolph] Go with her, go with her. Hook on, stay close.
Will I be there? [To Bardolph] Go with her, go with her. Stick with her, stay close.
will i live go with her hook on stay close
Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper?
Will you have Doll Tearsheet meet you at supper?
You want Doll Tearsheet to meet you at dinner?
doll tearsheet supper meet you
No more words, let’s have her.
No more discussion. Yes, let's have her there.
Stop talking. Yeah, let's have her come.
no more words let's have her agree
I have heard better news.
I've heard better news than that.
I've heard better things than that.
better news heard better disappointed
What’s the news, my lord?
What news do you have, my lord?
What's the news, my lord?
what's news my lord tell me
Where lay the King tonight?
Where was the King last night?
Where was the King last night?
king last night where lay
At Basingstoke, my lord.
At Basingstoke, my lord.
At Basingstoke, my lord.
basingstoke my lord lay there
I hope, my lord, all’s well. What is the news, my lord?
I hope all is well, my lord. What other news is there, my lord?
I hope everything's good, my lord. What else is happening?
hope all's well what news my lord
Come all his forces back?
Have all the troops returned?
Did all the soldiers come back?
all forces come back troop numbers
No, fifteen hundred foot, five hundred horse
Are march’d up to my Lord of Lancaster,
Against Northumberland and the Archbishop.
No. Fifteen hundred infantry and five hundred cavalry have marched toward the Earl of Lancaster to fight against Northumberland and the Bishop.
No. Fifteen hundred foot soldiers and five hundred cavalry headed toward Lancaster to fight Northumberland and the Bishop.
fifteen hundred foot five hundred horse lancaster northumberland bishop
Comes the King back from Wales, my noble lord?
Is the King coming back from Wales, my noble lord?
Is the King coming back from Wales, my lord?
king wales coming back when
You shall have letters of me presently.
Come, go along with me, good Master Gower.
You'll receive letters from me shortly. Come along with me, good Master Gower.
I'll send you letters. Let's go, Master Gower.
letters presently go along mister gower
My lord!
My lord!
My lord!
my lord wait hey
What’s the matter?
What is it?
What?
what is it what's wrong what matter
Master Gower, shall I entreat you with me to dinner?
Master Gower, would you do me the honor of having dinner with me?
Master Gower, would you like to have dinner with me?
dinner master gower invite come with me
I must wait upon my good lord here, I thank you, good Sir John.
I must stay with my lord here. Thank you anyway, Sir John.
I gotta stay with my lord. Thanks anyway, Sir John.
must wait upon lord thank you good sir john
Sir John, you loiter here too long, being you are to take soldiers up
in counties as you go.
Sir John, you're wasting time here. You're supposed to be recruiting soldiers in the counties.
Sir John, you're hanging around too much. You're supposed to be recruiting soldiers in the towns.
loiter too long recruit soldiers counties go
Will you sup with me, Master Gower?
Will you have supper with me, Master Gower?
Will you have supper with me, Master Gower?
sup with me supper master gower
What foolish master taught you these manners, Sir John?
What foolish teacher taught you how to behave, Sir John?
Who taught you these rotten manners, Sir John?
foolish master taught manners what kind sir john
Master Gower, if they become me not, he was a fool that taught them me.
This is the right fencing grace, my lord; tap for tap, and so part
fair.
Master Gower, if they don't suit me, then whoever taught them to me was foolish. This is the correct fencing etiquette, my lord—touch for touch, meaning tit for tat.
Master Gower, if these manners don't fit me, whoever taught them to me was dumb. This is proper courtly behavior, my lord—it's give and take.
not become me fool taught them fencing grace touch for touch tit for tat
Now the Lord lighten thee, thou art a great fool.
May God lighten your burden, for you are indeed a great fool.
God help you, because you're a real fool.
lord lighten thee great fool goddamn idiot
The Reckoning
One of the funniest scenes in the play, but with a melancholy undertow. Mistress Quickly has a completely legitimate grievance — Falstaff owes her everything and has apparently promised to marry her — and yet he walks away not only free but with a fresh loan. The Chief Justice makes the right call and Falstaff ignores it. What makes the scene more than farce is Quickly's specificity: she remembers the parcel-gilt goblet, the Dolphin chamber, the round table, the sea-coal fire. Her memory is exact even when her words aren't. She knows what happened. She just can't hold Falstaff to it.
If this happened today…
A restaurateur who's been stiffed by a famous food critic — a guy who's eaten free for years, made vague promises of writing about her place, and apparently once proposed in the back room — shows up with two bailiffs to have him arrested. There's a street-level brawl. The food critic's driver shouts insults. The critic himself tries to have the bailiffs arrested for harassment. A prominent judge walks by, hears the whole thing, tells the critic to pay up and stop exploiting this woman. The critic takes the restaurateur aside, convinces her to drop the suit, get him another loan, and meet him for dinner — by which time he's already made plans to bring a date.