Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this last action? Do I not
bate? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs about me like an old lady’s
loose gown. I am withered like an old apple-john. Well, I’ll repent,
and that suddenly, while I am in some liking. I shall be out of heart
shortly, and then I shall have no strength to repent. An I have not
forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn, a
brewer’s horse. The inside of a church! Company, villainous company,
hath been the spoil of me.
Bardolph, haven't I wasted away terribly since that last battle? Am I not thinner? Am I not shrinking? Look, my skin hangs on me like an old woman's loose gown. I'm withered like an old dried apple. Well, I'll repent, and right now, while I'm still in decent health. Soon I'll be depressed, and then I won't have the strength to repent. If I've not forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I'm worth nothing, I'm worthless. The inside of a church! It's been rotten company, villainous company, that's ruined me.
Bardolph, look at me—haven't I totally fallen apart since that last fight? Don't I look thinner? I'm basically a shriveled up old apple at this point. My skin just hangs off me like a baggy old robe. Look, I'm going to turn my life around, I really am, but it's gotta be now while I'm still in decent shape. If I wait much longer I'll be too depressed to even try. And honestly, I barely remember what churches even look like anymore. Bad company—that's what did me in. I've been hanging out with the wrong people and it's destroyed me.
man i'm falling apart i'm like a dried up apple skin too much booze & bad friends gotta repent NOW before i'm too gone i don't even remember churches exist
Sir John, you are so fretful, you cannot live long.
Sir John, you're so irritable and anxious that you can't possibly live much longer.
Sir John, you're way too stressed out. Honestly, at this rate you won't last very long.
sir john ur gonna stress yourself 2 death
Why, there is it. Come, sing me a song, make me merry. I was as
virtuously given as a gentleman need to be, virtuous enough; swore
little; diced not above seven times—a week; went to a bawdy house not
above once in a quarter—in an hour; paid money that I borrowed—three or
four times; lived well and in good compass; and now I live out of all
order, out of all compass.
That's the problem right there. Come on, sing me a song and cheer me up. I used to be as virtuous as any gentleman needs to be—virtuous enough. I barely swore; I didn't gamble more than seven times a week; I went to a brothel not more than once every three months—or I mean once an hour; I paid back money I borrowed—three or four times; I lived well and within my means, and now I live in complete chaos, totally out of control.
Exactly—that's exactly the point. Come on, sing me something to lift my mood. I was actually a pretty decent guy, you know? I almost never swore. I gambled just a little, like seven times a week, which is nothing. I went to brothels, sure, but come on—once a quarter, not constantly. And I always paid my debts, pretty much. I lived a good clean life. But now? Now I'm a complete wreck, totally out of control.
i was good once barely drank barely gambled paid my debts sometimes now i'm just chaos
Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out of all
compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.
Well, you're so fat, Sir John, that you absolutely have to be out of control, completely beyond any reasonable limits, Sir John.
Sir John, you're so ridiculously fat that yeah, you're definitely way beyond any reasonable limit. I mean, you're massive.
ur so fat u gotta be out of control sir
Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my life. Thou art our admiral,
thou bearest the lantern in the poop, but ’tis in the nose of thee.
Thou art the Knight of the Burning Lamp.
You need to fix your face, and I'll fix my life. You're our lighthouse keeper, you carry the lantern in the ship's stern, except it's in your nose instead. You're the Knight of the Burning Lamp.
Tell you what—you clean up that face of yours, and I'll clean up my act. You're like our ship's lamp, except the light's coming from your nose. You're basically the Knight of the Burning Nose.
fix ur face & i'll fix mine ur nose is like a ship's lantern knight of the burning lamp
Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.
Sir John, my face doesn't hurt you at all.
