Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the height of your breeding.
Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the height of your breeding.
come on, sir; i shall now put you to the height of your breeding.
Come on, sir; I shall now put you to the height of...
I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught. I know my business is
but to the court.
I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught. I know my business is but to the court.
i will show myself highly fed and lowly taught. i know my business 's but to the court.
I will show myself highly fed and lowly taught. I know my...
To the court! Why, what place make you special, when you put off that
with such contempt? But to the court!
To the court! Why, what place make you special, when you put off that with such contempt? But to the court!
to the court! why, what place make you special, when you put off that with such contempt? but to the court!
To the court! Why, what place make you special, when you put...
Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he may easily put it
off at court: he that cannot make a leg, put off’s cap, kiss his hand,
and say nothing, has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and indeed such
a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the court; but for me, I have
an answer will serve all men.
Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he may easily put it off at court: he that cannot make a leg, put off’s cap, kiss his hand, and say nothing, has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and indeed such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the court; but for me, I have an answer will serve all men.
truly, madam, if god 've lent a man any manners, he may easily put it off at court: he that cannot make a leg, put off’s cap, kiss h's hand, and say nothing, has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and indeed such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the court; but for me, i 've an answer will serve all men.
Truly, madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he may...
Marry, that’s a bountiful answer that fits all questions.
Marry, that’s a bountiful answer that fits all questions.
marry, that’s a bountiful answer that fits all questions.
Marry, that’s a bountiful answer that fits all questions.
It is like a barber’s chair, that fits all buttocks—the pin-buttock,
the quatch-buttock, the brawn-buttock, or any buttock.
It is like a barber’s chair, that fits all buttocks—the pin-buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawn-buttock, or any buttock.
it 's like a barber’s chair, that fits all buttocks—the pin-buttock, the quatch-buttock, the brawn-buttock, or any buttock.
It is like a barber’s chair, that fits all buttocks—the pin-buttock, the...
Scene 2-2 is what directors and actors call a 'breathing scene' — a deliberate pressure release between two high-stakes moments. You've just watched Helena convince a dying king to risk everything on her untested remedy (2-1). You're about to watch Bertram publicly refuse to marry her in front of the entire French court (2-3). In between: thirty lines about buttocks and a magic phrase. This is not padding. Shakespeare understood that tragedy needs comedy nearby to survive, that an audience can only hold maximum tension for so long before it breaks rather than builds. The Clown's wordplay, the Countess's willingness to laugh at herself, the gentle warmth of the scene — all of it gives the audience permission to release. When 2-3 arrives with all its cruelty and humiliation, it hits harder because this scene made you forget it was coming.
Will your answer serve fit to all questions?
Will your answer serve fit to all questions?
will your answer serve fit to all questions?
Will your answer serve fit to all questions?
As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney, as your French
crown for your taffety punk, as Tib’s rush for Tom’s forefinger, as a
pancake for Shrove-Tuesday, a morris for May-day, as the nail to his
hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding quean to a wrangling
knave, as the nun’s lip to the friar’s mouth; nay, as the pudding to
his skin.
As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney, as your French crown for your taffety punk, as Tib’s rush for Tom’s forefinger, as a pancake for Shrove-Tuesday, a morris for May-day, as the nail to his hole, the cuckold to his horn, as a scolding quean to a wrangling knave, as the nun’s lip to the friar’s mouth; no, as the pudding to his skin.
as fit as ten groats 's for the hand of an attorney, as your french crown for your taffety punk, as tib’s rush for tom’s forefinger, as a pancake for shrove-tuesday, a morr's for may-day, as the nail to h's hole, the cuckold to h's horn, as a scolding quean to a wrangling knave, as the nun’s lip to the friar’s mouth; no, as the pudding to h's skin.
As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney,...
Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all questions?
Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all questions?
've you, i say, an answer of such fitness for all questions?
Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all questions?
From below your duke to beneath your constable, it will fit any
question.
From below your duke to beneath your constable, it will fit any question.
from below your duke to beneath your constable, it will fit any question.
From below your duke to beneath your constable, it will fit any...
It must be an answer of most monstrous size that must fit all demands.
It must be an answer of most monstrous size that must fit all demands.
it must be an answer of most monstrous size that must fit all demands.
It must be an answer of most monstrous size that must fit...
But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned should speak truth
of it. Here it is, and all that belongs to’t. Ask me if I am a
courtier; it shall do you no harm to learn.
But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned should speak truth of it. Here it is, and all that belongs to’t. Ask me if I am a courtier; it shall do you no harm to learn.
but a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned should speak truth of it. here it is, and all that belongs to’t. ask me if i am a courtier; it shall do you no harm to learn.
But a trifle neither, in good faith, if the learned should speak...
To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool in question, hoping to
be the wiser by your answer. I pray you, sir, are you a courtier?
To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool in question, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. I pray you, sir, are you a courtier?
to be young again, if we could: i will be a fool in question, hoping to be the wiser by your answer. i pray you, sir, 're you a courtier?
To be young again, if we could: I will be a fool...
The Clown's universal answer is a joke, but it's a joke with a thesis: that much of what passes for courtly discourse is empty form. 'O Lord, sir!' expresses polite, helpless astonishment — it functions as agreement, deflection, sympathy, and submission simultaneously. It can handle any social situation precisely because it commits to nothing. This describes exactly how Parolles operates. Parolles never says anything specific or brave — he makes noises of agreement, affirms whatever the last speaker said, and fills air with impressively arranged words that mean nothing. The Clown is satirizing courtly discourse; Parolles is living it. When the Countess laughs at the universal answer's absurdity, she's laughing at something that is, in 2-3, about to make her laugh rather less.
