Ned, prithee, come out of that fat room, and lend me thy hand to laugh
a little.
Ned, please, come out of that fat room, and lend me your hand to laugh a little.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Where hast been, Hal?
Where hast been, Hal?
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
With three or four loggerheads amongst three or fourscore hogsheads. I
have sounded the very base-string of humility. Sirrah, I am sworn
brother to a leash of drawers, and can call them all by their Christian
names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already upon their
salvation, that though I be but Prince of Wales, yet I am the king of
courtesy, and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, like Falstaff, but a
Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy,—by the Lord, so they call
me—and when I am King of England, I shall command all the good lads in
Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, “dyeing scarlet,” and when you
breathe in your watering, they cry “Hem!” and bid you “Play it off!” To
conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, that I
can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life. I tell
thee, Ned, thou hast lost much honour that thou wert not with me in
this action; but, sweet Ned—to sweeten which name of Ned, I give thee
this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now into my hand by an
underskinker, one that never spake other English in his life than
“Eight shillings and sixpence,” and “You are welcome,” with this shrill
addition, “Anon, anon, sir! Score a pint of bastard in the Half-moon,”
or so. But, Ned, to drive away the time till Falstaff come, I prithee,
do thou stand in some by-room, while I question my puny drawer to what
end he gave me the sugar, and do thou never leave calling “Francis,”
that his tale to me may be nothing but “Anon.” Step aside, and I’ll
show thee a precedent.
With three or four loggerheads amongst three or fourscore hogsheads. I have sounded the very base-string of humility. sir, I am sworn brother to a leash of drawers, and can call them all by their Christian names, as Tom, Dick, and Francis. They take it already upon their salvation, that though I be but Prince of Wales, yet I am the king of courtesy, and tell me flatly I am no proud Jack, like Falstaff, but a Corinthian, a lad of mettle, a good boy,—by the Lord, so they call me—and when I am King of England, I shall command all the good lads in Eastcheap. They call drinking deep, “dyeing scarlet,” and when you breathe in your watering, they cry “Hem!” and bid you “Play it off!” To conclude, I am so good a proficient in one quarter of an hour, that I can drink with any tinker in his own language during my life. I tell you, Ned, you hast lost much honour that you wert not with me in this action; but, sweet Ned—to sweeten which name of Ned, I give you this pennyworth of sugar, clapped even now into my hand by an underskinker, one that never spake other English in his life than “Eight shillings and sixpence,” and “You are welcome,” with this shrill addition, “soon, soon, sir! Score a pint of bastard in the Half-moon,” or so. But, Ned, to drive away the time till Falstaff come, I please, do you stand in some by-room, while I question my puny drawer to what end he gave me the sugar, and do you never leave calling “Francis,” that his tale to me may be nothing but “soon.” Step aside, and I’ll show you a precedent.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Thou art perfect.
you art perfect.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Anon, anon, sir.—Look down into the Pomegarnet, Ralph.
soon, soon, sir.—Look down into the Pomegarnet, Ralph.
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
Come hither, Francis.
Come here, Francis.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
My lord?
My lord?
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
How long hast thou to serve, Francis?
How long hast you to serve, Francis?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Forsooth, five years, and as much as to—
indeed, five years, and as much as to—
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
Anon, anon, sir.
soon, soon, sir.
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
Five year! By’r Lady, a long lease for the clinking of pewter! But,
Francis, darest thou be so valiant as to play the coward with thy
indenture, and show it a fair pair of heels, and run from it?
Five year! By’r Lady, a long lease for the clinking of pewter! But, Francis, darest you be so valiant as to play the coward with your indenture, and show it a fair pair of heels, and run from it?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
O Lord, sir, I’ll be sworn upon all the books in England, I could find
in my heart—
O Lord, sir, I’ll be sworn upon all the books in England, I could find in my heart—
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
Anon, sir.
soon, sir.
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
How old art thou, Francis?
How old art you, Francis?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Let me see, about Michaelmas next I shall be—
Let me see, about Michaelmas next I shall be—
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
Anon, sir.—Pray, stay a little, my lord.
soon, sir.—Pray, stay a little, my lord.
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
Nay, but hark you, Francis, for the sugar thou gavest me, ’twas a
pennyworth, was’t not?
no, but hark you, Francis, for the sugar you gavest me, ’twas a pennyworth, was’t not?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
O Lord, I would it had been two!
O Lord, I would it had been two!
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
I will give thee for it a thousand pound. Ask me when thou wilt, and
thou shalt have it.
I will give you for it a thousand pound. Ask me when you wilt, and you shall have it.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Anon, anon.
soon, soon.
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
Anon, Francis? No, Francis, but tomorrow, Francis; or, Francis, a
Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when thou wilt. But, Francis,—
soon, Francis? No, Francis, but tomorrow, Francis; or, Francis, a Thursday; or indeed, Francis, when you wilt. But, Francis,—
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
My lord?
My lord?
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
Wilt thou rob this leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, not-pated,
agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch—
Wilt you rob this leathern-jerkin, crystal-button, not-pated, agate-ring, puke-stocking, caddis-garter, smooth-tongue, Spanish-pouch—
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
O Lord, sir, who do you mean?
O Lord, sir, who do you mean?
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink, for look you,
Francis, your white canvas doublet will sully. In Barbary, sir, it
cannot come to so much.
