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Act 2, Scene 4 — Paris. The King’s palace.
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Original
Faithful Conversational Text-message
The argument Parolles delivers Bertram's order for Helena to return home immediately, dressed up in flowery language — and she, not yet knowing she's being abandoned, obediently agrees.
Enter Helena and Clown.
HELENA HELENA

My mother greets me kindly: is she well?

My mother greets me kindly: is she well?

my mother greets me kindly: 's she well?

My mother greets me kindly: is she well?

CLOWN CLOWN

She is not well, but yet she has her health; she’s very merry, but yet

she is not well. But thanks be given, she’s very well, and wants

nothing i’ the world; but yet she is not well.

She is not well, but yet she has her health; she’s very merry, but yet she is not well. But thanks be given, she’s very well, and wants nothing i’ the world; but yet she is not well.

she 's not well, but yet she has her health; she’s very merry, but yet she 's not well. but thanks be given, she’s very well, and wants nothing i’ the world; but yet she 's not well.

She is not well, but yet she has her health; she’s very...

"She is not well, but yet she has her health" The Clown is playing on 'well' as both 'healthy' and 'doing well in life' — and possibly on the theological sense that no one is 'well' while alive on earth (only heaven is true wellbeing). The logic is airtight if you follow it.
HELENA HELENA

If she be very well, what does she ail that she’s not very well?

If she be very well, what does she ail that she’s not very well?

if she be very well, what does she ail that she’s not very well?

If she be very well, what does she ail that she’s not...

CLOWN CLOWN

Truly, she’s very well indeed, but for two things.

Truly, she’s very well indeed, but for two things.

truly, she’s very well indeed, but for two things.

Truly, she’s very well indeed, but for two things.

HELENA HELENA

What two things?

What two things?

what two things?

What two things?

CLOWN CLOWN

One, that she’s not in heaven, whither God send her quickly! The other,

that she’s in earth, from whence God send her quickly!

One, that she’s not in heaven, whither God send her quickly! The other, that she’s in earth, from whence God send her quickly!

one, that she’s not in heaven, whither god send her quickly! the other, that she’s in earth, from whence god send her quickly!

One, that she’s not in heaven, whither God send her quickly! The...

Enter Parolles.
PAROLLES PAROLLES

Bless you, my fortunate lady!

Bless you, my fortunate lady!

bless you, my fortunate lady!

Bless you, my fortunate lady!

HELENA HELENA

I hope, sir, I have your good will to have mine own good fortune.

I hope, sir, I have your good will to have mine own good fortune.

i hope, sir, i 've your good will to 've mine own good fortune.

I hope, sir, I have your good will to have mine own...

PAROLLES PAROLLES

You had my prayers to lead them on; and to keep them on, have them

still. O, my knave how does my old lady?

You had my prayers to lead them on; and to keep them on, have them still. O, my knave how does my old lady?

you had my prayers to lead them on; and to keep them on, 've them still. o, my knave how does my old lady?

You had my prayers to lead them on; and to keep them...

CLOWN CLOWN

So that you had her wrinkles and I her money, I would she did as you

say.

So that you had her wrinkles and I her money, I would she did as you say.

so that you had her wrinkles and i her money, i would she did as you say.

So that you had her wrinkles and I her money, I would...

PAROLLES PAROLLES

Why, I say nothing.

Why, I say nothing.

why, i say nothing.

Why, I say nothing.

CLOWN CLOWN

Marry, you are the wiser man; for many a man’s tongue shakes out his

master’s undoing. To say nothing, to do nothing, to know nothing, and

to have nothing, is to be a great part of your title; which is within a

very little of nothing.

Marry, you are the wiser man; for many a man’s tongue shakes out his master’s undoing. To say nothing, to do nothing, to know nothing, and to have nothing, is to be a great part of your title; which is within a very little of nothing.

marry, you 're the wiser man; for many a man’s tongue shakes out h's master’s undoing. to say nothing, to do nothing, to know nothing, and to 've nothing, 's to be a great part of your title; which 's within a very little of nothing.

Marry, you are the wiser man; for many a man’s tongue shakes...

"To say nothing, to do nothing, to know nothing, and to have nothing, is to be a great part of your title" The Clown is destroying Parolles syllable by syllable. Parolles's title — literally 'words' (French: paroles) — is exposed as empty. He says nothing, does nothing, knows nothing, has nothing. The wordplay lands like a surgeon's cut.
PAROLLES PAROLLES

Away! Thou art a knave.

Away! you are a knave.

away! you 're a knave.

Away! you are a knave.

CLOWN CLOWN

You should have said, sir, before a knave thou art a knave; that is

before me thou art a knave. This had been truth, sir.

You should have said, sir, before a knave you are a knave; that is before me you are a knave. This had been truth, sir.

you should 've said, sir, before a knave you 're a knave; that 's before me you 're a knave. th's had been truth, sir.

You should have said, sir, before a knave you are a knave;...