Sir John, my face isn't harming anyone.
my face isn't hurting u
No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as many a man doth of a
death’s-head or a _memento mori_. I never see thy face but I think upon
hell-fire, and Dives that lived in purple, for there he is in his
robes, burning, burning. If thou wert any way given to virtue, I would
swear by thy face. My oath should be, “By this fire, that’s God’s
angel.” But thou art altogether given over; and wert indeed, but for
the light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When thou ran’st up
Gad’s Hill in the night to catch my horse, if I did not think thou
hadst been an _ignis fatuus_ or a ball of wildfire, there’s no purchase
in money. O, thou art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting
bonfire-light! Thou hast saved me a thousand marks in links and
torches, walking with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern: but
the sack that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good
cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I have maintained that
salamander of yours with fire any time this two-and-thirty years, God
reward me for it!
I swear I make as good use of your face as many people do of a skull as a memento of death. I never see your face without thinking about hellfire and Dives burning in purple robes. Your face is like him burning, burning. If you were at all virtuous, I could swear by your face. My oath would be, "By this fire, that's God's angel." But you've given yourself over completely; if not for the light in your face, you'd be pure darkness. When you ran up Gad's Hill at night to steal my horse, if I hadn't thought you were ghostfire or a ball of wildfire, there's no amount of money you could get. You're a constant spectacle, an endless bonfire-light! You've saved me a thousand marks' worth of money on torches and links, walking with you in the night between taverns, but the wine you've drunk that I paid for would have bought me better lights for less at the finest chandler's in Europe. I've kept that fire-creature of yours burning for thirty-two years now—may God reward me for it!
I swear, your face is like one of those skulls people keep as a reminder of death. Every time I look at it, I think about hellfire. There's this story in the Bible about a rich guy named Dives burning in purple robes, and your face—it's like him, just burning away. Honestly, if you had any virtue at all, I could swear an oath on your face. I'd be like, "By this fire that's definitely from heaven." But you're completely gone—without that glow in your face you'd be pure darkness. That night you ran up Gad's Hill to grab my horse, I thought you were some kind of ghost light or a floating fireball. Seriously, you're worth money just for being a walking torch. I've saved a fortune on candles and links, walking with you from tavern to tavern at night. But the wine you've drunk that I paid for? That would've bought me actual decent lights way cheaper from any chandler in Europe. I've been feeding this fire-creature of yours for thirty-two years. God better reward me for that.
ur face is like a death skull or a guy burning in hell u light up dark streets like a torch i've spent 32 yrs keeping u burning
’Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!
By God's blood, I wish my face were in your belly!
God, I wish my face were stuck in your stomach!
wish my face was in ur gut
God-a-mercy! so should I be sure to be heartburnt.
God help me—if it were, I'd definitely get heartburn.
Ha! Then I'd definitely have indigestion.
id get heartburn lol
How now, Dame Partlet the hen, have you enquired yet who picked my
pocket?
Well then, Madame Hen, have you found out who picked my pocket?
So, Dame Partlet, have you figured out who stole from my pocket?
dame partlet find out who picked my pocket?
Mistress Quickly speaks in an unstoppable stream of injury and outrage — she always has seven things to say and says them all at once. Watch for how she begins with accusations and ends by defending everyone; her essential nature is generosity even when she is the wronged party.
Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John, do you think I keep thieves
in my house? I have searched, I have enquired, so has my husband, man
by man, boy by boy, servant by servant. The tithe of a hair was never
lost in my house before.
Sir John, what do you think—do you think I keep thieves in my house? I've searched, I've investigated, and so has my husband, checking every man, every boy, every servant. Not a single hair's worth of anything has ever been lost in my house before.
Sir John, what do you take me for? Do you think I run a house full of thieves? I've looked everywhere, my husband's looked everywhere—checked every person who works here. Seriously, not even a tiny thing has gone missing in this house before.
u think i keep thieves here? i searched everything nothing ever goes missing not even a hair
Ye lie, hostess. Bardolph was shaved and lost many a hair, and I’ll be
sworn my pocket was picked. Go to, you are a woman, go.
