Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this last action? Do I not
bate? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs about me like an old lady’s
loose gown. I am withered like an old apple-john. Well, I’ll repent,
and that suddenly, while I am in some liking. I shall be out of heart
shortly, and then I shall have no strength to repent. An I have not
forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn, a
brewer’s horse. The inside of a church! Company, villainous company,
hath been the spoil of me.
Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this last action? Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs about me like an old lady’s loose gown. I am withered like an old apple-john. Well, I’ll repent, and that suddenly, while I am in some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall have no strength to repent. An I have not forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn, a brewer’s horse. The inside of a church! Company, villainous company, has been the spoil of me.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Sir John, you are so fretful, you cannot live long.
Sir John, you are so fretful, you cannot live long.
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
Why, there is it. Come, sing me a song, make me merry. I was as
virtuously given as a gentleman need to be, virtuous enough; swore
little; diced not above seven times—a week; went to a bawdy house not
above once in a quarter—in an hour; paid money that I borrowed—three or
four times; lived well and in good compass; and now I live out of all
order, out of all compass.
Why, there is it. Come, sing me a song, make me merry. I was as virtuously given as a gentleman need to be, virtuous enough; swore little; diced not above seven times—a week; went to a bawdy house not above once in a quarter—in an hour; paid money that I borrowed—three or four times; lived well and in good compass; and now I live out of all order, out of all compass.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out of all
compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.
Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out of all compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my life. Thou art our admiral,
thou bearest the lantern in the poop, but ’tis in the nose of thee.
Thou art the Knight of the Burning Lamp.
Do you amend your face, and I’ll amend my life. you art our admiral, you bearest the lantern in the poop, but ’tis in the nose of you. you art the Knight of the Burning Lamp.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.
Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a man doth of a
death’s-head or a _memento mori_. I never see thy face but I think upon
hell-fire, and Dives that lived in purple, for there he is in his
robes, burning, burning. If thou wert any way given to virtue, I would
swear by thy face. My oath should be, “By this fire, that’s God’s
angel.” But thou art altogether given over; and wert indeed, but for
the light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When thou ran’st up
Gad’s Hill in the night to catch my horse, if I did not think thou
hadst been an _ignis fatuus_ or a ball of wildfire, there’s no purchase
in money. O, thou art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting
bonfire-light! Thou hast saved me a thousand marks in links and
torches, walking with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern: but
the sack that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good
cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I have maintained that
salamander of yours with fire any time this two-and-thirty years, God
reward me for it!
No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a man does of a death’s-head or a _memento mori_. I never see your face but I think upon hell-fire, and Dives that lived in purple, for there he is in his robes, burning, burning. If you wert any way given to virtue, I would swear by your face. My oath should be, “By this fire, that’s God’s angel.” But you art altogether given over; and wert indeed, but for the light in your face, the son of utter darkness. When you ran’st up Gad’s Hill in the night to catch my horse, if I did not think you hadst been an _ignis fatuus_ or a ball of wildfire, there’s no purchase in money. O, you art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting bonfire-light! you hast saved me a thousand marks in links and torches, walking with you in the night between tavern and tavern: but the sack that you hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I have maintained that salamander of yours with fire any time this two-and-thirty years, God reward me for it!
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
’Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!
’Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
God-a-mercy! so should I be sure to be heartburnt.
God-a-mercy! so should I be sure to be heartburnt.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Mistress Quickly speaks in an unstoppable stream of injury and outrage — she always has seven things to say and says them all at once. Watch for how she begins with accusations and ends by defending everyone; her essential nature is generosity even when she is the wronged party.
Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John, do you think I keep thieves
in my house? I have searched, I have enquired, so has my husband, man
by man, boy by boy, servant by servant. The tithe of a hair was never
lost in my house before.
Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John, do you think I keep thieves in my house? I have searched, I have enquired, so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, servant by servant. The tithe of a hair was never lost in my house before.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Ye lie, hostess. Bardolph was shaved and lost many a hair, and I’ll be
sworn my pocket was picked. Go to, you are a woman, go.
Ye lie, hostess. Bardolph was shaved and lost many a hair, and I’ll be sworn my pocket was picked. Go to, you are a woman, go.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Who, I? No; I defy thee: God’s light, I was never called so in mine own
house before.
Who, I? No; I defy you: God’s light, I was never called so in mine own house before.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Go to, I know you well enough.
Go to, I know you well enough.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir John, you
owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it.
I bought you a dozen of shirts to your back.
No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir John, you owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it. I bought you a dozen of shirts to your back.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them away to bakers’ wives; and
they have made bolters of them.
Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them away to bakers’ wives; and they have made bolters of them.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an ell. You owe
money here besides, Sir John, for your diet and by-drinkings, and money
lent you, four-and-twenty pound.
Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an ell. You owe money here besides, Sir John, for your diet and by-drinkings, and money lent you, four-and-twenty pound.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
He had his part of it, let him pay.
He had his part of it, let him pay.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
He? Alas, he is poor, he hath nothing.
He? Alas, he is poor, he has nothing.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
How? Poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich? Let them coin his
nose, let them coin his cheeks. I’ll not pay a denier. What, will you
make a younker of me? Shall I not take mine ease in mine inn but I
shall have my pocket picked? I have lost a seal-ring of my
grandfather’s worth forty mark.
How? Poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich? Let them coin his nose, let them coin his cheeks. I’ll not pay a denier. What, will you make a younker of me? Shall I not take mine ease in mine inn but I shall have my pocket picked? I have lost a seal-ring of my grandfather’s worth forty mark.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how oft, that that
ring was copper.
O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how oft, that that ring was copper.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
How? The Prince is a Jack, a sneak-up. ’Sblood, an he were here, I
would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.
How? The Prince is a Jack, a sneak-up. ’Sblood, an he were here, I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.
Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
My lord, I pray you, hear me.
My lord, I pray you, hear me.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
What say’st thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? I love him
well; he is an honest man.
What say’st you, Mistress Quickly? How does your husband? I love him well; he is an honest man.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
When Falstaff invokes Adam's fall to excuse his own behavior, he's doing something both funny and philosophically consistent. His argument: if perfect Adam fell in Paradise, what hope is there for imperfect Jack Falstaff in corrupt London? This is not a genuine appeal to scripture — Falstaff doesn't believe it any more than Hal does. But it is a coherent position: if the world is corrupt, then participating in corruption is simply realistic, and virtue is a kind of naivety. Falstaff has been making versions of this argument throughout the play. He will make an even starker version in 5-1, when he gives his catechism on honor. Keep watching for where his philosophy of pragmatic self-preservation runs into its limit.
Good my lord, hear me.
Good my lord, hear me.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.
please, let her alone, and list to me.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
What say’st thou, Jack?
What say’st you, Jack?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
The other night I fell asleep here, behind the arras, and had my pocket
picked. This house is turned bawdy-house; they pick pockets.
The other night I fell asleep here, behind the arras, and had my pocket picked. This house is turned bawdy-house; they pick pockets.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
What didst thou lose, Jack?
What did you lose, Jack?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty pound apiece
and a seal-ring of my grandfather’s.
Wilt you believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty pound apiece and a seal-ring of my grandfather’s.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
A trifle, some eightpenny matter.
A trifle, some eightpenny matter.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say so. And, my
lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul-mouthed man as he is,
and said he would cudgel you.
So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul-mouthed man as he is, and said he would cudgel you.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
What! he did not?
What! he did not?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.
There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune, nor no more truth
in thee than in a drawn fox; and, for woman-hood, Maid Marian may be
the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee. Go, you thing, go.
There’s no more faith in you than in a stewed prune, nor no more truth in you than in a drawn fox; and, for woman-hood, Maid Marian may be the deputy’s wife of the ward to you. Go, you thing, go.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Say, what thing, what thing?
Say, what thing, what thing?
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
What thing? Why, a thing to thank God on.
What thing? Why, a thing to thank God on.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know it! I am an
honest man’s wife, and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave
to call me so.
I am no thing to thank God on, I would you should know it! I am an honest man’s wife, and, setting your knighthood aside, you art a knave to call me so.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.
Setting your womanhood aside, you art a beast to say otherwise.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?
Say, what beast, you knave, you?
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
What beast? Why, an otter.
What beast? Why, an otter.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
An otter, Sir John? Why an otter?
An otter, Sir John? Why an otter?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her.
Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Thou art an unjust man in saying so, thou or any man knows where to
have me, thou knave, thou.
you art an unjust man in saying so, you or any man knows where to have me, you knave, you.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Thou say’st true, hostess, and he slanders thee most grossly.
you say’st true, hostess, and he slanders you most grossly.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
So he doth you, my lord, and said this other day you ought him a
thousand pound.
So he does you, my lord, and said this other day you ought him a thousand pound.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
sir, do I owe you a thousand pound?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
A thousand pound, Hal? A million. Thy love is worth a million; thou
owest me thy love.