Why, then, your brown bastard is your only drink, for look you, Francis, your white canvas doublet will sully. In Barbary, sir, it cannot come to so much.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
What, sir?
What, sir?
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
Away, you rogue! Dost thou not hear them call?
Away, you rogue! do you not hear them call?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
What, stand’st thou still, and hear’st such a calling? Look to the
guests within.
What, stand’st you still, and hear’st such a calling? Look to the guests within.
[Conversational: VINTNER]
[Emotional core: VINTNER]
Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.
Let them alone awhile, and then open the door.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Anon, anon, sir.
soon, soon, sir.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
Sirrah, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at the door; shall we
be merry?
sir, Falstaff and the rest of the thieves are at the door; shall we be merry?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye, what cunning match have you
made with this jest of the drawer? Come, what’s the issue?
As merry as crickets, my lad. But hark ye, what cunning match have you made with this jest of the drawer? Come, what’s the issue?
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
I am now of all humours that have showed themselves humours since the
old days of goodman Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve
o’clock at midnight.
I am now of all humours that have showed themselves humours since the old days of goodman Adam to the pupil age of this present twelve o’clock at midnight.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Anon, anon, sir.
soon, soon, sir.
[Conversational: FRANCIS]
[Emotional core: FRANCIS]
That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a parrot, and yet
the son of a woman! His industry is upstairs and downstairs; his
eloquence the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy’s mind, the
Hotspur of the north, he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots
at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife, “Fie upon this
quiet life! I want work.” “O my sweet Harry,” says she, “how many hast
thou killed today?” “Give my roan horse a drench,” says he; and
answers, “Some fourteen,” an hour after; “a trifle, a trifle.” I
prithee, call in Falstaff. I’ll play Percy, and that damned brawn shall
play Dame Mortimer his wife. _Rivo!_ says the drunkard. Call in Ribs,
call in Tallow.
That ever this fellow should have fewer words than a parrot, and yet the son of a woman! His industry is upstairs and downstairs; his eloquence the parcel of a reckoning. I am not yet of Percy’s mind, the Hotspur of the north, he that kills me some six or seven dozen of Scots at a breakfast, washes his hands, and says to his wife, “Fie upon this quiet life! I want work.” “O my sweet Harry,” says she, “how many hast you killed today?” “Give my roan horse a drench,” says he; and answers, “Some fourteen,” an hour after; “a trifle, a trifle.” I please, call in Falstaff. I’ll play Percy, and that damned brawn shall play Dame Mortimer his wife. _Rivo!_ says the drunkard. Call in Ribs, call in Tallow.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
The Francis bit at the scene's opening is one of the most unsettling comic routines in Shakespeare. Hal traps a drawer — an apprentice waiter with five years left on his indenture — between two competing claims on his attention, and watches him freeze. He then summarizes the boy's entire existence: 'His industry is upstairs and downstairs, his eloquence the parcel of a reckoning.' It's funny and it's cruel. What does Hal learn from this? He immediately compares himself to Hotspur, whose entire vocabulary is also narrow ('his honour in his credit, and he that kills me some six or seven dozen Scots at a breakfast'). Both Francis and Hotspur, Hal implies, are creatures of a single register — one of service, one of violence. Hal's game is to be fluent in all registers. The Francis scene is a warm-up exercise in code-switching, and it leaves an uncomfortable aftertaste.
Welcome, Jack. Where hast thou been?
Welcome, Jack. Where hast you been?
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! Marry, and amen!
Give me a cup of sack, boy. Ere I lead this life long, I’ll sew
nether-stocks, and mend them and foot them too. A plague of all
cowards! Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue extant?
A plague of all cowards, I say, and a vengeance too! Marry, and amen! Give me a cup of sack, boy. before I lead this life long, I’ll sew nether-stocks, and mend them and foot them too. A plague of all cowards! Give me a cup of sack, rogue. Is there no virtue extant?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Didst thou never see Titan kiss a dish of butter (pitiful-hearted
Titan!), that melted at the sweet tale of the sun’s? If thou didst,
then behold that compound.
did you never see Titan kiss a dish of butter (pitiful-hearted Titan!), that melted at the sweet tale of the sun’s? If you did, then behold that compound.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
You rogue, here’s lime in this sack too: there is nothing but roguery
to be found in villainous man, yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack
with lime in it. A villanous coward! Go thy ways, old Jack. Die when
thou wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the
Earth, then am I a shotten herring. There lives not three good men
unhanged in England, and one of them is fat, and grows old, God help
the while, a bad world, I say. I would I were a weaver; I could sing
psalms or anything. A plague of all cowards, I say still.
You rogue, here’s lime in this sack too: there is nothing but roguery to be found in villainous man, yet a coward is worse than a cup of sack with lime in it. A villanous coward! Go your ways, old Jack. Die when you wilt, if manhood, good manhood, be not forgot upon the face of the Earth, then am I a shotten herring. There lives not three good men unhanged in England, and one of them is fat, and grows old, God help the while, a bad world, I say. I would I were a weaver; I could sing psalms or anything. A plague of all cowards, I say still.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
How now, wool-sack, what mutter you?
How now, wool-sack, what mutter you?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
A king’s son! If I do not beat thee out of thy kingdom with a dagger of
lath, and drive all thy subjects afore thee like a flock of wild-geese,
I’ll never wear hair on my face more. You, Prince of Wales!