You're lying, hostess. Bardolph got a haircut and lost plenty of hair, and I'll swear my pocket was picked. Come on, you're a woman—just go.
You're lying. Bardolph got shaved—he lost tons of hair right there. And yeah, my pocket got picked, I know it did. Look, you're a woman, just—go.
ur lying bardolph lost his hair getting shaved my pocket got picked just go
Who, I? No; I defy thee: God’s light, I was never called so in mine own
house before.
Me? No, I refuse. God's light, no one's ever called me that in my own house before.
Me? No way. I'm calling you out on that. God, nobody's ever insulted me like that in my own house.
not me nobody talks 2 me like this in my own place
Go to, I know you well enough.
Come on, I know who you are well enough.
Look, I know exactly what you're about.
i know u
No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir John, you
owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it.
I bought you a dozen of shirts to your back.
No, Sir John, you don't know me, Sir John. I know you, Sir John—you owe me money, Sir John, and now you're picking a fight to get out of paying me. I bought you a dozen shirts to wear.
No, Sir John, you don't know me. I know you though—you owe me money, and now you're starting fights to weasel out of paying me back. I even bought you a dozen shirts.
u owe me money sir john u don't know me i bought u shirts
Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them away to bakers’ wives; and
they have made bolters of them.
Cheap, worthless cloth. I've given them to bakers' wives, and they've turned them into sifters.
Cheap trash cloth, that's what you gave me. I handed them off to bakers' wives and they turned them into flour sieves.
cheap trash cloth gave it away to bakers
Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an ell. You owe
money here besides, Sir John, for your diet and by-drinkings, and money
lent you, four-and-twenty pound.
As I'm an honest woman, linen worth eight shillings a yard. You owe money here besides, Sir John, for your meals and drinking, and money I lent you—twenty-four pounds.
I swear on my honor, that was fine linen worth eight shillings a yard. And you still owe me money for food and all your drinking, plus money I actually loaned you—twenty-four pounds.
that was good linen 8 shillings a yard u owe me 24 pounds food drinks & loans
He had his part of it, let him pay.
He received his portion of the benefit, so the burden of payment should fall on him as well.
Look, he got his cut—he should be the one paying.
he benefited let him pay up
He? Alas, he is poor, he hath nothing.
He? Unfortunately, he's poor and has nothing.
Him? No, he's broke, completely broke.
he's poor has nothing
How? Poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich? Let them coin his
nose, let them coin his cheeks. I’ll not pay a denier. What, will you
make a younker of me? Shall I not take mine ease in mine inn but I
shall have my pocket picked? I have lost a seal-ring of my
grandfather’s worth forty mark.
What? Poor? Look at his face. What do you call rich? Let them mint money from his nose, let them coin his cheeks. I won't pay a penny. What, are you going to turn me into a young fool? Aren't I allowed to relax in my own inn without having my pocket picked? I've lost a ring of my grandfather's worth forty marks.
Poor? Look at him—with that red face he's like a walking mint. What does rich even mean? If they can mint his nose and cheeks into money, why are you asking me for cash? I'm not paying. What, you want to make a fool out of me? Can't I just hang out at my own tavern without getting robbed? I've lost my grandfather's ring—worth forty marks.
poor? let em mint his nose i lost my grandpa's ring
O Jesu, I have heard the Prince tell him, I know not how oft, that that
ring was copper.
Oh God, I've heard the Prince tell him many times that that ring was copper.
Oh my God, the Prince told him straight up that ring was fake copper.
prince said ring was copper
How? The Prince is a Jack, a sneak-up. ’Sblood, an he were here, I
would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.
What? The Prince is a sneak and a liar. By God's blood, if he were here, I'd beat him like a dog if he said that.
What? The Prince is a sneaky liar. God, if he were here I'd beat him senseless for saying that.
prince is a liar id beat him if he was here
his truncheon like a fife.
How now, lad? Is the wind in that door, i’faith? Must we all march?
Well now, lad? Is that how things stand? Must we all march off to war?