PAROLLES PAROLLES

Go to, thou art a witty fool; I have found thee.

Go to, you are a witty fool; I have found you.

go to, you 're a witty fool; i 've found you.

Go to, you are a witty fool; I have found you.

CLOWN CLOWN

Did you find me in yourself, sir? or were you taught to find me? The

search, sir, was profitable; and much fool may you find in you, even to

the world’s pleasure and the increase of laughter.

Did you find me in yourself, sir? or were you taught to find me? The search, sir, was profitable; and much fool may you find in you, even to the world’s pleasure and the increase of laughter.

did you find me in yourself, sir? or were you taught to find me? the search, sir, was profitable; and much fool may you find in you, even to the world’s pleasure and the increase of laughter.

Did you find me in yourself, sir? or were you taught to...

PAROLLES ≋ verse PAROLLES

A good knave, i’ faith, and well fed.

Madam, my lord will go away tonight;

A very serious business calls on him.

The great prerogative and right of love,

Which, as your due, time claims, he does acknowledge;

But puts it off to a compell’d restraint;

Whose want, and whose delay, is strew’d with sweets;

Which they distil now in the curbed time,

To make the coming hour o’erflow with joy

And pleasure drown the brim.

A good knave, i’ faith, and well fed. Madam, my lord will go away tonight; A very serious business calls on him. The great prerogative and right of love, Which, as your due, time claims, he does acknowledge; But puts it off to a compell’d restraint; Whose want, and whose delay, is strew’d with sweets; Which they distil now in the curbed time, To make the coming hour o’erflow with joy And pleasure drown the brim.

a good knave, i’ faith, and well fed. madam, my lord will go away tonight; a very serious business calls on him. the great prerogative and right of love, which, as your due, time claims, he does acknowledge; but puts it off to a compell’d restraint; whose want, and whose delay, 's strew’d with sweets; which they distil now in the curbed time, to make the coming hour o’erflow with joy and pleasure drown the brim.

A good knave, i’ faith, and well fed. Madam, my lord will...

"The great prerogative and right of love, / Which, as your due, time claims, he does acknowledge" This is Parolles at his most baroque — wrapping Bertram's cold dismissal in the language of courtly love poetry. He's saying 'he's abandoning you' in the most elaborate possible way.
🎭 Dramatic irony Parolles describes Bertram's departure as a 'compelled restraint' that will make the reunion sweeter — but the audience knows from 2-3 that Bertram plans to never bed Helena at all. Every word of this elaborate speech is a lie the audience can measure.
HELENA HELENA

What’s his will else?

What’s his will else?

what’s h's will else?

What’s his will else?

PAROLLES ≋ verse PAROLLES

That you will take your instant leave o’ the king,

And make this haste as your own good proceeding,

Strengthen’d with what apology you think

May make it probable need.

That you will take your instant leave o’ the king, And make this haste as your own good proceeding, Strengthen’d with what apology you think May make it probable need.

that you will take your instant leave o’ the king, and make th's haste as your own good proceeding, strengthen’d with what apology you think may make it probable need.

That you will take your instant leave o’ the king, And make...

HELENA HELENA

What more commands he?

What more commands he?

what more commands he?

What more commands he?

PAROLLES ≋ verse PAROLLES

That, having this obtain’d, you presently

Attend his further pleasure.

That, having this obtain’d, you presently Attend his further pleasure.

that, having th's obtain’d, you presently attend h's further pleasure.

That, having this obtain’d, you presently Attend his further pleasure.

HELENA HELENA

In everything I wait upon his will.

In everything I wait upon his will.

in everything i wait upon h's will.

In everything I wait upon his will.

Why it matters Helena's total submission here is the scene's emotional center — she has just won a husband and is already surrendering entirely to his management of her.
PAROLLES PAROLLES

I shall report it so.

I shall report it so.

i shall report it so.

I shall report it so.

HELENA HELENA

I pray you. Come, sirrah.

I pray you. Come, sir.

i pray you. come, sir.

I pray you. Come, sir.

[_Exeunt._]

The Reckoning

A short, brittle scene where almost everything important happens between the lines. The Clown skewers Parolles with wordplay; Parolles wraps Bertram's dismissal of Helena in the language of courtly love; and Helena accepts her sending-home with a submission that would be heartbreaking if she knew what she was submitting to. She doesn't yet know. The audience does. The cruelty is in the gap.

If this happened today…

Someone's new partner just texted their best friend asking them to pass along a message: 'Tell her something came up at work. Tell her I need her to go back to her place tonight. Make it sound like I'm just really committed to my career. She'll understand.' The best friend delivers the message with full corporate flair — 'he acknowledges the right you have to his full attention, but the demands of this moment require...' Meanwhile the person being broken up with says: 'Of course, tell him whatever he needs, I'm happy to help.' She doesn't yet know that 'I'll see you in two days' means never.

Continue to 2.5 →