A king’s son! If I do not beat you out of your kingdom with a dagger of lath, and drive all your subjects afore you like a flock of wild-geese, I’ll never wear hair on my face more. You, Prince of Wales!
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Why, you whoreson round man, what’s the matter?
Why, you whoreson round man, what’s the matter?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Are not you a coward? Answer me to that—and Poins there?
Are not you a coward? Answer me to that—and Poins there?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the Lord, I’ll stab
thee.
Zounds, ye fat paunch, an ye call me coward, by the Lord, I’ll stab you.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
I call thee coward? I’ll see thee damned ere I call thee coward, but I
would give a thousand pound I could run as fast as thou canst. You are
straight enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your back. Call
you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing! Give me
them that will face me.—Give me a cup of sack. I am a rogue if I drunk
today.
I call you coward? I’ll see you damned before I call you coward, but I would give a thousand pound I could run as fast as you canst. You are straight enough in the shoulders, you care not who sees your back. Call you that backing of your friends? A plague upon such backing! Give me them that will face me.—Give me a cup of sack. I am a rogue if I drunk today.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O villain! Thy lips are scarce wiped since thou drunk’st last.
O villain! your lips are scarce wiped since you drunk’st last.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
All is one for that. A plague of all cowards, still say I.
All is one for that. A plague of all cowards, still say I.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
What’s the matter?
What’s the matter?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
What’s the matter? There be four of us here have ta’en a thousand pound
this day morning.
What’s the matter? There be four of us here have ta’en a thousand pound this day morning.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Where is it, Jack, where is it?
Where is it, Jack, where is it?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Where is it? Taken from us it is: a hundred upon poor four of us.
Where is it? Taken from us it is: a hundred upon poor four of us.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
What, a hundred, man?
What, a hundred, man?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
I am a rogue if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours
together. I have ’scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through
the doublet, four through the hose, my buckler cut through and through,
my sword hacked like a handsaw. _Ecce signum!_ I never dealt better
since I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all cowards! Let them
speak. If they speak more or less than truth, they are villains, and
the sons of darkness.
I am a rogue if I were not at half-sword with a dozen of them two hours together. I have ’scaped by miracle. I am eight times thrust through the doublet, four through the hose, my buckler cut through and through, my sword hacked like a handsaw. _Ecce signum!_ I never dealt better since I was a man: all would not do. A plague of all cowards! Let them speak. If they speak more or less than truth, they are villains, and the sons of darkness.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Speak, sirs, how was it?
Speak, sirs, how was it?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
We four set upon some dozen.
We four set upon some dozen.
[Conversational: GADSHILL]
[Emotional core: GADSHILL]
Sixteen at least, my lord.
Sixteen at least, my lord.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
And bound them.
And bound them.
[Conversational: GADSHILL]
[Emotional core: GADSHILL]
No, no, they were not bound.
No, no, they were not bound.
[Conversational: PETO]
[Emotional core: PETO]
You rogue, they were bound, every man of them, or I am a Jew else, an
Ebrew Jew.
You rogue, they were bound, every man of them, or I am a Jew else, an Ebrew Jew.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us.
As we were sharing, some six or seven fresh men set upon us.
[Conversational: GADSHILL]
[Emotional core: GADSHILL]
And unbound the rest, and then come in the other.
And unbound the rest, and then come in the other.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
What, fought you with them all?
What, fought you with them all?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
All? I know not what you call all, but if I fought not with fifty of
them I am a bunch of radish. If there were not two or three and fifty
upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.
All? I know not what you call all, but if I fought not with fifty of them I am a bunch of radish. If there were not two or three and fifty upon poor old Jack, then am I no two-legged creature.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Pray God you have not murdered some of them.
Pray God you have not murdered some of them.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Nay, that’s past praying for. I have peppered two of them. Two I am
sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell thee what, Hal,
if I tell thee a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. Thou knowest my
old ward. Here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram
let drive at me.
no, that’s past praying for. I have peppered two of them. Two I am sure I have paid, two rogues in buckram suits. I tell you what, Hal, if I tell you a lie, spit in my face, call me horse. you knowest my old ward. Here I lay, and thus I bore my point. Four rogues in buckram let drive at me.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
What, four? Thou saidst but two even now.
What, four? you saidst but two even now.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Four, Hal, I told thee four.
Four, Hal, I told you four.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Ay, ay, he said four.
Ay, ay, he said four.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
These four came all afront, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more
ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus.
These four came all afront, and mainly thrust at me. I made me no more ado, but took all their seven points in my target, thus.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Seven? Why, there were but four even now.
Seven? Why, there were but four even now.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
In buckram?
In buckram?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Ay, four, in buckram suits.
Ay, four, in buckram suits.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.
Seven, by these hilts, or I am a villain else.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Dost thou hear me, Hal?
do you hear me, Hal?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Ay, and mark thee too, Jack.
Ay, and mark you too, Jack.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I
told thee of—
Do so, for it is worth the listening to. These nine in buckram that I told you of—
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
So, two more already.
So, two more already.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Their points being broken—
Their points being broken—
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Down fell their hose.
Down fell their hose.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
Began to give me ground; but I followed me close, came in foot and
hand, and with a thought seven of the eleven I paid.