So what's the deal, lad? Are we all heading off to war?
lad what's going on we all gotta march?
Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.
Yes, two by two, like prisoners at Newgate jail.
Yeah, paired up like they do in Newgate Prison.
two by two like newgate prisoners
My lord, I pray you, hear me.
My lord, I beg you, listen to me.
My lord, please just hear me out.
my lord listen to me
When Falstaff invokes Adam's fall to excuse his own behavior, he's doing something both funny and philosophically consistent. His argument: if perfect Adam fell in Paradise, what hope is there for imperfect Jack Falstaff in corrupt London? This is not a genuine appeal to scripture — Falstaff doesn't believe it any more than Hal does. But it is a coherent position: if the world is corrupt, then participating in corruption is simply realistic, and virtue is a kind of naivety. Falstaff has been making versions of this argument throughout the play. He will make an even starker version in 5-1, when he gives his catechism on honor. Keep watching for where his philosophy of pragmatic self-preservation runs into its limit.
What say’st thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? I love him
well; he is an honest man.
What do you have to say, Mistress Quickly? How is your husband doing? I like him well; he's an honest man.
What's on your mind, Mistress Quickly? How's your husband doing? I really respect him—he's a good guy.
how's ur husband he's a good man
Good my lord, hear me.
Good my lord, listen to me.
My lord, please just let me speak.
let me talk my lord
Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.
Please, leave her alone and listen to me.
Come on, forget about her—just listen to what I have to say.
listen 2 me not her
What say’st thou, Jack?
What do you have to say, Jack?
So what's your story, Jack?
what u got 2 say jack
The other night I fell asleep here, behind the arras, and had my pocket
picked. This house is turned bawdy-house; they pick pockets.
The other night I fell asleep here, behind the tapestry, and had my pocket picked. This house has become a brothel—they pick pockets.
Last night I fell asleep back behind that hanging, and someone pickpocketed me. This place has turned into a place full of thieves. They're just robbing people blind.
fell asleep got robbed this place is all thieves
What didst thou lose, Jack?
What did you lose, Jack?
What'd you have on you?
what'd u lose
Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty pound apiece
and a seal-ring of my grandfather’s.
Will you believe me, Hal? Three or four bonds of forty pounds each, and a seal-ring from my grandfather.
Believe me? Three or four bonds of forty pounds apiece, plus my grandfather's signet ring.
three or four forty-pound bonds and my grandpa's ring
A trifle, some eightpenny matter.
That's nothing. Just a small matter of no importance.
That's nothing. A minor thing.
that's nothing trivial
So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say so. And, my
lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul-mouthed man as he is,
and said he would cudgel you.
That's what I told him, my lord, and I said I heard your Grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks very badly about you, like the crude-mouthed man he is, and said he would beat you.
That's exactly what I told him, my lord, and I mentioned I'd heard you say that. And my lord, he was being really vulgar about you, talking about beating you up.
told him u said it he talked dirty about u said he'd beat u
What! he did not?
What! He didn't!
No way, he didn't really say that!
he didn't
There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.
There's no faith, truth, or decency in me if that's not true.
I swear on my honor that's what he said.
i swear that's true
There’s no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune, nor no more truth
in thee than in a drawn fox; and, for woman-hood, Maid Marian may be
the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee. Go, you thing, go.
There's no more faith in you than in a stewed prune, and no more truth in you than in a cornered fox. And as for decency, Maid Marian might be the deputy's wife compared to you. Go, you thing, go.
You've got about as much honesty as a cooked prune, and you're as trustworthy as a trapped fox. As for being a woman—Maid Marian would be way too respectable standing next to you. Go on, get out of here.
honest as a cooked prune trusty as a trapped fox go away
Say, what thing, what thing?
What thing, what thing?
What do you mean, 'thing'? What thing?
what thing what do u mean
What thing? Why, a thing to thank God on.