A thousand pound, Hal? A million. your love is worth a million; you owest me your love.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Nay, my lord, he call’d you Jack, and said he would cudgel you.
no, my lord, he call’d you Jack, and said he would cudgel you.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Did I, Bardolph?
Did I, Bardolph?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Indeed, Sir John, you said so.
Indeed, Sir John, you said so.
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
Yea, if he said my ring was copper.
Yea, if he said my ring was copper.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy word now?
I say ’tis copper. Darest you be as good as your word now?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but man, I dare, but as thou art
prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of the lion’s whelp.
Why, Hal, you knowest, as you art but man, I dare, but as you art prince, I fear you as I fear the roaring of the lion’s whelp.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
And why not as the lion?
And why not as the lion?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Every quarrel between Falstaff and the Hostess has the same structure: she produces accurate receipts, he produces outrageous counter-claims, and the Prince mediates while barely concealing his amusement. The joke is that the Hostess is always right. She knows exactly what Falstaff owes, what the linen cost, what the Prince said about the ring. Her problem is that accuracy doesn't help when the other party has no intention of paying and the arbitrator finds the whole situation entertaining. She is the play's comic victim, but she is also its most reliable narrator of financial fact. In a play obsessed with debts — of honor, of money, of life — Mistress Quickly is the only character who keeps proper books.
The King himself is to be feared as the lion. Dost thou think I’ll fear
thee as I fear thy father? Nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle break.
The King himself is to be feared as the lion. do you think I’ll fear you as I fear your father? no, an I do, I pray God my girdle break.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees! But, sirrah,
there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine;
it is all filled up with midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking
thy pocket! Why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there
were anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of bawdy
houses, and one poor pennyworth of sugar-candy to make thee
long-winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but
these, I am a villain. And yet you will stand to it, you will not
pocket up wrong. Art thou not ashamed!
O, if it should, how would your guts fall about your knees! But, sir, there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of yours; it is all filled up with midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking your pocket! Why, you whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there were anything in your pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of bawdy houses, and one poor pennyworth of sugar-candy to make you long-winded, if your pocket were enriched with any other injuries but these, I am a villain. And yet you will stand to it, you will not pocket up wrong. Art you not ashamed!
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell,
and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villainy? Thou
seest I have more flesh than another man and therefore more frailty.
You confess, then, you picked my pocket?
do you hear, Hal? you knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villainy? you seest I have more flesh than another man and therefore more frailty. You confess, then, you picked my pocket?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
It appears so by the story.
It appears so by the story.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast, love thy husband,
look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou shalt find me tractable
to any honest reason. Thou seest I am pacified still. Nay, prithee, be
gone.
Hostess, I forgive you. Go make ready breakfast, love your husband, look to your servants, cherish your guests. you shall find me tractable to any honest reason. you seest I am pacified still. no, please, be gone.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. The money is paid
back again.
O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to you. The money is paid back again.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
O, I do not like that paying back, ’tis a double labour.
O, I do not like that paying back, ’tis a double labour.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
I am good friends with my father, and may do anything.
I am good friends with my father, and may do anything.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou dost, and do it with unwashed
hands too.
Rob me the exchequer the first thing you do, and do it with unwashed hands too.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Do, my lord.
Do, my lord.
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.
I have procured you, Jack, a charge of foot.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one that can steal
well? O, for a fine thief, of the age of two-and-twenty or thereabouts!
I am heinously unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels; they
offend none but the virtuous. I laud them, I praise them.
I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one that can steal well? O, for a fine thief, of the age of two-and-twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels; they offend none but the virtuous. I laud them, I praise them.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Bardolph!
Bardolph!
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
My lord?
My lord?
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,
To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.
Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster, To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Rare words! Brave world!—Hostess, my breakfast, come.—
O, I could wish this tavern were my drum.
Rare words! Brave world!—Hostess, my breakfast, come.— O, I could wish this tavern were my drum.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
The Reckoning
The last scene at the Boar's Head before the war, and it has the flavor of a last supper that nobody quite admits is ending. Falstaff is playing the wronged innocent while spectacularly in debt; the Hostess is furious and entirely right; Hal is indulgent but moving toward something harder. When Falstaff asks for horse soldiers instead of foot soldiers, you feel the comedy and the anxiety running in parallel.
If this happened today…
Your charismatic, broke friend who owes you money accuses you of stealing from him while asking for a recommendation for a new job. You catch him mid-lie, he pivots to theological self-justification, and then your mutual friend shows up with actual good news: he's been hired. Now he wants a company car instead of a transit pass.