Began to give me ground; but I followed me close, came in foot and hand, and with a thought seven of the eleven I paid.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O monstrous! Eleven buckram men grown out of two!
O monstrous! Eleven buckram men grown out of two!
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
But as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal
green came at my back and let drive at me, for it was so dark, Hal,
that thou couldst not see thy hand.
But as the devil would have it, three misbegotten knaves in Kendal green came at my back and let drive at me, for it was so dark, Hal, that you could not see your hand.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
These lies are like the father that begets them, gross as a mountain,
open, palpable. Why, thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool,
thou whoreson, obscene greasy tallow-catch—
These lies are like the father that begets them, gross as a mountain, open, palpable. Why, you clay-brained guts, you knotty-pated fool, you whoreson, obscene greasy tallow-catch—
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
What, art thou mad? Art thou mad? Is not the truth the truth?
What, art you mad? Art you mad? Is not the truth the truth?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Why, how couldst thou know these men in Kendal green, when it was so
dark thou couldst not see thy hand? Come, tell us your reason. What
sayest thou to this?
Why, how could you know these men in Kendal green, when it was so dark you could not see your hand? Come, tell us your reason. What sayest you to this?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.
Come, your reason, Jack, your reason.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
What, upon compulsion? Zounds, an I were at the strappado, or all the
racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a
reason on compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I
would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.
What, upon compulsion? Zounds, an I were at the strappado, or all the racks in the world, I would not tell you on compulsion. Give you a reason on compulsion! If reasons were as plentiful as blackberries, I would give no man a reason upon compulsion, I.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
I’ll be no longer guilty of this sin. This sanguine coward, this
bed-presser, this horse-back-breaker, this huge hill of flesh—
I’ll be no longer guilty of this sin. This sanguine coward, this bed-presser, this horse-back-breaker, this huge hill of flesh—
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Falstaff's account of Gadshill escalates from 'some twelve' to 'sixteen' to 'fifty' to 'eleven in buckram' in the space of about forty lines. This is Shakespeare being technically precise about how lies work: each escalation responds to a social cue, an opportunity to make the story bigger. Falstaff is not a clumsy liar — he's a virtuoso. He understands that the bigger the lie, the more committed you must appear to it, and the more committed you appear, the more people are invested in not catching you out (because the alternative is awkward). The Kendal green trap should defeat him. Instead, he pivots: the lion and the true prince. Not a better lie — a different category of claim altogether, one that cannot be disproved. It's a masterclass.
’Sblood, you starveling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you
bull’s pizzle, you stock-fish—O, for breath to utter what is like thee!
You tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck—
’Sblood, you starveling, you eel-skin, you dried neat’s-tongue, you bull’s pizzle, you stock-fish—O, for breath to utter what is like you! You tailor’s-yard, you sheath, you bow-case, you vile standing tuck—
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again, and when thou hast tired
thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this.
Well, breathe awhile, and then to it again, and when you hast tired thyself in base comparisons, hear me speak but this.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Mark, Jack.
Mark, Jack.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
We two saw you four set on four, and bound them and were masters of
their wealth. Mark now how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we
two set on you four, and, with a word, outfaced you from your prize,
and have it, yea, and can show it you here in the house. And, Falstaff,
you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and
roared for mercy, and still ran and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf.
What a slave art thou to hack thy sword as thou hast done, and then say
it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole canst thou
now find out to hide thee from this open and apparent shame?
We two saw you four set on four, and bound them and were masters of their wealth. Mark now how a plain tale shall put you down. Then did we two set on you four, and, with a word, outfaced you from your prize, and have it, yea, and can show it you here in the house. And, Falstaff, you carried your guts away as nimbly, with as quick dexterity, and roared for mercy, and still ran and roared, as ever I heard bull-calf. What a slave art you to hack your sword as you hast done, and then say it was in fight! What trick, what device, what starting-hole canst you now find out to hide you from this open and apparent shame?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Come, let’s hear, Jack, what trick hast thou now?
Come, let’s hear, Jack, what trick hast you now?
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why, hear you, my
masters, was it for me to kill the heir-apparent? Should I turn upon
the true prince? Why, thou knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but
beware instinct. The lion will not touch the true prince. Instinct is a
great matter. I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better
of myself, and thee, during my life—I for a valiant lion, and thou for
a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the
money.—Hostess, clap to the doors. Watch tonight, pray tomorrow.
Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship
come to you! What, shall we be merry? Shall we have a play extempore?
By the Lord, I knew ye as well as he that made ye. Why, hear you, my masters, was it for me to kill the heir-apparent? Should I turn upon the true prince? Why, you knowest I am as valiant as Hercules: but beware instinct. The lion will not touch the true prince. Instinct is a great matter. I was now a coward on instinct. I shall think the better of myself, and you, during my life—I for a valiant lion, and you for a true prince. But, by the Lord, lads, I am glad you have the money.—Hostess, clap to the doors. Watch tonight, pray tomorrow. Gallants, lads, boys, hearts of gold, all the titles of good fellowship come to you! What, shall we be merry? Shall we have a play extempore?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Content; and the argument shall be thy running away.
Content; and the argument shall be your running away.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Ah, no more of that, Hal, an thou lovest me!