What thing? Why, a thing for which we should be grateful to God.
What thing? A thing to be thankful for.
something to thank god for
I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou shouldst know it! I am an
honest man’s wife, and, setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave
to call me so.
I'm not a thing to be grateful for, I want you to know that! I'm an honest man's wife, and setting aside your knighthood, you're a knave to call me that.
I'm not some 'thing to be grateful for'—don't you dare say that! I'm an honest man's wife, and even without your title, you're a jerk for calling me that.
im not a thing im an honest woman don't call me that
Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say otherwise.
Setting aside your womanhood, you're a beast to say otherwise.
Well, setting aside the fact that you're a woman, you'd be a real animal to deny it.
ur a beast 2 deny it
Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?
What kind of beast are you calling me, you knave?
Excuse me, what beast are you saying I am?
what beast u calling me
What beast? Why, an otter.
What animal am I calling her? An otter, obviously.
An otter, what else?
otter obvi
An otter, Sir John? Why an otter?
You're comparing her to an otter? But why choose that particular animal?
An otter? Why on earth an otter?
why an otter
Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man knows not where to have her.
Because she's neither fish nor flesh—a man doesn't know what to make of her.
Because she's neither one thing nor the other—you can't figure her out.
neither fish nor flesh can't figure her out
Thou art an unjust man in saying so, thou or any man knows where to
have me, thou knave, thou.
You're an unfair man to say that—either you or any man knows exactly what to make of me, you knave.
That's unfair—every man knows exactly what I'm about, and you know it too, you jerk.
that's unfair u know exactly what im about
Thou say’st true, hostess, and he slanders thee most grossly.
You're right, hostess, and he's slandering you very badly.
You're absolutely right, and he's being a real jerk about it.
ur right he's being a jerk
So he doth you, my lord, and said this other day you ought him a
thousand pound.
So he does to you, my lord, and said the other day that you owed him a thousand pounds.
And he's just as rotten about you, my lord. The other day he said you owed him a thousand pounds.
he says u owe him 1000 pounds
Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?
You there, do I owe you a thousand pounds?
So you're claiming I owe you a thousand pounds?
i owe u 1000 pounds?
A thousand pound, Hal? A million. Thy love is worth a million; thou
owest me thy love.
A thousand pounds, Hal? A million. Your love is worth a million—you owe me your love.
A thousand? A million, Hal. Your friendship is worth a million times more than money. You owe me your love.
a million ure worth more than money u owe me love
Nay, my lord, he call’d you Jack, and said he would cudgel you.
No, my lord, he called you Jack and said he would beat you.
No, my lord, he actually called you Jack and said he'd beat you senseless.
he called u jack said he'd beat u
Did I, Bardolph?
Did I, Bardolph?
Did I say that, Bardolph?
did i
Indeed, Sir John, you said so.
Yes, Sir John, you definitely did say so.
Yeah, Sir John, you definitely said that.
yea u said it
Every quarrel between Falstaff and the Hostess has the same structure: she produces accurate receipts, he produces outrageous counter-claims, and the Prince mediates while barely concealing his amusement. The joke is that the Hostess is always right. She knows exactly what Falstaff owes, what the linen cost, what the Prince said about the ring. Her problem is that accuracy doesn't help when the other party has no intention of paying and the arbitrator finds the whole situation entertaining. She is the play's comic victim, but she is also its most reliable narrator of financial fact. In a play obsessed with debts — of honor, of money, of life — Mistress Quickly is the only character who keeps proper books.
Yea, if he said my ring was copper.
Yes, but only if he said my ring was copper.
Yeah, but only if he said my ring was fake copper.
only if he said ring was fake
I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy word now?
I say it is copper. Are you going to make good on your word now?
I'm saying it is fake copper. So are you going to back up what you said?
it's copper u gonna back it up
Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but man, I dare, but as thou art
prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of the lion’s whelp.
Look, Hal, you know as you're just a man I would dare—but as you're a prince, I fear you the way I fear a young lion's roar.