O Lord, sir! There’s a simple putting off. More, more, a hundred of
them.
O Lord, sir! There’s a simple putting off. More, more, a hundred of them.
o lord, sir! there’s a simple putting off. more, more, a hundred of them.
O Lord, sir! There’s a simple putting off. More, more, a hundred...
Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.
Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.
sir, i am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.
Sir, I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.
O Lord, sir! Thick, thick; spare not me.
O Lord, sir! Thick, thick; spare not me.
o lord, sir! thick, thick; sp're not me.
O Lord, sir! Thick, thick; spare not me.
I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat.
I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat.
i think, sir, you can eat none of th's homely meat.
I think, sir, you can eat none of this homely meat.
O Lord, sir! Nay, put me to’t, I warrant you.
O Lord, sir! no, put me to’t, I warrant you.
o lord, sir! no, put me to’t, i warrant you.
O Lord, sir! no, put me to’t, I warrant you.
You were lately whipp’d, sir, as I think.
You were lately whipp’d, sir, as I think.
you were lately whipp’d, sir, as i think.
You were lately whipp’d, sir, as I think.
O Lord, sir! Spare not me.
O Lord, sir! Spare not me.
o lord, sir! sp're not me.
O Lord, sir! Spare not me.
The Countess is one of the most admirable figures in the play — intelligent, warm, genuinely ethical — and she spends most of it watching from Rossillon as events overtake the people she loves. She cannot go to Paris. She can only send letters. This short scene catches her in a private moment: she has time to kill, anxiety to manage, and she chooses to spend it playing word games with her Clown. It's a remarkably human portrait of how people cope with powerlessness — you can't control what's happening at court, but you can laugh at buttock jokes for ten minutes before going back to worrying. When she finally dismisses him with 'haste you again,' the word 'again' carries a whole weight of waiting: do this errand, come back, tell me something, I am here.
Do you cry ‘O Lord, sir!’ at your whipping, and ‘spare not me’? Indeed
your ‘O Lord, sir!’ is very sequent to your whipping. You would answer
very well to a whipping, if you were but bound to’t.
Do you cry ‘O Lord, sir!’ at your whipping, and ‘spare not me’? Indeed your ‘O Lord, sir!’ is very sequent to your whipping. You would answer very well to a whipping, if you were but bound to’t.
do you cry ‘o lord, sir!’ at your whipping, and ‘sp're not me’? indeed your ‘o lord, sir!’ 's very sequent to your whipping. you would answer very well to a whipping, if you were but bound to’t.
Do you cry ‘O Lord, sir!’ at your whipping, and ‘spare not...
I ne’er had worse luck in my life in my ‘O Lord, sir!’ I see things may
serve long, but not serve ever.
I ne’er had worse luck in my life in my ‘O Lord, sir!’ I see things may serve long, but not serve ever.
i ne’er had worse luck in my life in my ‘o lord, sir!’ i see things may serve long, but not serve ever.
I ne’er had worse luck in my life in my ‘O Lord,...
I play the noble housewife with the time, to entertain it so merrily
with a fool.
I play the noble housewife with the time, to entertain it so merrily with a fool.
i play the noble housewife with the time, to entertain it so merrily with a fool.
I play the noble housewife with the time, to entertain it so...
O Lord, sir! Why, there’t serves well again.
O Lord, sir! Why, there’t serves well again.
o lord, sir! why, there’t serves well again.
O Lord, sir! Why, there’t serves well again.
An end, sir! To your business. Give Helen this,
And urge her to a present answer back.
Commend me to my kinsmen and my son.
This is not much.
An end, sir! To your business. Give Helen this, And urge her to a present answer back. Commend me to my kinsmen and my son. This is not much.
an end, sir! to your business. give helen this, and urge her to a present answer back. commend me to my kinsmen and my son. th's 's not much.
An end, sir! To your business. Give Helen this, And urge her...
Not much commendation to them?
Not much commendation to them?
not much commendation to them?
Not much commendation to them?
Not much employment for you. You understand me?
Not much employment for you. You understand me?
not much employment for you. you understand me?
Not much employment for you. You understand me?
Most fruitfully. I am there before my legs.
Most fruitfully. I am there before my legs.
most fruitfully. i am there before my legs.
Most fruitfully. I am there before my legs.
Haste you again.
Haste you again.
haste you again.
Haste you again.
The Reckoning
Twenty-nine lines of pure comedy wedged between two of the play's most charged scenes. It does real work: it lets the audience breathe after the momentous bargain of 2-1, and it sets up the Countess's continued vigil from Rossillon — she can't go to Paris herself, so she sends a letter. The 'O Lord, sir!' routine is a tiny masterclass in how Shakespeare builds a joke: Clown introduces the premise (I have an answer for everything), Countess is skeptical, Clown demonstrates, Countess plays along and keeps escalating the stakes until the joke breaks under its own absurdity. Then — like all good clowns — he gets the last word.
If this happened today…
A retired executive is sending her assistant to a corporate conference to check on her daughter's situation. Before she gives him the paperwork, she decides to test his small-talk skills. He claims he has a response that works for literally every situation. She tests him: 'Are you a people person?' 'Oh, absolutely!' 'Do you know what you're doing?' 'Oh, absolutely!' 'I heard you got fired from your last three jobs.' 'Oh, absolutely!' She laughs, admits she wasted ten minutes, and hands him the letter.