Ah, no more of that, Hal, an you lovest me!
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O Jesu, my lord the Prince—
O Jesu, my lord the Prince—
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
How now, my lady the hostess! What say’st thou to me?
How now, my lady the hostess! What say’st you to me?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door would speak
with you: he says he comes from your father.
Marry, my lord, there is a nobleman of the court at door would speak with you: he says he comes from your father.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again
to my mother.
Give him as much as will make him a royal man, and send him back again to my mother.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
What manner of man is he?
What manner of man is he?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
An old man.
An old man.
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
What doth gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall I give him his
answer?
What does gravity out of his bed at midnight? Shall I give him his answer?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Prithee do, Jack.
please do, Jack.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Faith, and I’ll send him packing.
Faith, and I’ll send him packing.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Now, sirs: by’r Lady, you fought fair, so did you, Peto. So did you,
Bardolph. You are lions, too, you ran away upon instinct, you will not
touch the true prince, no, fie!
Now, sirs: by’r Lady, you fought fair, so did you, Peto. So did you, Bardolph. You are lions, too, you ran away upon instinct, you will not touch the true prince, no, fie!
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Faith, I ran when I saw others run.
Faith, I ran when I saw others run.
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff’s sword so hacked?
Faith, tell me now in earnest, how came Falstaff’s sword so hacked?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would swear truth out of
England but he would make you believe it was done in fight, and
persuaded us to do the like.
Why, he hacked it with his dagger, and said he would swear truth out of England but he would make you believe it was done in fight, and persuaded us to do the like.
[Conversational: PETO]
[Emotional core: PETO]
Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass to make them bleed, and
then to beslubber our garments with it, and swear it was the blood of
true men. I did that I did not this seven year before: I blushed to
hear his monstrous devices.
Yea, and to tickle our noses with spear-grass to make them bleed, and then to beslubber our garments with it, and swear it was the blood of true men. I did that I did not this seven year before: I blushed to hear his monstrous devices.
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
O villain, thou stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert
taken with the manner, and ever since thou hast blushed extempore. Thou
hadst fire and sword on thy side, and yet thou ran’st away. What
instinct hadst thou for it?
O villain, you stolest a cup of sack eighteen years ago, and wert taken with the manner, and ever since you hast blushed extempore. you hadst fire and sword on your side, and yet you ran’st away. What instinct hadst you for it?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
My lord, do you see these meteors? Do you behold these exhalations?
My lord, do you see these meteors? Do you behold these exhalations?
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
I do.
I do.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
What think you they portend?
What think you they portend?
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
Hot livers and cold purses.
Hot livers and cold purses.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Choler, my lord, if rightly taken.
Choler, my lord, if rightly taken.
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
No, if rightly taken, halter.
No, if rightly taken, halter.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
My own knee? When I was about thy years, Hal, I was not an eagle’s
talon in the waist. I could have crept into any alderman’s thumb-ring:
a plague of sighing and grief! It blows a man up like a bladder.
There’s villanous news abroad: here was Sir John Bracy from your
father; you must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of
the north, Percy, and he of Wales that gave Amamon the bastinado, and
made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the
cross of a Welsh hook—what a plague call you him?
My own knee? When I was about your years, Hal, I was not an eagle’s talon in the waist. I could have crept into any alderman’s thumb-ring: a plague of sighing and grief! It blows a man up like a bladder. There’s villanous news abroad: here was Sir John Bracy from your father; you must to the court in the morning. That same mad fellow of the north, Percy, and he of Wales that gave Amamon the bastinado, and made Lucifer cuckold, and swore the devil his true liegeman upon the cross of a Welsh hook—what a plague call you him?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O, Glendower.
O, Glendower.
[Conversational: POINS]
[Emotional core: POINS]
Owen, Owen, the same; and his son-in-law Mortimer, and old
Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs
a-horseback up a hill perpendicular—
Owen, Owen, the same; and his son-in-law Mortimer, and old Northumberland, and that sprightly Scot of Scots, Douglas, that runs a-horseback up a hill perpendicular—
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow
flying.
He that rides at high speed, and with his pistol kills a sparrow flying.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
You have hit it.
You have hit it.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
So did he never the sparrow.
So did he never the sparrow.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Well, that rascal hath good metal in him, he will not run.
Well, that rascal has good metal in him, he will not run.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Why, what a rascal art thou then, to praise him so for running!
Why, what a rascal art you then, to praise him so for running!
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
A-horseback, ye cuckoo, but afoot he will not budge a foot.
A-horseback, ye cuckoo, but afoot he will not budge a foot.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Yes, Jack, upon instinct.
Yes, Jack, upon instinct.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and
a thousand blue-caps more. Worcester is stolen away tonight; thy
father’s beard is turned white with the news. You may buy land now as
cheap as stinking mackerel.
I grant ye, upon instinct. Well, he is there too, and one Mordake, and a thousand blue-caps more. Worcester is stolen away tonight; your father’s beard is turned white with the news. You may buy land now as cheap as stinking mackerel.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Why then, it is like if there come a hot June, and this civil buffeting
hold, we shall buy maidenheads as they buy hobnails, by the hundreds.