Look, Hal, if you were just a regular guy, sure I'd dare you. But since you're the prince, you scare me like a young lion would.
as just a man id dare u but ur prince so i fear u
And why not as the lion?
And why not fear me as you would the full-grown lion?
Only the cub? Why not the full-grown lion?
just the cub?? why not the lion
The King himself is to be feared as the lion. Dost thou think I’ll fear
thee as I fear thy father? Nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle break.
The King himself is to be feared as the lion. Do you think I'll fear you the way I fear your father? No, and if I do, I pray God my belt breaks.
The King—your father—that's who's scary like a lion. You think I fear you the way I fear him? No way. And if I do, I hope my belt snaps.
kings the scary one not u if i fear u id hope my belt breaks
O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy knees! But, sirrah,
there’s no room for faith, truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine;
it is all filled up with midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking
thy pocket! Why, thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there
were anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of bawdy
houses, and one poor pennyworth of sugar-candy to make thee
long-winded, if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries but
these, I am a villain. And yet you will stand to it, you will not
pocket up wrong. Art thou not ashamed!
Oh, if it did, how your guts would fall about your knees! But listen, there's no honesty, truth, or integrity in that belly of yours. It's completely filled up with belly. You accuse an honest woman of picking your pocket! Why, you disgusting, insulting, bloated scoundrel—if there were anything in your pocket besides tavern bills, notes about brothels, and one cheap piece of hard candy to make you less short of breath, if your pocket had anything more valuable than that, I'm a villain. And still you stand by it, you won't back down about being robbed. Aren't you ashamed!
Oh, if it did, your guts would fall everywhere! But come on—there's not an ounce of honesty or decency in that belly of yours. It's completely packed. You're going to stand there and tell people an honest woman stole from you? You disgusting, rude, fat slob. If your pocket had anything in it besides bar tabs, notes from brothels, and maybe some cheap candy to help you breathe, if there was literally anything else of value in there, I'm a liar. And you're still insisting on this? You won't admit you're wrong. How can you not be ashamed?
ur guts would fall u got no decency accusing honest woman only junk in ur pocket shame on u
Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency Adam fell,
and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the days of villainy? Thou
seest I have more flesh than another man and therefore more frailty.
You confess, then, you picked my pocket?
Listen, Hal. You understand that in the state of innocence, Adam fell, so what should poor Jack Falstaff do in these evil days? You can see I have more flesh than other men, and therefore more weaknesses. You're admitting, then, that you picked my pocket?
Okay, listen Hal. Even Adam, who had everything perfect, still fell into sin. So what's poor Jack supposed to do in a world full of evil? Look, I've got more body than most people, so I'm weaker. So you're basically saying you did pick my pocket, right?
even adam fell so im allowed 2 fail u picked my pocket then
It appears so by the story.
That appears to be what happened based on the evidence.
Yeah, looks like it from what we've heard.
looks like it
Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast, love thy husband,
look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou shalt find me tractable
to any honest reason. Thou seest I am pacified still. Nay, prithee, be
gone.
Hostess, I forgive you. Go get breakfast ready, love your husband, look after your servants, take good care of your guests. You'll find me reasonable about any fair compensation. You can see I'm satisfied now. No, please, go away.
Hostess, I forgive you. Go make breakfast, be nice to your husband, look out for the servants, treat your guests well. I'm actually a reasonable guy about this stuff. You can see I'm happy now. Come on, go.
forgiven make breakfast love ur husband take care guests
Now, Hal, to the news at court. For the robbery, lad, how is that
answered?
Now, Hal, what's the news from court? And lad, how has the robbery situation been settled?
So Hal, what's happening at court? How did things work out with that robbery?
hal court news? how'd the robbery get settled?
O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. The money is paid
back again.
Oh, my sweet friend, I've got to keep being your guardian angel. The money's been paid back.