Why then, it is like if there come a hot June, and this civil buffeting hold, we shall buy maidenheads as they buy hobnails, by the hundreds.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
By the mass, lad, thou sayest true. It is like we shall have good
trading that way. But tell me, Hal, art not thou horrible afeard? Thou
being heir-apparent, could the world pick thee out three such enemies
again as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil
Glendower? Art thou not horribly afraid? Doth not thy blood thrill at
it?
By the mass, lad, you sayest true. It is like we shall have good trading that way. But tell me, Hal, art not you horrible afeard? you being heir-apparent, could the world pick you out three such enemies again as that fiend Douglas, that spirit Percy, and that devil Glendower? Art you not horribly afraid? does not your blood thrill at it?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Not a whit, i’faith. I lack some of thy instinct.
Not a whit, i’faith. I lack some of your instinct.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Well, thou wilt be horribly chid tomorrow when thou comest to thy
father. If thou love me practise an answer.
Well, you wilt be horribly chid tomorrow when you comest to your father. If you love me practise an answer.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Do thou stand for my father and examine me upon the particulars of my
life.
Do you stand for my father and examine me upon the particulars of my life.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Shall I? Content! This chair shall be my state, this dagger my sceptre,
and this cushion my crown.
Shall I? Content! This chair shall be my state, this dagger my sceptre, and this cushion my crown.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Thy state is taken for a joint-stool, thy golden sceptre for a leaden
dagger, and thy precious rich crown for a pitiful bald crown.
your state is taken for a joint-stool, your golden sceptre for a leaden dagger, and your precious rich crown for a pitiful bald crown.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of thee, now shalt thou be
moved. Give me a cup of sack to make my eyes look red, that it may be
thought I have wept, for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in
King Cambyses’ vein.
Well, an the fire of grace be not quite out of you, now shall you be moved. Give me a cup of sack to make my eyes look red, that it may be thought I have wept, for I must speak in passion, and I will do it in King Cambyses’ vein.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Well, here is my leg.
Well, here is my leg.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.
And here is my speech. Stand aside, nobility.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i faith!
O Jesu, this is excellent sport, i faith!
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Weep not, sweet Queen, for trickling tears are vain.
Weep not, sweet Queen, for trickling tears are vain.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O, the Father, how he holds his countenance!
O, the Father, how he holds his countenance!
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
The role-reversal — Falstaff playing the King, then Hal taking the throne — is one of the most structurally rich scenes Shakespeare ever wrote. When Falstaff plays Henry IV, he uses the occasion to praise himself extravagantly and denigrate everyone around him. When Hal takes over, the scene shifts in temperature. His verdict on Falstaff — 'that villainous, abominable misleader of youth' — is technically in-character, but the force of it is real. And then: 'I do, I will.' Two words that step outside the play-within-the-play entirely. Falstaff, to his credit, feels it. His defense — 'Banish plump Jack, and banish all the world' — is the last genuinely unguarded thing he says to Hal in the whole play. From here on, there's always a wariness between them.
For God’s sake, lords, convey my tristful Queen,
For tears do stop the floodgates of her eyes.
For God’s sake, lords, convey my tristful Queen, For tears do stop the floodgates of her eyes.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O Jesu, he doth it as like one of these harlotry players as ever I see!
O Jesu, he does it as like one of these harlotry players as ever I see!
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle-brain.—Harry, I do not only
marvel where thou spendest thy time, but also how thou art accompanied.
For though the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it
grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. That thou
art my son I have partly thy mother’s word, partly my own opinion, but
chiefly a villainous trick of thine eye, and a foolish hanging of thy
nether lip, that doth warrant me. If then thou be son to me, here lies
the point: why, being son to me, art thou so pointed at? Shall the
blessed sun of heaven prove a micher, and eat blackberries? A question
not to be asked. Shall the son of England prove a thief, and take
purses? A question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, which thou
hast often heard of, and it is known to many in our land by the name of
pitch. This pitch, as ancient writers do report, doth defile; so doth
the company thou keepest. For, Harry, now I do not speak to thee in
drink, but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not in words
only, but in woes also. And yet there is a virtuous man whom I have
often noted in thy company, but I know not his name.
Peace, good pint-pot; peace, good tickle-brain.—Harry, I do not only marvel where you spendest your time, but also how you art accompanied. For though the camomile, the more it is trodden on, the faster it grows, yet youth, the more it is wasted, the sooner it wears. That you art my son I have partly your mother’s word, partly my own opinion, but chiefly a villainous trick of yours eye, and a foolish hanging of your nether lip, that does warrant me. If then you be son to me, here lies the point: why, being son to me, art you so pointed at? Shall the blessed sun of heaven prove a micher, and eat blackberries? A question not to be asked. Shall the son of England prove a thief, and take purses? A question to be asked. There is a thing, Harry, which you hast often heard of, and it is known to many in our land by the name of pitch. This pitch, as ancient writers do report, does defile; so does the company you keepest. For, Harry, now I do not speak to you in drink, but in tears; not in pleasure, but in passion; not in words only, but in woes also. And yet there is a virtuous man whom I have often noted in your company, but I know not his name.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
What manner of man, an it like your Majesty?
What manner of man, an it like your Majesty?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
A goodly portly man, i’faith, and a corpulent; of a cheerful look, a
pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage; and, as I think, his age some
fifty, or, by’r Lady, inclining to threescore; and now I remember me,
his name is Falstaff. If that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth
me; for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be
known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then peremptorily I speak
it, there is virtue in that Falstaff; him keep with, the rest banish.
And tell me now, thou naughty varlet, tell me where hast thou been this
month?
A goodly portly man, i’faith, and a corpulent; of a cheerful look, a pleasing eye, and a most noble carriage; and, as I think, his age some fifty, or, by’r Lady, inclining to threescore; and now I remember me, his name is Falstaff. If that man should be lewdly given, he deceiveth me; for, Harry, I see virtue in his looks. If then the tree may be known by the fruit, as the fruit by the tree, then peremptorily I speak it, there is virtue in that Falstaff; him keep with, the rest banish. And tell me now, you naughty varlet, tell me where hast you been this month?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Dost thou speak like a king? Do thou stand for me, and I’ll play my
father.
do you speak like a king? Do you stand for me, and I’ll play my father.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Depose me? If thou dost it half so gravely, so majestically, both in
word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a rabbit-sucker or a
poulter’s hare.
Depose me? If you do it half so gravely, so majestically, both in word and matter, hang me up by the heels for a rabbit-sucker or a poulter’s hare.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Well, here I am set.
Well, here I am set.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
And here I stand. Judge, my masters.
And here I stand. Judge, my masters.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Now, Harry, whence come you?
Now, Harry, whence come you?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
My noble lord, from Eastcheap.
My noble lord, from Eastcheap.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
The complaints I hear of thee are grievous.
The complaints I hear of you are grievous.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
’Sblood, my lord, they are false.—Nay, I’ll tickle ye for a young
prince, i’faith.
’Sblood, my lord, they are false.—no, I’ll tickle ye for a young prince, i’faith.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Swearest thou, ungracious boy? Henceforth ne’er look on me. Thou art
violently carried away from grace. There is a devil haunts thee in the
likeness of an old fat man. A tun of man is thy companion. Why dost
thou converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of
beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of
sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with
the pudding in his belly, that reverend Vice, that grey iniquity, that
father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste
sack and drink it? Wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and
eat it? Wherein cunning, but in craft? Wherein crafty, but in villany?
Wherein villainous, but in all things? Wherein worthy, but in nothing?
Swearest you, ungracious boy? Henceforth ne’er look on me. you art violently carried away from grace. There is a devil haunts you in the likeness of an old fat man. A tun of man is your companion. Why do you converse with that trunk of humours, that bolting-hutch of beastliness, that swollen parcel of dropsies, that huge bombard of sack, that stuffed cloak-bag of guts, that roasted Manningtree ox with the pudding in his belly, that reverend Vice, that grey iniquity, that father ruffian, that vanity in years? Wherein is he good, but to taste sack and drink it? Wherein neat and cleanly, but to carve a capon and eat it? Wherein cunning, but in craft? Wherein crafty, but in villany? Wherein villainous, but in all things? Wherein worthy, but in nothing?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
I would your Grace would take me with you. Whom means your Grace?
I would your Grace would take me with you. Whom means your Grace?
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
That villainous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old
white-bearded Satan.
That villainous abominable misleader of youth, Falstaff, that old white-bearded Satan.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
My lord, the man I know.
My lord, the man I know.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
I know thou dost.
I know you do.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
But to say I know more harm in him than in myself were to say more than
I know. That he is old, the more the pity, his white hairs do witness
it. But that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster, that I
utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked! If to
be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know is damned.
If to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh’s lean kine are to be loved.
No, my good lord, banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins, but for
sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant
Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, being as he is old Jack
Falstaff, banish not him thy Harry’s company, banish not him thy
Harry’s company. Banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.
But to say I know more harm in him than in myself were to say more than I know. That he is old, the more the pity, his white hairs do witness it. But that he is, saving your reverence, a whoremaster, that I utterly deny. If sack and sugar be a fault, God help the wicked! If to be old and merry be a sin, then many an old host that I know is damned. If to be fat be to be hated, then Pharaoh’s lean kine are to be loved. No, my good lord, banish Peto, banish Bardolph, banish Poins, but for sweet Jack Falstaff, kind Jack Falstaff, true Jack Falstaff, valiant Jack Falstaff, and therefore more valiant, being as he is old Jack Falstaff, banish not him your Harry’s company, banish not him your Harry’s company. Banish plump Jack, and banish all the world.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
I do, I will.
I do, I will.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
O, my lord, my lord, the sheriff with a most monstrous watch is at the
door.
O, my lord, my lord, the sheriff with a most monstrous watch is at the door.
[Conversational: BARDOLPH]
[Emotional core: BARDOLPH]
Out, ye rogue! Play out the play. I have much to say in the behalf of
that Falstaff.
Out, ye rogue! Play out the play. I have much to say in the behalf of that Falstaff.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
O Jesu, my lord, my lord—
O Jesu, my lord, my lord—
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Heigh, heigh, the devil rides upon a fiddlestick. What’s the matter?
Heigh, heigh, the devil rides upon a fiddlestick. What’s the matter?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
The sheriff and all the watch are at the door. They are come to search
the house. Shall I let them in?
The sheriff and all the watch are at the door. They are come to search the house. Shall I let them in?
[Conversational: HOSTESS]
[Emotional core: HOSTESS]
Dost thou hear, Hal? Never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit:
thou art essentially made without seeming so.
do you hear, Hal? Never call a true piece of gold a counterfeit: you art essentially made without seeming so.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
And thou a natural coward without instinct.