Oh buddy, I've gotta keep saving you. The money's paid off now.
paid back the money for u
O, I do not like that paying back, ’tis a double labour.
I don't like that paying back business—it's twice as much work.
I hate paying things back—it's like doing the work twice.
hate paying back double work
I am good friends with my father, and may do anything.
I'm on good terms with my father, so I can do anything.
I've got my dad in my pocket, so I can pull anything off.
got my dad on my side
Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou dost, and do it with unwashed
hands too.
Steal the royal treasury for me right now, and do it with dirty hands too.
Rob the treasury for me first thing, and don't even wash your hands after.
steal the treasury now don't even wash ur hands
Do, my lord.
Yes, my lord.
Sure thing, my lord.
ok my lord
I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.
I've gotten you a military command, Jack—a unit of foot soldiers.
Jack, I got you a military job—you'll command some foot soldiers.
u got a military command
I would it had been of horse. Where shall I find one that can steal
well? O, for a fine thief, of the age of two-and-twenty or thereabouts!
I am heinously unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these rebels; they
offend none but the virtuous. I laud them, I praise them.
I wish it had been horse instead. Where will I find a thief who's good at what he does? Oh, I need a skilled thief, someone about twenty-two or so. I'm terribly short on such people. Well, thank God for these rebels—they only upset the virtuous. I praise them, I celebrate them.
I wish you'd gotten me cavalry instead of foot soldiers. Where am I supposed to find a decent thief? I need a good criminal, maybe twenty-two years old. I'm really short on good help. Well, at least thank God for these rebels—they're only a problem for good people. I actually respect them.
wish it was cavalry need a good thief thank god 4 rebels they only hurt virtuous ppl
Bardolph!
Bardolph!
Bardolph!
bardolph
My lord?
My lord?
Yes, my lord?
my lord
Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,
To my brother John; this to my Lord of Westmoreland.
Go deliver this letter to Lord John of Lancaster, To my brother John; this one to my Lord of Westmoreland.
Take this letter to John of Lancaster, That's my brother—and this one to the Lord of Westmoreland.
deliver letters to john & westmoreland
Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and I
Have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner-time.
Go, Peto, get on your horse, both of us must ride. We have thirty miles yet to cover before dinner.
Go on, Peto, let's get moving. You and I have thirty miles to ride before we eat.
peto let's ride 30 miles b4 dinner
Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple hall
At two o’clock in the afternoon;
There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receive
Money and order for their furniture.
The land is burning, Percy stands on high,
And either we or they must lower lie.
Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple hall at two o'clock in the afternoon. There you'll receive your orders and money for the soldiers' equipment. The country is at war, Percy has the advantage, and one of us must be defeated.
Jack, meet me tomorrow at two in the afternoon at the Temple hall. That's where you'll get your orders and money for the army's supplies. The kingdom's burning, Percy's got the upper hand, and one side has to lose.
jack tmrw temple hall 2pm get ur orders & money lands burning either us or them goes down
Rare words! Brave world!—Hostess, my breakfast, come.—
O, I could wish this tavern were my drum.
Amazing things! Wonderful life! Hostess, bring my breakfast now. I wish this tavern were my battle camp.
Incredible things! What a life! Hostess, food now. I wish this tavern was my military camp.
amazing life bring breakfast wish this tavern was war camp
The Reckoning
The last scene at the Boar's Head before the war, and it has the flavor of a last supper that nobody quite admits is ending. Falstaff is playing the wronged innocent while spectacularly in debt; the Hostess is furious and entirely right; Hal is indulgent but moving toward something harder. When Falstaff asks for horse soldiers instead of foot soldiers, you feel the comedy and the anxiety running in parallel.
If this happened today…
Your charismatic, broke friend who owes you money accuses you of stealing from him while asking for a recommendation for a new job. You catch him mid-lie, he pivots to theological self-justification, and then your mutual friend shows up with actual good news: he's been hired. Now he wants a company car instead of a transit pass.