And you a natural coward without instinct.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
I deny your major. If you will deny the sheriff, so; if not, let him
enter. If I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my
bringing up! I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as
another.
I deny your major. If you will deny the sheriff, so; if not, let him enter. If I become not a cart as well as another man, a plague on my bringing up! I hope I shall as soon be strangled with a halter as another.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Go hide thee behind the arras. The rest walk up above. Now, my masters,
for a true face and good conscience.
Go hide you behind the arras. The rest walk up above. Now, my masters, for a true face and good conscience.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Both which I have had, but their date is out, and therefore I’ll hide
me.
Both which I have had, but their date is out, and therefore I’ll hide me.
[Conversational: FALSTAFF]
[Emotional core: FALSTAFF]
Call in the sheriff.
Call in the sheriff.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry
Hath followed certain men unto this house.
First, pardon me, my lord. A hue and cry has followed certain men unto this house.
[Conversational: SHERIFF]
[Emotional core: SHERIFF]
What men?
What men?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
One of them is well known, my gracious lord,
A gross fat man.
One of them is well known, my gracious lord, A gross fat man.
[Conversational: SHERIFF]
[Emotional core: SHERIFF]
As fat as butter.
As fat as butter.
[Conversational: CARRIER]
[Emotional core: CARRIER]
The man I do assure you is not here,
For I myself at this time have employ’d him.
And, sheriff, I will engage my word to thee,
That I will by tomorrow dinner-time,
Send him to answer thee, or any man,
For anything he shall be charged withal.
And so let me entreat you leave the house.
The man I do assure you is not here, For I myself at this time have employ’d him. And, sheriff, I will engage my word to you, That I will by tomorrow dinner-time, Send him to answer you, or any man, For anything he shall be charged withal. And so let me entreat you leave the house.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen
Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.
I will, my lord. There are two gentlemen Have in this robbery lost three hundred marks.
[Conversational: SHERIFF]
[Emotional core: SHERIFF]
It may be so. If he have robb’d these men,
He shall be answerable; and so, farewell.
It may be so. If he have robb’d these men, He shall be answerable; and so, farewell.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Good night, my noble lord.
Good night, my noble lord.
[Conversational: SHERIFF]
[Emotional core: SHERIFF]
I think it is good morrow, is it not?
I think it is good morrow, is it not?
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o’clock.
Indeed, my lord, I think it be two o’clock.
[Conversational: SHERIFF]
[Emotional core: SHERIFF]
This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go, call him forth.
This oily rascal is known as well as Paul’s. Go, call him forth.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Falstaff!—Fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse.
Falstaff!—Fast asleep behind the arras, and snorting like a horse.
[Conversational: PETO]
[Emotional core: PETO]
Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.
Hark, how hard he fetches breath. Search his pockets.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Nothing but papers, my lord.
Nothing but papers, my lord.
[Conversational: PETO]
[Emotional core: PETO]
Let’s see what they be. Read them.
Let’s see what they be. Read them.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Item, a capon, . . . . . . . . . . . 2s. 2d.
Item, sauce, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4d.
Item, sack, two gallons, . . . 5s. 8d.
Item, anchovies and sack after supper, 2s. 6d.
Item, bread, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ob.
Item, a capon, . . . . . . . . . . . 2s. 2d. Item, sauce, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4d. Item, sack, two gallons, . . . 5s. 8d. Item, anchovies and sack after supper, 2s. 6d. Item, bread, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ob.
[Conversational: PETO]
[Emotional core: PETO]
O monstrous! But one halfpennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal
of sack! What there is else, keep close. We’ll read it at more
advantage. There let him sleep till day. I’ll to the court in the
morning. We must all to the wars, and thy place shall be honourable.
I’ll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot, and I know his death will
be a march of twelve score. The money shall be paid back again with
advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning; and so, good morrow,
Peto.
O monstrous! But one halfpennyworth of bread to this intolerable deal of sack! What there is else, keep close. We’ll read it at more advantage. There let him sleep till day. I’ll to the court in the morning. We must all to the wars, and your place shall be honourable. I’ll procure this fat rogue a charge of foot, and I know his death will be a march of twelve score. The money shall be paid back again with advantage. Be with me betimes in the morning; and so, good morrow, Peto.
[Conversational: PRINCE]
[Emotional core: PRINCE]
Good morrow, good my lord.
Good morrow, good my lord.
[Conversational: PETO]
[Emotional core: PETO]
The Reckoning
This is the longest, most carnivalesque scene in the play — a two-hour romp through drinking, lying, role-playing, and the moment Hal finally says what he really thinks about Falstaff. The mock trial cuts deepest: playing the King, Hal delivers a verdict on Falstaff that is no longer entirely a joke. When the sheriff arrives and Falstaff hides snoring behind the curtain, the holiday is briefly over — and Hal is left holding the bill.
If this happened today…
Your charismatic, wildly irresponsible best friend recounts a bar fight from last night, and with each retelling the number of attackers doubles. You call him out with video evidence. He shrugs and pivots to: let's do a bit where you play your disappointed dad and I play you. The bit gets uncomfortably real. Then the cops knock. Your friend hides in the bathroom. You tell the cops he's not here.